Wreckage In Your Mind

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Raymond A. McConnell wrote that our minds seek the truth, and when truth is gained the mind is strengthened. A mind that is disciplined is as important as a disciplined body.

I don’t know about you, but it’s always been easier for me to discipline my body than my mind. Getting in the gym, out for a run, or otherwise staying physically active has been standard operating procedure. My mind, on the other hand, tends to wander (usually when I’m bored or stressed), and is sometimes distracted by sights, sounds, and a thought life enticed by excitement or things perhaps ‘less wholesome’.

Halsey’s song Nightmare talks about keeping “…record of the wreckage” in our life and recognizing “…the weapon” in our mind. Those words not only relate to McConnell’s observation, but also to my life…recently in particular.

Within the last few weeks I celebrated another birthday, the high school graduation of my youngest child, and the birth of a third grandson. You might think for a man who already struggles with aging, self-esteem, and insecurity, this perfect storm of reminders that I’m no spring chicken would be problematic. And you would be correct! But admitting it is half the battle, right?!

I admit it…I have a record of wreckage in my life. Weakness of the mind has led to a lot of it. As resistance training is to strengthening the body, so mental ‘nutrition’ and controlling the thought life is to strengthening the mind. It’s time make a few improvements in the area of mental fitness; time to strengthen the mind and do some cleaning.

It starts on the inside, in our heart and mind. The heart-mind connection is hard to deny. The Bible affirms this convincingly: “As in water face reflects face, so a man’s heart reveals the man.” (Prov 27.19); “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Prov 23.7); “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Prov 4.23); “For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts…” (Matt 15.19).

Halsey is right; our mind is a weapon to be reckoned. Like most weapons, it can be used for good (self-defense/defense of others) or for evil (self-destruction/harming others). Or it can atrophy like muscles you can’t or choose not to use anymore. So let’s do something about that.

Feed the Beast

I’ve heard variations of a ‘two beasts’ analogy. Some say Billy Graham was first to share it and wrote of two dogs in one of his books; others attribute it to Native American legend involving two wolves. Origins and species aside, the metaphor goes that inner conflict between good and evil is the result of two beasts battling within us; the winner being whichever we feed the most. Regardless how you feel about the analogy, it’s not hard to see the practical truth borne out in our lives when comparing steady diets of the good, selfless, positive, and healthy to the debaucherous, selfish, negative and unhealthy. Feed the right beast.

Walk It Off

In his Quest devotional ‘Seeking God Daily’, Dr. David Jeremiah retells a story about a worker who lost his company a million dollars because of a mistake. Rather than let the man go, the boss pointed out that ‘”The secret of making a million dollars instead of losing a million dollars is making good decisions. And the secret to good decisions is learning from the bad ones.”” Learn from your mistakes, walk it off, and get back to work.

Don’t Go Quietly

I wrote in an article last year that I was nearly 50 years old before I felt happiest with my appearance and nearly as good as I ever had physically. I’m a couple years past that milestone now and I say getting old sucks. My work ethic in the gym hasn’t changed, but my progress and recovery have taken a significant hit. Vanity and insecurity about my appearance provide substantial motivation to keep working through the muscle pain, slow recovery, and achy joints. Adjusting rep schemes and poundages, slowing my running pace, and learning new techniques from people like Pete Koch is helping. Just because you are strengthening your mind doesn’t mean you stop working on your body. Do not go gently into the night.

I’ve made a wreck of many things in my life….maybe you have too. But it’s time to get on with it. Let ‘it’ be your life, your body, your heart, your mind. And whatever strengthens them.

And as Pastor Don Denyes of South Church said recently, “When your body gets tired, run with your heart.”

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Hunsberger, E. & Nygaard, N. (2002). Strength for service: daily devotional messages for those in the service of others updated edition. Franklin, TN: Providence House.

Jeremiah, D. (2014). Quest: Seeking God daily. San Diego, CA: Turning Point.

