Well That’s Fabulous!
No matter how wholesome or sheltered you are, chances are you’ve seen or heard the abbreviation ‘wtf’. If seeing it here makes you uneasy, read on! I won’t share what is probably the original and most widely-used version (even though many of us have likely asked ourselves a similar question for several weeks now).
A few yeas ago my good friend in the faith, David, asked me a very serious question: “You know what that really stands for, don’t you?” Of course I do. Smirking he said, “Well That’s Fabulous”. I liked it, lol’d, and have used it ever since. It also works better as an article title than Haircuts, Face-masks, Unused Razors, Isolation, Leadership, and Politics.
But since you brought it up, let’s talk about those things.
It’s not lost on anyone that this worldwide pandemic has altered life and is unlike anything we’ve known this generation. Which is perhaps why it’s so disheartening to see how quickly business leaders, politicians, and others have moved from respect, understanding and cooperation to grandstanding, spewing rhetoric, imagining their own expertise, and jockeying for political advantage. There was much promise initially…an opportunity to come together for the good of humanity. But like other catastrophic events that only temporarily unite us, the goodness and spirit of unity left quickly. The honeymoon is over, and we’ve predictably devolved into finger-pointing and politics-as-usual.
But there are bright spots. What has been encouraging are widespread examples of ordinary people doing extraordinary things. Not just frontline workers battling in the trenches, but everyday people finding creative ways to encourage, teach, learn, give, and otherwise make the best of a horrible situation.
Speaking of horrible situations, even if I had two bits, I can’t get a shave and a haircut right now. Not good for a career high-and-tight guy. So I’ve been cutting my own! While it’s no Jerry’s Barbershop masterpiece, it’s not Bob’s Bowl-cut Special, either. Besides, I can always wear a hat until Mark is able to get behind his chair again. Now about that shave…
The start of a fresh month, coupled with being off-the-hook from shaving everyday, gave rise to April’s Stay-At-Home ‘Stache contest with family, friends, and colleagues. The last time I organized a similar activity (Mustache March a few years ago), my daughter nearly disowned me. I think her words were: “Dad, no. You need to shave that off. Never do that again!”
It has been a hoot seeing the creativity of some, the uncooperative genetics of others, and the generosity of all through this frivolous distraction. With judging less than a week away, it’s already the longest I’ve gone without shaving since I joined the military at age 18. Most importantly, over $1000 has been raised to help a hurting family.
Then there’s people like Mike, mentioned last time, who created a website dedicated to positive, educational, entertaining content. He and his family didn’t stop there. They began making cloth face coverings in their home to give people in their community and beyond. Ours arrived in the mail just days after he told me about it. He later sent me a picture of his 93-year-old neighbor, another recipient of the Brady family’s generosity. They even decorated a thank you tree! Reminds me of some other unselfish friends living in south Florida. The world is a better place because of people like them who use their resources to put others first.
Now more than ever leaders, politicians, and citizens alike need to take Theodore Roosevelt’s similar advice to do the best they can, with what they have, where they are. Small businesses are crumbling, along with the life-savings, heart, and soul many poured into them. People are feeling helpless, lonely, and scared. They are hurting, sick, and dying.
This is an unprecedented crisis. Because it is unprecedented, no one person, organization, or government has all the answers or knows a single best solution. It’s time for leaders to be leaders and focus on cooperatively serving others, instead of themselves or their ambitions. Another good friend dropped this brief video gem on the subject recently.
It would be most encouraging if everyone – elected, appointed, and citizen alike, would just stop. Stop wasting time blaming other levels of government or political parties; stop trying to advance their own political or personal agenda; stop arguing about who should have done what and when; stop trying to make others believe you’ve somehow become an overnight expert on infectious disease, economics, supply chains, business, or politics. And start being more caring, compassionate, cooperative, humble, and kind human beings.
I love the heartwarming stories on television and social media. They give me hope that all the junk above will ultimately be consumed by the goodness of human spirit. I encourage you to use this unique and challenging time to pray more, read more, love more, lead more. Serve others, build your faith, strengthen your body, grow closer to friends and family, and renew your mind.
