Gains Without Pain?
No Pain, No Gain! A familiar expression barked by trainers, a well-used mantra for gym-rats. From a muscular development or fitness improvement standpoint it’s true. It’s tough to make gains if you don’t push yourself, and pushing hurts sometimes. As someone who has suffered from chronic headaches and migraines since adolescence, unfortunately I know pain without gain well…and finding ways to press on has been the only option. But I’ve recently been reminded ‘working through’ pain is not always best.
In an effort to find a cause and eliminate what no one wanted to talk about, around the first or second grade (early 1970s), I was subjected to a brain scan. It was a fairly horrifying experience for a little guy, where dozens of wires were poked into the scalp all over my head. It was made worse by A) the probes kept falling out, so they were poked into my skin and then glued to my head; B) a scary-looking, impatient, unsympathetic nurse ripped half my hair out trying to remove the glue afterwards. I’m not sure I ever screamed and cried so much before or since.
I think I had endured an Electroencephalogram. MRIs weren’t quite on the scene yet, but honestly those aren’t my favorite way to spend an afternoon, either. The good news is there was no tumor, aneurysm, or anything else that concerned doctors. The bad news is 1) there was no explanation for the already chronic headaches I still have to this day, and 2) my dad had the perfect lifelong icebreaker and punchline at my expense: “They did a brain scan on David, but they didn’t find anything!” Figuring 45 years of persistent headaches can’t be a good thing, I had a MRI done last year, just in case. Dad: “How did your brain scan come out?” Me: “Good.” Dad: “They didn’t find anything, huh?!” It never gets old.
Chronic intense pain has nearly always been a ‘normal‘ part of my life.
On the bright side, pain is one of the body’s sensors to indicate something is wrong. In his book “Where is God When it Hurts?” Philip Yancey reminds us “Pain sensors loudly alert [our bodies] to danger…”. He says absent pain’s warning, or ignoring or silencing it without heeding it, is dangerous and can lead to greater harm. That’s where the not-so-bright-side comes in.
Ignoring pain, pushing through, deadening it, or turning it off altogether is dangerous and undermines the body’s natural warning systems. Like removing the batteries from your smoke detector or putting tape over your check-engine light because you’re tired of looking at it. Too often we get into the habit of treating pain’s symptoms and ignoring the root cause. This can be through medication, alcohol, or living with reckless abandon. The result is often more damage. Pain is telling us something. We are wise to listen.
I’m not just talking about physical pain.
I have become so accustomed to living with the pain of migraines that when other things hurt, I just try to ignore or deaden it until it subsides. Sometimes it persists so long that it gets drowned out in the ‘noise’ for a period of time it’s not as noticeable. Like people living near railroad tracks or the effect white noise can have on the constant ringing in my ears. But, like ignoring emotional pain that needed attention and psychological pain from unresolved vicarious trauma, I’ve learned pushing through the pain of degenerative joint disease (advanced arthritis) in my shoulder just causes more damage. Not only has the result been near constant discomfort and improper functioning, failure to properly deal it has weakened the surrounding structures.
In just a few weeks of physical therapy I have come to understand I can’t ‘fix’ this arthritis…I’ll live with shoulder pain the rest of my life. But I can strengthen the right areas, re-teach myself proper alignment and function, and learn to listen and respond appropriately to pain. Sometimes that means not pushing through discomfort.
I’m not just talking about my shoulder.
There’s something to be learned from this about pain in our lives; physical, emotional, psychological, or otherwise.
- Recognize its warning
- Protect the injured area(s)
- Strengthen surrounding structures that are weak
- Properly address and treat the root cause
- Don’t bury, numb, or mask it with medication, over-indulgence, or risky behavior
- Avoid it when it’s causing damage or grief
“Like a grain of sand or other irritating substance that finds its way into the shell of an oyster eventually leads to creation of a beautiful pearl; so an injury, irritation, or wrong in our life can become a great blessing and the means to enrich us.” – Karl P. Buswell
My prayer is that you will somehow find blessing in your pain.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Yancey, Philip. (1990). Where is God when it hurts. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
Gains Without Pain (Video Preview)
Be the Solution, Not the Problem
“What’s your problem?!?” I know you’ve been asked that. Maybe you’ve uttered those words yourself, right before realizing things were about to go south. It’s a legitimate question, but one that’s usually asked in the wrong tone at the wrong time.
