Happy Valentine’s Day
2nd Annual Year in Review
As the calendar turned two years ago I quoted David Jeremiah, who wrote: “A compassionate man does not stand detached from the sufferings of others. Rather, he steps into the world of the hurting and feels the pain and anguish of the one suffering.” The world has been hurting, and many suffered greatly in 2020. Maybe that quote would be better served to start 2021.
The premise behind beyondstrength.org is that strength is more than just being physically strong. It’s also about finding strength in weakness, and helping others get strong, be strong, and stay strong. Thank you, 2020, for proving that premise to be necessarily self-evident.
There’s no sense lamenting the things here we’ve lived ad nauseam the past 10 months via revolving news networks. Instead, I will continuing the fledgling tradition of recapping my blatherings from the past year.
Surely you read, enjoyed, related to, and benefited from all of my writings the last 12 months?! On the outside chance you missed any of these ‘life-altering’ posts, here’s a summary of Beyond Strength articles from the dumpster fire of a year called 2020.
Cause for Delay (video): Starting the year already behind schedule, I bought time by sending a video update from the island of Lesvos, Greece. I was there with a short-term mission team providing humanitarian support to refugees at Moria Camp. It was an amazing experience and added valuable context to my life experience and walk of faith.
The Leadership T.R.A.P.: The article used the acronym to compare and contrast Task versus Relationship focused leaders and Authority versus the Power-focused leader. Tasks tend to be one-dimensional…just get it done. But tasks and overall mission are best accomplished when relationships built of genuine care for your people come first.
Free Samples of Forgiveness: I get bogged down dwelling on my mistakes or how I’ve been wronged by others. Counselors call that ruminating. My struggles in this area are rooted in difficulties accepting and granting forgiveness. I’m committed offering forgiveness more freely and being grateful for forgiveness I’m granted. “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matt. 6.14-15
March Forth: What better month than March to march forth toward fulfilling your purpose, achieving your goals, or making the world a better place? I suggested some ideas like starting a blog or other venture; starting a reading program; volunteering; or getting your fitness goals on track. How did you do?
Well That’s Fabulous: Chances are you’ve seen or heard the abbreviation ‘wtf’. If seeing it makes you uneasy, don’t be. It stands for Well That’s Fabulous. WTF was a discussion about the disturbing trends being witnessed within the pandemic. This is an unprecedented crisis; no one person, organization, or government has all the answers. People should stop blaming others; stop trying to advance personal and political agendas; stop arguing about who should have done what, when; and stop trying to be an infectious disease, economics, supply chain, business, or political expert. Instead, start being more caring, compassionate, cooperative, humble, and kind.
Conspiring for Good: Election interference and virtually everything surrounding COVID-19 generated rife theories of conspiracy or malfeasance that continue to thrive. Whether conspiracy theories do more harm than good or serve to help maintain proper balance in the world, it can take years for the truth to be revealed…and even then there will be those who doubt. Conspiracies make for great entertainment, but also cause great divisiveness. Commit to conspiring to do good.
Be the Solution, Not the Problem: Here were a few ideas I shared to be more of a solution than a problem.
- Make room for God in your life. When we understand our own unworthiness compared to a Holy God, we tend to be less of a problem for others.
- Stop claiming the misfortunes of others as your own in some attempt to justify living however you want, or as an excuse for your own bad behavior. “Let your light shine before others…” (Matt. 5.16)
- Embrace diversity. Enable diversity to foster and thrive by treating everyone with dignity and respect.
- Take ownership of your mistakes and shortcomings. Owning your mistakes is solution-oriented; blaming others makes you part of the problem.
- Pick up after yourself; leave things better than you found them; say please, thank you, and I love you more often.
- If you see someone struggling or in need, help them. Saying to yourself, “It’s not my problem” is part of the problem.
Heard, Understood, Acknowledged: An essay about the challenges of interpersonal and organizational communication. Sometimes it’s not what I say, but my delivery that sucks. Like other challenges, there’s probably no easy answer to solving communication problems. But I have found timeliness, openness, transparency, and over-communicating helps. Can you hear me now?
