Ensure Your Self-Care Routine Is Balanced by Including a Fitness Plan

(Article by guest contributor Sheila Olson of fitsheila.com – Image courtesy of Pixabay)

People talk a lot about self-care these days, but many of us neglect keeping things in balance.  Participating in a healthy self-care regimen includes more than pampering.  It means taking action to meet your mental and physical needs in a manner that helps you prosper.

What is self-care?  Many people feel self-care can be as simple as getting a monthly facial or buying anew pair of slippers.  While those could be parts of someone’s plan, a self-care program should include activities that promote overall wellness.  There should be balance and attention to basics. Ideally, your program will include good nutrition, sufficient sleep, time with friends and regular exercise. 

Getting fit.  Is exercise part of your self-care routine? Beginning a fitness plan can be overwhelming, but the key is to have realistic goals.  Verywell Fit suggests starting with a walking program.  You just need a pair of comfortable shoes and a safe place to walk, and it’s an easy activity on your joints and muscles.  Even though it’s simple, you can still make great progress.  Talk to your doctor before you start, especially if you have been sedentary for a long period of time.   

How much should I exercise?  Sometimes we think exercise should be all or nothing, especially if we can’t see immediate results.  However, slow and steady progress can help prevent injury and make your program more enjoyable.  Some experts suggest an exercise regimen including a minimum of 2.5 hours doing moderate aerobic activity per week, along with a couple strength-building sessions. 

Recover and refresh.  To keep things balanced, your fitness routine should include recovery time.  For instance, an occasional at-home spa day refreshes and rests your body after focusing on getting in shape.  You can use homemade, soothing skincare treatments and masks, give yourself a hot rock massage, brew a cup of your favorite tea and play relaxing music.  Keep the space uncluttered and free of distractions.  A day here and there in your personal spa can help you to maintain a positive outlook and feel good about yourself.  Try participating in some mindfulness while you’re at it, increasing your awareness of what your senses perceive. Mindfulness encourages relaxation and focus. 

Limitations and boundaries.  Do you burn the candle at both ends, or is your job situation setting you up for burnout? You might feel like you simply haven’t the time or energy to workout.  Psychology Today recommends keeping things in check as part of your basic self-care plan.  Find ways to decompress throughout your day, not just occasionally in the evening or on the weekend.  Try taking a walk, meditating, or sitting outside in green space. 

Also consider revamping your work environment, if necessary.  Maybe you’re situated under fluorescent lights all day, and you could benefit with a window view.  Or perhaps you’re working unsustainable hours, and switching your schedule around could help you become more productive and effective. Oftentimes management is unaware of problems unless those issues are brought to their attention.  Talk with your supervisor about how to make improvements, and for the best results be prepared with suggestions rather than just complaining about what isn’t working. 

Energy and attitude.  Having the energy to properly balance yourself-care plan is crucial. One of the often-overlooked aspects of a healthful and energetic lifestyle is getting sufficient sleep.  Without enough sleep, you can damage your mental and physical health, even risking chronic fatigue and burnout.  You can lose vitality, become irritable and even shorten your lifespan.  Schedule a bedtime and wake time for every day and stick to those times.  Keep your exercise routine in the morning or early afternoon, ensure your sleeping environment is comfortable and avoid napping during the day.

Balance your routine so you can feel happy, positive and fulfilled.  Adjust the priorities in your lifestyle so you include fitness.  Ensuring you meet the needs of your mind, body and soul is the key to an overall healthy self-care program.

Preparing for Mistakes

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Martin Fanbee is quoted by then Colonel David L. Goldfein in his book Sharing Success Owning Failure as saying “Learn from the mistakes of others.  You won’t live long enough to make them all yourself.”  I’m making more than my fair share…so you’re welcome.

Mistakes are not only the result of weakness and poor decisions, but also the result of failing to prepare.  I left off last time talking about being prepared, as well as the consequences of being unprepared.  Our failure to prepare often results in discomfort at best and utter chaos, disaster, or severe heartache at worst.