Nightmare lyrics Source: LyricFind via web search. Songwriters: Ashley Nicolette Frangipane / Benjamin Levin / Magnus August Høiberg / Nathan Perez

Nightmare lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Create Your Opportunity

Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life. I’ve only given a few graduation speeches in my life, but aside from the video preview to this article, I don’t recall ever offering that advice to anyone…graduating or otherwise. While I understand and appreciate the sentiment, it strikes me the same way ‘work smarter not harder’ does; as if hard work is a bad thing. On the contrary, I think the world and more than a few people in it would do well to do more of it. And no matter how much you love what you do, success is going to take work. Hard work…and lots of it.

I don’t begrudge people offering quips like those to motivate and inspire, for there’s wisdom in each of them. My point is, the ‘real world’ isn’t going to be all unicorns and rainbows. Life is going to challenge you; people are going to hurt and disappoint you; the career you envision may leave you unfulfilled or uninspired. Adulting is going to take hard work, commitment, various unpleasantries, and searching for answers to questions that haven’t even been asked yet.

I know by now you’ve heard more than a few times the importance of continuing your education. Formal education is hugely important. I think informal education and knowledge gained through life experience, hard work, and helping others are also very important. In other words, commit to a never-ending quest for learning and growth. Increasing knowledge from education and experiences; learning from mistakes and successes; growing from defeats and victories. Strive to glean some redeeming value from whatever situation you face.

This is all pretty typical of what graduates expect to hear at their commencement. About now in the speech I would be obliged to say something profound like “now go change the world!” The thing is, most in this current generation have already been doing that. Young people today have had to adapt and learn more things, more quickly, with wider more immediate implications than perhaps any generation before. So I simply challenge you to keep it up…in any positive way possible. Keep making the world a better place. Be ready to conquer the giants that you face in your life and overcome obstacles in your way. Understand that you can’t do it alone. It’s important to be a good teammate, a good friend, a good human being. And in whatever you do, keep moving forward. Make constant improvement in some area of your life. Do at least one thing better today than you did yesterday.

A matter of hours ago, I watched my youngest child walk across the stage and receive her diploma. She’s had an incredible journey that includes local and national academic honors as well as All-State athletic recognition. More importantly, she’s a caring, civic-minded young lady involved in community and church. So focused on others, in fact, that she included a note with every invitation asking people coming to her open house to bring a new pair of shoes for children in Haiti rather than gifts for her.

I don’t say all that to be boastful…I say it because I have been blown away by her and her classmates’ academic, athletic, and civic accomplishments. Despite reports that Millennials, Post-Millennials, or those considered Generation Z are self-centered or otherwise inwardly focused, my experience is completely opposite. The future is in good hands, and they have challenged me to do more and to do better myself.

And also to wonder how a broken man like me could be blessed with such amazing children as my daughter and her older brothers.

I’m going to end with a few takeaways.

Tim Bograkos , a former Michigan State University basketball player who went on to play professionally overseas prior to entering the business world, recently spoke at a local scholar-athlete banquet. He challenged the athletes to do the work, prepare for the game, and wait for their opportunity.  I add not simply to wait for your opportunity, but create your opportunity.  Relentlessly pursue whatever it is you love.  Do your best and work hard at it.  Take care of yourself; physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally. Likewise take care of others.  

When you face challenges or make mistakes, learn from them. Get up, dust yourself off, keep moving forward. Don’t let those define who you are or how far you will go. 

Love people. Make this world a better place through whatever you choose to do next. Perhaps St. Francis of Assisi’s words convey it best: Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying to ourselves that we receive eternal life.

Congratulations, Graduates! I appreciate the opportunity to deliver this ‘virtual’ commencement speech.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Discipline of Fools

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My dad was a career radio and television personality. Because he was a local celebrity, I had the privilege of growing up backstage or in the audience of countless shows of all kinds. Musicals, concerts, stage plays, Barbershop shows, and vaudeville acts to name a few. I spent many hours watching my dad on the radio as others listened, and off-set as he delivered the evening news in front of the cameras. I loved every minute of it, and grew to appreciate the performing arts, stage and screen entertainment of all sorts, and the joy that entertaining others brings.