Gains without Pain: There’s something to be learned from pain in our lives, be it physical, emotional, psychological, or otherwise.
- Recognize its warning
- Protect the injured area(s)
- Strengthen surrounding structures that are weak
- Properly address and treat the root cause
- Don’t bury, numb, or mask it with medication, over-indulgence, or risky behavior
- Avoid it when it’s causing damage or grief
As we move on from 2020 into the new year, I pray you’ll have a Happy(er) New Year, you’ll continue to follow along, and that you’ll make a positive difference in others’ lives.
“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” – Jackie Robinson
Keep doing great things!
Get Strong. Be Strong, Stay Strong.
Free Samples of Forgiveness
“The best way of avenging yourself is not to become like [the wrongdoer].” Marcus Aurelius
I spend a fair amount of time reflecting on things from the past, struggling to keep pace with things in the present, and pondering things yet in the future. Admittedly, I sometimes get bogged down more than I should dwelling on past mistakes I’ve made or how I’ve been wronged by others. Counselors call it ruminating. Apparently it’s one of my super-powers.
It’s not lost on me that many of my struggles in this area are rooted in difficulties I’ve had with forgiveness. That includes accepting it and granting it. Thankfully, I’ve come a long way from the person I used to be in offering forgiveness. And while I sometimes still let things bother me for a short time, grudges generally pass quickly. Still, there are a few specific instances where a spirit of unforgiveness continues to linger – which is both absurd and frustrating to me considering the things I’ve done…and been forgiven for.
In my video preview to this article, I mentioned the rampant discourtesy of gorging, warehouse-store ‘free-samplers’. Two things come to mind on this: 1) While their careless, aisle-blocking oblivion irritates me at the time, forgiveness is swift and I’m generally over it before leaving the store. 2) I can’t help but think what a powerful witness this is to our modern lean toward excess, compared to the famines and desert wandering of Old Testament times. I’m dubious about our chances of survival if ever faced with similar circumstances. It’s taking your life in your own hands to get between some of those people and their free samples – even at a place with mountains of food readily available for purchase. Can you imagine the chaos if those free samples were it!?!? Quail and manna may feed us, but it probably wouldn’t save us from ourselves in today’s world…
In contrast, a less humorous example involves my own struggle with living out forgiveness in this way. As intimated earlier, one of my issues involves trouble eradicating recurring resentment for a few people because of things they’ve done that hurt me. That’s one of the reasons I chose ‘forgive’ as my word on a recent assignment. I truly want to be free of harboring these grudges. But as much as it embarrasses me to say this, I have trouble not thinking at least one other person’s word on that assignment should have been ‘hypocrisy’ instead of the word they chose. Worse yet, they probably have no clue (or don’t care) that the shoe fits.
Considering my own shortcomings and the whole context of this article, that probably should have been my word, too.
I’ll admit that in between plenty of blessings and joys, the year 2019 presented some significant challenges that certainly didn’t help my disposition: nagging tinnitus and a dried-up college fund; cancer diagnoses and surgeries for both a son and daughter-in-law; failing health of some loved ones; financial and marital challenges for other family and friends; and the passing of my mom just before the holidays, to name a few.
Mom was another person I still owed a measure of forgiveness to, by the way.
David Jeremiah wrote in one of his devotional books, “By God’s providence, every trial somehow returns a blessing in His time and way.”
Providentially, 2020 has started out much better than last year ended. My oldest and his wife are thus far cancer-free; my other son landed his dream job outside Washington, DC; my daughter was chosen for a potentially life-changing internship opportunity this summer; I was blessed be part of a mission team that traveled to Greece to provide humanitarian relief for thousands of refugees. I’ve also recommitted to eating healthier, changing some workouts to keep fighting off Father Time, reading more, finishing my master’s degree, getting more involved again at church, and getting back to other things I enjoy, like theatre.
I’ve also committed to work hard every day to get over myself, be more grateful for the undeserved forgiveness I’ve been granted, and to let go.