Thanks to a televised Janet Jackson incident some years ago, I now know the proper terminology for my many embarrassing clothing mishaps.  On the ‘discomfort’ end, being unprepared for wardrobe malfunctions has resulted in my tie in the toilet while pulling up my pants, a favorite tie in the shredder while still attached to my neck, and not having any tie at a black-tie affair.  Toward the other extreme, being unprepared to raise children resulted in many missteps, mistakes, and missed opportunities; and the realization I probably should have waited until age 50 to have them.  Of course, I never would have won an arm-wrestling match if that were the case.

I have spent nearly my entire life preparing my body to withstand a career in the profession of arms, to be functionally fit, and to feel good about the way I look when I pass by a full-length mirror naked.  I have likewise tried to prepare my mind for critical thinking and vocational success by gaining wisdom and knowledge.  And I have spent a good deal of time helping others do likewise.  But despite all that, I remain insecure and emotionally unprepared in many ways.  These weaknesses sometimes lead to carelessly being drawn into situations I know better to avoid.

Similar to preparing for cold weather by wearing bread bags in your boots, string mittens, and so many layers of winter clothes that there would be little need for side-impact airbags in your car, maybe preparing for life involves putting on a few things.  Things like armor…literally and metaphorically; physically and emotionally.

Literature convinces us that in medieval times, knights were powerful symbols of bravery and nobility.  But a knight wasn’t a knight overnight.  It took years of training, learning, and preparation.  The page learned from the squire, who learned from the knight.  The knight prepared and affirmed his commitment to knighthood by learning and living chivalrous knighthood ideals such as being brave in battle; loyal to God and King; willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. And to be merciful, humble, courteous, gracious, and gentle.  I read somewhere that ‘not all knights were great men, but all great men were knights!’

Armor provides a great metaphor for the importance of preparation…even better than your mom’s recommendation of always wearing clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.  There’s perhaps no better rendering than that of Apostle Paul in the sixth chapter of Ephesians when it comes to preparing for life.  He used the battle dress of the Roman soldier as his object lesson, but we can relate in the same way to today’s law enforcement officer or military fighter.

It begins with being ready to stand firm under pressure (also mentioned in a previous article).  It is followed by donning the proper equipment (or pieces of armor), each one serving a literal protective purpose and metaphorically representing spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical protections.  The first is the ‘belt of truth’; used by the soldier to mount weapons, secure garments, and protect or ‘gird’ the loins and lower body.  We all have secrets in dark places we never want revealed.  But spiritual truth is needed in a dark world.  “In the long run, it matters little what others say or think; it matters a great deal whether or not truth stands.” – Wendell L. Miller

The next few pieces are the breastplate (body armor), protective footwear (practical to the situation), the shield, and the helmet (headgear).  Each one representing a facet of spiritual faith and practical physical use…and each defensive in nature.  The last piece Paul cites happens also to be the only offensive piece of equipment – the sword (duty weapon).

We could go much deeper here, but I’m sure you get the picture.  Sure, you visualized them at least once through all that looking exhausted from battle and caked with dust and dripping with sweat, blood and tears.  But think of them all cleaned up, standing tall and proud, crisp and ready for inspection.  There’s nothing like a man or woman in uniform.  They look pretty damn good, right?!  A regular knight in shining armor…

But beware, trusted caballeros.  When one puts on all that shiny armor, there may be a certain visual appeal that draws attention that may become a stumbling block for the weak or unprepared.  If you are prepared for random notes on your car, impromptu show-ups, and terms of endearment like ‘Muffin Tushy’ or ‘Applesauce’, then not to worry.  If you’re not, I guess you’re more like I’ve been much of my life than you care to be and we’re back to paragraphs one through four.

I am my greatest adversary.  I need to prepare better.  I need the Armor of God.

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

Goldfein, D. L. (2001). Sharing success owning failure-preparing to command in the twenty-first century Air Force. Maxwell AFB, AL: Air University Press.