I have been asking myself that question for weeks now. While I usually ask it when struggling with my thought life or downswings in my mood or attitude, recently it’s been related to my lack of motivation to write an article. The solution came after talking to my friend. He experienced similar ‘writers block’ as he contemplated the much more significant purpose of drafting his brother’s (and our bandmate’s) eulogy. He tells me he awoke in the middle of the night and just started writing.
History repeated itself in a sense, for as chatting with him was part of my solution here, he likewise helped me move from problem to solution a few years ago when he convinced me to join his band to help me recover from a dark time in my life.
Problem: They needed a drummer (I didn’t play drums).
Solution: Now I do.
It would be easy to swing at the softball floating toward home plate courtesy of the pandemic right now. After all, the current medical-social-political-economic finger-pointing circus supplies ample example; there is no shortage of those who are part of the problem. The good news is, there are just as many who are working hard to be part of the solution.
Besides people who barely passed high school math suddenly knowing more about infectious disease than actual scientists and doctors, people who are part of the problem do things like this: litter; don’t scoop their dog’s poop; procrastinate excessively; blame others; engage in cronyism and favoritism; fail to learn from mistakes; are inconsiderate or entitled (typically related); leave their shopping cart parked where cars are supposed to; pretend to care about people.
They may also fail to recognize (or care) they are part of the problem.
Here are a few ideas to be more of a solution:
- Make room for God in your life. When we rightly understand our own unworthiness compared to the righteousness of a Holy God, we tend to be less of a problem for others.
- Stop claiming the misfortunes of others as your own in some attempt to justify living however you want, or as an excuse for your own bad behavior (cf. peaceful protesting vs. arson, looting, assault, and property destruction). If you want to be a voice and strength for the oppressed or weak, live honorably in such a way that brings about positive change. “Let your light shine before others…” (Matt. 5.16)
- As Dr. Samuel Betances used to say, stop counting heads and start making heads count. Embrace diversity. Enable diversity to foster and thrive by treating everyone with dignity and respect. We are all humans created in the image of God. I don’t believe supporting one race, gender, orientation, or ethnicity has to be to the exclusion, debasement, or detestation of another; you don’t have to be ‘one of’ to ‘stand with’. Fostering a culture of diversity involves being part of the solution.
- Take ownership of your mistakes and shortcomings. Learn from them. Everyone stumbles and falls short. Owning your mistakes is solution-oriented; blaming others makes you part of the problem.
- Pick up after yourself; leave things better than you found them; say please, thank you, and I love you more often; be a good (nobody’s perfect) human being.
- If you see someone struggling or in need – mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually – help them. Saying to yourself, “It’s not my problem” is part of the problem.
Bystander intervention, being kind, considerate, polite, old-fashioned, or a Good Samaritan. Whatever you call it, consider this: “Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?” That’s from the second chapter of James, where he relates that faith, when not accompanied by works, is dead. Even the secular rock band A Perfect Circle seems to get it. Consider these excerpted lyrics from ‘Talk Talk’:
You’re waiting…On miracles…We’re bleeding out
While you deliberate…Bodies accumulate Sit and talk like Jesus…Try walkin’ like Jesus
Don’t be the problem, be the solution
Faith without works is, Talk without works is
Faith without works is Dead, dead, dead, dead
Try braving the rain, Try lifting the stone, Try extending a hand
Try walkin’ your talk or get the f**k out of my way
The Christian band Casting Crowns likewise addresses not walking the talk in their song ‘If We are the Body’:
But if we are the body, why aren’t his arms reaching? Why aren’t his hands healing? Why aren’t his words teaching? And if we are the body, why aren’t his feet going? Why is his love not showing them there is a way?
There is so much more I need to say about this subject, but I’ve already overstayed my welcome.
If you are a so-called leader who plays favorites, cares only about what benefits you, or creates problems where (or because) none exist, you’re part of the problem. Leadership involves solving problems, not creating them.