Mostly, I just want to be a kinder, more compassionate, and more considerate human being.
I might even hand out a few free samples of forgiveness…whether they deserve it or not.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matt. 6.14-15
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Preparing for Mistakes
Martin Fanbee is quoted by then Colonel David L. Goldfein in his book Sharing Success Owning Failure as saying “Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” I’m making more than my fair share…so you’re welcome.
Mistakes are not only the result of weakness and poor decisions, but also the result of failing to prepare. I left off last time talking about being prepared, as well as the consequences of being unprepared. Our failure to prepare often results in discomfort at best and utter chaos, disaster, or severe heartache at worst.
Thanks to a televised Janet Jackson incident some years ago, I now know the proper terminology for my many embarrassing clothing mishaps. On the ‘discomfort’ end, being unprepared for wardrobe malfunctions has resulted in my tie in the toilet while pulling up my pants, a favorite tie in the shredder while still attached to my neck, and not having any tie at a black-tie affair. Toward the other extreme, being unprepared to raise children resulted in many missteps, mistakes, and missed opportunities; and the realization I probably should have waited until age 50 to have them. Of course, I never would have won an arm-wrestling match if that were the case.
I have spent nearly my entire life preparing my body to withstand a career in the profession of arms, to be functionally fit, and to feel good about the way I look when I pass by a full-length mirror naked. I have likewise tried to prepare my mind for critical thinking and vocational success by gaining wisdom and knowledge. And I have spent a good deal of time helping others do likewise. But despite all that, I remain insecure and emotionally unprepared in many ways. These weaknesses sometimes lead to carelessly being drawn into situations I know better to avoid.
Similar to preparing for cold weather by wearing bread bags in your boots, string mittens, and so many layers of winter clothes that there would be little need for side-impact airbags in your car, maybe preparing for life involves putting on a few things. Things like armor…literally and metaphorically; physically and emotionally.
Literature convinces us that in medieval times, knights were powerful symbols of bravery and nobility. But a knight wasn’t a knight overnight. It took years of training, learning, and preparation. The page learned from the squire, who learned from the knight. The knight prepared and affirmed his commitment to knighthood by learning and living chivalrous knighthood ideals such as being brave in battle; loyal to God and King; willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. And to be merciful, humble, courteous, gracious, and gentle. I read somewhere that ‘not all knights were great men, but all great men were knights!’
Armor provides a great metaphor for the importance of preparation…even better than your mom’s recommendation of always wearing clean underwear in case you’re in an accident. There’s perhaps no better rendering than that of Apostle Paul in the sixth chapter of Ephesians when it comes to preparing for life. He used the battle dress of the Roman soldier as his object lesson, but we can relate in the same way to today’s law enforcement officer or military fighter.
It begins with being ready to stand firm under pressure (also mentioned in a previous article). It is followed by donning the proper equipment (or pieces of armor), each one serving a literal protective purpose and metaphorically representing spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical protections. The first is the ‘belt of truth’; used by the soldier to mount weapons, secure garments, and protect or ‘gird’ the loins and lower body. We all have secrets in dark places we never want revealed. But spiritual truth is needed in a dark world. “In the long run, it matters little what others say or think; it matters a great deal whether or not truth stands.” – Wendell L. Miller
The next few pieces are the breastplate (body armor), protective footwear (practical to the situation), the shield, and the helmet (headgear). Each one representing a facet of spiritual faith and practical physical use…and each defensive in nature. The last piece Paul cites happens also to be the only offensive piece of equipment – the sword (duty weapon).
We could go much deeper here, but I’m sure you get the picture. Sure, you visualized them at least once through all that looking exhausted from battle and caked with dust and dripping with sweat, blood and tears. But think of them all cleaned up, standing tall and proud, crisp and ready for inspection. There’s nothing like a man or woman in uniform. They look pretty damn good, right?! A regular knight in shining armor…
But beware, trusted caballeros. When one puts on all that shiny armor, there may be a certain visual appeal that draws attention that may become a stumbling block for the weak or unprepared. If you are prepared for random notes on your car, impromptu show-ups, and terms of endearment like ‘Muffin Tushy’ or ‘Applesauce’, then not to worry. If you’re not, I guess you’re more like I’ve been much of my life than you care to be and we’re back to paragraphs one through four.