I recognized that joy early in life and jumped at every opportunity to entertain…myself and others. From being a class clown at times to voluntarily joining (then) somewhat unconventional activities like choir, plays, mini-musicals, dramas, etc., it turned out Drama was one of my favorite high school classes. I found the most joy in life at that time both entertaining and being entertained, mostly by people and things that made me laugh. I loved attending our annual high school Follies! I was so enthralled by the emcees (a privilege reserved for seniors), who creatively cracked wise as they bought time between acts, that my goal in life became to emcee those follies. That opportunity came and remains one of my fondest high school memories! Seeing, hearing, and feeling the audience respond with joy and laughter to our shenanigans was intoxicating. But as entertainers know, it’s not easy to stay in character. For what you work hard to make entertaining for the audience is likewise entertaining to you, too. Folly takes discipline!

But if you watched my video preview to this article, you know I wasn’t talking about those types of follies.

Nonetheless, there are parallels when considering the relationship of discipline to acting out and there is an abundance of wisdom throughout the Bible concerning each. Solomon, considered perhaps the wisest man ever and author of many of the proverbs, wrote a lot about paying attention to the correction of your parents (obedience takes discipline!), that a parent who loves their child will ‘discipline him promptly’ (13.24), and how “Stern discipline awaits anyone who leaves the path…” (15.10). Discipline here is correction, not punishiment. But I’m not talking about correction for something you’ve done wrong or administering discipline to your children. Apostle Paul wrote of disciplining his body as an athlete, training it to do what it should (1 Cor 9.27). That’s the type of discipline I am writing about…self-discipline of mind, body, and spirit.

And discipline isn’t easy! There are relationships between self-discipline and the effects a lack thereof can have on your physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological well-being…often leading to folly and all other sorts of problems.

When I fail to exercise discipline at the dinner table or snack bar, my physical appearance and overall health can suffer. When I fail to manage (discipline) my time, pretty much all of the other areas suffer. For instance, I don’t give proper attention to quiet time which effects my spiritual life; I skip the gym or other physical activity which effects my body; my stress increases at home and at work which has a negative impact on my emotional and psychological well-being (and my relationships). When I don’t discipline my emotions I can get upset, edgy, angry, or unhappy. When I don’t discipline my thought life, my mind wanders. Folly (sometimes worse) can ensue.

Do you have disciplinary problems? I’ll give you one guess which of them looms largest in my life. Correct, all of them! Actually it’s my thought life (as you probably suspected). Still, I believe they are all related on some level. For example, when I have failed to discipline my time, I miss my workouts. When I miss workouts I get edgy or start feeling out of shape and less appealing. When I feel that way I can become more insecure, unhappy, or stressed. When I’m insecure, unhappy, or stressed my relationships suffer and I become more introverted. When that happens I just want to feel better. My thoughts look for excitement, adventure, pleasure, or a happier place for a while. I need some ‘Calgon, take me away’ or Southwest Airlines ‘Wanna get away?’ moments. For some people, those moments relate to thoughts of travel to exotic places, reflecting on fond memories, shopping, or researching the latest Pinterest craze. Unfortunately, my thought life pretty much defaults to foolishness and much less wholesome things. I expect I’m not alone.

And as if some sick cosmic joke is needed to confirm the interconnectedness of disciplinary weakness to folly, the cycle repeats the very next time I fail to exercise proper discipline. And as dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. (Proverbs 26.11)

I need help…maybe you do too. Let’s help each other Get Strong, Be Strong, and Stay Strong.

