I’m Rubber & You’re Glue

1 Comment

Have you ever been excited about something? Some business venture or enterprising dream you were certain there was a market for and you could make reality? You knew it would take serious time, energy, and effort, but you were ready! You conjured visions of floor plans; rehearsed your business-plan pitch to the bank; every detail of every idea rattling around in your brain for months…or years. You were ready to lean forward and make it happen.

Then the gallery piped in, telling you all the reasons it would never work and why you shouldn’t bother trying. Critics are like the pothole problem in Michigan; the road to where you want to go is full of them. They’re annoying, pervasive, rattle the heck out of you, and cause damage. Many a dream, big and small, has gone unfulfilled as a result.

In his book Be All You Can Be, John C. Maxwell writes about stretching your God given potential. I first read the book in 2008, and for a number of years after, I used his rubber band analogy during leadership and motivational talks. You see, a rubber band does nothing until it is stretched. Just laying there, that piece of stretchy rubber fails to fulfill its intended purpose. I can remember when our mail carrier would use a thick rubber band to hold bundles of mail together. And I’m sure most of us have used one to hold a deck of cards together, a daughter’s ponytail, a stack of business cards, or an assortment of pens, pencils, and highlighters we were certain we’d use again someday. Even to perpetrate the more nefarious crime of launching objects at unsuspecting classmates and dozing colleagues, or becoming both finger-gun-and-projectile-in-one, the band of rubber must be stretched or you’ll miss your mark for sure!

Like a rubber band, Maxwell postulates (and I agree), we need to stretch – or be stretched – to be most useful, most effective, and reach our full potential. Doctor Joseph Schafer of St. Louis University recently spoke at a conference I attended and reminded the audience that leadership is a verb. He said that the very core of leadership is change – the desire to do more, do something new, do something better (stretch?) as we move ourselves and our organizations from good to great. So besides the unwanted opinions of the nay-sayers mentioned above, what keeps us from snapping-back and launching into greater possibilities, challenges, and excellence? Is it laziness? Contentment with our present situation? Comfort in mediocrity? Or maybe it’s fear.

In my case, fear has probably been the number-one reason I’ve failed to stretch to full potential in one area or another. Even when I have allowed dissenting opinions to discourage me, it was ultimately fear of failure, of letting people down, or fear they were right (that it would never work) that held me back. I suspect there are many others out there who appear confident on the surface but battle insecurity within. People like that often have above average drive and ability, but struggle with self-confidence and self-esteem due to fear of failure and letting people down. It certainly makes me not want to stretch outside my comfort zone.

What do we do about it? Andrew Carnegie is quoted as saying “There are two types of people who never achieve very much in their lifetimes. One is the person who won’t do what he or she is told to do, and the other is the person who does no more than he or she is told to do.” Do more…stretch a bit.

I doubt I’m the only person held back in these ways, or the only schmoe prone to being stretched in the WRONG direction, so I want to share an acrostic of strategies with you. I’ll dive deeper into each point in a future article.

Seize your moment
Try something new
Read (a lot)
Expect great things
Transform your thinking
Cast no stones
Help others reach their potential
Your mistakes do not define you

Pain is temporary (pride is not)
Always do more than expected
Never fail to learn something (especially from mistakes)
Treat others the way you want them to treat you
Stop giving life to the doubts of others

One more thing. Before you join the chorus of haters who bring others down to lift themselves up, remember this classic childhood truism: I’m rubber and you’re glue…what bounces off me sticks to you.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Maxwell, J. (2007). Be all you can be. Colorado Springs, CO: David C, Cook.

New Beginnings

“Light is sweet; how pleasant to see a new day dawning.” – Ecclesiastes 11.7

As last year closes, many of us will use the breaking of this new one to try to leave disappointments, failures, unrealized goals, and pain behind.  We breach the new almanac with renewed optimism, commitment, and focus.  Likely today, we are all-in for a new beginning. 

While we may start off the New Year fired up with ‘guns-a-blazin’, the reality is that ‘resolution’ will be little more than cliché as a large majority of us will lose focus and fall back into the demotivation, destructive habits, thinking traps, or emotional constipation/diarrhea (each equally unpleasant!) within a few weeks.  