I am my greatest adversary. I need to prepare better. I need the Armor of God.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Goldfein, D. L. (2001). Sharing success owning failure-preparing to command in the twenty-first century Air Force. Maxwell AFB, AL: Air University Press.
Actions and Reactions
I’ve heard you can tell a lot about a person by playing a round of golf with them. Besides the number of ‘Mulligans’ they take when they think no one is looking (think Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack), the corresponding increase in profanity, bent clubs, and diminishing disposition as the strokes add up are pretty telling.
The fact is, we don’t always react the way we would like to in each situation.
Have YOU ever been disappointed with yourself after reacting poorly or uncharacteristically to a situation? Perhaps something caught you completely off-guard or you were already on ‘your last nerve’ stressing about work, politics, or other disappointments in your life. Let’s be honest here…when was the last time you waved at someone in traffic using just your tall finger because they were driving like a jackass? How dare they ride your bumper or spike their brakes (perhaps because you were riding theirs?). Don’t they know you’re in a hurry? Don’t they know who you are?
What about blowing up at one of your kids or a co-worker in absolute overreaction when they asked an innocent question or simply did something harmless at the wrong time?
I think I’ve made commendable progress in my reactions over the last few years, but I still have plenty of moments. I admire those people who are perpetually easy-going and seemingly unflappable. Cool as a cucumber. It bothers me a little that I maintain composure in chaos and excel in stressful or challenging situations, yet I can fly off the handle in response to ridiculously unimportant events and minor infractions.
I don’t know if negative reactions are rooted in a sense of entitlement, a quest for justice, simple anger, or a combination, but I do know it’s been an issue throughout history. The Bible provides many warnings against lashing out in anger. One such admonishment tells us not to repay evil for evil; to live peaceably; not to avenge ourselves, but to give place to wrath (Romans 12.17-19). Another reminds us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath (James 1.19).
One of the lessons I remember most about actions and reactions came during a hockey game while playing in a men’s league several years ago. It wasn’t the typical scenario you might think…everyone knows who invariably gets the attention of the referee (and the penalty) in sports like hockey: it’s the person who retaliates!
My lesson didn’t come from a penalty, although there should have been one called! It came in the form of a cheap shot, a payback, my reaction, and the lesson in humility that followed.
The cheap shot: I was skating along minding my own business, trying to be where a Winger should be on the ice. It had been a long time since pond hockey, but I was average at best and still fairly proficient at checking myself into the boards and tripping over the blue line. It was a league where some just wanted to have fun and others thought they should be getting paid. This was never clearer to me than when I went careening to the ice following a blindside cheap shot. I was angry and embarrassed, but elected not to come up swinging. A small (and short-lived) victory.
A payback: I skated with some great players; former Junior hockey and NCAA types. One of them had the kind of slap shot I envy…one that travels with such velocity it keeps rising until it hits the net, or something else in its path. On this night that something happened to be Mr. Cheap Shot. I doubt it was coincidence that my friend unleashed his wicked slap shot in perfect synchronicity to dickweed’s path of travel. It was a thing of beauty, striking center mass. The impact was so powerful it doubled him over with a loud gasp and caused his abrupt return to the bench in a crumpled heap.
My reaction: Having been the recipient of a slap shot or two, I was aware the pain he was in. Yet being the small man that I was, I didn’t pass up the chance to skate by him en route to his bench and smugly ask, in top passive-aggressive form, “How’d that feel?”. Not my best moment. Almost as soon as the words left my mouth, I felt bad. But not that bad.
