Wakes of Destruction (video preview)

Have you ever watched someone ascend through the ranks or climb the corporate ladder by impressing all the right people, all while leaving a wake of human destruction behind them? Enjoy this video preview of what I’ll be writing about my next article. #leadership #beyondstrengkth

Friends Without Coffee

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Early October 1998, I moved into a position requring I attend a two week training in Miami, Florida. I met a local in class with whom I instantly connected. He nicknamed me ‘Wonderboy’ for some reason, and he was thereafter known to me as Billy Buffett. Between Parrothead bumper stickers adorning his van, his unfiltered anti-establishment persona and affinity for Margaritaville and the Florida Keys, there’s no more appropriate monicker. Buffett would become my lifelong friend, despite never seeing him in person again. Until recently.

We stayed in contact, keeping up on growing families, the dramedies of law enforcement careers-in-common, and (later) text messages and emails with pictures of kids, grandkids, fishing, the Keys, and other harassing reminders of the superlative year-round weather in south Florida. He knew how to hurt a guy…

Fast forward to a few months ago when plans began for a senior trip. Certain it would be a cruise, Caribbean all-inclusive, or rare international trip, I expect it was anxiety about sailing the seas on a floating Petri dish, fear of flying over those seas, or fond childhood memories of trips to the land of blue hair and beaches that ultimately led my daughter to declare Florida was her destination of choice.

The Plan

Above all, I wanted it to be a fun family vacation that would become a special memory for our daughter. Not only because of her senior year, but because I was one of two men in her life who had broken her heart. I wanted this to help show her how important she is to me; how much I love and adore her; that even though men are jerks, some of us will work hard to make amends and earn forgiveness; and that I take the perpetuity of our unbroken family unit seriously. But that’s for another blog.

I’m not cheap, but I do work hard to be practical, save, and spend wisely. Value for my dollar is important. Primarily a single-income family and some unplanned expenses helping others meant this trip had to be a low-budget operation. As such, creativity was key so this didn’t end up another Griswold family vacation. It was time to phone a friend.

Proximity and years of tormenting reminders of his ready access to boating, beaches, and fun brought Billy instantly to mind. Besides, we had been trying to coordinate a visit since I left late-90s Miami. After considering a few illogical itineraries, it was settled that we would road trip to Miami and spend a couple days visiting Billy’s family before driving up the coast to spend the balance of our time throwing money down a magical mouse trap.

So far this probably has you thinking this is a back-to-school essay on how I spent my daughter’s vacation. Here’s what really happened…and the point of all this.

Lord help me.

With a carload of luggage and estrogen, my wife, daughter, her best friend, and I drove to Miami. The trip was filled with love, laughter, social media updates, and a surprising amount of gastrointestinal vapor. Billy and his family opened their home to four strangers, creating displaced sleeping arrangements for their beautiful daughter, a stressed-out cocker spaniel, and the disruption of normal routines.

They were exceedingly gracious and kind. They treated us to dinner in the beautiful city of Hollywood; cruised us through the Art Deco and pretty-people filled streets of South Beach; took us boating where we fished, swam, people-watched, and danced to blasting ‘booty music’ on Haulover Sandbar; shared life stories and local history; and drove us to Key Largo for lunch on the water and a glimpse of Uncle Tony’s beachside bungalow. But their generosity had just begun.

  • I

  • Billy’s Childhood Home
  • Upper Matecumbe Key

We left our friends to venture north. After a night on the beach in Melbourne, we spent the rest of the week at an incredible vacation resort in Orlando…courtesy of Billy and family. Yes, courtesy of. Who does that?

I can’t articulate what real love and friendship should look like, but I certainly hope I can live its example even half as well as my long-distance friend.


Vacation perfection was within reach were it not for one exception. It wasn’t until that first morning wake-up…in a strangers house 1400 miles from home…that I realized I didn’t know him as well as I thought. “By the way, Wonderboy, we don’t drink coffee. Sorry. I hope that’s not a problem.”

