Discipline of Fools

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My dad was a career radio and television personality. Because he was a local celebrity, I had the privilege of growing up backstage or in the audience of countless shows of all kinds. Musicals, concerts, stage plays, Barbershop shows, and vaudeville acts to name a few. I spent many hours watching my dad on the radio as others listened, and off-set as he delivered the evening news in front of the cameras. I loved every minute of it, and grew to appreciate the performing arts, stage and screen entertainment of all sorts, and the joy that entertaining others brings.

I recognized that joy early in life and jumped at every opportunity to entertain…myself and others. From being a class clown at times to voluntarily joining (then) somewhat unconventional activities like choir, plays, mini-musicals, dramas, etc., it turned out Drama was one of my favorite high school classes. I found the most joy in life at that time both entertaining and being entertained, mostly by people and things that made me laugh. I loved attending our annual high school Follies! I was so enthralled by the emcees (a privilege reserved for seniors), who creatively cracked wise as they bought time between acts, that my goal in life became to emcee those follies. That opportunity came and remains one of my fondest high school memories! Seeing, hearing, and feeling the audience respond with joy and laughter to our shenanigans was intoxicating. But as entertainers know, it’s not easy to stay in character. For what you work hard to make entertaining for the audience is likewise entertaining to you, too. Folly takes discipline!

But if you watched my video preview to this article, you know I wasn’t talking about those types of follies.

Nonetheless, there are parallels when considering the relationship of discipline to acting out and there is an abundance of wisdom throughout the Bible concerning each. Solomon, considered perhaps the wisest man ever and author of many of the proverbs, wrote a lot about paying attention to the correction of your parents (obedience takes discipline!), that a parent who loves their child will ‘discipline him promptly’ (13.24), and how “Stern discipline awaits anyone who leaves the path…” (15.10). Discipline here is correction, not punishiment. But I’m not talking about correction for something you’ve done wrong or administering discipline to your children. Apostle Paul wrote of disciplining his body as an athlete, training it to do what it should (1 Cor 9.27). That’s the type of discipline I am writing about…self-discipline of mind, body, and spirit.

And discipline isn’t easy! There are relationships between self-discipline and the effects a lack thereof can have on your physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological well-being…often leading to folly and all other sorts of problems.

When I fail to exercise discipline at the dinner table or snack bar, my physical appearance and overall health can suffer. When I fail to manage (discipline) my time, pretty much all of the other areas suffer. For instance, I don’t give proper attention to quiet time which effects my spiritual life; I skip the gym or other physical activity which effects my body; my stress increases at home and at work which has a negative impact on my emotional and psychological well-being (and my relationships). When I don’t discipline my emotions I can get upset, edgy, angry, or unhappy. When I don’t discipline my thought life, my mind wanders. Folly (sometimes worse) can ensue.

Do you have disciplinary problems? I’ll give you one guess which of them looms largest in my life. Correct, all of them! Actually it’s my thought life (as you probably suspected). Still, I believe they are all related on some level. For example, when I have failed to discipline my time, I miss my workouts. When I miss workouts I get edgy or start feeling out of shape and less appealing. When I feel that way I can become more insecure, unhappy, or stressed. When I’m insecure, unhappy, or stressed my relationships suffer and I become more introverted. When that happens I just want to feel better. My thoughts look for excitement, adventure, pleasure, or a happier place for a while. I need some ‘Calgon, take me away’ or Southwest Airlines ‘Wanna get away?’ moments. For some people, those moments relate to thoughts of travel to exotic places, reflecting on fond memories, shopping, or researching the latest Pinterest craze. Unfortunately, my thought life pretty much defaults to foolishness and much less wholesome things. I expect I’m not alone.

And as if some sick cosmic joke is needed to confirm the interconnectedness of disciplinary weakness to folly, the cycle repeats the very next time I fail to exercise proper discipline. And as dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. (Proverbs 26.11)

I need help…maybe you do too. Let’s help each other Get Strong, Be Strong, and Stay Strong.