The lesson: I’m pretty sure we won. In fact, I think it was a playoff game and I had even scored one of the few goals of my lackluster career. I should have felt good. As I drove home, a late-night radio evangelist was on and I’ll give you one guess what his topic was. You guessed it…actions versus reactions. Coincidence? More like providence. I was quickly humbled and reminded that it’s often my REACTIONS rather than my actions that cause me the most trouble. My reaction was petty and disappointing. Instead of humbling myself and reaching out in compassion to a fellow human being in pain, I chose to take paltry satisfaction in his pain because he embarrassed me. But it shouldn’t matter what he had done. Those were HIS actions, and I don’t have control of those. But I do have control of mine.
I allowed my reaction to override the much more important action I should have taken…that of turning the other cheek (see Matthew 5.38-40).
Here’s a few more ideas that might help us react differently.
- Count to 10 before reacting
- Be humble
- Be merciful
- Be gracious
- Be gentle
- Be courteous
- Conduct yourself with a healthy amount of propriety
- Ask yourself if this is really going to matter five years from now
Next time you’re tempted to react out of anger or in a manner you’ll soon regret, remember the lesson of a 3-inch, 6 oz. hard rubber disc traveling around 100 mph. In moments you feel like you’re under attack, try extending kindness, love, and understanding instead of setting up a hasty defense.
You might be pleasantly surprised with being pleasant.
Defining Mistakes
I’ve heard that it is few the men who finish well. I am certainly not one of those few. I marked my last day in the military less than a week ago. As I ease into this new reality, I find myself nostalgically reflecting on the highlights of my career and wistfully pondering some of the royal eff-ups and ‘what were you thinking?’ moments. As I do, I’m faced with the reality that even though I always strove to do my best, give my all, and put others first, I also made plenty of mistakes. Nonetheless, something that accounts for nearly two-thirds of my life is done. As I grieve the things I’ll especially miss about military service, reverie will be my ration now.
In
his book My American Journey, General Colin Powell wrote of his draw to the Pershing Rifles during ROTC as “…the discipline, the structure, the camaraderie, the sense of belonging…” Recognizing the U.S. military as one of America’s greatest opportunities, he eventually ascended to highest military position in our armed forces – Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. I was a career enlisted guy, and while a non-commissioned officer can never be the chairman of the joint chiefs, many of us in the enlisted corps share the general’s affinity for those things that first attracted him to the Pershing Rifles and that likewise make the profession of arms a unique and honorable vocation.
Having had the privilege of serving at all levels of the enlisted force, from basic trainee to senior enlisted leader, I can say that structure, camaraderie, and sense of belonging General Powell spoke of are among the things I will miss most. I already do. With that in mind, I’d like to offer a few observations I believe relate to those merits of service quoted above that have leadership relevance within any organization, military or otherwise.
There are certain keystones to leadership that I believe some military leaders are particularly good at that should be embedded within the framework of any organization. It begins and ends with truly caring about people. It involves making sure every person understands where they fit into the organization, how important they are to the organization, and exactly how they contribute to the success of the organization. It’s the leader’s job to do his or her absolute best to help each of them reach their full potential by ensuring they have the opportunities and resources necessary to be successful. Had it not been for a few exceptional leaders ahead of me recognizing this and giving me opportunities and correction along the way, I’m not sure where I would have ended up.
One such leade
r taught me a long time ago that creating acronyms could help a simple-minded bloke like me remember things more easily. In fact, I created this one as an outline for a talk and think it’s relevant here: L-T-S-R-B-R. It stands for Leadership through Service, Respect, and Building Relationships. You see, I not-so-uniquely believe excellence in leadership comes through relationships and service to others. I believe real leadership is seen in how people treat others. It involves treating others with dignity and respect; good communication; empowerment; and positive influence.
People need to know their leaders care both about the mission and about them, and that they are safe to make mistakes as they strive for greatness. If you know someone in a position of authority who leaves a wake of destruction behind them everywhere they go, and they are more concerned with building an empire or advancing their own career than they are taking care of their people, that’s no leader. In fact, that’s just a jerk. My grandma would have said he’s gotten too big for his britches! Using today’s vernacular, she might say it’s an example of the Peter Principle. Still, I’m tempted to believe he was probably a jerk long before rising to his level of incompetence…
I believe true leaders are strong, courageous, humble, kind, committed, and compassionate. Real leaders spend their time and energy finding ways to make others successful and equipping them to lead. They genuinely care about people, and they own their mistakes.
