Actions and Reactions

I’ve heard you can tell a lot about a person by playing a round of golf with them.  Besides the number of ‘Mulligans’ they take when they think no one is looking (think Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack), the corresponding increase in profanity, bent clubs, and diminishing disposition as the strokes add up are pretty telling.

The fact is, we don’t always react the way we would like to in each situation.

Have YOU ever been disappointed with yourself after reacting poorly or uncharacteristically to a situation?  Perhaps something caught you completely off-guard or you were already on ‘your last nerve’ stressing about work, politics, or other disappointments in your life.  Let’s be honest here…when was the last time you waved at someone in traffic using just your tall finger because they were driving like a jackass?  How dare they ride your bumper or spike their brakes (perhaps because you were riding theirs?).  Don’t they know you’re in a hurry?  Don’t they know who you are?

What about blowing up at one of your kids or a co-worker in absolute overreaction when they asked an innocent question or simply did something harmless at the wrong time?

I think I’ve made commendable progress in my reactions over the last few years, but I still have plenty of moments.  I admire those people who are perpetually easy-going and seemingly unflappable.  Cool as a cucumber.  It bothers me a little that I maintain composure in chaos and excel in stressful or challenging situations, yet I can fly off the handle in response to ridiculously unimportant events and minor infractions.

I don’t know if negative reactions are rooted in a sense of entitlement, a quest for justice, simple anger, or a combination, but I do know it’s been an issue throughout history.  The Bible provides many warnings against lashing out in anger.  One such admonishment tells us not to repay evil for evil; to live peaceably; not to avenge ourselves, but to give place to wrath (Romans 12.17-19).  Another reminds us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath (James 1.19).

One of the lessons I remember most about actions and reactions came during a hockey game while playing in a men’s league several years ago.  It wasn’t the typical scenario you might think…everyone knows who invariably gets the attention of the referee (and the penalty) in sports like hockey: it’s the person who retaliates!

My lesson didn’t come from a penalty, although there should have been one called!  It came in the form of a cheap shot, a payback, my reaction, and the lesson in humility that followed.

The cheap shot: I was skating along minding my own business, trying to be where a Winger should be on the ice.  It had been a long time since pond hockey, but I was average at best and still fairly proficient at checking myself into the boards and tripping over the blue line.  It was a league where some just wanted to have fun and others thought they should be getting paid.  This was never clearer to me than when I went careening to the ice following a blindside cheap shot.  I was angry and embarrassed, but elected not to come up swinging.  A small (and short-lived) victory.

A payback: I skated with some great players; former Junior hockey and NCAA types.  One of them had the kind of slap shot I envy…one that travels with such velocity it keeps rising until it hits the net, or something else in its path.  On this night that something happened to be Mr. Cheap Shot.  I doubt it was coincidence that my friend unleashed his wicked slap shot in perfect synchronicity to dickweed’s path of travel.  It was a thing of beauty, striking center mass.  The impact was so powerful it doubled him over with a loud gasp and caused his abrupt return to the bench in a crumpled heap.

My reaction:  Having been the recipient of a slap shot or two, I was aware the pain he was in.  Yet being the small man that I was, I didn’t pass up the chance to skate by him en route to his bench and smugly ask, in top passive-aggressive form, “How’d that feel?”.  Not my best moment.  Almost as soon as the words left my mouth, I felt bad.  But not that bad.

The lesson:  I’m pretty sure we won.  In fact, I think it was a playoff game and I had even scored one of the few goals of my lackluster career.  I should have felt good.  As I drove home, a late-night radio evangelist was on and I’ll give you one guess what his topic was.  You guessed it…actions versus reactions.  Coincidence?  More like providence.  I was quickly humbled and reminded that it’s often my REACTIONS rather than my actions that cause me the most trouble.  My reaction was petty and disappointing.  Instead of humbling myself and reaching out in compassion to a fellow human being in pain, I chose to take paltry satisfaction in his pain because he embarrassed me.  But it shouldn’t matter what he had done.  Those were HIS actions, and I don’t have control of those.  But I do have control of mine.

