The Year in Review
It’s hard to believe that 20 years ago we thought Y2K would end the world or malfunctioning computers would catapult us back to the digital dark-ages. Some even believed that the turn of the century would result in some sort of Stephen King, ‘Maximum Overdrive’ scenario where machines took over the world. With the Internet of Things (IoT) led by the armies of Alexa, Cortana, Siri, and Google Assistant, we’re probably closer to that now than in 1999!
I take great care and time compiling what I hope are meaningful, enjoyable, powerful, sharable essays. Because of that, I don’t post as often as I’d prefer. Still, I feel like a kid who sank an impossible trick shot in the driveway or performed a concerto flawlessly at home, wishing more people would have witnessed it. I really want more people to read, enjoy, and relate to what I write!
So for those who missed any of my ‘life-changing’ posts in 2019 (insert eye-roll and ROFL emojis here), and in honor of the world not ending 20 years ago, here’s a Beyond Strength summary of articles from the past year.
New Beginnings: Breach the new year with optimism, commitment, and focus. Make yourself and the world a little better each day; “A compassionate man does not stand detached from the sufferings of others. Rather, he steps into the world of the hurting and feels the pain and anguish of the one suffering.” (David Jeremiah)
I’m Rubber & You’re Glue: Like a rubber band, we need to stretch to be most useful, effective, and reach our full potential.
Stretchy Pants:
S eize your moment
T ry something new
R ead
E xpect great things
T ransform your thinking
C ast no stones
H elp others reach their potential
Y our mistakes do not define you
P ain is temporary (pride is not)
A lways do more than expected
N ever fail to learn something (especially from mistakes)
T reat others the way you want them to treat you
S top giving life to the doubts of others
Friends Without Coffee: Time and distance are no indicator how close a friend really is; I am a lot more laid back when I don’t drink coffee.
Egos & Empires: Great leaders are visionary, courageous, decisive, passionate, genuine, caring, and humble; they build empires of respect, care, professionalism, and adoration. We need more leaders like that so empires of egos and self-serving motives disappear, and those who rise to prominence because they know someone (yet care about none) cease to prosper.
Discipline of Fools: Lack of self-discipline has major impact on physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological well-being. When I fail to exercise discipline at the dinner table, my physical appearance and health suffer. When I don’t discipline my time, all areas of my life suffer. When I fail to discipline my emotions I get upset, edgy, angry, or unhappy. When I don’t discipline my thought life, my mind wanders and folly ensues.
Out with Insecurity: I trace many choices back to insecurity, damaged self-esteem, or skewed perceptions of self-worth. Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there is more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on! Close this chapter of hurt and never re-read it again. It’s time to get what your life deserves. Move on from things that don’t deserve you. Don’t spend your days trying to correct the past; instead, let go and let God create something better for your future.
Create Your Opportunity: Commit to a never-ending quest for learning and growth; glean value from whatever situation you face; be ready to conquer giants and overcome obstacles in life; understand you can’t do it alone. Do at least one thing better today than yesterday; relentlessly pursue whatever you love; do your best and work hard; don’t let mistakes or other people define who you are or how far you will go.
Wreckage In Your Mind: Feed the right beast. Learn from your mistakes, walk it off, and get back to work. Do not go gently into the night…“When your body gets tired, run with your heart.” (Don Denyes)
Entitlement: It’s My Prerogative: Here’s what I’m entitled to…NOTHING. But I should expect 1) Honest pay for honest work. 2) Protections outlined in the Constitution. 3) To be a good human being, because there are more than enough rotten ones.
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie: We all have a responsibility to be citizens who engage in respectful dialogue aimed at improving our world. It’s okay to disagree, but only while treating each other with dignity and respect. When tempted to be dragged into a quagmire of divisiveness or disrespect, let that sleeping dog lie.
Settle Down: Recognize how failing to address primal needs in life can cause restlessness. Embrace the present; love unreservedly; help others; determine and fulfill your purpose; live by faith knowing God is in control.
Take Off Your Mask: Patrick King says “If you want to be confident, you have to look confident.” But what if I’m not and I don’t? Many of us ‘mask’ who we are rather than risk exposing weakness or insecurity. Tear down relationship barriers by taking off your mask and allowing others to be real, without fear of criticism and judgment.