So what’s the answer?  Heck, I don’t know.  If I had a nickel for every time some so-called expert, ‘life-coach’, or fitness guru whose only job is to work out all day told me all I had to do is…[fill in the blank], I’d be rich.  Take it from an average-at-best schmo who does have a day job; can’t be in the gym all day and wouldn’t get paid to be even if he could be there all day; isn’t in this for money, fame, or his own talk show; is admittedly simple-minded and really just wants to help.  There’s much to learn from other people’s mistakes and life experiences, and I think we can help each other get and stay motivated. 

I need plenty of help, myself.  If you’ve read my previous articles or checked out the Home, About Beyond Strength, and About the Author links on the website, you’ll understand this is as much about working on myself as it is helping others.  I also know from decades of investigating violent crimes, playing & coaching sports, and serving in the military that success is a team sport.  In fact, I have an entire speech queued at any given time on the importance of teamwork.  I’ll spare you that narrative here, but as someone who’s about as messed up and needy as anyone out there, I’m confident we can help each other get beyond some things, get over ourselves, and get on with our lives in the New Year.     

Physical wellness:

Be consistent, no matter your current level of physical fitness.  If you need to start somewhere, start small.  Build your consistency by creating a habit.  If you’re just getting started or restarted, commit to just walking 15-20 minutes two or three times a week.  Treadmill, indoors, or outdoors are all fine.  Walk at a pace that is more than lollygagging but less than a jog.  In other words, maintain a pace that requires some effort and elevates your heart rate a bit.  On a treadmill, I expect on average that’s somewhere between 2.5 and 4 mph.  As you begin to feel better, healthier, and more energetic, add time or distance.  Stretching and yoga are also great ways to get more active. 

If you are already well-along or more advanced physically, renew your commitment…and stick to it.  I have found success getting up 45 minutes earlier than normal and knocking it out in the morning.  It’s too easy to get distracted or exhausted after a long day and end up blowing it off.  

For ideas on fitness training, the internet is plentiful.  There’s a great article on the Air Force Marathon website about slowing down to avoid strain and build your endurance engine.  Or feel free to visit the Fitness & Workouts link on my website for ideas, read my previous article On Fitness, or email me.

Emotional/Spiritual wellness:

Again, be consistent.  Avoid the desire to be constantly ‘plugged-in’.  Rest, quiet your mind, take walks in nature, laugh, pray, read, forgive (others & yourself).  For some book ideas, see my recommended reading list. 

Vocational wellness:

Commit to doing your best every day.  That doesn’t include comparing yourself to others, gossiping about coworkers, participating in (or creating) an office drama club.  It simply means ending each day confident that you gave your best effort.  You don’t ever have to be the most highly educated or talented person to be happy, contribute, or make a difference.  Here’s a list one of my good friends and mentors shared during a 2016 command senior enlisted conference.  I’ve seen other variations of it, and I’ve added a few points of my own.  

Things that require zero talent:

Being on time; work ethic; effort; energy; passion; coachability; being prepared; doing more than expected; gratitude; attitude; respect; compassion.

My goals this year include what’s above, as well as reaching more people, hearing from more people, loving more people, helping more people.  I hope you have a plan for the New Year, as well.  And that it includes making yourself and the world a little better each day. 

“A compassionate man does not stand detached from the sufferings of others.  Rather, he steps into the world of the hurting and feels the pain and anguish of the one suffering.” – David Jeremiah

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

Happy New Year!

Preparing for Mistakes

1 Comment

Martin Fanbee is quoted by then Colonel David L. Goldfein in his book Sharing Success Owning Failure as saying “Learn from the mistakes of others.  You won’t live long enough to make them all yourself.”  I’m making more than my fair share…so you’re welcome.

Mistakes are not only the result of weakness and poor decisions, but also the result of failing to prepare.  I left off last time talking about being prepared, as well as the consequences of being unprepared.  Our failure to prepare often results in discomfort at best and utter chaos, disaster, or severe heartache at worst.