Be part of the solution.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Lyrics retrieved from https://www.lyricfind.com
Well That’s Fabulous!
No matter how wholesome or sheltered you are, chances are you’ve seen or heard the abbreviation ‘wtf’. If seeing it here makes you uneasy, read on! I won’t share what is probably the original and most widely-used version (even though many of us have likely asked ourselves a similar question for several weeks now).
A few yeas ago my good friend in the faith, David, asked me a very serious question: “You know what that really stands for, don’t you?” Of course I do. Smirking he said, “Well That’s Fabulous”. I liked it, lol’d, and have used it ever since. It also works better as an article title than Haircuts, Face-masks, Unused Razors, Isolation, Leadership, and Politics.
But since you brought it up, let’s talk about those things.
It’s not lost on anyone that this worldwide pandemic has altered life and is unlike anything we’ve known this generation. Which is perhaps why it’s so disheartening to see how quickly business leaders, politicians, and others have moved from respect, understanding and cooperation to grandstanding, spewing rhetoric, imagining their own expertise, and jockeying for political advantage. There was much promise initially…an opportunity to come together for the good of humanity. But like other catastrophic events that only temporarily unite us, the goodness and spirit of unity left quickly. The honeymoon is over, and we’ve predictably devolved into finger-pointing and politics-as-usual.
But there are bright spots. What has been encouraging are widespread examples of ordinary people doing extraordinary things. Not just frontline workers battling in the trenches, but everyday people finding creative ways to encourage, teach, learn, give, and otherwise make the best of a horrible situation.
Speaking of horrible situations, even if I had two bits, I can’t get a shave and a haircut right now. Not good for a career high-and-tight guy. So I’ve been cutting my own! While it’s no Jerry’s Barbershop masterpiece, it’s not Bob’s Bowl-cut Special, either. Besides, I can always wear a hat until Mark is able to get behind his chair again. Now about that shave…
The start of a fresh month, coupled with being off-the-hook from shaving everyday, gave rise to April’s Stay-At-Home ‘Stache contest with family, friends, and colleagues. The last time I organized a similar activity (Mustache March a few years ago), my daughter nearly disowned me. I think her words were: “Dad, no. You need to shave that off. Never do that again!”
It has been a hoot seeing the creativity of some, the uncooperative genetics of others, and the generosity of all through this frivolous distraction. With judging less than a week away, it’s already the longest I’ve gone without shaving since I joined the military at age 18. Most importantly, over $1000 has been raised to help a hurting family.
Then there’s people like Mike, mentioned last time, who created a website dedicated to positive, educational, entertaining content. He and his family didn’t stop there. They began making cloth face coverings in their home to give people in their community and beyond. Ours arrived in the mail just days after he told me about it. He later sent me a picture of his 93-year-old neighbor, another recipient of the Brady family’s generosity. They even decorated a thank you tree! Reminds me of some other unselfish friends living in south Florida. The world is a better place because of people like them who use their resources to put others first.
Now more than ever leaders, politicians, and citizens alike need to take Theodore Roosevelt’s similar advice to do the best they can, with what they have, where they are. Small businesses are crumbling, along with the life-savings, heart, and soul many poured into them. People are feeling helpless, lonely, and scared. They are hurting, sick, and dying.
This is an unprecedented crisis. Because it is unprecedented, no one person, organization, or government has all the answers or knows a single best solution. It’s time for leaders to be leaders and focus on cooperatively serving others, instead of themselves or their ambitions. Another good friend dropped this brief video gem on the subject recently.
It would be most encouraging if everyone – elected, appointed, and citizen alike, would just stop. Stop wasting time blaming other levels of government or political parties; stop trying to advance their own political or personal agenda; stop arguing about who should have done what and when; stop trying to make others believe you’ve somehow become an overnight expert on infectious disease, economics, supply chains, business, or politics. And start being more caring, compassionate, cooperative, humble, and kind human beings.
I love the heartwarming stories on television and social media. They give me hope that all the junk above will ultimately be consumed by the goodness of human spirit. I encourage you to use this unique and challenging time to pray more, read more, love more, lead more. Serve others, build your faith, strengthen your body, grow closer to friends and family, and renew your mind.
And cut your hair.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
“Set you mind on things above, not on earthly things.” – Colossians 3.2
March Forth
When I was a child, my dad used to share a riddle about how to get into a house with no windows and no doors. I always chuckled, but never really understood what he was talking about. Unfortunately, its clever meaning was lost on me until I was old enough to figure it out.
Similarly, it wasn’t until I had served over 20 years in the military this occurred to me: since I entered active-duty service on 3/4/1986, I had officially ‘marched forth’ on March 4th. Sadly, I’m sometimes not so bright.
So what better month than March to march forth toward fulfilling your purpose, achieving your goals, or making the world a better place? What thoughts do you have on how best to do that? Here are just a few that come to mind for me.
Start a blog or some other venture. My good friend, a retired educator and fellow retired senior enlisted leader, recently created Charlie’s School House. It’s a site that provides educational information, interesting content, and links for students (and parents) that may be temporarily at home. I suspect it will endure long beyond this present crisis to serve as a simple resource for encouragement and learning. Well done, Mike.
Start (or ramp up) a personal reading program. In his book On Writing – A Memoir of the Craft, author Stephen King stresses the importance of reading in relation to being a proficient writer when he states “You have to read widely…”. I agree that being well-read is important to being a better writer. And I join many others who recognize the tremendous value of avid reading for other reasons such as gaining knowledge and for entertainment. Reading has made me a better writer, speaker, conversationalist, and communicator for sure! It helps that I love to read. In fact, I typically have a number of books going simultaneously…both print and electronically. While I enjoy some good fiction, most of what I read is biographical or historical, motivational or educational. Right now, besides reading through the Bible in a year, I’m into the pages of The Final Days – The Classic, Behind-the-Scenes Account of Richard Nixon’s Dramatic Last Days in the White House; Meditations – The Philosophy Classic Marcus Aurelius; Decision Points by George W. Bush; Jimmy Buffett A Pirate Looks at Fifty; and The Original Illustrated Sherlock Holmes. Trouble focusing much?
Volunteer. It’s comforting that during times of crisis, people seem to step up and show a much greater sense of community and compassion for others, albeit short-lived. It’s disappointing, however, that it takes tragic events like the terrorist attacks of September 11th or the present COVID-19 pandemic for us to experience this (brief) universal unity. If you need an excuse, use our current situation to do something nice for someone else. Volunteer to help elderly or higher-risk friends or neighbors by delivering groceries to them; participate in a group that helps teach or read to students online; join one or more community, fraternal, or civic organizations in your area and stay engaged after this passes. In other words, get involved with something that not only benefits you, but helps others, too. Service to others is a great way to forget about our own troubles for a while and to realize we’re not alone.
Get your fitness goals back on track. Even if you haven’t completely fallen off the fitness wagon, chances are by now your new year’s resolutions are more like mere suggestions or distant memories. Maybe the forced fitness of basic training doesn’t appeal to you at this time in your life, but perhaps there’s value in cultivating a mindset of constant improvement or committing to a structured workout plan to help revitalize those fitness goals. Besides, if ever there was a time to feel better, it’s now. Physical activity, even low-key/low-impact, can improve your physical, psychological, and emotional well-being.
Will you join me, especially now during this time of worldwide chaos, in marching forth into the future with renewed commitment to making ourselves, our neighbors, and our world a better place? Situations like this equally bring out the best and the worst in people. There’s a lot more each of us can do to show our best…and it all starts by stepping-off with the left foot.
So how do you get into a house with no windows and no doors? You keep running around and around it until you’re ‘all in’. I finally figured it out, Dad. And I’m all in.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. – Psalm 46.1
King, Stephen (2000). On writing: a memoir of the craft. New York, NY: Scribner.