The Heart of Service: Influencing others is the heart of leadership. Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned came from a few exceptional leaders who, through their words and actions, revealed the character of their heart and their concern for mine. That is the heart of service.
Strength is beyond just being physically strong, that’s why I called it ‘Beyond Strength‘. Let’s help each other get strong, be strong, and stay strong in this new decade.
Season’s Greetings from Beyond Strength!
As I celebrate the holidays with family and friends, I am reminded how grateful I am to have forgiveness and salvation. I’m also grateful to have you following along. Please take time to reflect on the 2019 and plan how to get strong, be strong, and stay strong in 2020. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Beyond Strength!
The Leadership T.R.A.P. (Video Preview)
The Heart of Service
I recently had the privilege of delivering the keynote speech at two different Veterans Day events on successive evenings. While they were two very different audiences, my message was largely the same for both, with a few variations due to the nuances of each group. In each, though, I spoke about the character and heart of leadership.
While I’ve shared some similar examples before, I have come to appreciate and see with more clarity that while certain people came in and out of my life, it wasn’t simply the character of their leadership but the fundamental character of their heart that I now recognize most influenced me.
Still in the shadow of Veterans Day, let me acknowledge all of the veterans who might be reading this right now and thank you for your service to our country. Whether you served one day, one year, or an entire career, many of you made the conscious decision to volunteer your life – and many ways the lives of your families – to be part of something greater than yourself. You should be proud of that, and appreciated every day, not just on November 11th.
All who wear the uniform are pulled into service by some force, be it voluntary or compulsory. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I suspect I was at least in part drawn to military service by roots going back the revolutionary war, well documented in the four genealogy volumes my dad has published. They include:
Two WWII veteran uncles; one a soldier wounded in battle while serving in 1944 Italy, the other a sailor whose teenage son would tragically drown some 25 years later on his senior trip, never to attend one of the threemilitary academies he had been accepted to. My cousin John no doubt would have served proudly and with distinction, just like his father. Two uncles on the other side of my family, both still living in my area; one a Korean War veteran and the other a retired senior enlisted soldier. My dad a National Guard veteran; my older brother and my son, both Air Force veterans like me.
I was blessed with a very long and fulfilling military career that started in 1986. I can honestly say that through everything, I always tried hard to be the very best I could be at every level with no expectation or sense of entitlement to go to the next. I never forgot where I came from, how average I really am, and the importance of hard work. I also learned to recognize that having your head in the game is important, but it is even more important to attend the ‘heart’.
In his book The Top Ten Mistakes Leaders Make, Hans Finzel says influencing others is the heart of leadership; that the greatest impact on us as individuals comes from direct interaction with other individuals. It’s true! I never forgot the lessons I learned from a few exceptional leaders who had their head and their heart in the right place. Four leaders, in particular, through their words and actions at just the right times in my life, revealed to me the character of their heart and their concern for mine. That is the heart of leadership.
Here’s some of what I learned from these four men.
When insecure and publicly embarrassed, I learned from a Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force that the defusing properties of humor and gratitude are powerful encouragement.
When tempted to think I was kind of a big deal, I learned from a previously feared senior enlisted leader that humility and forgiveness are two of the most respectable attributes a leader (or anyone for that matter) can have.
When dealt what seemed like a crushing blow to my career, I learned from a friend, mentor and beloved leader that failure does not define me, and well-timed encouragement and persistence can make a huge difference in a person’s life.
When cavalierly demeaned in front of others by an egomaniacal former adjutant general, I learned from a different flag officer that there is dignity, honor, and respect in standing up for others…even when the person you’re defending is a stranger.
There is nobility, strength and courage expected of those who wear the uniform and we owe veterans our gratitude, support, and recognition that not all scars are visible on the outside.
But those attributes aren’t exclusive to those who serve. When I look back over my life and career, it’s the people who influenced me and those I have influenced that I think of most – whether they wore a uniform or not.
The head is important, but the heart is the wellspring of life. That’s the heart of leadership.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Finzel, Hans. (2000). The top ten mistakes leaders make. Colorado Springs, CO: Nexgen.