Thanks to a televised Janet Jackson incident some years ago, I now know the proper terminology for my many embarrassing clothing mishaps.  On the ‘discomfort’ end, being unprepared for wardrobe malfunctions has resulted in my tie in the toilet while pulling up my pants, a favorite tie in the shredder while still attached to my neck, and not having any tie at a black-tie affair.  Toward the other extreme, being unprepared to raise children resulted in many missteps, mistakes, and missed opportunities; and the realization I probably should have waited until age 50 to have them.  Of course, I never would have won an arm-wrestling match if that were the case.

I have spent nearly my entire life preparing my body to withstand a career in the profession of arms, to be functionally fit, and to feel good about the way I look when I pass by a full-length mirror naked.  I have likewise tried to prepare my mind for critical thinking and vocational success by gaining wisdom and knowledge.  And I have spent a good deal of time helping others do likewise.  But despite all that, I remain insecure and emotionally unprepared in many ways.  These weaknesses sometimes lead to carelessly being drawn into situations I know better to avoid.

Similar to preparing for cold weather by wearing bread bags in your boots, string mittens, and so many layers of winter clothes that there would be little need for side-impact airbags in your car, maybe preparing for life involves putting on a few things.  Things like armor…literally and metaphorically; physically and emotionally.

Literature convinces us that in medieval times, knights were powerful symbols of bravery and nobility.  But a knight wasn’t a knight overnight.  It took years of training, learning, and preparation.  The page learned from the squire, who learned from the knight.  The knight prepared and affirmed his commitment to knighthood by learning and living chivalrous knighthood ideals such as being brave in battle; loyal to God and King; willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. And to be merciful, humble, courteous, gracious, and gentle.  I read somewhere that ‘not all knights were great men, but all great men were knights!’

Armor provides a great metaphor for the importance of preparation…even better than your mom’s recommendation of always wearing clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.  There’s perhaps no better rendering than that of Apostle Paul in the sixth chapter of Ephesians when it comes to preparing for life.  He used the battle dress of the Roman soldier as his object lesson, but we can relate in the same way to today’s law enforcement officer or military fighter.

It begins with being ready to stand firm under pressure (also mentioned in a previous article).  It is followed by donning the proper equipment (or pieces of armor), each one serving a literal protective purpose and metaphorically representing spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical protections.  The first is the ‘belt of truth’; used by the soldier to mount weapons, secure garments, and protect or ‘gird’ the loins and lower body.  We all have secrets in dark places we never want revealed.  But spiritual truth is needed in a dark world.  “In the long run, it matters little what others say or think; it matters a great deal whether or not truth stands.” – Wendell L. Miller

The next few pieces are the breastplate (body armor), protective footwear (practical to the situation), the shield, and the helmet (headgear).  Each one representing a facet of spiritual faith and practical physical use…and each defensive in nature.  The last piece Paul cites happens also to be the only offensive piece of equipment – the sword (duty weapon).

We could go much deeper here, but I’m sure you get the picture.  Sure, you visualized them at least once through all that looking exhausted from battle and caked with dust and dripping with sweat, blood and tears.  But think of them all cleaned up, standing tall and proud, crisp and ready for inspection.  There’s nothing like a man or woman in uniform.  They look pretty damn good, right?!  A regular knight in shining armor…

But beware, trusted caballeros.  When one puts on all that shiny armor, there may be a certain visual appeal that draws attention that may become a stumbling block for the weak or unprepared.  If you are prepared for random notes on your car, impromptu show-ups, and terms of endearment like ‘Muffin Tushy’ or ‘Applesauce’, then not to worry.  If you’re not, I guess you’re more like I’ve been much of my life than you care to be and we’re back to paragraphs one through four.

I am my greatest adversary.  I need to prepare better.  I need the Armor of God.

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

Goldfein, D. L. (2001). Sharing success owning failure-preparing to command in the twenty-first century Air Force. Maxwell AFB, AL: Air University Press.

 

 

 

Seasons of Change

As colder weather rolls into Michigan, I am reminded how much I dislike it. But it occurs to me that I haven’t always disliked it. In fact, I’m pretty sure I used to love playing in the snow and staying out in the cold until my extremities were numb and snotsicles bridged the gap between my nostrils and upper lip.  And it wasn’t too long ago that I remember poking fun at my dad and other ‘old people’ because of their intolerance of the cold and propensity to leave us all behind as they fled south for months at a time.  Deep down I’m sure it was just envy…for not having the freedom myself to disappear to the land of milk and honey (or is it Geritol and ginger-ale?) for months at a time.  And although I don’t see him nearly as often as I should in the months he’s nearby, the bigger reason for my deflections-disguised-as-harassment-about-the-weather is simply that I miss him while he’s so far away.  Perhaps a little reluctant to admit I am starting share his disdain for the cold, too.

It’s true…as if right on schedule to reinforce the irony of it all, I am finding the older I get, the less I care for the cold.  And the more I’m saddened to say that I, too, may soon appreciate the simplicity of Velcro shoes and the golf cart as a primary mode of transit.  So as I try to do in other areas of my life (at least better than I used to), I am taking a hard look at why I have done things, why I do things, or why I feel the way I do about certain things.  Nature’s changing season is just the latest timely reminder of my own changing nature.

In the Midwest, the thick heat of summer gives way to the crispness of autumn air.  It blesses us with the splendor of colorful leaves, tastes of cider, and the smell of pumpkin spice.  Another blessing of this change in season is the transition itself.  Not only does the transition prepare the environment for the harshness of winter, it similarly prepares us by moving our bodies from dramatic heat to bitter cold by gradual acclimation as we pass through a milder autumn.

So what’s the problem?  With that reasoning I should have no problem acclimating to the biting wind, cold, snow, and other extremes of winter.  I think one the things it boils down to is preparation; wearing the right clothes the right way, having the right equipment and resources, and having the right attitude.  I have concluded that when facing extremes – whether in life, temporary circumstances, or environment – an increase in discomfort often involves a decrease in (or lack of) preparation.

Consider this.  If you grew up in a ‘four-season’ part of the world, you probably had a mom, dad, grandparent or other adult who bundled you up like the Michelin Man before going out in the cold, making you virtually impervious to the elements.  I remember everything from the mittens attached by a string running from one sleeve to another, to wearing bread bags on my feet inside my boots to keep my feet toasty and dry (personally I think my mom was conducting some early study in the greenhouse effect with those bags).  But those things worked.  Buttoned up, zipped up, no exposed skin.  Hats, mittens, scarfs, the right coat, pants, socks, boots, and long underwear.  You could stay out for hours and not be bothered by the coldest of days.  Even now, when I actually wear appropriate clothing and accessories for the conditions, the weather really doesn’t bother me so much.

The problem is I usually don’t.  I don’t prepare properly.  I don’t wear the nice warm stocking cap because it will mess up my hair.  I don’t wear the thick socks and warm boots because they’re cumbersome, uncomfortable, and it’s just a pain to change into other shoes when I get to my destination.  I seldom wear gloves, scarf, or even zip my coat up.  Is it any wonder I have started to dislike cold weather?  I should either dress for the weather or stop complaining about it.  And while I think there are a few other lessons we can take from this, I want to keep this at a reasonable length, respecting your time and attention.  So with the assurance to continue this subject in a second part soon to come, let me wrap up with these points.

In the same way the changing seasons prepare us for more extreme conditions yet to come, and properly outfitting ourselves prepares us for the extreme conditions we venture out into, properly preparing ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and socially can help us through some of the extreme conditions of life.

Until the next edition, prepare for the changing season by bundling up, wrapping up, zipping up, breaking out your bread bags, and above all never forgetting how much fun it was to be a child.  Keep that youthful spirit alive!

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3.1)

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

A Note to E-Mail Subscribers

It has come to my attention that the articles received via e-mail subscription may not be displaying properly in the body of the e-mail message.  For proper readability and to ensure you are getting all photos, text, and links displayed properly, please select the title of the blog article within the e-mail message.

This will open the article in the intended format directly from the website/blog.

I apologize for any inconvenience.

Dave E.

Strength that Stands

1 Comment

Stand fast is defined, in part, as to firmly remain in the same position or cease all action immediately.  I’ve heard it widely used in military life in a few contexts, the most common to me of waiting to move after a preparatory command was already given…sometimes seemingly as if to test the formation to see who’s going to be the one to flinch: “Flight, Attention!  Forward…Stand Fast!”  You don’t want to be the one who false starts and then fumbles around trying to reset as if no one noticed the ONLY body cavorting around in a sea of stalwarts.

For this article, the standing fast to which I refer is similar, but more akin to standing firm…in strength, power, resoluteness, faith; the kind of strength to carry on when it would be easier to just roll over.  It’s the kind of strength that when the whole world or the gallery of so-called experts, know-it-alls, or haters (as today’s generation might call them) tells you to just give up and get out of the way, you stand firm and say “No, you move…I’m not giving up…I’m strong…I’m a survivor…I’m a conqueror.”  Standing firm in this way takes a different kind of strength than we typically think of.

A recent quiet time illustrated two divergent types of strength – active and passive – that might help clarify my point.  As I thought through the author’s analogies and applied them to my own life, I began to appreciate the need for each at different times in our lives.  The author, Harold Cooke Phillips, said it better than I ever could, so I’ll let him handle this.

“Sometimes nothing is harder in life than just to endure.  There are two types of of strength.  There is the strength of the wind that sways the mighty oak, and there is the strength of the oak that withstands the power of the wind.  There is the strength of the locomotive that pulls the heavy train across the bridge, and there is the strength of the bridge that holds up the weight of the train.  One is active strength, the other is passive strength; one is the power to keep going, the other is the power to keep still; one the strength by which we overcome, the other is the strength by which we endure.”

Sixteen years ago, a healthy, active 13 year old attended his local county fair to watch the motocross races.  He left the fair in a helicopter, critically injured, unconscious, with a depressed skull fracture and his life would never be the same.

This young man is one of my nephews.  He and another spectator were struck by an out-of-control cycle that left the track.  When my dad’s call woke me in the middle of that July night and he told me what happened, he said things ‘didn’t look good’.  My nephew remained critical and comatose for weeks.  He was ultimately transferred to a renowned rehabilitation hospital where he eventually regained consciousness.

Through faith, prayers, amazing staff, rigorous physical and speech therapy, and his incredible resilience, he finally started to look at people, move his lips, and comprehend things again. He gradually improved, spending many months in a wheelchair, followed by a walker (neither of which he uses today).  Through God’s amazing healing power, tremendous medical care, his incredible strength, and the loving support of many, he eventually went home.  In June 2007, my nephew graduated with honors from high school and later from Michigan Career & Technical Institute.

The damage his brain suffered from the injury had lasting effects on his speech and his right extremities, but that doesn’t slow him down.  He’s a husband and father, and is as fun-loving and quick-witted as ever.  He is strong, hard-working, and an inspiration to me and many others because of the person he is and the example he sets with his huge smile and easy-going disposition.  Every chance he gets, he goes out of his way to text, call, or visit with friends and family.  While it was tough early on to see the impact this had on him and his family, I am so proud of the man he has become.  Some of the things I truly enjoy in life are the rare occasions to lock arms with him to help navigate a set of stairs or other challenging terrain, and being the recipient of the smiles, hugs,  and “I love you”s that he unashamedly doles out…the way more of us should.

My nephew’s life has been a case study in both the strength to endure and the strength to overcome mentioned above.  He continues to be one of the strongest people I know.

“The physical strength of a person must always be added to the strength of his or her soul and power for marshaling the resources of truth, righteousness, and love.” – J. Richard Spann

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

It is my honor to dedicate this article during National Disability Employment Awareness Month to him and all those who stand strong and persevere through their disabilities, setting an example for us all.

https://www.dol.gov/odep/topics/ndeam/index-2018.htm

Hunsberger, E. & Nygaard, N. (2002). Strength for service: daily devotional messages for those in the service of others updated edition. Franklin, TN: Providence House.