I already miss serving. I have considered it my privilege and honor to have followed and led some of the finest GIs in the profession of arms. But I have not arrived. Heck, I’m not even on final approach. In the daily devotional Strength for Service, William H. Danforth quotes Coach Meehan of New York University as saying “We learn practically nothing from a victory. All our information comes from a defeat. A winner forgets most of his mistakes.” I’ve learned much along the way from the many mistakes I’ve made, not the least of which is not to let them define who I am or what I represent.
Neither should you.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Hunsberger, E. & Nygaard, N. (2002). Strength for service: daily devotional messages for those in the service of others updated edition. Franklin, TN: Providence House.
Powell, C. L. & Perisco, J. (1995). My American journey. New York, NY: Ballentine.
Gen Z Rhymes with Me
“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin (emphasis added).
Is it just coincidence that this latest generation, sometimes referred to as the ‘Internet Generation’, is identified by the same letter of the alphabet as the first letter of Facebook CEO and founder Mark Zuckerberg’s last name? It probably is, but what an incredible example of fortuitous providence.
To be honest, I have not heard much about Generation Z up to this point, even though I have two children who would be considered within that generation. But as fate would have it, I was compelled to learn more about it for a recent graduate class. In examining this generation a bit more closely, and considering the two of my own children who are living examples (at least by chronology’s definition) of it, I’m not sure I completely agree with the theory that they only seem to care about themselves…although I certainly see tendencies in that direction! However, I can also say that while many in this current generation may appear at first brush to be more self-centered than some other generations, the previous generation could be similarly described. In fact, I expect people could ascribe this trait to most any generation. Let’s be real here…didn’t your parents call your music choices into question with statements like “How do you even know what they’re saying?”; “You don’t have to play real music that loud to enjoy it.”; or “Don’t play that record backwards or you’ll hear Satan talking.” Note: Generations Y and Z may well be confused by the term ‘record’ or simply the mind-blowing concept of playing any sort of music backwards.
Nonetheless, it would be a stretch and perhaps an unfair generalization to label an entire generation as only caring about themselves. Like most anything else, I think it’s preferable to look at individual characteristics rather than generalizing a group based upon stereotypical factors or other biases. Consider that one doctor who abuses his patients doesn’t signify that all doctors are perverts. And one police officer who is a heavy-handed control freak doesn’t mean all police officers are racists or are looking for an opportunity to push someone around. In the same way, not all those in Generation Z should be viewed as self-centered neophytes who believe they are the center of the universe.
So are there leadership implications? For those who do lean in the direction of what’s in it for me (WIIFM), the effect on group performance can be significant. When a group, team, or work unit is formed for the purpose of carrying out some function for an individual or organization, the mission or goal(s) for which the group was formed must come first. When individual needs or desires within a group overshadow the group or organization’s objectives, the group is no longer functioning cohesively or collaboratively because that individual in engaged in self-interest roles within the group. At that point the group dynamic has greater potential to become dysfunctional and should be corrected by either refocusing that individual or removing him/her from the group to bring harmony and proper focus back to the group. This is true of any individual causing dysfunction or disharmony in the group – regardless of generation.
But refocusing an individual who is primarily concerned about their own interests is not likely to be an easy task. I know…I speak from experience with both sides of that double-edged sword. All people, regardless of their personality or disposition, have developed traits or characteristics through years of experience, observation, and perhaps some level of inherited predisposition. Generation Z individuals are no different. In fact, while I don’t personally have the empirical evidence to prove it, I expect that at least part of what led to some in this generation to over inflate their self-importance can be tied back to the pace of advancing technology…that technology creating greater independence and increased solitude resulting from that independence. Loneliness in a crowd. I also feel that society, in general, has become less tolerant and more selfish, with a very vocal – albeit relatively small percentage of the population promulgating an ‘it’s always someone else’s fault’ world view. And that vocal minority is influential. And that influence is powerful, fueled by polarizing political viewpoints and constant information overload via social media and 24 hour news channels. With an impossible volume of information, not all of which is reliable or properly vetted, how could people of any generation not be swayed one way or the other?