Wakes of Destruction (video preview)

Have you ever watched someone ascend through the ranks or climb the corporate ladder by impressing all the right people, all while leaving a wake of human destruction behind them? Enjoy this video preview of what I’ll be writing about my next article. #leadership #beyondstrengkth

Friends Without Coffee

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Early October 1998, I moved into a position requring I attend a two week training in Miami, Florida. I met a local in class with whom I instantly connected. He nicknamed me ‘Wonderboy’ for some reason, and he was thereafter known to me as Billy Buffett. Between Parrothead bumper stickers adorning his van, his unfiltered anti-establishment persona and affinity for Margaritaville and the Florida Keys, there’s no more appropriate monicker. Buffett would become my lifelong friend, despite never seeing him in person again. Until recently.

We stayed in contact, keeping up on growing families, the dramedies of law enforcement careers-in-common, and (later) text messages and emails with pictures of kids, grandkids, fishing, the Keys, and other harassing reminders of the superlative year-round weather in south Florida. He knew how to hurt a guy…

Fast forward to a few months ago when plans began for a senior trip. Certain it would be a cruise, Caribbean all-inclusive, or rare international trip, I expect it was anxiety about sailing the seas on a floating Petri dish, fear of flying over those seas, or fond childhood memories of trips to the land of blue hair and beaches that ultimately led my daughter to declare Florida was her destination of choice.

The Plan

Above all, I wanted it to be a fun family vacation that would become a special memory for our daughter. Not only because of her senior year, but because I was one of two men in her life who had broken her heart. I wanted this to help show her how important she is to me; how much I love and adore her; that even though men are jerks, some of us will work hard to make amends and earn forgiveness; and that I take the perpetuity of our unbroken family unit seriously. But that’s for another blog.

I’m not cheap, but I do work hard to be practical, save, and spend wisely. Value for my dollar is important. Primarily a single-income family and some unplanned expenses helping others meant this trip had to be a low-budget operation. As such, creativity was key so this didn’t end up another Griswold family vacation. It was time to phone a friend.

Proximity and years of tormenting reminders of his ready access to boating, beaches, and fun brought Billy instantly to mind. Besides, we had been trying to coordinate a visit since I left late-90s Miami. After considering a few illogical itineraries, it was settled that we would road trip to Miami and spend a couple days visiting Billy’s family before driving up the coast to spend the balance of our time throwing money down a magical mouse trap.

So far this probably has you thinking this is a back-to-school essay on how I spent my daughter’s vacation. Here’s what really happened…and the point of all this.

Lord help me.

With a carload of luggage and estrogen, my wife, daughter, her best friend, and I drove to Miami. The trip was filled with love, laughter, social media updates, and a surprising amount of gastrointestinal vapor. Billy and his family opened their home to four strangers, creating displaced sleeping arrangements for their beautiful daughter, a stressed-out cocker spaniel, and the disruption of normal routines.

They were exceedingly gracious and kind. They treated us to dinner in the beautiful city of Hollywood; cruised us through the Art Deco and pretty-people filled streets of South Beach; took us boating where we fished, swam, people-watched, and danced to blasting ‘booty music’ on Haulover Sandbar; shared life stories and local history; and drove us to Key Largo for lunch on the water and a glimpse of Uncle Tony’s beachside bungalow. But their generosity had just begun.

  • I

  • Billy’s Childhood Home
  • Upper Matecumbe Key

We left our friends to venture north. After a night on the beach in Melbourne, we spent the rest of the week at an incredible vacation resort in Orlando…courtesy of Billy and family. Yes, courtesy of. Who does that?

I can’t articulate what real love and friendship should look like, but I certainly hope I can live its example even half as well as my long-distance friend.


Vacation perfection was within reach were it not for one exception. It wasn’t until that first morning wake-up…in a strangers house 1400 miles from home…that I realized I didn’t know him as well as I thought. “By the way, Wonderboy, we don’t drink coffee. Sorry. I hope that’s not a problem.”

What the…?!?!?

It actually did turn out to be one of the most memorable vacations ever. And it was possible ONLY because of the generosity of a friend I made over 20 years ago. A friend who, when I argued against gifting us four-and-a-half days at a resort, said “I’m not doing this for you. This is our graduation present to your daughter…you’re just tagging along.”