The Heart of Service (Video Preview)
Take Your Mask Off
Phantom of the Opera. The story of a disfigured, bitter, reclusive musical genius who becomes obsessed with a young singer. As one of the most popular musicals of the last 30 years, it is perhaps most recognizable through the mask behind which the phantom hides. The story speaks to the human condition on many levels: loneliness, intrigue, fascination, love, possessiveness, jealousy, insecurity, heartbreak, and more. The mask alone points toward our fascination with Halloween, super heroes, disguising ourselves to extend the boundaries of our inhibitions, ‘masking’ characteristics of ourselves we don’t want other people to see, or adopting a persona more confident than we really are.
Patrick King says “If you want to be confident, you have to look confident.” But what if you’re not…and you don’t? It’s often easier to pretend to be something or someone you’re not than to ‘be real’ with others (or yourself). There are no doubt more people than we think who ‘mask’ characteristics of themselves or hide who they really are rather than risk exposing weakness, insecurity, or themselves to critics so busy pointing out others’ flaws they fail to recognize their own (cf. Matt. 7.3 about specks and planks).
Is there an appropriate balance?
It has become trendy in leadership, business, and politics to demand transparency and expect vulnerability. I don’t disagree these are necessary and, in fact, people tend to be drawn more to those who are open and engaging than those who aren’t. People who hold their cards close to the vest reveal few personal details and often come across as stand-offish, aloof, or just plain rude. As. such, I tend (perhaps incorrectly) to interpret that as a sign they don’t trust me enough to be open. I feel hurt and disappointed by that. Still, when I take time to take me out of the equation, I realize maybe they’ve erected emotional barriers to protect themselves from being hurt, used, or otherwise taken advantage of.
Maybe they’re onto something.
Are we even ready for people to take their mask off and be real with us? I sometimes wish I was less transparent or vulnerable. As a lifetime ‘over-sharer’ who tends to wear my heart on my sleeve, I know how easily and often people like that are used, hurt, or otherwise taken advantage of. Perhaps nice guys really do finish last. Another good reason to hide oneself? Or maybe it’s just a convenient excuse.
Happy Halloween!
Halloween is upon us. Literally THE time of wearing masks, hiding behind costumes, and pretending to be someone or something other than ourselves. Despite strong convictions and varying views about it among many in the faith community, Halloween has been one of my favorite holidays since childhood. Maybe it’s because for a moment in time I could be an astronaut or a cowboy; a policeman or a scarecrow; or anything I wanted to be…instead of the skinny, hyper, annoying, often unkempt neighborhood kid. I suspect similar reasons explain why some are drawn to performing on stage and screen, or other careers spent in costume. Er, I mean in uniform…
Eddy Space Program, circa 1973 
Shine On 
Scooby Snack?
The entire season is a joy for me and my family. We love cider and donuts, carving pumpkins together, decorating the house, and the smell of burning leaves in the neighborhood. Some of my fondest memories from childhood are dressing up and trick-or-treating around the neighborhood, going to the annual Lakeview Lions Club costume contest my dad emceed in the parking lot of the old Cut Rate Supermarket, and comparing the ‘take’ of goods at the end of the night. I still have a scar on my foot from unwittingly running through a pile of burning leaves in the dark as I narrowly (and excitedly) escaped some older kids seeking a shortcut to the candy mother-load!
It doesn’t need to end October 31st.
My wife and I recently attended the wedding of a friend and coworker. From the announcement to save-the-date for a party during which ‘a wedding will also take place’, we knew it would be special. It turned out to be one of the best weddings ever. The nuptials took place on the roof of the historic Detroit Opera House, followed by a masquerade party reception throughout the majestic grand foyer. Mystery, intrigue, frivolity, and self-confidence fueled by fancy clothes and fancier masks.
Inhibitions and judgment be gone!
Enjoy occasions to dress up and let your hair down…without fear of criticism. Let’s tear down barriers in our personal and professional relationships by taking off our masks and being real with one another.
How much more effective could we be in all areas of our life if we stopped masking who we really are, and allowed others to do the same…judgment free?
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Happy Halloween!