 

 

 

Seasons of Change

As colder weather rolls into Michigan, I am reminded how much I dislike it. But it occurs to me that I haven’t always disliked it. In fact, I’m pretty sure I used to love playing in the snow and staying out in the cold until my extremities were numb and snotsicles bridged the gap between my nostrils and upper lip.  And it wasn’t too long ago that I remember poking fun at my dad and other ‘old people’ because of their intolerance of the cold and propensity to leave us all behind as they fled south for months at a time.  Deep down I’m sure it was just envy…for not having the freedom myself to disappear to the land of milk and honey (or is it Geritol and ginger-ale?) for months at a time.  And although I don’t see him nearly as often as I should in the months he’s nearby, the bigger reason for my deflections-disguised-as-harassment-about-the-weather is simply that I miss him while he’s so far away.  Perhaps a little reluctant to admit I am starting share his disdain for the cold, too.

It’s true…as if right on schedule to reinforce the irony of it all, I am finding the older I get, the less I care for the cold.  And the more I’m saddened to say that I, too, may soon appreciate the simplicity of Velcro shoes and the golf cart as a primary mode of transit.  So as I try to do in other areas of my life (at least better than I used to), I am taking a hard look at why I have done things, why I do things, or why I feel the way I do about certain things.  Nature’s changing season is just the latest timely reminder of my own changing nature.

In the Midwest, the thick heat of summer gives way to the crispness of autumn air.  It blesses us with the splendor of colorful leaves, tastes of cider, and the smell of pumpkin spice.  Another blessing of this change in season is the transition itself.  Not only does the transition prepare the environment for the harshness of winter, it similarly prepares us by moving our bodies from dramatic heat to bitter cold by gradual acclimation as we pass through a milder autumn.

So what’s the problem?  With that reasoning I should have no problem acclimating to the biting wind, cold, snow, and other extremes of winter.  I think one the things it boils down to is preparation; wearing the right clothes the right way, having the right equipment and resources, and having the right attitude.  I have concluded that when facing extremes – whether in life, temporary circumstances, or environment – an increase in discomfort often involves a decrease in (or lack of) preparation.

Consider this.  If you grew up in a ‘four-season’ part of the world, you probably had a mom, dad, grandparent or other adult who bundled you up like the Michelin Man before going out in the cold, making you virtually impervious to the elements.  I remember everything from the mittens attached by a string running from one sleeve to another, to wearing bread bags on my feet inside my boots to keep my feet toasty and dry (personally I think my mom was conducting some early study in the greenhouse effect with those bags).  But those things worked.  Buttoned up, zipped up, no exposed skin.  Hats, mittens, scarfs, the right coat, pants, socks, boots, and long underwear.  You could stay out for hours and not be bothered by the coldest of days.  Even now, when I actually wear appropriate clothing and accessories for the conditions, the weather really doesn’t bother me so much.

The problem is I usually don’t.  I don’t prepare properly.  I don’t wear the nice warm stocking cap because it will mess up my hair.  I don’t wear the thick socks and warm boots because they’re cumbersome, uncomfortable, and it’s just a pain to change into other shoes when I get to my destination.  I seldom wear gloves, scarf, or even zip my coat up.  Is it any wonder I have started to dislike cold weather?  I should either dress for the weather or stop complaining about it.  And while I think there are a few other lessons we can take from this, I want to keep this at a reasonable length, respecting your time and attention.  So with the assurance to continue this subject in a second part soon to come, let me wrap up with these points.

In the same way the changing seasons prepare us for more extreme conditions yet to come, and properly outfitting ourselves prepares us for the extreme conditions we venture out into, properly preparing ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and socially can help us through some of the extreme conditions of life.

Until the next edition, prepare for the changing season by bundling up, wrapping up, zipping up, breaking out your bread bags, and above all never forgetting how much fun it was to be a child.  Keep that youthful spirit alive!

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3.1)

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

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Dave E.

Strength that Stands

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Stand fast is defined, in part, as to firmly remain in the same position or cease all action immediately.  I’ve heard it widely used in military life in a few contexts, the most common to me of waiting to move after a preparatory command was already given…sometimes seemingly as if to test the formation to see who’s going to be the one to flinch: “Flight, Attention!  Forward…Stand Fast!”  You don’t want to be the one who false starts and then fumbles around trying to reset as if no one noticed the ONLY body cavorting around in a sea of stalwarts.