I personally believe many in this fast-paced, information saturated generation have never had anyone take the time to slow them down, spend quality time with them, mentor them, or show them what it means to put others’ needs ahead of their own for the greater good of society. And I believe all of this, or at the very least a combination of many of these factors, is what has inculcated within them the message that it is ‘all about them’. Because, quite frankly, much of the last 18-20 years HAS been all about them.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Be Your Best
I’m not a huge basketball fan…neither college nor professional. But as I sit here watching the NCAA men’s national championship game, the ‘home town team’ having made a hasty and premature departure from the tournament, I realize that perseverance, dedication, and heart have all played large in determining the final two teams to wage battle for top honors. It occurs to me, as it did watching the highlight reels of those many underdog-upset victories in the early rounds, it is in those moments that these young men are truly focused on being the best they can be.
As I traveled the state, country, and the world as a senior enlisted military leader talking to soldiers and airmen, a popular question I got was “what can I do/what do I need to do to get to where you are?” My answer was always this: be the best you can be, wherever you are. Be the best Soldier or Airman you can be. Be the best cook or mechanic; the best medic or bomb loader; the best leader or follower. That’s it. You may or may not get that promotion you want or think you deserve; or maybe that you are more qualified for. But when you work hard at being the very best you can be, wherever you are, you will be ready for the next opportunity when it comes along. In the case of the Cinderella story superstars who broke the hearts and brackets of a whole lot of NCAA basketball fans, they were ready, and their time came. But what if that opportunity never comes (unlikely as it may be), how bad is it, really, if you are simply YOUR VERY BEST wherever you are?
I believe at least three things are important to being the best you can be. They are readiness, teamwork, and constant improvement. For the sake of respecting your time and managing mine, I’ll give you the short version here…
Readiness: I once heard former director of the Air National Guard, Lieutenant General Sid Clarke, say that we consistently plan for things that never happen, and things happen every day that we never planned for. To minimize those times when faced with things not planned for, maintain a breadth and depth of readiness to be as completely prepared as possible. Be well read, well-traveled, well educated, and well experienced. In other words, control what you can control by maintaining “the highest level of personal readiness”, as the United States Air Force Enlisted Force Structure articulates. That’s the first order of business.
Teamwork: No one is an island. Real teamwork is easily seen in successful sports programs. A lack of same is equally as evident. I heard Doctor Mark Evans of the United States Military Academy jokingly say “I expect you all to be independent, innovative, critical thinkers…who will do exactly as I say.” It’s not just about you. Take a moment and think about the last time you did something by yourself. Check that…think of the last time you ’accomplished’ something meaningful or worthwhile by yourself. It simply doesn’t happen. We need each other. That’s why many coaches and managers will gladly take a roster made up of unselfish athletes of ‘average’ talent who play with heart and put the team above their own ambitions over one with a superstar or two who never quite achieve synergy.
Improvement: Getting a little better in some way, each and every day. Money master Dave Ramsey calls it baby steps and compound interest; Doctor Gary Smalley describes it as the power of one; radio personality Dr. Randy Carlson calls it the power of one thing; natural strong-man Stuart McRobert refers to it as progressive poundage; and former Vietnam Prisoner of War Ed Hubbard attributes ‘incremental improvements’ to achieving the wonder of human potential during captivity and beyond. The point is to make constant improvement a habit and a lifelong commitment. Strive for it…repeatedly. If you can go to bed each night reflecting on your day and identify even just one thing you did better than the day before, consider it a victory. My goal is to do a little bit better each day, and improve myself and those around me along the way. To leave the people I know, the things I borrow, and the world in general better than I found them.
