6th Annual Year in Review

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“Life is a series of choices. Every yes is a thousand nos. Every activity we give our time to is a thousand other activities we can’t give our time to.” – John Mark Comer

There are several reasons I started what has become what I now call a motivational life, leadership, and fitness ministry nearly seven years ago. Among them was the catharsis of writing through some of my many issues; to educate, inspire, challenge, and entertain; and to help others while sharing from an abundance of accumulated experiences, successes, and failures. Another reason was to preemptively fill the impending time and space in my calendar I feared could become a stumbling block for someone with a restlessness problem. The funny thing is, after retiring fully from both careers two years ago, I never imagined time management or prioritizing activities would be an area of concern again. But an honest look at my activity here compared to the rest of my ventures over the last 12 months brings Comer’s opening truth-bomb starkly into focus. Every activity has been important, valuable, and meaningful in their own way. But I must admit that more often than I prefer, engaging here was too often among those ‘thousand other activities’ I couldn’t give my time to.

Nonetheless, I owe you a year in review…and a year in review is what you’ll get!

To freshen things up and fill some of the in-between time with shorter literary victuals, I tried something different with Transformation Tuesdays. The concept was to highlight each one of four life pillars on different Tuesdays: Heart, Mind, Body, Spirit. Much to my own chagrin, I only got through the heart and mind before pushing the others to the back burner in favor of meatier morsels. But let’s be honest…the biggest reason was alluded to above: I may have allowed myself to become busier than a so-called retiree should be. And while it’s taken somewhat longer than expected to re-acclimate myself to that type of operations tempo, I’m getting better at it. Besides, even bad days are good days when every day is a weekend, you love what you do, you’re doing the work God’s given you, and you’re helping make the world a better place.

I digress, which fits with that first installment of Transformation Tuesday: The Mind.

Many of my own problems are thinking problems: defective thinking, overthinking, not thinking, or thinking about the wrong things. Improving and maintaining mental wellness starts with transforming the mind.  

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, The Heart was the focus of the next Transformation Tuesday. In the figurative sense, hearts get broken.  In the literal sense, hearts are also broken by congenital disease. They can also become broken or defective because of infection, high blood pressure, high LDL cholesterol, diabetes, smoking, simple age-related degeneration, obesity, unhealthy diet, and physical inactivity.  Sometimes heartbreak and heart problems are unavoidable.  However, as poor decisions and bad relationships are to broken hearts, many physical heart problems are likewise preventable, the result of simple abuse or neglect. “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” (Luke 6.45). Make sure yours is healthy, happy, and full of the right stuff.

Holy Week and recently returning from a trip to Costa Rica provided the perfect opportunity to lament about our asinine human condition and highlight that not much has changed in 2000 years. Inspired by a preacher’s point once that ‘even the donkey’ knew fanfare at the triumphal entry wasn’t for him, but rather the one riding on his back, Even the Donkey Knows highlighted how careless, impetuous, fickle, and consumed with our own self-interests humans are. Animals, despite having no capacity for reason, remain extraordinarily perceptive. Humans, despite having great capacity to reason, remain extraordinarily self-absorbed and persist in a perpetual stupidity and a rebellion-repentance-restoration relationship with God. All those points were on full display in Costa Rica. This article, worthy of linking back to read in full, was ripe with firsthand observations, pictures, and ridiculous reminders from people behaving badly that not everything needs to be about us.  

The Parable of the Carafe was a leadership lesson in service and humility courtesy of Ms. Imelda, the master instructor. This unassuming Kansas City Marriott breakfast buffet hostess’s kindness and unselfish actions epitomized extraordinary service, singlehandedly preventing 100 caffeine dependent investigators from pummeling their course director. “Every organization in the world today should be teaching employees how to be extraordinary.” – Mark Sanborn.

Author with the extraordinary Ms. Imelda

A number of insightful comments and thought-provoking discussions while delivering training events in South America prompted me to write Changing the Gap Between Good and Evil next. Little has changed since the start of human history, evil in particular. As acquaintance, historian, author, and good friend of my dad, Michael Delaware, wrote in the introduction to his fascinating book Victorian Southwest Michigan True Crime, “…it is not the instrument of murder that holds any consistency, but the sinister impulse behind the criminal act wherein lies the true evil.” It takes a special person to stand in the gap betwen good and evil. I’m proud to have answered that call, and grateful for those peacemakers who continue fighting the good fight to restrain evil in the world.

As Far As the Eye Can See, rooted in the reliability of witness recollection and based on personally unreliable recall, it was just plain fun to write an reminisce. If you want a light read with a few good laughs at my expense, link back to it and give it a read.

The final essay of 2024, Go Sit on the Pot, both humorously and somewhat painfully illustrates the importance of dealing with constipation. Specifically emotional constipation. Failing to process emotions leads nowhere good and often involves off-ramping relationships by deflecting responsibility. But happiness, disposition, outlook, emotional, and physical well-being are individual responsibilities. So, if you’re constipated, emotionally or otherwise, take personal responsibility and action to fix it.  In other words, go sit on the pot. 