Take Your Mask Off (Video Preview)
Settle Down
If you didn’t see the video preview to this article, what came to mind when you first read the title? I imagine there is a wide range across the readership. Does that make ‘settle down’ an idiom? Homonym? Does it matter? I could have equally been referring to a command your grandma barked because you were being too rambunctious while Grandpa was dozing in his rocker, as much as to the not-so-veiled “time-to-start-a-family” reminders your parents start giving you around age 30 every time you visit.
I didn’t have settling down to start a family or stifling my hyperactivity in mind when this subject came to me. Rather, it was an unexpected, unsettled feeling that crept in and is lingering. Despite its inexplicability, I’ve become all too familiar with this feeling.
An important first step in learning to ‘settle down’ is identifying the factors contributing to this feeling. Honestly, it could be any number of things, including significant financial and physical hardships of people close to me or ongoing personal frustrations and uncertainty at work. As I’ve thought through possible root causes, a book I read some years ago came to mind that might explain a few other possibilities.
Uncharacteristically, I didn’t write the date I started it in the front cover, but a boarding pass still marks a page, supporting the possibility the book was an airline terminal purchase. It was June 2013 and I was headed to Washington, DC the day before my birthday. I was familiar with its author, Patrick Morley, from his impactful book ‘Man in the Mirror’ I read some years earlier. In this more recent book, Man Alive, Morley theorizes that a significant number of men are mired in mediocrity, stifling their natural energy by settling for lukewarm (he calls ‘half alive’) existences. In Man Alive, he provides insightful reasons and symptoms that speak to its truth – including feelings of restlessness. He offers practical ways to live a more fulfilled life by addressing what he calls “seven primal needs”. These, and perhaps still not knowing what I want to be when I grow up, may explain at least some of the unsettled feelings that come and go in my life.
Morley uses the chapters of Man Alive to dig into ways to convert restlessness into fulfilled living by addressing these primal needs he lists in Chapter 1:
- To feel like you don’t have to do life alone
- To believe that God loves and cares about you personally
- To understand how your life has a purpose, that your life is not random
- To break free from the destructive behaviors that keep dragging you down
- To satisfy your soul’s thirst for transcendence, awe, and communion
- To love and be loved without reservation
- To make a contribution and leave the world a better place
As I looked these over for the first time since 2013, it was easy to recognize the primacy of these in my life. I likewise recognize how failing to properly address them could lead to restlessness or passivity. Or both.
I hesitate to end this article having you believe I’m somehow stuck in a perpetual quagmire of uncertainty or restlessness. That’s not the case. I’ve been blessed throughout my life with many opportunities that relate to the list, and overall I’m an optimistic, happy, and fulfilled guy! But I’d be lying if I told you I never feel alone; or that I don’t struggle with my thought life; or that I don’t sometimes still wonder about my true purpose.
Patrick Morley is clearly onto something. It’s also reasonable that some of what I’m feeling has to do with crossing through deep waters with others in my life. As Dr. Don Denyes of South Church recently said, ‘standing in the river’ speaks to the problems or challenges we face. He points out that maybe God allows the BIG problems in our lives to remind us we can’t handle everything ourselves like with smaller problems. I can fix a lot of things myself. But I can’t fix cancer, my mom’s dementia, or a host of other life-altering hardships faced by people close to me (and millions of others). Neither can I predict the future. But I can embrace the present, love unreservedly, help wherever & whenever possible, work unashamedly to determine & fulfill my purpose, and live by faith knowing God is ultimately the one in control.
Maybe you can, too.
To help you, I recommend either book mentioned, Man in the Mirror or Man Alive, and visiting Patrick Morley’s blog. If you are one of the first five readers to contact me either by email at strength@beyondstrength.org or comment to this post, I’ll send you a free copy of Man Alive (a donation toward shipping is appreciated but not required). I also recommend Rick Warren’s book The Purpose Driven Life.
I appreciate you joining me to find strength in weakness, improve, and make the world a better place. And I’d love to know your thoughts on other ways to ‘settle down’.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Morley, Patrick. (2012). Man alive – transforming your 7 primal needs into a powerful spiritual life. Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah.
Settle Down (Video Preview)
Feeling unsettled? You’re not alone.