For this article, the standing fast to which I refer is similar, but more akin to standing firm…in strength, power, resoluteness, faith; the kind of strength to carry on when it would be easier to just roll over.  It’s the kind of strength that when the whole world or the gallery of so-called experts, know-it-alls, or haters (as today’s generation might call them) tells you to just give up and get out of the way, you stand firm and say “No, you move…I’m not giving up…I’m strong…I’m a survivor…I’m a conqueror.”  Standing firm in this way takes a different kind of strength than we typically think of.

A recent quiet time illustrated two divergent types of strength – active and passive – that might help clarify my point.  As I thought through the author’s analogies and applied them to my own life, I began to appreciate the need for each at different times in our lives.  The author, Harold Cooke Phillips, said it better than I ever could, so I’ll let him handle this.

“Sometimes nothing is harder in life than just to endure.  There are two types of of strength.  There is the strength of the wind that sways the mighty oak, and there is the strength of the oak that withstands the power of the wind.  There is the strength of the locomotive that pulls the heavy train across the bridge, and there is the strength of the bridge that holds up the weight of the train.  One is active strength, the other is passive strength; one is the power to keep going, the other is the power to keep still; one the strength by which we overcome, the other is the strength by which we endure.”

Sixteen years ago, a healthy, active 13 year old attended his local county fair to watch the motocross races.  He left the fair in a helicopter, critically injured, unconscious, with a depressed skull fracture and his life would never be the same.

This young man is one of my nephews.  He and another spectator were struck by an out-of-control cycle that left the track.  When my dad’s call woke me in the middle of that July night and he told me what happened, he said things ‘didn’t look good’.  My nephew remained critical and comatose for weeks.  He was ultimately transferred to a renowned rehabilitation hospital where he eventually regained consciousness.

Through faith, prayers, amazing staff, rigorous physical and speech therapy, and his incredible resilience, he finally started to look at people, move his lips, and comprehend things again. He gradually improved, spending many months in a wheelchair, followed by a walker (neither of which he uses today).  Through God’s amazing healing power, tremendous medical care, his incredible strength, and the loving support of many, he eventually went home.  In June 2007, my nephew graduated with honors from high school and later from Michigan Career & Technical Institute.

The damage his brain suffered from the injury had lasting effects on his speech and his right extremities, but that doesn’t slow him down.  He’s a husband and father, and is as fun-loving and quick-witted as ever.  He is strong, hard-working, and an inspiration to me and many others because of the person he is and the example he sets with his huge smile and easy-going disposition.  Every chance he gets, he goes out of his way to text, call, or visit with friends and family.  While it was tough early on to see the impact this had on him and his family, I am so proud of the man he has become.  Some of the things I truly enjoy in life are the rare occasions to lock arms with him to help navigate a set of stairs or other challenging terrain, and being the recipient of the smiles, hugs,  and “I love you”s that he unashamedly doles out…the way more of us should.

My nephew’s life has been a case study in both the strength to endure and the strength to overcome mentioned above.  He continues to be one of the strongest people I know.

“The physical strength of a person must always be added to the strength of his or her soul and power for marshaling the resources of truth, righteousness, and love.” – J. Richard Spann

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

It is my honor to dedicate this article during National Disability Employment Awareness Month to him and all those who stand strong and persevere through their disabilities, setting an example for us all.

https://www.dol.gov/odep/topics/ndeam/index-2018.htm

Hunsberger, E. & Nygaard, N. (2002). Strength for service: daily devotional messages for those in the service of others updated edition. Franklin, TN: Providence House.

Actions and Reactions

I’ve heard you can tell a lot about a person by playing a round of golf with them.  Besides the number of ‘Mulligans’ they take when they think no one is looking (think Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack), the corresponding increase in profanity, bent clubs, and diminishing disposition as the strokes add up are pretty telling.

The fact is, we don’t always react the way we would like to in each situation.