Wakes of Destruction (video preview)

Have you ever watched someone ascend through the ranks or climb the corporate ladder by impressing all the right people, all while leaving a wake of human destruction behind them? Enjoy this video preview of what I’ll be writing about my next article. #leadership #beyondstrengkth

Friends Without Coffee

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Early October 1998, I moved into a position requring I attend a two week training in Miami, Florida. I met a local in class with whom I instantly connected. He nicknamed me ‘Wonderboy’ for some reason, and he was thereafter known to me as Billy Buffett. Between Parrothead bumper stickers adorning his van, his unfiltered anti-establishment persona and affinity for Margaritaville and the Florida Keys, there’s no more appropriate monicker. Buffett would become my lifelong friend, despite never seeing him in person again. Until recently.

We stayed in contact, keeping up on growing families, the dramedies of law enforcement careers-in-common, and (later) text messages and emails with pictures of kids, grandkids, fishing, the Keys, and other harassing reminders of the superlative year-round weather in south Florida. He knew how to hurt a guy…

Fast forward to a few months ago when plans began for a senior trip. Certain it would be a cruise, Caribbean all-inclusive, or rare international trip, I expect it was anxiety about sailing the seas on a floating Petri dish, fear of flying over those seas, or fond childhood memories of trips to the land of blue hair and beaches that ultimately led my daughter to declare Florida was her destination of choice.

The Plan

Above all, I wanted it to be a fun family vacation that would become a special memory for our daughter. Not only because of her senior year, but because I was one of two men in her life who had broken her heart. I wanted this to help show her how important she is to me; how much I love and adore her; that even though men are jerks, some of us will work hard to make amends and earn forgiveness; and that I take the perpetuity of our unbroken family unit seriously. But that’s for another blog.

I’m not cheap, but I do work hard to be practical, save, and spend wisely. Value for my dollar is important. Primarily a single-income family and some unplanned expenses helping others meant this trip had to be a low-budget operation. As such, creativity was key so this didn’t end up another Griswold family vacation. It was time to phone a friend.

Proximity and years of tormenting reminders of his ready access to boating, beaches, and fun brought Billy instantly to mind. Besides, we had been trying to coordinate a visit since I left late-90s Miami. After considering a few illogical itineraries, it was settled that we would road trip to Miami and spend a couple days visiting Billy’s family before driving up the coast to spend the balance of our time throwing money down a magical mouse trap.

So far this probably has you thinking this is a back-to-school essay on how I spent my daughter’s vacation. Here’s what really happened…and the point of all this.

Lord help me.

With a carload of luggage and estrogen, my wife, daughter, her best friend, and I drove to Miami. The trip was filled with love, laughter, social media updates, and a surprising amount of gastrointestinal vapor. Billy and his family opened their home to four strangers, creating displaced sleeping arrangements for their beautiful daughter, a stressed-out cocker spaniel, and the disruption of normal routines.

They were exceedingly gracious and kind. They treated us to dinner in the beautiful city of Hollywood; cruised us through the Art Deco and pretty-people filled streets of South Beach; took us boating where we fished, swam, people-watched, and danced to blasting ‘booty music’ on Haulover Sandbar; shared life stories and local history; and drove us to Key Largo for lunch on the water and a glimpse of Uncle Tony’s beachside bungalow. But their generosity had just begun.

  • I

  • Billy’s Childhood Home
  • Upper Matecumbe Key

We left our friends to venture north. After a night on the beach in Melbourne, we spent the rest of the week at an incredible vacation resort in Orlando…courtesy of Billy and family. Yes, courtesy of. Who does that?

I can’t articulate what real love and friendship should look like, but I certainly hope I can live its example even half as well as my long-distance friend.


Vacation perfection was within reach were it not for one exception. It wasn’t until that first morning wake-up…in a strangers house 1400 miles from home…that I realized I didn’t know him as well as I thought. “By the way, Wonderboy, we don’t drink coffee. Sorry. I hope that’s not a problem.”

What the…?!?!?

It actually did turn out to be one of the most memorable vacations ever. And it was possible ONLY because of the generosity of a friend I made over 20 years ago. A friend who, when I argued against gifting us four-and-a-half days at a resort, said “I’m not doing this for you. This is our graduation present to your daughter…you’re just tagging along.”