What the…?!?!?

It actually did turn out to be one of the most memorable vacations ever. And it was possible ONLY because of the generosity of a friend I made over 20 years ago. A friend who, when I argued against gifting us four-and-a-half days at a resort, said “I’m not doing this for you. This is our graduation present to your daughter…you’re just tagging along.”

I say again, who does that?

This guy does that…


Thank you Billy, AMA, Elizabeth, and Zack for making our trip so amazing. We love you.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Post script: My daughter said I was a lot more laid back sans coffee, anyway.


Best of Times? (video)

I read an article recently comparing times of day for working out to burn the most calories. It prompted me to take an in-depth look back at my workout history and see if there’s any conclusions I can draw from my own experience. Enjoy this video introduction to the project!

I’m Rubber & You’re Glue

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Have you ever been excited about something? Some business venture or enterprising dream you were certain there was a market for and you could make reality? You knew it would take serious time, energy, and effort, but you were ready! You conjured visions of floor plans; rehearsed your business-plan pitch to the bank; every detail of every idea rattling around in your brain for months…or years. You were ready to lean forward and make it happen.

Then the gallery piped in, telling you all the reasons it would never work and why you shouldn’t bother trying. Critics are like the pothole problem in Michigan; the road to where you want to go is full of them. They’re annoying, pervasive, rattle the heck out of you, and cause damage. Many a dream, big and small, has gone unfulfilled as a result.

In his book Be All You Can Be, John C. Maxwell writes about stretching your God given potential. I first read the book in 2008, and for a number of years after, I used his rubber band analogy during leadership and motivational talks. You see, a rubber band does nothing until it is stretched. Just laying there, that piece of stretchy rubber fails to fulfill its intended purpose. I can remember when our mail carrier would use a thick rubber band to hold bundles of mail together. And I’m sure most of us have used one to hold a deck of cards together, a daughter’s ponytail, a stack of business cards, or an assortment of pens, pencils, and highlighters we were certain we’d use again someday. Even to perpetrate the more nefarious crime of launching objects at unsuspecting classmates and dozing colleagues, or becoming both finger-gun-and-projectile-in-one, the band of rubber must be stretched or you’ll miss your mark for sure!

Like a rubber band, Maxwell postulates (and I agree), we need to stretch – or be stretched – to be most useful, most effective, and reach our full potential. Doctor Joseph Schafer of St. Louis University recently spoke at a conference I attended and reminded the audience that leadership is a verb. He said that the very core of leadership is change – the desire to do more, do something new, do something better (stretch?) as we move ourselves and our organizations from good to great. So besides the unwanted opinions of the nay-sayers mentioned above, what keeps us from snapping-back and launching into greater possibilities, challenges, and excellence? Is it laziness? Contentment with our present situation? Comfort in mediocrity? Or maybe it’s fear.

In my case, fear has probably been the number-one reason I’ve failed to stretch to full potential in one area or another. Even when I have allowed dissenting opinions to discourage me, it was ultimately fear of failure, of letting people down, or fear they were right (that it would never work) that held me back. I suspect there are many others out there who appear confident on the surface but battle insecurity within. People like that often have above average drive and ability, but struggle with self-confidence and self-esteem due to fear of failure and letting people down. It certainly makes me not want to stretch outside my comfort zone.

What do we do about it? Andrew Carnegie is quoted as saying “There are two types of people who never achieve very much in their lifetimes. One is the person who won’t do what he or she is told to do, and the other is the person who does no more than he or she is told to do.” Do more…stretch a bit.

I doubt I’m the only person held back in these ways, or the only schmoe prone to being stretched in the WRONG direction, so I want to share an acrostic of strategies with you. I’ll dive deeper into each point in a future article.