Have YOU ever been disappointed with yourself after reacting poorly or uncharacteristically to a situation?  Perhaps something caught you completely off-guard or you were already on ‘your last nerve’ stressing about work, politics, or other disappointments in your life.  Let’s be honest here…when was the last time you waved at someone in traffic using just your tall finger because they were driving like a jackass?  How dare they ride your bumper or spike their brakes (perhaps because you were riding theirs?).  Don’t they know you’re in a hurry?  Don’t they know who you are?

What about blowing up at one of your kids or a co-worker in absolute overreaction when they asked an innocent question or simply did something harmless at the wrong time?

I think I’ve made commendable progress in my reactions over the last few years, but I still have plenty of moments.  I admire those people who are perpetually easy-going and seemingly unflappable.  Cool as a cucumber.  It bothers me a little that I maintain composure in chaos and excel in stressful or challenging situations, yet I can fly off the handle in response to ridiculously unimportant events and minor infractions.

I don’t know if negative reactions are rooted in a sense of entitlement, a quest for justice, simple anger, or a combination, but I do know it’s been an issue throughout history.  The Bible provides many warnings against lashing out in anger.  One such admonishment tells us not to repay evil for evil; to live peaceably; not to avenge ourselves, but to give place to wrath (Romans 12.17-19).  Another reminds us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath (James 1.19).

One of the lessons I remember most about actions and reactions came during a hockey game while playing in a men’s league several years ago.  It wasn’t the typical scenario you might think…everyone knows who invariably gets the attention of the referee (and the penalty) in sports like hockey: it’s the person who retaliates!

My lesson didn’t come from a penalty, although there should have been one called!  It came in the form of a cheap shot, a payback, my reaction, and the lesson in humility that followed.

The cheap shot: I was skating along minding my own business, trying to be where a Winger should be on the ice.  It had been a long time since pond hockey, but I was average at best and still fairly proficient at checking myself into the boards and tripping over the blue line.  It was a league where some just wanted to have fun and others thought they should be getting paid.  This was never clearer to me than when I went careening to the ice following a blindside cheap shot.  I was angry and embarrassed, but elected not to come up swinging.  A small (and short-lived) victory.

A payback: I skated with some great players; former Junior hockey and NCAA types.  One of them had the kind of slap shot I envy…one that travels with such velocity it keeps rising until it hits the net, or something else in its path.  On this night that something happened to be Mr. Cheap Shot.  I doubt it was coincidence that my friend unleashed his wicked slap shot in perfect synchronicity to dickweed’s path of travel.  It was a thing of beauty, striking center mass.  The impact was so powerful it doubled him over with a loud gasp and caused his abrupt return to the bench in a crumpled heap.

My reaction:  Having been the recipient of a slap shot or two, I was aware the pain he was in.  Yet being the small man that I was, I didn’t pass up the chance to skate by him en route to his bench and smugly ask, in top passive-aggressive form, “How’d that feel?”.  Not my best moment.  Almost as soon as the words left my mouth, I felt bad.  But not that bad.

The lesson:  I’m pretty sure we won.  In fact, I think it was a playoff game and I had even scored one of the few goals of my lackluster career.  I should have felt good.  As I drove home, a late-night radio evangelist was on and I’ll give you one guess what his topic was.  You guessed it…actions versus reactions.  Coincidence?  More like providence.  I was quickly humbled and reminded that it’s often my REACTIONS rather than my actions that cause me the most trouble.  My reaction was petty and disappointing.  Instead of humbling myself and reaching out in compassion to a fellow human being in pain, I chose to take paltry satisfaction in his pain because he embarrassed me.  But it shouldn’t matter what he had done.  Those were HIS actions, and I don’t have control of those.  But I do have control of mine.

I allowed my reaction to override the much more important action I should have taken…that of turning the other cheek (see Matthew 5.38-40).

Here’s a few more ideas that might help us react differently.

  1. Count to 10 before reacting
  2. Be humble
  3. Be merciful
  4. Be gracious
  5. Be gentle
  6. Be courteous
  7. Conduct yourself with a healthy amount of propriety
  8. Ask yourself if this is really going to matter five years from now

Next time you’re tempted to react out of anger or in a manner you’ll soon regret, remember the lesson of a 3-inch, 6 oz. hard rubber disc traveling around 100 mph.  In moments you feel like you’re under attack, try extending kindness, love, and understanding instead of setting up a hasty defense.