I say again, who does that?

This guy does that…


Thank you Billy, AMA, Elizabeth, and Zack for making our trip so amazing. We love you.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Post script: My daughter said I was a lot more laid back sans coffee, anyway.


Best of Times? (video)

I read an article recently comparing times of day for working out to burn the most calories. It prompted me to take an in-depth look back at my workout history and see if there’s any conclusions I can draw from my own experience. Enjoy this video introduction to the project!

I’m Rubber & You’re Glue

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Have you ever been excited about something? Some business venture or enterprising dream you were certain there was a market for and you could make reality? You knew it would take serious time, energy, and effort, but you were ready! You conjured visions of floor plans; rehearsed your business-plan pitch to the bank; every detail of every idea rattling around in your brain for months…or years. You were ready to lean forward and make it happen.

Then the gallery piped in, telling you all the reasons it would never work and why you shouldn’t bother trying. Critics are like the pothole problem in Michigan; the road to where you want to go is full of them. They’re annoying, pervasive, rattle the heck out of you, and cause damage. Many a dream, big and small, has gone unfulfilled as a result.

In his book Be All You Can Be, John C. Maxwell writes about stretching your God given potential. I first read the book in 2008, and for a number of years after, I used his rubber band analogy during leadership and motivational talks. You see, a rubber band does nothing until it is stretched. Just laying there, that piece of stretchy rubber fails to fulfill its intended purpose. I can remember when our mail carrier would use a thick rubber band to hold bundles of mail together. And I’m sure most of us have used one to hold a deck of cards together, a daughter’s ponytail, a stack of business cards, or an assortment of pens, pencils, and highlighters we were certain we’d use again someday. Even to perpetrate the more nefarious crime of launching objects at unsuspecting classmates and dozing colleagues, or becoming both finger-gun-and-projectile-in-one, the band of rubber must be stretched or you’ll miss your mark for sure!

Like a rubber band, Maxwell postulates (and I agree), we need to stretch – or be stretched – to be most useful, most effective, and reach our full potential. Doctor Joseph Schafer of St. Louis University recently spoke at a conference I attended and reminded the audience that leadership is a verb. He said that the very core of leadership is change – the desire to do more, do something new, do something better (stretch?) as we move ourselves and our organizations from good to great. So besides the unwanted opinions of the nay-sayers mentioned above, what keeps us from snapping-back and launching into greater possibilities, challenges, and excellence? Is it laziness? Contentment with our present situation? Comfort in mediocrity? Or maybe it’s fear.

In my case, fear has probably been the number-one reason I’ve failed to stretch to full potential in one area or another. Even when I have allowed dissenting opinions to discourage me, it was ultimately fear of failure, of letting people down, or fear they were right (that it would never work) that held me back. I suspect there are many others out there who appear confident on the surface but battle insecurity within. People like that often have above average drive and ability, but struggle with self-confidence and self-esteem due to fear of failure and letting people down. It certainly makes me not want to stretch outside my comfort zone.

What do we do about it? Andrew Carnegie is quoted as saying “There are two types of people who never achieve very much in their lifetimes. One is the person who won’t do what he or she is told to do, and the other is the person who does no more than he or she is told to do.” Do more…stretch a bit.

I doubt I’m the only person held back in these ways, or the only schmoe prone to being stretched in the WRONG direction, so I want to share an acrostic of strategies with you. I’ll dive deeper into each point in a future article.

Seize your moment
Try something new
Read (a lot)
Expect great things
Transform your thinking
Cast no stones
Help others reach their potential
Your mistakes do not define you

Pain is temporary (pride is not)
Always do more than expected
Never fail to learn something (especially from mistakes)
Treat others the way you want them to treat you
Stop giving life to the doubts of others

One more thing. Before you join the chorus of haters who bring others down to lift themselves up, remember this classic childhood truism: I’m rubber and you’re glue…what bounces off me sticks to you.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Maxwell, J. (2007). Be all you can be. Colorado Springs, CO: David C, Cook.