Seize your moment
Try something new
Read (a lot)
Expect great things
Transform your thinking
Cast no stones
Help others reach their potential
Your mistakes do not define you

Pain is temporary (pride is not)
Always do more than expected
Never fail to learn something (especially from mistakes)
Treat others the way you want them to treat you
Stop giving life to the doubts of others

One more thing. Before you join the chorus of haters who bring others down to lift themselves up, remember this classic childhood truism: I’m rubber and you’re glue…what bounces off me sticks to you.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Maxwell, J. (2007). Be all you can be. Colorado Springs, CO: David C, Cook.

New Beginnings

“Light is sweet; how pleasant to see a new day dawning.” – Ecclesiastes 11.7

As last year closes, many of us will use the breaking of this new one to try to leave disappointments, failures, unrealized goals, and pain behind.  We breach the new almanac with renewed optimism, commitment, and focus.  Likely today, we are all-in for a new beginning. 

While we may start off the New Year fired up with ‘guns-a-blazin’, the reality is that ‘resolution’ will be little more than cliché as a large majority of us will lose focus and fall back into the demotivation, destructive habits, thinking traps, or emotional constipation/diarrhea (each equally unpleasant!) within a few weeks.  

So what’s the answer?  Heck, I don’t know.  If I had a nickel for every time some so-called expert, ‘life-coach’, or fitness guru whose only job is to work out all day told me all I had to do is…[fill in the blank], I’d be rich.  Take it from an average-at-best schmo who does have a day job; can’t be in the gym all day and wouldn’t get paid to be even if he could be there all day; isn’t in this for money, fame, or his own talk show; is admittedly simple-minded and really just wants to help.  There’s much to learn from other people’s mistakes and life experiences, and I think we can help each other get and stay motivated. 

I need plenty of help, myself.  If you’ve read my previous articles or checked out the Home, About Beyond Strength, and About the Author links on the website, you’ll understand this is as much about working on myself as it is helping others.  I also know from decades of investigating violent crimes, playing & coaching sports, and serving in the military that success is a team sport.  In fact, I have an entire speech queued at any given time on the importance of teamwork.  I’ll spare you that narrative here, but as someone who’s about as messed up and needy as anyone out there, I’m confident we can help each other get beyond some things, get over ourselves, and get on with our lives in the New Year.     

Physical wellness:

Be consistent, no matter your current level of physical fitness.  If you need to start somewhere, start small.  Build your consistency by creating a habit.  If you’re just getting started or restarted, commit to just walking 15-20 minutes two or three times a week.  Treadmill, indoors, or outdoors are all fine.  Walk at a pace that is more than lollygagging but less than a jog.  In other words, maintain a pace that requires some effort and elevates your heart rate a bit.  On a treadmill, I expect on average that’s somewhere between 2.5 and 4 mph.  As you begin to feel better, healthier, and more energetic, add time or distance.  Stretching and yoga are also great ways to get more active. 

If you are already well-along or more advanced physically, renew your commitment…and stick to it.  I have found success getting up 45 minutes earlier than normal and knocking it out in the morning.  It’s too easy to get distracted or exhausted after a long day and end up blowing it off.  

For ideas on fitness training, the internet is plentiful.  There’s a great article on the Air Force Marathon website about slowing down to avoid strain and build your endurance engine.  Or feel free to visit the Fitness & Workouts link on my website for ideas, read my previous article On Fitness, or email me.

Emotional/Spiritual wellness:

Again, be consistent.  Avoid the desire to be constantly ‘plugged-in’.  Rest, quiet your mind, take walks in nature, laugh, pray, read, forgive (others & yourself).  For some book ideas, see my recommended reading list. 

Vocational wellness:

Commit to doing your best every day.  That doesn’t include comparing yourself to others, gossiping about coworkers, participating in (or creating) an office drama club.  It simply means ending each day confident that you gave your best effort.  You don’t ever have to be the most highly educated or talented person to be happy, contribute, or make a difference.  Here’s a list one of my good friends and mentors shared during a 2016 command senior enlisted conference.  I’ve seen other variations of it, and I’ve added a few points of my own.  