I say again, who does that?

This guy does that…


Thank you Billy, AMA, Elizabeth, and Zack for making our trip so amazing. We love you.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Post script: My daughter said I was a lot more laid back sans coffee, anyway.


Best of Times? (video)

I read an article recently comparing times of day for working out to burn the most calories. It prompted me to take an in-depth look back at my workout history and see if there’s any conclusions I can draw from my own experience. Enjoy this video introduction to the project!

I’m Rubber & You’re Glue

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Have you ever been excited about something? Some business venture or enterprising dream you were certain there was a market for and you could make reality? You knew it would take serious time, energy, and effort, but you were ready! You conjured visions of floor plans; rehearsed your business-plan pitch to the bank; every detail of every idea rattling around in your brain for months…or years. You were ready to lean forward and make it happen.

Then the gallery piped in, telling you all the reasons it would never work and why you shouldn’t bother trying. Critics are like the pothole problem in Michigan; the road to where you want to go is full of them. They’re annoying, pervasive, rattle the heck out of you, and cause damage. Many a dream, big and small, has gone unfulfilled as a result.

In his book Be All You Can Be, John C. Maxwell writes about stretching your God given potential. I first read the book in 2008, and for a number of years after, I used his rubber band analogy during leadership and motivational talks. You see, a rubber band does nothing until it is stretched. Just laying there, that piece of stretchy rubber fails to fulfill its intended purpose. I can remember when our mail carrier would use a thick rubber band to hold bundles of mail together. And I’m sure most of us have used one to hold a deck of cards together, a daughter’s ponytail, a stack of business cards, or an assortment of pens, pencils, and highlighters we were certain we’d use again someday. Even to perpetrate the more nefarious crime of launching objects at unsuspecting classmates and dozing colleagues, or becoming both finger-gun-and-projectile-in-one, the band of rubber must be stretched or you’ll miss your mark for sure!

Like a rubber band, Maxwell postulates (and I agree), we need to stretch – or be stretched – to be most useful, most effective, and reach our full potential. Doctor Joseph Schafer of St. Louis University recently spoke at a conference I attended and reminded the audience that leadership is a verb. He said that the very core of leadership is change – the desire to do more, do something new, do something better (stretch?) as we move ourselves and our organizations from good to great. So besides the unwanted opinions of the nay-sayers mentioned above, what keeps us from snapping-back and launching into greater possibilities, challenges, and excellence? Is it laziness? Contentment with our present situation? Comfort in mediocrity? Or maybe it’s fear.

In my case, fear has probably been the number-one reason I’ve failed to stretch to full potential in one area or another. Even when I have allowed dissenting opinions to discourage me, it was ultimately fear of failure, of letting people down, or fear they were right (that it would never work) that held me back. I suspect there are many others out there who appear confident on the surface but battle insecurity within. People like that often have above average drive and ability, but struggle with self-confidence and self-esteem due to fear of failure and letting people down. It certainly makes me not want to stretch outside my comfort zone.

What do we do about it? Andrew Carnegie is quoted as saying “There are two types of people who never achieve very much in their lifetimes. One is the person who won’t do what he or she is told to do, and the other is the person who does no more than he or she is told to do.” Do more…stretch a bit.

I doubt I’m the only person held back in these ways, or the only schmoe prone to being stretched in the WRONG direction, so I want to share an acrostic of strategies with you. I’ll dive deeper into each point in a future article.

Seize your moment
Try something new
Read (a lot)
Expect great things
Transform your thinking
Cast no stones
Help others reach their potential
Your mistakes do not define you

Pain is temporary (pride is not)
Always do more than expected
Never fail to learn something (especially from mistakes)
Treat others the way you want them to treat you
Stop giving life to the doubts of others

One more thing. Before you join the chorus of haters who bring others down to lift themselves up, remember this classic childhood truism: I’m rubber and you’re glue…what bounces off me sticks to you.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Maxwell, J. (2007). Be all you can be. Colorado Springs, CO: David C, Cook.