In summary, 2024 was a somewhat unexpected year of transition. A new role as training director coupled with increased private teaching and consulting resulted in over 90 days of business travel. As such, managing my schedule and finding balance again became a challenge. Thankfully, the blessing of leisure travel was largely unaffected, but the combined result was an unfortunate and unplanned decline in writing. However, I do sincerely hope the content that did make it to page the last 12 months was worthwhile.

Besides, all those experiences generated many ‘future article ideas’ for the coming year!

Nick Lavery wrote, “We cannot take our lives, our time, for granted. We must make every minute count…” He speaks with authority on that. Despite all odds against it, Nick not only survived being mortally wounded by machine gun fire, but he also successfully returned to full duty as the only above-the-knee amputee US Military Special Forces Operator. He chronicled the process of his success in the book Objective Secure, where he also advised to “persist despite achievement, stay determined in the face of success, move with a sense of purpose.” In other words, success or failure, never give up.

If it has to be one or the other, I will describe 2024 as a success. And I’m moving into 2025 with purpose, persistence, and determination. I hope you’ll stay with me along the way.

Happy New Year!

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Comer, John (2021). The ruthless elimination of hurry. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook.

Delaware, M. (2024). Victorian southwest Michigan true crime. The History Press.

Lavery, N. (2022). Objective secure: the battle tested guide to goal achievement. Precision Components. 

Sanborn, Mark (2004). The Fred factor. New York, NY: Currency Doubleday. 

GO SIT ON THE POT

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“You need to go sit on the pot.” – Tim Hawkins

Christian comedian Tim Hawkins is hands-down one of the funniest and most entertaining comedians I’ve seen. If you ever get the chance, I encourage you to rent one of his videos, Google ‘Tim Hawkins Yoga Pants’ or ‘marriage GPS’, or watch some of his stuff on YouTube. One of his many relatable bits involves Mom’s answer to many of life’s problems: you probably just need to go sit on the pot. Funny? Absolutely. And relevant. After all, laughter is good medicine. The conversations of adolescent boys everywhere confirm, regularly, the subjects of farts and poop are hilarious. And there’s certainly a case to be made about the relationship between regularity and wellness.

Not just physical wellness.

Constipation: a condition in which there is difficulty emptying the bowels, usually associated with hardened feces.

Emotional Constipation: a buildup of unprocessed emotions, or an inability or unwillingness to express such, *often associated with hardened feelings (*added by author).

I first heard the term emotional constipation in Tantor and Terk’s firey interchange watching Disney’s classic animated film Tarzan with my kids.

Tantor: That sounded like Tarzan. It sounded like – like he was in trouble.

Terk: Yeah? Well, why doesn’t he get his new friends to help him? I don’t care.

Tantor: Thaaaaat’s IT! I’ve had it with you and your emotional constipation! Tarzan needs us, and we’re gonna help him! You got that? 1

Twenty-five years later, emotional hangups are still ubiquitous to daily life and relationships, yet I was surprised just how much information there is available to help explain this concept of emotional constipation.

One counseling center’s website explains that people suffer from emotional constipation when experiencing “many more feelings than he or she has the skills to express or identify.” 2

Another describes that it may involve one “…unconsciously using self-protection as a way to limit yourself, your growth, and your happiness.”

Do tell.

I most like one of her answers on dealing with it, though: get over yourself (author’s interpretation). The counselor actually presented it as a challenge: “Get over your need to be comfortable all the time. When you feel something come up, feel it, label it, decode it, and let it go.” 3

Let. It. Go.

I recently had lunch with a friend. This friend has been through some stuff. If anyone is entitled to hardened feelings or should be given some grace concerning emotions, it’s her. Besides some very difficult subject matter, some of our conversation drifted to what keeps us busy in retirement and hobbies we enjoy. Music for example. My friend recently resumed playing after a long break and is quite enjoying it. Conversely, while I quite enjoy playing, I seldom do anymore. Predictably, the conversation went right to why I seldom play.

Being busier than a retired person should be is only part of the reason, I explained. After all, as mentioned in a previous article…you don’t find time to do the things that are important, you make time. It was more a result of conflicting loyalties and differing priorities.

My friend listened thoughtfully to lamentations about the circumstances of my musical hiatus, as well as about the subsequent ‘ghosting’ by a very good friend who convinced me to play in the first place. She then quite confidently exclaimed, “Wow. Someone clearly has some unprocessed emotions.”

I’m still not sure if she was talking about me, my invisible friend, or both.

Either way, interest in playing together, other shared activities and projects, and our friendship had vanished. Sadly, I don’t believe it was just unprocessed emotions of a very difficult and unexpected loss, but also some significant unresolved feelings from an earlier, completely unrelated, situation that coalesced to bring about the end of not only playing music, but a great friendship.

But wait, there’s more!

Webster included the word stultification in its definition of constipation, e.g. Stultification: cause to lose enthusiasm and initiative; cause (someone) to appear foolish or absurd. I believe unprocessed emotions, avoidance, and just plain selfishness brought about a lack of enthusiasm for continuing to play music together, and eventually the friendship. I mean, who needs all that emotional constipation? It’s much easier to just check out.