I allowed my reaction to override the much more important action I should have taken…that of turning the other cheek (see Matthew 5.38-40).

Here’s a few more ideas that might help us react differently.

  1. Count to 10 before reacting
  2. Be humble
  3. Be merciful
  4. Be gracious
  5. Be gentle
  6. Be courteous
  7. Conduct yourself with a healthy amount of propriety
  8. Ask yourself if this is really going to matter five years from now

Next time you’re tempted to react out of anger or in a manner you’ll soon regret, remember the lesson of a 3-inch, 6 oz. hard rubber disc traveling around 100 mph.  In moments you feel like you’re under attack, try extending kindness, love, and understanding instead of setting up a hasty defense.

You might be pleasantly surprised with being pleasant.

 

The Character of Leadership

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I’ve had a number of people ask if my recent retirement speech was recorded.  To my knowledge it was not.  For this post, I’m sharing the text from which I spoke.

DISCLAIMER: What follows may not contain everything that was said, nor was everything written here necessarily shared during the live recitation.  Also please note this is slightly longer than I prefer for posting on this blog.  However, I hope you’ll find it worth the extra few minutes to read.

Military retirement speech delivered August 4, 2018 at Battle Creek, Michigan:

When I was young I wanted to be a radio broadcaster like my dad. But after coming to terms with the realization that I look and sound like Howdy Doody, I figured a career in the profession of arms was the next best thing.

I’ve been very blessed over a career that started in 1986. I can tell you honestly that despite some missteps here and there, I always tried to be the very best leader I could be, trying never to forget who I was or where I came from…whether as an M-60 machine gunner; as a fire-team or squad leader; or ‘the enlisted leader’ of 2300 or so Airmen.

During my career(s), I’ve seen and done things many people will never have the opportunity to see or do. Quite frankly, some things no one should see or do.  The thing is, when you spend your entire career solving other people’s problems, you tend to ignore your own. And unlike wine or cheese, problems don’t get better with age.

So despite reaching heights I never imagined as an Airman and leader, I’ll tell you honestly that I have not always been the man I should have been. I’m a living example that a person can be quite successful in their life and career, yet still be plagued by unresolved issues or personal demons living in the shadows of their soul.  If you knew even half of the dumb things I have done, there’d be about three people in the audience right now.

But I’m glad you’re here to help celebrate my military retirement.  And since you ARE here, I’d like to share share some things about a few leaders I’ve known who made a difference in my life & career.

In 1987, and again in 1989, I was selected to compete on the security police team in Strategic Air Command’s Combat Weapons Loading competition ‘Giant Sword’.  I’m not going to lie…it was a pretty big deal.  And to be picked twice was ‘off the hook’ as the kids say.  Do the kids still say that?

After the 1987 competition in Spokane, Washington, I was chosen to toast the Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force (CMSAF) because I was the lowest ranking person at the table…maybe the whole room.   I was a nervous, skinny 20 year old kid trying to speak in a room of about 500 people, with no microphone.  I was shaking; my voice was quivering.  I felt like a fool. I sat down relieved it was over. A few minutes later, one of the servers came over and handed me a note. It was from CMSAF James Binnicker, the man I had just toasted. If you haven’t figured it out, he was kind of a big deal! The note read “Thanks for the toast, Airman! By the way, your fly is down.”  As far as I remember my fly wasn’t down, but he knew I needed to be encouraged. His actions and words revealed the character of his leadership.

Fast forward to 1989. I was the top graduate from NCO prep course; I had been chosen as Airman of the month and of the quarter; I was promoted ahead of my peers (below-the-zone); I had been kicking a**… I mean, I was doing really well on all my job qualification testing.  I was on a pretty incredible run for a couple of years, and in case you haven’t figured this out yet, I was kind of a big deal!