You might be pleasantly surprised with being pleasant.

 

On Fitness

For years, I struggled to make muscular gains…at least the growth I desired. I was in good shape, but I was always thin and wiry. I wanted to be bigger.

I experimented with every variation of workout and rep scheme around to make gains. The fact is, I was a ‘hard gainer’.  I learned about this concept after a friend encouraged me to read the book ‘Brawn’ by Stuart McRobert.  By doing so, I learned that few of us are genetically gifted the way most ‘professionals’ are.  Add drug enhancement to that and it’s a recipe for disappointment, frustration and discouragement for average ectomorphs like me.

That’s not to say there isn’t merit in their knowledge and workouts widely shared in mainstream fitness media; the big-guns didn’t get to where they are by sloughing off or adhering to ineffective workouts. But the reality is I was genetically typical and drug-free, and I had to find what worked for me.  I discovered less was more.

I started seeing breakthroughs in growth and strength by giving my body more rest and doing fewer reps with heavier weights. For weight training, I stopped the ‘typical’ workouts and finishing moves in favor of lifting twice per week and focusing on major movements like bench, squat, deadlift, military press, and barbell curls. I inched the weight up incrementally each workout.

There is a time and place for specialization and isolation movements, but I needed a stronger foundation first, according to McRobert.  I agreed.  The major movements provide plenty of incidental work to the smaller muscles, anyway.  I also came to terms with the reality that without superior genetics or drug enhancement, I would never look like Arnold, Lee Haney, Reg Park, Sergio Oliva, Frank Zane, Ronnie Coleman, or any other bodybuilding giant.  But I knew with hard work, persistence, and the right combination for MY body type, I could realize respectable gains.  Through that, I would look and feel better than I ever thought possible.

As I aged, I also gained a greater appreciation for ‘functional fitness’.  Maybe it was a career in the profession of arms where quickness, endurance, strength, and physicality are often the difference between success and failure or life and death.  It was also the aging process that lent itself to introspection; I grew up enough to know that while Hugo Hugenator might be enormous and can lift a bus, there’s something to be said for being able to put on your own deodorant, tie your own tie, or outrun a five-year-old. A functionally fit person has endurance, flexibility, versatility and strength that neither he nor Gina Ginormabottom will ever have.  Not to mention some important parts haven’t been zapped by Rick Moranis’s shrink ray.  #honeyIshrunktheyouknowwhats #horso’doeuvres #notafanoflittleweinersandtinynuts

Here’s some bottom line tenets that have been true for me.

1. Consistency is Key. I have watched friends and family struggle with fitness and weight loss by yo-yo dieting or the latest lose-weight-quick fad.  I have personally found that being consistent over the long-term and making fitness and physical activity a lifestyle choice makes the difference.  I made working out habit enough that it stresses me out me when I don’t do it.  People who know me can attest to my neurosis about this and the ensuing edginess when I miss too many workouts.

2. Portion Control = Self Control. I could easily eat until I’m miserable. Sometimes I do…I love to eat! Portion control is one of the biggest factors in keeping excess weight off.  Your body needs calories, and even though you may be able to do crunches all day, if you have a calorie inversion, we may never see your abs.  If you want a six-pack that doesn’t require refrigeration, do the math; if you take in way more than you burn off, you’ll probably get a little fluffy. I don’t obsess about what I eat, but I do try to avoid a lot of fried food and too much junk. I focus on lean protein, high fiber, fruits, nuts, and veggies.

3. Know Your Body. It took me a long time to crack the code on how my body responded best. It changes with circumstances and as you age. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve experienced more aches and pains and I’ve lightened my weights some.  But through it all I find lifting only a couple times a week and staying active with running or other cardio-strength activities the other days still gives me the best results.  DON’T overlook strength training.  I’m convinced building and maintaining muscle is a fat-burning fountain of youth.

I was probably in the best physical shape of my life during three periods between age 19 and 26, but I was almost 50 before I finally felt most healthy and pleased with my overall appearance.  Don’t ever give up.