“I will never leave an Airman behind.” – USAF Airman’s Creed

I have been reading through Objective Secure, Nick Lavery’s compelling book about goal achievement based on his military service. Lavery is a US Army Green Beret who was critically wounded in 2013 while serving in Afghanistan. He is the first above-the-knee amputee Special Forces Operator to return to combat. In a chapter similarly entitled I WILL NEVER LEAVE A FALLEN COMRADE, Lavery extends its principle, typically reserved for warfighters, to anyone. Commit to doing “whatever it takes” in a given situation. He writes, “The warrior mindset is not exclusive to those who are warriors by profession.” 4

But Nick Lavery is a warrior. One colleague said during his quest to requalify as a special operator that he “carried himself as though he had never been injured.” He didn’t blame the system or look for a free pass. He was “just another one of the guys with a job to do.” He took responsibility for his rehabilitation, qualification, and everything else it would take to become fully operational again.

Do whatever it takes.

Tom Brokaw wrote in his 1998 book The Greatest Generation, “A common lament of the World War II generation is the absence today of personal responsibility.” At a time when people were more inclined to sue gun manufacturers than accept personal responsibility for failing to secure a loaded weapon, Tom Broderick, who lived the rest of his life blind after being shot in the head during his WWII service, says, “It was my fault for getting too high in the foxhole. That happens sometimes.” 5

There was no blaming the enemy or the manufacturer of the weapon for what happened. He wasn’t bitter or depending on others to make him feel worthy or supported. He didn’t blame someone else for making him ‘feel’ a certain way. Broderick accepted personal responsibility and refused to play the victim.

I’m not saying our experiences don’t count for something nor contribute to some of our (many) issues today. In fact, I’ve written about a number of my own experiences that have contributed to some of my hangups. But in the end, whose responsibility is my happiness, disposition, outlook, and emotional well-being? Mine, and mine alone.

If you’re constipated, emotionally or otherwise, take personal responsibility and action to fix it. Make an effort to make it right.

In other words, go sit on the pot.

Good friends, true friends, don’t come easy. Blessed is the one who can count but a few as such.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Not actual pot.

Not actual poo.

1. Tarzan Wayne Night: Tantor. (1999). IMDb. Retrieved October 29, 2024, from  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120855/characters/nm0001431

2. Overcoming emotional constipation and internal anger. (2015, October 21). Heart to heart counseling center. Retrieved October 29, 2024, from https://www.drdougweiss.com/overcoming-emotional-constipation-and-internal-anger/

3. How to avoid emotional consitpation. (n.d.). Aligned holistics. Retrieved October 29, 2024, from https://www.alignedholistics.com/blog/how-to-avoid-emotional-constipation

4. Lavery, N. (2022). Objective secure: the battle tested guide to goal achievement.  Precision Components. 

5. Brokaw, T. (1998). The greatest generation.Random House. 

As Far As The Eye Can See

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Over the course of my career, I found witness recall to be at times remarkably accurate, and at others incredibly unreliable. Recollection can depend on a number of factors, including the object, person, or type of incident being witnessed; other activities ongoing at the time; the state of mind, mental acuity, physical or mental capacity of the witness; or outside influence (confabulation). As with other subjects, I’ll typically draw on personal experience when providing examples during lectures. It just happens that a recent speaking engagement in the same part of the state as a case consultation nearly 20 years earlier provided a timely and humorous opportunity to do just that.   

For about 15 years, I was assigned to a statewide team that specialized in the investigation and analysis of violent crimes.  There were many times over those years that my colleagues and I traveled across the state in the course of our duties. A number of those trips were to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula with my partner, Terry.  

Known for its hunting, fishing, hiking, boating, long winters, and expansive wilderness, the UP (you-pee) as it’s referred to, is made up largely of wilderness, waterways, state and national forests, and hundreds of miles of Great Lakes shoreline. Equal parts picturesque and isolated, the UP is linked to Michigan’s lower peninsula by the historic Mackinac Bridge and bordered by Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Canada. On one hand, think Daniels’ Escanaba in Da Moonlight or Reeve’s Somewhere in Time; or further back, perhaps Anatomy of a Murder – set, filmed, and inspired by an actual 1952 murder in the desolate northern UP settlement of Big Bay.

On the other hand, consider three small but noteworthy universities (Northern Michigan, Michigan Tech, Lake Superior State); billion dollar iron mining and logging industries; massive freighters like the doomed Edmund Fitzgerald moving cargo from Lake Superior to the lower Great Lakes through the impressive Soo Locks; the hometown of famed coaching friends Tom Izzo and Steve Mariucci; a whole lot of great hockey; and even a couple U.S. Olympic training centers. The UP has a bit of everything.  

Credit: Apple Maps (screenshot)

Except an abundance of gas pumps, it turns out. 

Perhaps the link between time passage and sentimentality is at work here, but those UP trips with Terry back in the day are among some of my fondest work memories…largely because of him.