So there I am one day somewhere in between all this, leaning against the shack of my assigned flight-line gate when a patrol car rolls up.  It’s driven by a NCO I recognized, but he wasn’t in my chain of command and he never impressed me much, anyway.  Maybe he hadn’t heard, but I was kind of a big deal.  My grandma would have said I was a little too big for my britches…and she’d have been right.

I peeled myself from he side of the shack and sauntered over to his patrol car wearing my best pair of Army gloves (I had my hands in pockets). One DOES NOT do this as a Security Forces Defender. Ever.  Especially on post.  I casually, borderline disrespectfully, ask “Hey what’s up?”, to which he asks “Why don’t you go over to the other side of the car and ask that?”

I peered through the window as I walked around the back of the car and saw the passenger was Chief Master Sergeant Rochelle. A feared man from Little Rock, Arkansas, Rochelle literally WAS a big deal.  I reached his door, snapped to attention, and delivered the requisite reporting statement…”Sir, Airman Eddy reports post Foxtrot Two all secure. Would you like a post briefing?”  The chief stared through me and replied ”I was actually stopping to tell you what a great job you’ve been doing lately, but I think I’ll hold off on that for now.” They drove off and left me standing alone at the position of attention in a cloud of dust. I was mortified…what an idiot I was.

A week or so later Chief Rochelle came through my entry control point in the weapon storage area. I again snapped to attention and reported my post: “Sir, Airman Eddy reports ECP Whiskey Three all secure, would you like a post briefing…?”  I apologized for my miscue during his last encounter with me. He said all kinds of nice things about me and left with “…you’re going to be Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force someday.”

He knew I needed to be encouraged. His words and actions showed me the character of his leadership.

I left active duty after four years to pursue a career in civilian law enforcement and moved back to Michigan with a pregnant wife and no job. Not one of my wiser life decisions, but we made it work by living in my in-laws’ basement and the generosity of my friend giving me a job driving a grain truck to help with the harvest. I also joined the Air National Guard at this very base.

I worked hard, offered what I could, learned a lot, and ended up in a place I thought I could compete for Wing Command Chief (CCM). I was the only applicant, but ultimately wasn’t selected. I was pretty devastated. Not long after, Chief John Kemp, a former Wing CCM and long-time friend and mentor, stopped in my office and laid a set of his own CCM stripes on my desk.  He looked me in the eyes and said “Don’t give up…it will happen when it’s time.”

Chief Kemp knew I needed to be encouraged. His words and actions showed me the character of his leadership.

Each of those men essentially told me what I understand Bill Parcells said to Tony Romo after he botched the snap on a field goal attempt that would have sent the Dallas Cowboys to the next round of the 2007 playoffs: “Don’t let the fumble define you.”

Romo needed to be encouraged. Parcells’ words and actions showed the character of his leadership.

I never became CMSAF.  But I did become enlisted leader at a level I never imagined possible.  And my time directing the Air National Guard Chief’s Executive Course (E9 orientation) in Washington, DC provided many chances to visit his office in the Pentagon.  I may have even partied on his front lawn at Andrews Air Force Base a few times.  So, yeah…

I had a pastor that used to say “Being a Christian isn’t easy, it’s impossible!  We can’t do it on our own…that’s why we need a savior.”  I feel the same way about life and leadership.  It’s NOT easy. In fact, it’s impossible unless you’re surrounded by great people, great friends, and great family. People who support you no matter what; people who don’t love and support you because of who you are…they love and support you in spite of who you are.  They are also willing to tell you what you need to hear. They are people who care about you and love you unconditionally. I’ve been blessed with many people like that in my life and both careers – many who are here today.

I want to thank the staff and everyone who put this event together; dignitaries; special guests; childhood friends; coworkers; and all the rest of you who are here, despite knowing the real me.  And of course my family.

I’ve talked much longer than I should, but I want to just leave you a few final thoughts.

Former ANG Command Chief Gary Broadbent used to say that ‘everyone messes up, but those same people have done far more incredible things; don’t throw the baby out with the bath water…give them the chance to do more amazing things.’  We need to pick them up, dust them off, recognize their need for encouragement, and remind them the fumble is not what defines them.