I found what works for me; I watch what and how much I eat; I work very hard, and I’ve stayed consistent over the course of many years.

Figure out what works for you and do it. Hard.

Please see my Fitness & Workouts section at BeyondStrength.Org for workout plan ideas and more information about fitness.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

McRobert, S. (1991). Brawn. Nicosia, Cypress: CS Publishing.

Defining Mistakes

I’ve heard that it is few the men who finish well.  I am certainly not one of those few.  I marked my last day in the military less than a week ago.  As I ease into this new reality, I find myself nostalgically reflecting on the highlights of my career and wistfully pondering some of the royal eff-ups and ‘what were you thinking?’ moments.  As I do, I’m faced with the reality that even though I always strove to do my best, give my all, and put others first, I also made plenty of mistakes.  Nonetheless, something that accounts for nearly two-thirds of my life is done.  As I grieve the things I’ll especially miss about military service, reverie will be my ration now.

In his book My American Journey, General Colin Powell wrote of his draw to the Pershing Rifles during ROTC as “…the discipline, the structure, the camaraderie, the sense of belonging…”  Recognizing the U.S. military as one of America’s greatest opportunities, he eventually ascended to highest military position in our armed forces – Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.  I was a career enlisted guy, and while a non-commissioned officer can never be the chairman of the joint chiefs, many of us in the enlisted corps share the general’s affinity for those things that first attracted him to the Pershing Rifles and that likewise make the profession of arms a unique and honorable vocation.

Having had the privilege of serving at all levels of the enlisted force, from basic trainee to senior enlisted leader, I can say that structure, camaraderie, and sense of belonging General Powell spoke of are among the things I will miss most.  I already do.  With that in mind, I’d like to offer a few observations I believe relate to those merits of service quoted above that have leadership relevance within any organization, military or otherwise.

There are certain keystones to leadership that I believe some military leaders are particularly good at that should be embedded within the framework of any organization.  It begins and ends with truly caring about people.  It involves making sure every person understands where they fit into the organization, how important they are to the organization, and exactly how they contribute to the success of the organization.  It’s the leader’s job to do his or her absolute best to help each of them reach their full potential by ensuring they have the opportunities and resources necessary to be successful.  Had it not been for a few exceptional leaders ahead of me recognizing this and giving me opportunities and correction along the way, I’m not sure where I would have ended up.

One such leader taught me a long time ago that creating acronyms could help a simple-minded bloke like me remember things more easily.  In fact, I created this one as an outline for a talk and think it’s relevant here: L-T-S-R-B-R.  It stands for Leadership through Service, Respect, and Building Relationships.  You see, I not-so-uniquely believe excellence in leadership comes through relationships and service to others.  I believe real leadership is seen in how people treat others.  It involves treating others with dignity and respect; good communication; empowerment; and positive influence.

People need to know their leaders care both about the mission and about them, and that they are safe to make mistakes as they strive for greatness.  If you know someone in a position of authority who leaves a wake of destruction behind them everywhere they go, and they are more concerned with building an empire or advancing their own career than they are taking care of their people, that’s no leader.  In fact, that’s just a jerk.  My grandma would have said he’s gotten too big for his britches!  Using today’s vernacular, she might say it’s an example of the Peter Principle.  Still, I’m tempted to believe he was probably a jerk long before rising to his level of incompetence…

I believe true leaders are strong, courageous, humble, kind, committed, and compassionate.  Real leaders spend their time and energy finding ways to make others successful and equipping them to lead.  They genuinely care about people, and they own their mistakes.

I already miss serving.  I have considered it my privilege and honor to have followed and led some of the finest GIs in the profession of arms.  But I have not arrived.  Heck, I’m not even on final approach.  In the daily devotional Strength for Service, William H. Danforth quotes Coach Meehan of New York University as saying “We learn practically nothing from a victory.  All our information comes from a defeat.  A winner forgets most of his mistakes.”  I’ve learned much along the way from the many mistakes I’ve made, not the least of which is not to let them define who I am or what I represent.

Neither should you.