First of all, Terry is one of the finest human beings I’ve ever known. An ‘old soul’ in the greatest sense, there aren’t many like him anymore. He remembers literally everything. He’s a kind, caring, methodical, contemplative, put-others-first-even-if-it-kills-him, humble to a fault rarity. If selflessness, humility, and unassuming intellect were a radical group, he’d be his own sleeper cell. 

And did he take a lot of pictures!  

Everyone gave him a hard time about this, including himself, but whenever I find myself going through old photos, I’m reminded how grateful I am that well before cell phones, he was always ready with a camera, both at work and at my kids’ sporting events. Perhaps it’s no coincidence, then, that his photos immortalized several of those UP trips; the most memorable of which was a single trip involving an unforgettable night clerk, an overconfident boat captain, a questionable walk on the beach, and those gas pumps I mentioned.

Perhaps the beach photos would have been better left alone.  

It all started some months earlier during a vacation when my family and I traveled through a small UP town called Engadine.  I should note that once outside towns and villages, desolation quickly makes driving most parts of the UP dicey if you’re in need of facilities or fuel.

Inattention during the work trip with Terry that followed resulted in desperate need of both. 

To make matters worse, it was getting late.  Thankfully, the reflective glow of a sign pointing to Engadine appeared in our headlights. Relief swept over me as explained to Terry there was no need to worry, as I had recently passed through that very town and as luck would have it, there was a service station with “pumps as far as the eye can see!” 

Yep, I used those very words as I confidently assured him that not only could we refuel, but maybe even get some ice cream, too.  It was a few miles out of the way, but we were already on fumes and was our only option at this late hour. We made the turn north. 

A couple miles later we rolled into a darkened, deserted Engadine. Population 897.  In the same town I was certain I’d recently visited a petroleum superstore the likes of Buc-ees and Pilot, we instead found a couple of pumps next to a delapidated bait shop, at best.    

Actual station in more recent years. Photo credit: Google Street View

Therein lies my point about witness reliability.   

After absorbing some of Terry’s well-deserved harassment, we retraced our route south and continued on, hoping to find a motel for the night before an empty tank made our car a sleeper sofa on the shoulder of US-2.    

Thankfully, we found a place not too far down the road.  A quaint roadside motel along the northern shore of Lake Michigan. Not sure they were receiving guests, we stepped into the tiny lobby. The glow of a television in the back room betrayed the clerk’s opportunity to ignore us, and he reluctantly took his post behind the desk without bothering to slip pants on over his tighty whities of questionable age, functionality, and cleanliness. It’s an image forever burned into our memories.

I can assure you there is no witness recollection issue with this one.

The same goes for the boating incident later in the trip.

Having finished visiting part of a crime scene accessible only by water, we screamed across a bay near Pictured Rocks in a vessel piloted by our guide. The combination of an icy jump into Lake Superior’s frigid waters to dislodge our craft from a sandbar and the words still audible in my mind of our captain’s confident utterance only moments before in response to concerns we expressed about how shallow the water looked reinforce the accuracy of my recollection: “I know these waters like the back of my hand.”

Do tell.

No problem, it’s not that cold. We’ll just get out and push….

I don’t have an empirical answer to witness recollection. And I’ll never understand who thought that beach picture was a good idea. But I can say that photos, experiences, and the people I travel with help me remember things.

Thanks for the memories, Terry.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Changing The Gap Between Good And Evil

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“There must be evil for there to be good.” – Course Attendee, Bogota, June 2024

I heard someone say at a recent training event that there are two things we all hate: change, and the way things are. Not only did I literally laugh out loud when I heard it, that statement is perhaps one of the all-time greatest representations of the human condition throughout history.

Here’s another one: the more things change, the more they stay the same.

At nearly every training event I now emcee, facilitate, or lecture at, I anecdotally refer to the human condition during my opening or closing remarks to illustrate how little things have really changed throughout history. It usually goes something like this:

1600s French artist Eustache Le Sueur’s painting The Rape of Tamar

I describe or project the above image and ask if anyone knows what painting it is. When no one responds, I explain it is an image of the painting The Rape of Tamar by 1600s French painter, Eustache Le Sueur. It likely represents the Old Testament biblical account from 2 Samuel 13 wherein one of King David’s sons, Amnon, raped his half sister, Tamar. Two years later, her brother, Absalom, exacts revenge on Tamar’s behalf by conspiring to murder Amnon.

At that point, I rhetorically ask whether anyone has ever read the Old Testament, and go on to point out that from the first recorded murder (Cain’s murder of his brother Abel out of jealousy), humans have consistently and unceasingly done terrible things to one another. Moses killed an Egyptian and buried him in the sand, and even King David, described as a man after God’s own heart, had Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, killed to conceal their affair. In the Old Testament alone are recorded countless instances of rape, murder, adultery, incest, conspiracy, assassination, execution, and a host of other issues that yet persist.

What we face today, I summarize, is nothing new. Perhaps greater in prevalence and creativity, yes. And certainly we can now bring to bear greater tools, techniques, procedures, and scientific advancements with which to find truth. Yet in spite of all that, little has changed since the start of human history. As acquaintance, historian, author, and good friend of my dad, Michael Delaware, wrote in the introduction to his fascinating new book Victorian Southwest Michigan True Crime, “…it is not the instrument of murder that holds any consistency, but the sinister impulse behind the criminal act wherein lies the true evil.”1

Indeed, Michael.

As I return from my third trip to Bogota, Colombia, where I’ve been honored and blessed with the opportunity to teach alongside incredibly talented presenters and help deliver training to dedicated, professional investigators from Central and South America, all the above hits a little closer to home. For while I don’t consider myself resistant to change, neither can I say it’s not occasionally uncomfortable or that I always think it’s necessary. Sometimes change is good, but sometimes things work the way things are. As fellow USAF Chief Master Sergeant Kevin Slater’s leadership book by the same title suggests, sometimes ‘Old School is Good School.’ And while seldom is ‘Because we’ve always done it that way‘ the right answer to a leadership challenge, this out of control social experiment of a world could occasionally benefit from a bit more of the ‘old way’ of doing things. But if change is necessary, let’s change things for the better!

Change is inevitable; growth is optional.

If I’m being honest, I didn’t completely know where all this was going when I started writing it. Maybe you can tell. But comments during a panel discussion at the course in Bogota, which coincidentally involved a change in the agenda, got me thinking. The panel was a departure from previous events, and I took a chance by including is in the final agenda. I’ve seen it work during many military training events I’ve attended, and envisioned the programmed Q&A methodology encouraging more interaction. But I really had no idea how it would go over in this type of course.

Reaction was fantastic! The other panel members and I were delighted with the response. Attendees asked an impressive number of questions and provided insightful responses of their own with unexpected candor. It went so well, in fact, that we adjusted the schedule to accommodate a second panel the following day.

Perhaps somewhat providentially, it was the response to one of the questions I posed back to the group that prompted this essay.

It was a simple question: Why do you do what you do?

I framed it in the context of known and suspected dangers and challenges they face in carrying out their duties in that region. Some responded that it was a logical choice, coming from a family of public servants; others described it simply as their calling. I believe them; no matter the reason, everyone I’ve encountered throughout these courses voluntarily, professionally, and proudly serves with purpose, honor, and distinction. They persevere.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom 12.21)

But as a man of faith, one answer struck me to the core: “There is much evil in the world. Yet there must be evil for there to be good. I (we) must be the good that overcomes the evil.”

I don’t know that I could add much more to that here, nor should I try. It was profound, heartfelt, and seemed to resonate with everyone in the room. So I’ll simply end as I started…with a quote.

Typically attributed to Edmund Burke, its true origin appears largely in question. Nonetheless, the message endures: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

I’m proud to have answered that call, and grateful for those who continue standing in the gap restraining evil in this world.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

1Delaware, M. (2024). Victorian southwest Michigan true crime. The History Press.

The Parable of the Carafe

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“Every organization in the world today should be teaching employees how to be extraordinary.” – Mark Sanborn

(Much of this was shared in an earlier social media post; I consider the lesson worthy of a full article)

Last month, I facilitated a training event in Kansas City, Missouri. It was a very busy week, as we simultaneously held a board meeting and strategic planning session that coincided with the first two days of the course. But with all that going on, with all the different information shared and discussed between all three events, perhaps the most important lesson of the week came neither from the classroom nor the boardroom, but rather in a most unexpected way.

Experience has taught me that classes the size of this one, with its audience type, require a near-steady flow of coffee with plenty in reserve. However, during Sunday evening setup, I noted that while there were plenty of supplies, the class would be limited to a standard three-burner Bunn with its respective pots; I had overlooked the need for carafes or an insulated beverage container.

It may seem like a small thing, but it bothered me. You know from my series on little things that they can mean a lot. And they often become big things. When nearly 100 people go on break simultaneously, particularly those conditioned or accustomed to caffeine dependence on the job, three pots run dry pretty quickly. And training directors are apt to get their brake lines cut.

Ok, that’s a little extreme. Perhaps just a few surly attendees and a critical review or two about having more coffee next time.

“Worry is a down payment on a problem you may never have.” – Joyce Meyer

My down payment increased greatly after striking out late Sunday evening in my attempts to find a street vendor selling insulated beverage containers. Not one to give-up quite so easily, I turned in with the thought that perhaps the hotel where I was lodged might have a stray carafe lying around. Conversely, thoughts of NOT finding a solution kept me up much of the night. In all honesty, I seldom sleep well the first couple nights in a new place, anyway. So I arose early Monday and headed downstairs.

Note: It’s important to mention before going any further that my hotel was not the training site, nor connected in any way to the other business mentioned above. In fact, it wasn’t even the contracted hotel for the course attendees!

Enter Imelda.

After lurking…I mean looking around a few common areas, poking my head into vacant meeting rooms, and asking the front desk yielded nada, I thought one last option might be the breakfast buffet area. Situated behind stately glass-panel French doors at the top of an impressive staircase, it was a beautiful dining space laid out opposite the glass-paneled arc of the building; overlooking adjacent buildings, the street below, and what’s known as the plaza area in the distance further down the hill.

Unfortunately, it was closed, wouldn’t open for a while yet, and I was crunched for time. Noticing a staff member through the glass on the other side of the locked door, I approached with a sheepish smile and tentative wave. I felt like a kitten scratching at the door to be let in, but probably looked more like some creep in a suit expecting not to wait for breakfast.

Clearly dressed as the host who would soon welcome actual customers in for a nice, hot breakfast, the woman on the other side could have easily gestured at the clock and turned away like many others would have done in that moment. Instead, Ms. Imelda kindly unlocked the door and allowed me to explain my dilemma…to which I did.

I asked if it would be at all possible to temporarily borrow some sort of beverage carafe until I could pick one up later in the day? She could have simply and understandably declined. Yet she didn’t. Instead, Imelda asked me to wait there before disappearing around the corner toward the kitchen. She returned shortly after with an insulated, vacuum-pump coffee carafe. There was no hesitation nor hint of pretension. Imelda simply smiled, said she was happy to help, and asked me to ‘just bring it back at the end of the week.’

Imelda saved the day. The week, in fact. Thank you Marriott Hotels and Kansas City Marriott Country Club Plaza for hiring wonderful people like Imelda. As a person of faith, I believe what David Jeremiah relates in his devotional The Upward Call that as God blesses us, we are “sent out into the world in order to be a blessing to others.”

I don’t know whether she holds the same beliefs I do, but Imelda certainly understands how to pay it forward and about being a blessing to others. I’m grateful and blessed to have met this wonderful human being.

“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” – Albert Einstein

The world needs more Imeldas.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Jeremiah, David (2015). The upward call. San Diego, CA: Turning Point.

Sanborn, Mark (2004). The Fred factor. New York, NY: Currency Doubleday. 

Even the Donkey Knows

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“Behold, your king is coming to you…humble and mounted on a donkey.” – Zech. 9.9

As the commemoration of Holy Week concluded (representing the span between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday), I reflected on a sermon I once heard wherein the preacher used details of the triumphal entry that first Palm Sunday to illustrate his lesson on humility: despite all the cheering and hullabaloo, the gentle and lowly king Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a simple and humble beast of burden. (Matt 21.1-11, Mark 11.1-11, Luke 19.28-40, John 12.12-19)

As humans, we desire affirmation and often envy the kind of attention given to Jesus that day. Yet sometimes it’s not about us. The preacher joked that even the donkey understood the fanfare wasn’t for him, but for the one on his back.

Animals are remarkably perceptive, so it’s not a stretch to believe that.

Humans are also perceptive. But we’re likewise careless, impetuous, fickle, and consumed with our own self-interests. You probably know well what happened in the week following that donkey ride. By week’s end, many of those celebrating Jesus’ arrival were silent, hiding, or even among those calling for his death.

Not much has changed in 2000 years. Animals, despite having no capacity for reason, remain extraordinarily perceptive. Humans, despite having great capacity to reason, remain extraordinarily self-absorbed and persist in a perpetual rebellion-repentance-restoration relationship with God. And all those points were on full display during a recent monthlong decampment blending business with pleasure, highlighted by a week in Costa Rica with friends.

Surely everyone traveling to Costa Rica has heard about the wildlife. Even the least amount of research into the area we stayed confirms the prevalence of monkeys (and other exotic animals) running amok around the property; including the possibility these little safe-cracking simians might help themselves to your belongings if the doors aren’t secured. We couldn’t wait to see for ourselves if the stories were true!

There are likewise ample warnings directing guests NOT to feed the animals. You see where this is going?

Many reasons exist not to feed wild animals, including much of what we eat is bad for them. Not to mention doing so only entices them to return for more. More often, and more aggressively.

Consider these firsthand examples.

While I certainly don’t care to snuggle with any, my experience is that iguanas typically mind their own business. In fact, they usually just ignore people or scurry away when we clumsily try to get as close as possible to take their photo. I don’t blame people for wanting to take photos…iguanas are beautiful, fascinating creatures. But sometimes it’s like watching a search warrant execution, except everyone’s wearing sunscreen and flip-flops. Just use the zoom feature, already!

Worse yet, occasionally there’s that one dude to whom the rules don’t apply and common sense persistently eludes. It happened this time to be the same dude who foolishly thought perhaps the friendly poolside iguana, just trying to mind his own business, would instead like a French fry. In pure poetic irony, everyone nearby was treated to several minutes of lively entertainment as Captain Ketchup scrambled off his palapa, squealing like a teenage girl, while the iguana quite aggressively came back for seconds. And thirds. You’ll be happy to know the iguana was fine, and that good old Crinkle Fry there was later heard to say “I guess that’s why we’re not supposed to feed the animals.”

Don’t be that guy.

Then there’s what Alfred Hitchcock tried to warn us about. Loud, obnoxious, and known to suddenly perch on heads of unsuspecting diners or snatch food right off their plate, the birds were perhaps most annoying. Yet giggling guests continue feeding them.

And of course, the monkeys.

It wasn’t uncommon to encounter them in trees throughout the resort. But the sight of dozens scampering across railings on every level of main lodge balconies each morning was like something straight out of Jungle Book. King Louie had nothing on these primates.

In fact, one morning from the sidewalk below, several of us were caught between curiosity and incredulousness as we watched a young lady precariously suspended from her balcony. Holding on with one hand, she dangled part of her breakfast in the other as she stretched toward a monkey on an adjacent railing.

At least two thoughts crossed my mind in that moment: 1) she’s probably someone to whom things like using turn signals, returning shopping carts to the corral, not texting and driving, waiting their turn to exit the aircraft, or not feeding the animals are merely suggestions not to be taken seriously; and 2) I wonder which one of us is going to call the ambulance?

Fortunately, the girl didn’t plummet to her death, wasn’t bitten, and the monkey didn’t eat from her hand.

But our proclivity toward stupidity and the problem of feeding animals persists.

We hadn’t seen monkeys on our own balcony until our last morning, so it was as if they’d read the daily departures log and came to bid us farewell. It was fun watching them drink from the jacuzzi spout and search the veranda for scraps we may have left behind. We personally confirmed they do, in fact, know how to operate the sliding doors. While ours was latched making for an unsuccessful break-in, one did slip in through our neighbor’s door long enough to swipe some sugar packets off their table. Shortly thereafter, I saw his buddy grasping a bag of peanut M&Ms lifted from another room.

Amusing as it was to watch their antics, I was irritated and grew even more concerned for their wellbeing as I watched one on the patio tentatively, yet persistently, trying to eat something unrecognizable, disgusting, and probably not from nature. The impact of careless, self-absorbed humans consumed only with their own amusement continues contributing to the problem. We should instead be part of the solution.

There is hope.

The monkeys there are skittish and reluctant to accept food from people; and the iguanas just want to be left alone. Like the donkey knew the fanfare wasn’t his, these animals know our food isn’t theirs.

Unlike wild animals, humans should know better; we have the capacity to think and reason. Perhaps over time, if we stop feeding them, they’ll be reconditioned (and stop telling their friends where all the loot is). The least we can do is leave them alone and just appreciate their beauty and unique place in nature.

Not everything needs to be about us.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Special thanks to Cupine Farm and the McCarthys for the cover photo of Jarvis setting the horses straight, and for another memorable trip.

“Please Don’t Feed the Animals” – The Management

*If you’d like to know more about Jesus or the meaning of Palm Sunday and Easter, please contact me. Or consider reading the New Testament Gospel According to John.

Transformation Tuesday: The Heart

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This week we’ll celebrate Valentine’s Day, now a largely romantic holiday of debatable history widely thought to have originated from a martyred Christian named Saint Valentine.  Certainly well-meaning in its modern adaptation – I mean, who couldn’t use a little more love, romance, and heart-shaped chocolates in their life? – it’s the human heart that is the focus of this Transformation Tuesday.  

In the figurative sense, hearts get broken, and like other holidays this can be a tough one for many.  In the literal sense hearts can also be broken due to congenital disease. They can also become broken, or defective, as a result of infection, high blood pressure, high LDL cholesterol, diabetes, smoking, simple age-related degeneration, obesity, unhealthy diet, and physical inactivity.  Some heartbreak and some heart problems are unavoidable.  However, as poor decisions and bad relationships can lead to broken hearts, many physical heart problems are likewise preventable; the result of simple abuse or neglect.  

What: Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4.23)

How: Be physically active, get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, eat healthy while adhering to reasonable portion control. Or as my friends over at On Target Living say: Rest | Eat | Move. It is perhaps equally as important to avoid those foods, activities, and people that aren’t good for you. 

Why: The heart is at the center of our being: physically and emotionally. From attitude to energy to relationships, everything else is impacted when our heart isn’t working like it should.

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” (Luke 6.45)

Make sure yours is healthy, happy, and full of the right stuff.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.  

5th Annual Year in Review

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As each year transitions to the next I find myself looking back as I look forward. Is it just me, or does it seem like the world continues drifting farther off the rails every year? There’s a future article in there somewhere, but I’m well overdue for what’s in front of me here.

Unless you’re new to following along, you know January is when I recap the articles, activities, and exploits of the previous year. While I’m grateful for some new opportunities, there were also added responsibilities, challenges, and the unexpected loss of loved ones early in the year that drove engagement here down. But I hope what I did share was meaningful, encouraging, inspiring, or entertaining to you in some way. It’s certainly enjoyable to me! So in continuance of this tradition of questionable value, please enjoy my fifth such year-in-review.   

Little Things Parts One (and Two)

After buying time with the previous year’s review, I promptly began 2023 talking about the important business of doing your business. Well, only in part. Resurrecting memories of the White Cloud toilet paper jingle ‘little things mean a lot’ helped introduce the subject of how little things in our lives can have a large impact. Consider the spark as to a wildfire or the rudder as to a ship. Consider that despite its small size, the human tongue has unrivaled power to equally uplift or destroy. Or how ostensibly insignificant words, incidents, decisions, choices, or (apparent) coincidences of the past are written seamlessly into the script of your life today…a phenomenon I dubbed incidental interconnectedness. The smallest act of kindness provides big comfort in the midst of pain. Getting out of bed and showing up every day; a positive attitude; giving compliments; gratefulness; treating people with dignity and respect; asking people how their day is going; saying “please”, “thank you”, “I love you”, and “how can I help” more often; holding hands; or sending handwritten notes and thank-you cards are other little things of enormity. A simple hug or touch can instantly reduce stress; words that may seem insignificant when given or received often have lasting impact, for better or worse; faithfulness in little things leads to faithfulness in much; and the smallest light can be seen in the thickest darkness. The real issue isn’t how much we have, but what we do with it. 

Be that light.

Unlikely Heroes: When Ordinary People Do Extraordinary Things 

It’s difficult to summarize this article or convey in brief the emotion contained within. While I recommend linking back to all of 2023’a articles, this one is especially best read in full. Two quotes from it will have to provide its summary here.

“There comes a special moment in everyone’s life, a moment for which that person was born. That special opportunity, when he seizes it, will fulfill his mission – a mission for which he is uniquely qualified. In that moment, he finds greatness. It is his finest hour.” – Winston Churchill

“True heroism is remarkably sober…It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.” – Arthur Ashe

You Are Enough Part One (and Two) 

“God often spends years preparing us for what he wants us to do….don’t be impatient with yourself.” – David Jeremiah

These two are likewise hard to condense. I did little compulsory introspection into the impact my past may have had on preferences, behavior, life and career choices, and responses to other situations in an effort to answer those and other ‘whys’; the most obvious of which is having spent most of my life believing I’m not handsome enough, good enough, desirable, or strong enough. And trying in some way, every step of the way, to prove that I am. 

In addition to examining the potential source of some of these long-term hangups, I also lamented time I wasted not being the man God intended me to be. I then found myself wondering whether it really was all wasted time, or part of a some master plan to prepare me for where I am today. The answer appears to be “yes”.

Part Two examined why many of the steps I took along the way to make myself feel better about myself were completely unnecessary. Instead of worrying what people think of me, I now try hard (not always successfully) to use the good, bad, and ugly of my life, career, and experience to bring me closer to God, help others, and make the world a better place. The key to this two part self-examination was this: Stop stumbling over things already behind you. You are enough. Be confident in who you are and to whom you belong.

“I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I wish to be. I am not what I one day will be. But, by the grace of God, I am not what I once was.“ – John Newton

Make Time to Train 

Things had been pretty heavy the last few articles, so a rail trip I took to Oklahoma City provided inspiration for something a little less weighty. This brief foray into lighter fare gave merely a glimpse into why I love traveling by train whenever possible. The chance to use this timely double entendre was just bonus: “When you say you don’t have time to train, what you are really saying is that you’ve chosen not to train.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

I encourage you to get on-board and see for yourself.

Those Who Can

As someone who has historically done a lot of speaking and teaching, the pejorative statement “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” has always been offensive to me. This article serves as a rebuttal directed at those who carelessly spew that sentiment, and a defense of those it’s typically directed toward. Because those who can do both!

A Full Cast of Characters

Humans are interdependent. From the beginning God said it’s not good for man to be alone.  Life and leadership are about helping others be successful. Others help us to be our best and prevent loneliness and isolation. Perhaps this statement sums it up best: the strength of the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. “The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team.” – John Wooden

Fitness remains an important facet of this motivational ministry and my life. On top of my ongoing daily commitment to doing my age in squats and pushups, regular strength, flexibility, and cardio workouts continue. I’ll use an upcoming article to chronicle that and inspire you to the importance of continued wellness.

The year ended with a significant health scare and emergency surgery for my father, and a skin cancer diagnosis requiring surgery of my own. Still, there’s much to be grateful for, not the least of which is your continued interest, support, and encouragement. I’m looking forward to another great year working together with you to make the world a better place.

Let’s do more in 2024!

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Transformation Tuesday: The Mind

I was recently involved in a local production of Pilgrim, a dramatic musical based on the John Bunyan book The Pilgrim’s Progress.  It is a powerful allegory that tracks a believer’s life along the path to Heaven; a transformational journey of sanctification on the road to glory.  Many of the pilgrim’s struggles, like my own, are thinking problems: defective thinking, overthinking, not thinking, or thinking about the wrong things.

Improving and maintaining mental wellness starts with transforming the mind.  

What: Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12.2) 

How: Read, pray, relax, meditate, limit screen time, rest, escape.  What are some others that work for you?  

Why: Less stress, better sleep, more creativity, greater productivity, higher energy, healthier relationships. What are some other benefits?  

This is the first in a series of short Tuesday reminders about the importance of mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness.

And look for the annual Beyond Strength Year In Review coming soon!

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.