New Beginnings

“Light is sweet; how pleasant to see a new day dawning.” – Ecclesiastes 11.7

As last year closes, many of us will use the breaking of this new one to try to leave disappointments, failures, unrealized goals, and pain behind.  We breach the new almanac with renewed optimism, commitment, and focus.  Likely today, we are all-in for a new beginning. 

While we may start off the New Year fired up with ‘guns-a-blazin’, the reality is that ‘resolution’ will be little more than cliché as a large majority of us will lose focus and fall back into the demotivation, destructive habits, thinking traps, or emotional constipation/diarrhea (each equally unpleasant!) within a few weeks.  

So what’s the answer?  Heck, I don’t know.  If I had a nickel for every time some so-called expert, ‘life-coach’, or fitness guru whose only job is to work out all day told me all I had to do is…[fill in the blank], I’d be rich.  Take it from an average-at-best schmo who does have a day job; can’t be in the gym all day and wouldn’t get paid to be even if he could be there all day; isn’t in this for money, fame, or his own talk show; is admittedly simple-minded and really just wants to help.  There’s much to learn from other people’s mistakes and life experiences, and I think we can help each other get and stay motivated. 

I need plenty of help, myself.  If you’ve read my previous articles or checked out the Home, About Beyond Strength, and About the Author links on the website, you’ll understand this is as much about working on myself as it is helping others.  I also know from decades of investigating violent crimes, playing & coaching sports, and serving in the military that success is a team sport.  In fact, I have an entire speech queued at any given time on the importance of teamwork.  I’ll spare you that narrative here, but as someone who’s about as messed up and needy as anyone out there, I’m confident we can help each other get beyond some things, get over ourselves, and get on with our lives in the New Year.     

Physical wellness:

Be consistent, no matter your current level of physical fitness.  If you need to start somewhere, start small.  Build your consistency by creating a habit.  If you’re just getting started or restarted, commit to just walking 15-20 minutes two or three times a week.  Treadmill, indoors, or outdoors are all fine.  Walk at a pace that is more than lollygagging but less than a jog.  In other words, maintain a pace that requires some effort and elevates your heart rate a bit.  On a treadmill, I expect on average that’s somewhere between 2.5 and 4 mph.  As you begin to feel better, healthier, and more energetic, add time or distance.  Stretching and yoga are also great ways to get more active. 

If you are already well-along or more advanced physically, renew your commitment…and stick to it.  I have found success getting up 45 minutes earlier than normal and knocking it out in the morning.  It’s too easy to get distracted or exhausted after a long day and end up blowing it off.  

For ideas on fitness training, the internet is plentiful.  There’s a great article on the Air Force Marathon website about slowing down to avoid strain and build your endurance engine.  Or feel free to visit the Fitness & Workouts link on my website for ideas, read my previous article On Fitness, or email me.

Emotional/Spiritual wellness:

Again, be consistent.  Avoid the desire to be constantly ‘plugged-in’.  Rest, quiet your mind, take walks in nature, laugh, pray, read, forgive (others & yourself).  For some book ideas, see my recommended reading list. 

Vocational wellness:

Commit to doing your best every day.  That doesn’t include comparing yourself to others, gossiping about coworkers, participating in (or creating) an office drama club.  It simply means ending each day confident that you gave your best effort.  You don’t ever have to be the most highly educated or talented person to be happy, contribute, or make a difference.  Here’s a list one of my good friends and mentors shared during a 2016 command senior enlisted conference.  I’ve seen other variations of it, and I’ve added a few points of my own.  

Things that require zero talent:

Being on time; work ethic; effort; energy; passion; coachability; being prepared; doing more than expected; gratitude; attitude; respect; compassion.

My goals this year include what’s above, as well as reaching more people, hearing from more people, loving more people, helping more people.  I hope you have a plan for the New Year, as well.  And that it includes making yourself and the world a little better each day. 

“A compassionate man does not stand detached from the sufferings of others.  Rather, he steps into the world of the hurting and feels the pain and anguish of the one suffering.” – David Jeremiah

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

Happy New Year!