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

Hunsberger, E. & Nygaard, N. (2002). Strength for service: daily devotional messages for those in the service of others updated edition. Franklin, TN: Providence House.

Powell, C. L. & Perisco, J. (1995). My American journey.  New York, NY: Ballentine.

Triumph, Tragedy, and Strength

In the difficult times, it is what is in you that comes out of you. I wrote those words down as soon I heard Don Denyes say them a few months ago.  Then I promptly forgot them. That is until two days ago.

Two days ago, I attended a local high school graduation ceremony with a thousand or so others. High school graduations are always a bit poignant as we wish our children and their friends well, anticipating the great things they will do to make the world a better place. And perhaps as we reminisce a bit about our own graduation so many years ago…contemplating whether we upheld our end of the bargain in making a difference in the world.

This school and these graduating seniors have already triumphed greatly and will no doubt continue to do great things.  Four Salutatorians and six Valedictorians were poised to speak to their fellow classmates and the many friends and family members on hand…quite possibly the largest audience most of them will ever have the honor (or horror) of addressing. It was remarkable. But we were about to witness something even more remarkable.

The day before the ceremony, a Thursday, I ran into a friend coming out of the barbershop as I was walking in. Jon and I used to play softball together and his dad, a pastor, was a friend and helped me through some tough times.  Jon and I have a common friend with whom he now works.  We made small talk and chatted about a promotion I didn’t know he had gotten.  Everything seemed great. The next day I had lunch with our common friend and told him I’d seen Jon.  He asked if Jon was doing ok.  It seems Jon’s pastor had been tragically killed in an automobile crash just the day before our barbershop run-in.  My first question was whether it was his father.  I was relieved to discover it was not, but as is common for me – and concrete evidence of my attention deficit – I found myself wondering why Jon doesn’t attend his dad’s church?

Nevertheless, I was saddened to learn of the untimely death of this local pastor.  He was a well-known, well-loved, and well-respected local man of God, and the community collectively grieved as news of this tragedy spread across the area.

Back to the graduation. You see, one of the class Valedictorians happens to be the son of this pastor.  As I looked over the program and compared the lineup of speakers seated on stage waiting to take their turn, the order didn’t match.  I silently acknowledged to myself how difficult that would have been to participate in a public graduation ceremony just two days after the unexpected death of someone as close as a father or mother, and then symbolically excused him from being there in my mind with sympathetic understanding.  The pastor’s son was the only male Valedictorian, and according to the program would have been the fourth Valedictorian to speak, had this tragedy not befallen his family.  So it was that I then found myself wondering who the lone young man was seated at the end of the row of five female Valedictorians.  Was this someone not listed in the program set to receive unknown special recognition?  Or were my eyes simply deceiving me?  Maybe I had miscounted the remaining honorees, since they also had the Salutatorians seated in the same row.

No. The order had been changed.  I, along with over a thousand others in the concert auditorium, were about to witness one of the most inspiring things many people have probably ever experienced.  The final person to speak would be an incredible young man whose father unexpectedly died just two days earlier.

He did all the things a good public speaker is supposed to do. He stood tall. He made good eye contact. He captivated the audience. He was clear, concise, and delivered an oration that was moving and insightful.  I wept, with pride and anguish, as I expect many in attendance that evening did.  This remarkable young man calmly told us his father recently passed away.  He spoke of the honor and dignity with which his father lived.  He spoke unapologetically about the love of God, family, and community his father displayed and instilled in him as he grew.  He told us how his father, just days prior, was helping him with his speech and shared a verse with him.  He was no doubt preparing his son not only to reach those listening to his speech, but for a life of service beyond graduation.  Little did he know how profound this verse would be just days later… “Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9 is a life-verse to many.  It is frequently quoted, memorized, shared on social media, scrawled in graffiti, and tattooed on people’s bodies as a reminder that even in the most difficult or challenging times, we can be strong and courageous because we are never alone.

The kind of strength we witnessed when a grieving, graduating high school Valedictorian chose to not only attend his graduation (when no one would blame him for not doing so), but to courageously deliver his speech and use that opportunity to reach others as a proxy of God’s glory is truly going beyond strength.  I want to be more like him.

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong