Not long ago I attended an awards ceremony for my daughter and other scholar athletes from her area high school athletic conference. All were being recognized as high-performing multi-sport varsity athletes who were simultaneously high-achieving academic seniors. I was impressed with the entire event. It was well organized and obvious the conference went to great lengths to make it a memorable evening. There were hors d’orvs, a local televsion celebrity emcee, and a keynote address delivered by a hometown sports hero. The whole thing was very special…and not just because my daughter was one of the honored scholar athletes.

The event itself reminded me that my youngest child is no child anymore. That, along with Easter, a few significant family challenges, and the recent anniversaries of some painful life events all combined to wreak havoc on my psyche.

David Jeremiah wrote “By God’s providence, every trial somehow returns a blessing in His time and way.” As I age and become increasingly self-reflective, I’m both encouraged by that statement and disappointed in myself for my culpability in many of those trials due to poor choices. I can trace many of those choices, directly or indirectly, to insecurity, damaged self-esteem, or skewed perceptions of self-worth. But before you indulge my pity party, understand that while many of my life experiences may justify some of those feelings, I accept my role in allowing them a foot in the door of my id, ego, and super-ego. And my role in giving them a vacation home to visit seemingly anytime they’d like.

Another way to say what Jeremiah said might be that everything you’ve been through has prepared you for what you’re going through.

Despite how I present myself in many public, social, or business situations, I am often recoiling with insecurity and self-doubt on the inside. I want to be accepted; I want to be appreciated; I want to be wanted and desired; I want to please everyone. I don’t want to be rejected; I don’t want to be judged; I don’t want to be harshly criticized; I don’t want to let people down.

There are many downsides to feeling that way, not the least of which is that by trying to please everyone, we often end up pleasing no one. In my video intro to this article I mentioned a Jeep I bought last year. I have had many Jeep’s over the years so it wasn’t unusual. But the primary reason I bought that particular Jeep is the hope of what it will become: a project for me and my now grown children to work on together. A near frame-off restoration that will not only be awesome when we’re done, but more importantly will give us time together I missed before.

Understand, I have zero talent to undertake such an endeavor. But what I lack in talent I hope to make up for in ambition. Ambition fueled by regret from years of missed opportunities when they were young…to do something like that – and so many other things – together.

A rough 1979 Jeep CJ5 304 V8 is part of that. So is giving due diligence to filling out a ‘Father’s Story’ book given to me by my daughter…despite how painful some of the questions will be to answer. BeyondStrength is another part…an avenue where I can share some of my experiences in hopes of helping others, while trying to help (and forgive) myself.

Things like building a treehouse or going camping more often; hiking on Isle Royale or rebuilding a lawn mower; teaching them how to ski or learning from them how not to embarrass myself (and them) in front of their friends. As if I don’t have enough of my own childhood issues and poor adult choices to poke the coals of insecurity, I can’t even count the missed opportunities or ‘things I wish I’d done differntly’ with regard to my children. But I aim to do better.

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Below is a journal entry from 4/26/2017. I think perhaps it’s as relevant here as it was to the situation when I wrote it.

Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there is more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on!! Close this chapter of hurt and never re-read it again. It’s time to get what your life deserves and move on from the things that don’t deserve you…move on from the things that don’t deserve you! Don’t spend your days trying to correct your past; instead, let go and let God create something better for your future.

It helped me then and it helps me to read it again.

Be it insecurity, self-esteem, forgiving yourself, or letting go of something or someone who is keeping you from being the best version of yourself, maybe it will help you in some way, too.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.