Checking In (Video)
Free Samples of Forgiveness
“The best way of avenging yourself is not to become like [the wrongdoer].” Marcus Aurelius
I spend a fair amount of time reflecting on things from the past, struggling to keep pace with things in the present, and pondering things yet in the future. Admittedly, I sometimes get bogged down more than I should dwelling on past mistakes I’ve made or how I’ve been wronged by others. Counselors call it ruminating. Apparently it’s one of my super-powers.
It’s not lost on me that many of my struggles in this area are rooted in difficulties I’ve had with forgiveness. That includes accepting it and granting it. Thankfully, I’ve come a long way from the person I used to be in offering forgiveness. And while I sometimes still let things bother me for a short time, grudges generally pass quickly. Still, there are a few specific instances where a spirit of unforgiveness continues to linger – which is both absurd and frustrating to me considering the things I’ve done…and been forgiven for.
In my video preview to this article, I mentioned the rampant discourtesy of gorging, warehouse-store ‘free-samplers’. Two things come to mind on this: 1) While their careless, aisle-blocking oblivion irritates me at the time, forgiveness is swift and I’m generally over it before leaving the store. 2) I can’t help but think what a powerful witness this is to our modern lean toward excess, compared to the famines and desert wandering of Old Testament times. I’m dubious about our chances of survival if ever faced with similar circumstances. It’s taking your life in your own hands to get between some of those people and their free samples – even at a place with mountains of food readily available for purchase. Can you imagine the chaos if those free samples were it!?!? Quail and manna may feed us, but it probably wouldn’t save us from ourselves in today’s world…
In contrast, a less humorous example involves my own struggle with living out forgiveness in this way. As intimated earlier, one of my issues involves trouble eradicating recurring resentment for a few people because of things they’ve done that hurt me. That’s one of the reasons I chose ‘forgive’ as my word on a recent assignment. I truly want to be free of harboring these grudges. But as much as it embarrasses me to say this, I have trouble not thinking at least one other person’s word on that assignment should have been ‘hypocrisy’ instead of the word they chose. Worse yet, they probably have no clue (or don’t care) that the shoe fits.
Considering my own shortcomings and the whole context of this article, that probably should have been my word, too.
I’ll admit that in between plenty of blessings and joys, the year 2019 presented some significant challenges that certainly didn’t help my disposition: nagging tinnitus and a dried-up college fund; cancer diagnoses and surgeries for both a son and daughter-in-law; failing health of some loved ones; financial and marital challenges for other family and friends; and the passing of my mom just before the holidays, to name a few.
Mom was another person I still owed a measure of forgiveness to, by the way.
David Jeremiah wrote in one of his devotional books, “By God’s providence, every trial somehow returns a blessing in His time and way.”
Providentially, 2020 has started out much better than last year ended. My oldest and his wife are thus far cancer-free; my other son landed his dream job outside Washington, DC; my daughter was chosen for a potentially life-changing internship opportunity this summer; I was blessed be part of a mission team that traveled to Greece to provide humanitarian relief for thousands of refugees. I’ve also recommitted to eating healthier, changing some workouts to keep fighting off Father Time, reading more, finishing my master’s degree, getting more involved again at church, and getting back to other things I enjoy, like theatre.
I’ve also committed to work hard every day to get over myself, be more grateful for the undeserved forgiveness I’ve been granted, and to let go.
Mostly, I just want to be a kinder, more compassionate, and more considerate human being.
I might even hand out a few free samples of forgiveness…whether they deserve it or not.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matt. 6.14-15
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
The Year in Review
It’s hard to believe that 20 years ago we thought Y2K would end the world or malfunctioning computers would catapult us back to the digital dark-ages. Some even believed that the turn of the century would result in some sort of Stephen King, ‘Maximum Overdrive’ scenario where machines took over the world. With the Internet of Things (IoT) led by the armies of Alexa, Cortana, Siri, and Google Assistant, we’re probably closer to that now than in 1999!
I take great care and time compiling what I hope are meaningful, enjoyable, powerful, sharable essays. Because of that, I don’t post as often as I’d prefer. Still, I feel like a kid who sank an impossible trick shot in the driveway or performed a concerto flawlessly at home, wishing more people would have witnessed it. I really want more people to read, enjoy, and relate to what I write!
So for those who missed any of my ‘life-changing’ posts in 2019 (insert eye-roll and ROFL emojis here), and in honor of the world not ending 20 years ago, here’s a Beyond Strength summary of articles from the past year.
New Beginnings: Breach the new year with optimism, commitment, and focus. Make yourself and the world a little better each day; “A compassionate man does not stand detached from the sufferings of others. Rather, he steps into the world of the hurting and feels the pain and anguish of the one suffering.” (David Jeremiah)
I’m Rubber & You’re Glue: Like a rubber band, we need to stretch to be most useful, effective, and reach our full potential.
Stretchy Pants:
S eize your moment
T ry something new
R ead
E xpect great things
T ransform your thinking
C ast no stones
H elp others reach their potential
Y our mistakes do not define you
P ain is temporary (pride is not)
A lways do more than expected
N ever fail to learn something (especially from mistakes)
T reat others the way you want them to treat you
S top giving life to the doubts of others
Friends Without Coffee: Time and distance are no indicator how close a friend really is; I am a lot more laid back when I don’t drink coffee.
Egos & Empires: Great leaders are visionary, courageous, decisive, passionate, genuine, caring, and humble; they build empires of respect, care, professionalism, and adoration. We need more leaders like that so empires of egos and self-serving motives disappear, and those who rise to prominence because they know someone (yet care about none) cease to prosper.
Discipline of Fools: Lack of self-discipline has major impact on physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological well-being. When I fail to exercise discipline at the dinner table, my physical appearance and health suffer. When I don’t discipline my time, all areas of my life suffer. When I fail to discipline my emotions I get upset, edgy, angry, or unhappy. When I don’t discipline my thought life, my mind wanders and folly ensues.
Out with Insecurity: I trace many choices back to insecurity, damaged self-esteem, or skewed perceptions of self-worth. Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there is more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on! Close this chapter of hurt and never re-read it again. It’s time to get what your life deserves. Move on from things that don’t deserve you. Don’t spend your days trying to correct the past; instead, let go and let God create something better for your future.
Create Your Opportunity: Commit to a never-ending quest for learning and growth; glean value from whatever situation you face; be ready to conquer giants and overcome obstacles in life; understand you can’t do it alone. Do at least one thing better today than yesterday; relentlessly pursue whatever you love; do your best and work hard; don’t let mistakes or other people define who you are or how far you will go.
Wreckage In Your Mind: Feed the right beast. Learn from your mistakes, walk it off, and get back to work. Do not go gently into the night…“When your body gets tired, run with your heart.” (Don Denyes)
Entitlement: It’s My Prerogative: Here’s what I’m entitled to…NOTHING. But I should expect 1) Honest pay for honest work. 2) Protections outlined in the Constitution. 3) To be a good human being, because there are more than enough rotten ones.
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie: We all have a responsibility to be citizens who engage in respectful dialogue aimed at improving our world. It’s okay to disagree, but only while treating each other with dignity and respect. When tempted to be dragged into a quagmire of divisiveness or disrespect, let that sleeping dog lie.
Settle Down: Recognize how failing to address primal needs in life can cause restlessness. Embrace the present; love unreservedly; help others; determine and fulfill your purpose; live by faith knowing God is in control.
Take Off Your Mask: Patrick King says “If you want to be confident, you have to look confident.” But what if I’m not and I don’t? Many of us ‘mask’ who we are rather than risk exposing weakness or insecurity. Tear down relationship barriers by taking off your mask and allowing others to be real, without fear of criticism and judgment.
The Heart of Service: Influencing others is the heart of leadership. Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned came from a few exceptional leaders who, through their words and actions, revealed the character of their heart and their concern for mine. That is the heart of service.
Strength is beyond just being physically strong, that’s why I called it ‘Beyond Strength‘. Let’s help each other get strong, be strong, and stay strong in this new decade.
Season’s Greetings from Beyond Strength!
As I celebrate the holidays with family and friends, I am reminded how grateful I am to have forgiveness and salvation. I’m also grateful to have you following along. Please take time to reflect on the 2019 and plan how to get strong, be strong, and stay strong in 2020. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Beyond Strength!