And cut your hair.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
“Set you mind on things above, not on earthly things.” – Colossians 3.2
Keeping Faith (Video)
March Forth
When I was a child, my dad used to share a riddle about how to get into a house with no windows and no doors. I always chuckled, but never really understood what he was talking about. Unfortunately, its clever meaning was lost on me until I was old enough to figure it out.
Similarly, it wasn’t until I had served over 20 years in the military this occurred to me: since I entered active-duty service on 3/4/1986, I had officially ‘marched forth’ on March 4th. Sadly, I’m sometimes not so bright.
So what better month than March to march forth toward fulfilling your purpose, achieving your goals, or making the world a better place? What thoughts do you have on how best to do that? Here are just a few that come to mind for me.
Start a blog or some other venture. My good friend, a retired educator and fellow retired senior enlisted leader, recently created Charlie’s School House. It’s a site that provides educational information, interesting content, and links for students (and parents) that may be temporarily at home. I suspect it will endure long beyond this present crisis to serve as a simple resource for encouragement and learning. Well done, Mike.
Start (or ramp up) a personal reading program. In his book On Writing – A Memoir of the Craft, author Stephen King stresses the importance of reading in relation to being a proficient writer when he states “You have to read widely…”. I agree that being well-read is important to being a better writer. And I join many others who recognize the tremendous value of avid reading for other reasons such as gaining knowledge and for entertainment. Reading has made me a better writer, speaker, conversationalist, and communicator for sure! It helps that I love to read. In fact, I typically have a number of books going simultaneously…both print and electronically. While I enjoy some good fiction, most of what I read is biographical or historical, motivational or educational. Right now, besides reading through the Bible in a year, I’m into the pages of The Final Days – The Classic, Behind-the-Scenes Account of Richard Nixon’s Dramatic Last Days in the White House; Meditations – The Philosophy Classic Marcus Aurelius; Decision Points by George W. Bush; Jimmy Buffett A Pirate Looks at Fifty; and The Original Illustrated Sherlock Holmes. Trouble focusing much?
Volunteer. It’s comforting that during times of crisis, people seem to step up and show a much greater sense of community and compassion for others, albeit short-lived. It’s disappointing, however, that it takes tragic events like the terrorist attacks of September 11th or the present COVID-19 pandemic for us to experience this (brief) universal unity. If you need an excuse, use our current situation to do something nice for someone else. Volunteer to help elderly or higher-risk friends or neighbors by delivering groceries to them; participate in a group that helps teach or read to students online; join one or more community, fraternal, or civic organizations in your area and stay engaged after this passes. In other words, get involved with something that not only benefits you, but helps others, too. Service to others is a great way to forget about our own troubles for a while and to realize we’re not alone.
Get your fitness goals back on track. Even if you haven’t completely fallen off the fitness wagon, chances are by now your new year’s resolutions are more like mere suggestions or distant memories. Maybe the forced fitness of basic training doesn’t appeal to you at this time in your life, but perhaps there’s value in cultivating a mindset of constant improvement or committing to a structured workout plan to help revitalize those fitness goals. Besides, if ever there was a time to feel better, it’s now. Physical activity, even low-key/low-impact, can improve your physical, psychological, and emotional well-being.
Will you join me, especially now during this time of worldwide chaos, in marching forth into the future with renewed commitment to making ourselves, our neighbors, and our world a better place? Situations like this equally bring out the best and the worst in people. There’s a lot more each of us can do to show our best…and it all starts by stepping-off with the left foot.
So how do you get into a house with no windows and no doors? You keep running around and around it until you’re ‘all in’. I finally figured it out, Dad. And I’m all in.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. – Psalm 46.1
King, Stephen (2000). On writing: a memoir of the craft. New York, NY: Scribner.
The Leadership T.R.A.P.
Think about a characteristic that makes a leader great. Now think of a person you know who exhibits that trait. What else is it about that person that sets them apart? Is it their ability to make a decision or speak their mind? Is it because they are smart, approachable, charismatic, visionary, caring, or empathetic? Do they just seem to just handle themselves (and others) well? If you work for them, is it because you know they always ‘have your back’.
I doubt any of the characteristics that came to mind had to do with managing spreadsheets or mastering tasks. Those are great situational qualities, but we are talking about leadership acumen. Probably no one came to mind because of their keen ability to boss people around, impose their will, or because they know a lot of important people.
I’ve written about all these types before, but I had a chance to summarize some of this for a recent speaking engagement. I used an acronym as my outline to quickly compare and contrast some leadership traits for that talk.
You should understand this about my history with acronyms: while I use them often to help a simple-minded man like me organize my thoughts, they can sometimes have unintended consequences.
For instance, some years ago during the challenging times surrounding Presidential Budget 2013 (PB13), I gave a leadership keynote to a large group of military members. It focused on motivating them to control what they could control, see things from a larger organizational perspective, recognize the importance of teamwork, and try to always do more than expected. A short time after that speech I received an email from one of the senior noncommissioned officers in attendance thanking me and summarizing my talk in the following acronym.
T.U.R.D.
Take an enterprising look. Understand you can only control what you can control. Relationships are key. Do more than expected.
Yep. Perhaps NOT mentioning how much I like acronyms at the start of the talk would have been good. On the plus side, his acronym actually summarized things nicely and would have saved them from listening to me blather on.
I now try to provide the acronym to audiences ahead of time!
The acronym TRAP in the title is meant to compare and contrast Task versus Relationship focused leadership (the hugging and spanking, as Jim Hunter points out), and Authority versus the Power-focused (autocratic) leader.
Tasks tend to be one-dimensional, like a checklist. Get it done, check it off. A lot of good work gets done that way. Like spanking, it may address an issue at the moment, but there is some debate whether it really ‘hurts me more than it hurts you’. When the business (task) is balanced first with relationships built on genuine care for the those accomplishing the tasks, the work still gets done (often more quickly and efficiently) while increasing people’s motivation, satisfaction, and performance. Sustained performance doesn’t increase from being bullied into submission. And the time to try building a relationship isn’t in the midst of a crisis.
Authority speaks to respect and dignity. Helping others learn, do, and be successful for the betterment of the whole. A true leader exercises authority from a position of humility, understanding their authority is ultimately derived from those whom he or she serves. It should never be wielded carelessly or recklessly from a position of power, as in the adage ‘when a hammer is your only tool, everything looks like a nail’.
Power is that hammer. “Do it or else!” I can’t help but also think of the well-used ‘Seagull Management’ analogy here: flying around making a bunch of noise, pooping on everyone, stealing their food, and then flying away while others clean up the mess.
Whether you’re reading this as a leader, follower, neither, or somewhere in between, perhaps the words of my friend, former POW Colonel Ed Hubbard, are relevant: “Everything that happens in your life is judged good or bad compared to something that has already happened.” It’s not what happens that is most important…it’s how we respond.
If you’re someone who relates and responds more to tasks and power than relationships and authority, maybe something in your past has made you that way. Or perhaps you’ve just become complacent.
Complacency had become an issue for some toward the end of my tour in Iraq. A sign on one of the bunkers we took cover in when under attack read “Complacency doesn’t kill, poor leadership does.”
Boom.
Don’t be a seagull. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
For more on this subject, see my related article Egos & Empires.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
The Year in Review
It’s hard to believe that 20 years ago we thought Y2K would end the world or malfunctioning computers would catapult us back to the digital dark-ages. Some even believed that the turn of the century would result in some sort of Stephen King, ‘Maximum Overdrive’ scenario where machines took over the world. With the Internet of Things (IoT) led by the armies of Alexa, Cortana, Siri, and Google Assistant, we’re probably closer to that now than in 1999!
I take great care and time compiling what I hope are meaningful, enjoyable, powerful, sharable essays. Because of that, I don’t post as often as I’d prefer. Still, I feel like a kid who sank an impossible trick shot in the driveway or performed a concerto flawlessly at home, wishing more people would have witnessed it. I really want more people to read, enjoy, and relate to what I write!
So for those who missed any of my ‘life-changing’ posts in 2019 (insert eye-roll and ROFL emojis here), and in honor of the world not ending 20 years ago, here’s a Beyond Strength summary of articles from the past year.
New Beginnings: Breach the new year with optimism, commitment, and focus. Make yourself and the world a little better each day; “A compassionate man does not stand detached from the sufferings of others. Rather, he steps into the world of the hurting and feels the pain and anguish of the one suffering.” (David Jeremiah)
I’m Rubber & You’re Glue: Like a rubber band, we need to stretch to be most useful, effective, and reach our full potential.
Stretchy Pants:
S eize your moment
T ry something new
R ead
E xpect great things
T ransform your thinking
C ast no stones
H elp others reach their potential
Y our mistakes do not define you
P ain is temporary (pride is not)
A lways do more than expected
N ever fail to learn something (especially from mistakes)
T reat others the way you want them to treat you
S top giving life to the doubts of others
Friends Without Coffee: Time and distance are no indicator how close a friend really is; I am a lot more laid back when I don’t drink coffee.
Egos & Empires: Great leaders are visionary, courageous, decisive, passionate, genuine, caring, and humble; they build empires of respect, care, professionalism, and adoration. We need more leaders like that so empires of egos and self-serving motives disappear, and those who rise to prominence because they know someone (yet care about none) cease to prosper.
Discipline of Fools: Lack of self-discipline has major impact on physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological well-being. When I fail to exercise discipline at the dinner table, my physical appearance and health suffer. When I don’t discipline my time, all areas of my life suffer. When I fail to discipline my emotions I get upset, edgy, angry, or unhappy. When I don’t discipline my thought life, my mind wanders and folly ensues.
Out with Insecurity: I trace many choices back to insecurity, damaged self-esteem, or skewed perceptions of self-worth. Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there is more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on! Close this chapter of hurt and never re-read it again. It’s time to get what your life deserves. Move on from things that don’t deserve you. Don’t spend your days trying to correct the past; instead, let go and let God create something better for your future.
Create Your Opportunity: Commit to a never-ending quest for learning and growth; glean value from whatever situation you face; be ready to conquer giants and overcome obstacles in life; understand you can’t do it alone. Do at least one thing better today than yesterday; relentlessly pursue whatever you love; do your best and work hard; don’t let mistakes or other people define who you are or how far you will go.
Wreckage In Your Mind: Feed the right beast. Learn from your mistakes, walk it off, and get back to work. Do not go gently into the night…“When your body gets tired, run with your heart.” (Don Denyes)
Entitlement: It’s My Prerogative: Here’s what I’m entitled to…NOTHING. But I should expect 1) Honest pay for honest work. 2) Protections outlined in the Constitution. 3) To be a good human being, because there are more than enough rotten ones.
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie: We all have a responsibility to be citizens who engage in respectful dialogue aimed at improving our world. It’s okay to disagree, but only while treating each other with dignity and respect. When tempted to be dragged into a quagmire of divisiveness or disrespect, let that sleeping dog lie.
Settle Down: Recognize how failing to address primal needs in life can cause restlessness. Embrace the present; love unreservedly; help others; determine and fulfill your purpose; live by faith knowing God is in control.
Take Off Your Mask: Patrick King says “If you want to be confident, you have to look confident.” But what if I’m not and I don’t? Many of us ‘mask’ who we are rather than risk exposing weakness or insecurity. Tear down relationship barriers by taking off your mask and allowing others to be real, without fear of criticism and judgment.
The Heart of Service: Influencing others is the heart of leadership. Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned came from a few exceptional leaders who, through their words and actions, revealed the character of their heart and their concern for mine. That is the heart of service.
Strength is beyond just being physically strong, that’s why I called it ‘Beyond Strength‘. Let’s help each other get strong, be strong, and stay strong in this new decade.
The Leadership T.R.A.P. (Video Preview)
The Heart of Service (Video Preview)
Take Your Mask Off
Phantom of the Opera. The story of a disfigured, bitter, reclusive musical genius who becomes obsessed with a young singer. As one of the most popular musicals of the last 30 years, it is perhaps most recognizable through the mask behind which the phantom hides. The story speaks to the human condition on many levels: loneliness, intrigue, fascination, love, possessiveness, jealousy, insecurity, heartbreak, and more. The mask alone points toward our fascination with Halloween, super heroes, disguising ourselves to extend the boundaries of our inhibitions, ‘masking’ characteristics of ourselves we don’t want other people to see, or adopting a persona more confident than we really are.
Patrick King says “If you want to be confident, you have to look confident.” But what if you’re not…and you don’t? It’s often easier to pretend to be something or someone you’re not than to ‘be real’ with others (or yourself). There are no doubt more people than we think who ‘mask’ characteristics of themselves or hide who they really are rather than risk exposing weakness, insecurity, or themselves to critics so busy pointing out others’ flaws they fail to recognize their own (cf. Matt. 7.3 about specks and planks).
Is there an appropriate balance?
It has become trendy in leadership, business, and politics to demand transparency and expect vulnerability. I don’t disagree these are necessary and, in fact, people tend to be drawn more to those who are open and engaging than those who aren’t. People who hold their cards close to the vest reveal few personal details and often come across as stand-offish, aloof, or just plain rude. As. such, I tend (perhaps incorrectly) to interpret that as a sign they don’t trust me enough to be open. I feel hurt and disappointed by that. Still, when I take time to take me out of the equation, I realize maybe they’ve erected emotional barriers to protect themselves from being hurt, used, or otherwise taken advantage of.
Maybe they’re onto something.
Are we even ready for people to take their mask off and be real with us? I sometimes wish I was less transparent or vulnerable. As a lifetime ‘over-sharer’ who tends to wear my heart on my sleeve, I know how easily and often people like that are used, hurt, or otherwise taken advantage of. Perhaps nice guys really do finish last. Another good reason to hide oneself? Or maybe it’s just a convenient excuse.
Happy Halloween!
Halloween is upon us. Literally THE time of wearing masks, hiding behind costumes, and pretending to be someone or something other than ourselves. Despite strong convictions and varying views about it among many in the faith community, Halloween has been one of my favorite holidays since childhood. Maybe it’s because for a moment in time I could be an astronaut or a cowboy; a policeman or a scarecrow; or anything I wanted to be…instead of the skinny, hyper, annoying, often unkempt neighborhood kid. I suspect similar reasons explain why some are drawn to performing on stage and screen, or other careers spent in costume. Er, I mean in uniform…
Eddy Space Program, circa 1973 
Shine On 
Scooby Snack?
The entire season is a joy for me and my family. We love cider and donuts, carving pumpkins together, decorating the house, and the smell of burning leaves in the neighborhood. Some of my fondest memories from childhood are dressing up and trick-or-treating around the neighborhood, going to the annual Lakeview Lions Club costume contest my dad emceed in the parking lot of the old Cut Rate Supermarket, and comparing the ‘take’ of goods at the end of the night. I still have a scar on my foot from unwittingly running through a pile of burning leaves in the dark as I narrowly (and excitedly) escaped some older kids seeking a shortcut to the candy mother-load!
It doesn’t need to end October 31st.
My wife and I recently attended the wedding of a friend and coworker. From the announcement to save-the-date for a party during which ‘a wedding will also take place’, we knew it would be special. It turned out to be one of the best weddings ever. The nuptials took place on the roof of the historic Detroit Opera House, followed by a masquerade party reception throughout the majestic grand foyer. Mystery, intrigue, frivolity, and self-confidence fueled by fancy clothes and fancier masks.
Inhibitions and judgment be gone!
Enjoy occasions to dress up and let your hair down…without fear of criticism. Let’s tear down barriers in our personal and professional relationships by taking off our masks and being real with one another.
How much more effective could we be in all areas of our life if we stopped masking who we really are, and allowed others to do the same…judgment free?
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Happy Halloween!
Preparing for Mistakes
Martin Fanbee is quoted by then Colonel David L. Goldfein in his book Sharing Success Owning Failure as saying “Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” I’m making more than my fair share…so you’re welcome.
Mistakes are not only the result of weakness and poor decisions, but also the result of failing to prepare. I left off last time talking about being prepared, as well as the consequences of being unprepared. Our failure to prepare often results in discomfort at best and utter chaos, disaster, or severe heartache at worst.
Thanks to a televised Janet Jackson incident some years ago, I now know the proper terminology for my many embarrassing clothing mishaps. On the ‘discomfort’ end, being unprepared for wardrobe malfunctions has resulted in my tie in the toilet while pulling up my pants, a favorite tie in the shredder while still attached to my neck, and not having any tie at a black-tie affair. Toward the other extreme, being unprepared to raise children resulted in many missteps, mistakes, and missed opportunities; and the realization I probably should have waited until age 50 to have them. Of course, I never would have won an arm-wrestling match if that were the case.
I have spent nearly my entire life preparing my body to withstand a career in the profession of arms, to be functionally fit, and to feel good about the way I look when I pass by a full-length mirror naked. I have likewise tried to prepare my mind for critical thinking and vocational success by gaining wisdom and knowledge. And I have spent a good deal of time helping others do likewise. But despite all that, I remain insecure and emotionally unprepared in many ways. These weaknesses sometimes lead to carelessly being drawn into situations I know better to avoid.
Similar to preparing for cold weather by wearing bread bags in your boots, string mittens, and so many layers of winter clothes that there would be little need for side-impact airbags in your car, maybe preparing for life involves putting on a few things. Things like armor…literally and metaphorically; physically and emotionally.
Literature convinces us that in medieval times, knights were powerful symbols of bravery and nobility. But a knight wasn’t a knight overnight. It took years of training, learning, and preparation. The page learned from the squire, who learned from the knight. The knight prepared and affirmed his commitment to knighthood by learning and living chivalrous knighthood ideals such as being brave in battle; loyal to God and King; willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. And to be merciful, humble, courteous, gracious, and gentle. I read somewhere that ‘not all knights were great men, but all great men were knights!’
Armor provides a great metaphor for the importance of preparation…even better than your mom’s recommendation of always wearing clean underwear in case you’re in an accident. There’s perhaps no better rendering than that of Apostle Paul in the sixth chapter of Ephesians when it comes to preparing for life. He used the battle dress of the Roman soldier as his object lesson, but we can relate in the same way to today’s law enforcement officer or military fighter.
It begins with being ready to stand firm under pressure (also mentioned in a previous article). It is followed by donning the proper equipment (or pieces of armor), each one serving a literal protective purpose and metaphorically representing spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical protections. The first is the ‘belt of truth’; used by the soldier to mount weapons, secure garments, and protect or ‘gird’ the loins and lower body. We all have secrets in dark places we never want revealed. But spiritual truth is needed in a dark world. “In the long run, it matters little what others say or think; it matters a great deal whether or not truth stands.” – Wendell L. Miller
The next few pieces are the breastplate (body armor), protective footwear (practical to the situation), the shield, and the helmet (headgear). Each one representing a facet of spiritual faith and practical physical use…and each defensive in nature. The last piece Paul cites happens also to be the only offensive piece of equipment – the sword (duty weapon).
We could go much deeper here, but I’m sure you get the picture. Sure, you visualized them at least once through all that looking exhausted from battle and caked with dust and dripping with sweat, blood and tears. But think of them all cleaned up, standing tall and proud, crisp and ready for inspection. There’s nothing like a man or woman in uniform. They look pretty damn good, right?! A regular knight in shining armor…
But beware, trusted caballeros. When one puts on all that shiny armor, there may be a certain visual appeal that draws attention that may become a stumbling block for the weak or unprepared. If you are prepared for random notes on your car, impromptu show-ups, and terms of endearment like ‘Muffin Tushy’ or ‘Applesauce’, then not to worry. If you’re not, I guess you’re more like I’ve been much of my life than you care to be and we’re back to paragraphs one through four.
I am my greatest adversary. I need to prepare better. I need the Armor of God.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Goldfein, D. L. (2001). Sharing success owning failure-preparing to command in the twenty-first century Air Force. Maxwell AFB, AL: Air University Press.