I can best do that by always striving to be the best I can be, wherever I am and whatever I’m doing.
Get strong. Be strong. Stay strong.
Irony or Incongruity?
Incongruity (n): The state or quality of being incongruous.
Incongruous (adj): Not corresponding or conforming; at odds
Leave it to me to waste no time in creating new subjects to write about before I prefer to write about them. In fact, I would prefer never to write about this. And leave it to God to waste no time reminding me an important lesson about congruence in my thoughts, my talk, and my walk. Yeah…well the Bible says in the Book of Acts “…I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man” (24:16). Consider this post clearing my conscience. Here’s the story…
If you read my previous post, you may have noted near the conclusion that I tied the discussion about giving and receiving compliments to leadership and the importance of being able to temper ‘criticism with positive affirmations or compliments’, and how a leader “should always strive to offset any criticism” by also delivering an “abundance positives.” Man…that was some good stuff, right?
Unfortunately, despite talking about it (and usually doing a fairly good job of walking it, too), I promptly went to work the very next day and was a complete jack-ass in the way I handled a staff-work/ assignment related issue. I was harsh, defensive, unkind, and quite frankly a dick in how I responded to one of my people who politely voiced some criticism. Not that this makes it any better – it may actually be worse – but I knew it was coming. It was just a matter of time before I blew up, and I should have done more to prevent it. I was becoming increasingly stressed and under intense pressure from overloaded work and my inability to catch up. I recognized that I was becoming edgy. In speaking with people, face-to-face and through email, I was increasingly abrupt. Where I typically stay cheerful, pleasant, light-hearted and even playful, I had pretty much lost all sense of that. And I had lost my patience for people and things they did (or didn’t do in a couple of instances). Regardless, I have always prided myself on being able to remain calm and even-keeled in in those situations. But through a series of unfortunate events and work related disappointments, one pertaining to a missed long-time career aspiration, that I failed to adequately reconcile, it all added up. And do you know what the sum was? Zero. Because that’s what I felt like. A zero.
It was creeping in at home, too. You know…that place and those people who are used to getting that side of you anyway. Because it’s much easier to be a jerk to those closest to you, right? Well, think of that. And multiply it. By a lot.
The worst part was, the blow up at work happened between me and the one person on my staff I’m probably closest to from a personal standpoint. Considering the above paragraph, maybe I’m onto something here. So what happened to the March 26, 2018 Beyond Strength post about “avoiding judgment and treating others with dignity and respect helps ensure that regardless of the situation or subject matter, relating to other humans by saying nice things to each other is a skill worth developing.”? Well That’s Fabulous (WTF).
Former Vietnam Prisoner of War Lee Ellis writes in his book Leading with Honor that we should “allow people to utilize their strengths, which are different from yours, to complement your struggles, which are different from theirs. Your respect for others will grow as you focus on their positives and take ownership of your struggles” (2012) (emphasis added).
So has your boss ever come into your office and literally gotten down on his or her knees and said “I’m really sorry”? Well I did that. I didn’t know what else to do in the moments following the crap-sandwich I had served up during the meeting. But I knew how bad I felt about how poorly I handled the situation, and the pain I must have caused by lashing out that way. I needed to apologize and to take ownership for what I’d done. There’s no other answer. In fact, I probably should have just spent the rest of the day crawling around the office on my knees apologizing to everyone, because I’m sure they could all hear me barking and no doubt saw first-hand what a tool I’d been lately.
It was my issue; my fault; my struggle. I know that, and I take responsibility for it. And while it’s been a little awkward around the office, it’s slowly getting better. I hope with time it will be even better than it was before. And I also hope with time I’ll stop doing stupid things so I can write about non-stupid things; or maybe stupid things other people did. But I know me…and chances are pretty good we’ll be having a lot more talks like this.
Get strong…Be strong…Stay strong…
Ellis, L. (2012). Leading with honor: leadership lessons from the Hanoi Hilton. FreedomStar Media.