Things that require zero talent:

Being on time; work ethic; effort; energy; passion; coachability; being prepared; doing more than expected; gratitude; attitude; respect; compassion.

My goals this year include what’s above, as well as reaching more people, hearing from more people, loving more people, helping more people.  I hope you have a plan for the New Year, as well.  And that it includes making yourself and the world a little better each day. 

“A compassionate man does not stand detached from the sufferings of others.  Rather, he steps into the world of the hurting and feels the pain and anguish of the one suffering.” – David Jeremiah

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

Happy New Year!

Ensure Your Self-Care Routine Is Balanced by Including a Fitness Plan

(Article by guest contributor Sheila Olson of fitsheila.com – Image courtesy of Pixabay)

People talk a lot about self-care these days, but many of us neglect keeping things in balance.  Participating in a healthy self-care regimen includes more than pampering.  It means taking action to meet your mental and physical needs in a manner that helps you prosper.

What is self-care?  Many people feel self-care can be as simple as getting a monthly facial or buying anew pair of slippers.  While those could be parts of someone’s plan, a self-care program should include activities that promote overall wellness.  There should be balance and attention to basics. Ideally, your program will include good nutrition, sufficient sleep, time with friends and regular exercise. 

Getting fit.  Is exercise part of your self-care routine? Beginning a fitness plan can be overwhelming, but the key is to have realistic goals.  Verywell Fit suggests starting with a walking program.  You just need a pair of comfortable shoes and a safe place to walk, and it’s an easy activity on your joints and muscles.  Even though it’s simple, you can still make great progress.  Talk to your doctor before you start, especially if you have been sedentary for a long period of time.   

How much should I exercise?  Sometimes we think exercise should be all or nothing, especially if we can’t see immediate results.  However, slow and steady progress can help prevent injury and make your program more enjoyable.  Some experts suggest an exercise regimen including a minimum of 2.5 hours doing moderate aerobic activity per week, along with a couple strength-building sessions. 

Recover and refresh.  To keep things balanced, your fitness routine should include recovery time.  For instance, an occasional at-home spa day refreshes and rests your body after focusing on getting in shape.  You can use homemade, soothing skincare treatments and masks, give yourself a hot rock massage, brew a cup of your favorite tea and play relaxing music.  Keep the space uncluttered and free of distractions.  A day here and there in your personal spa can help you to maintain a positive outlook and feel good about yourself.  Try participating in some mindfulness while you’re at it, increasing your awareness of what your senses perceive. Mindfulness encourages relaxation and focus. 

Limitations and boundaries.  Do you burn the candle at both ends, or is your job situation setting you up for burnout? You might feel like you simply haven’t the time or energy to workout.  Psychology Today recommends keeping things in check as part of your basic self-care plan.  Find ways to decompress throughout your day, not just occasionally in the evening or on the weekend.  Try taking a walk, meditating, or sitting outside in green space. 

Also consider revamping your work environment, if necessary.  Maybe you’re situated under fluorescent lights all day, and you could benefit with a window view.  Or perhaps you’re working unsustainable hours, and switching your schedule around could help you become more productive and effective. Oftentimes management is unaware of problems unless those issues are brought to their attention.  Talk with your supervisor about how to make improvements, and for the best results be prepared with suggestions rather than just complaining about what isn’t working. 

Energy and attitude.  Having the energy to properly balance yourself-care plan is crucial. One of the often-overlooked aspects of a healthful and energetic lifestyle is getting sufficient sleep.  Without enough sleep, you can damage your mental and physical health, even risking chronic fatigue and burnout.  You can lose vitality, become irritable and even shorten your lifespan.  Schedule a bedtime and wake time for every day and stick to those times.  Keep your exercise routine in the morning or early afternoon, ensure your sleeping environment is comfortable and avoid napping during the day.

Balance your routine so you can feel happy, positive and fulfilled.  Adjust the priorities in your lifestyle so you include fitness.  Ensuring you meet the needs of your mind, body and soul is the key to an overall healthy self-care program.