A boyhood friend I haven’t seen in decades sent me this message on social media just a few days ago. As far as I know, he’s never served in the military, yet this is the insight he shared:

Congratulations. Thank you for your service.

It’s all cool when it’s pictures on FB and stuff.

Never forget the men and women you served and were deployed with. I am positive you impacted them with your leadership. Look for them at this celebration look them in the eye, shake their hands and give them a hug. Tell them how much they mean to you. There are probably many that you impacted that you weren’t even aware of. Make sure to thank them too.

I hope you future is filled with the laughter of children, loved filled challenge and the growth in love and knowledge of the Wonderful Savior!!

He gets it doesn’t he?

You’re going to think what you will about me. If it’s bad, I certainly deserve it. If it’s good, you’re really very sweet, but perhaps a little bit misguided.  I appreciate it nonetheless.

I am going to miss this and all of you. As far as I know, I still have a day job for a few more years, and I’ve started a Life, Leadership and Fitness website and blog you can follow if you’re interested in keeping up with what I’m doing in retirement.

But if you need a character-limited version to remember me by, use this: leader, follower, angel, sinner, gentlemen, wretch, needy, giving, broken, redeemed.

My good friend and retired ANG Command Chief Jim Hotaling used to say this, and I feel the same way: It has been my honor to serve with and help lead the greatest weapon system in the world – the American Airman!

I’m blessed and grateful you all chose to be here with me today, and I am a better man because you’re in my life.

I love you all. Thank you.

*Photos added for blog.  Some photos courtesy of Mr. Art Frith, USN (Ret.)

On Fitness

For years, I struggled to make muscular gains…at least the growth I desired. I was in good shape, but I was always thin and wiry. I wanted to be bigger.

I experimented with every variation of workout and rep scheme around to make gains. The fact is, I was a ‘hard gainer’.  I learned about this concept after a friend encouraged me to read the book ‘Brawn’ by Stuart McRobert.  By doing so, I learned that few of us are genetically gifted the way most ‘professionals’ are.  Add drug enhancement to that and it’s a recipe for disappointment, frustration and discouragement for average ectomorphs like me.

That’s not to say there isn’t merit in their knowledge and workouts widely shared in mainstream fitness media; the big-guns didn’t get to where they are by sloughing off or adhering to ineffective workouts. But the reality is I was genetically typical and drug-free, and I had to find what worked for me.  I discovered less was more.

I started seeing breakthroughs in growth and strength by giving my body more rest and doing fewer reps with heavier weights. For weight training, I stopped the ‘typical’ workouts and finishing moves in favor of lifting twice per week and focusing on major movements like bench, squat, deadlift, military press, and barbell curls. I inched the weight up incrementally each workout.

There is a time and place for specialization and isolation movements, but I needed a stronger foundation first, according to McRobert.  I agreed.  The major movements provide plenty of incidental work to the smaller muscles, anyway.  I also came to terms with the reality that without superior genetics or drug enhancement, I would never look like Arnold, Lee Haney, Reg Park, Sergio Oliva, Frank Zane, Ronnie Coleman, or any other bodybuilding giant.  But I knew with hard work, persistence, and the right combination for MY body type, I could realize respectable gains.  Through that, I would look and feel better than I ever thought possible.

As I aged, I also gained a greater appreciation for ‘functional fitness’.  Maybe it was a career in the profession of arms where quickness, endurance, strength, and physicality are often the difference between success and failure or life and death.  It was also the aging process that lent itself to introspection; I grew up enough to know that while Hugo Hugenator might be enormous and can lift a bus, there’s something to be said for being able to put on your own deodorant, tie your own tie, or outrun a five-year-old. A functionally fit person has endurance, flexibility, versatility and strength that neither he nor Gina Ginormabottom will ever have.  Not to mention some important parts haven’t been zapped by Rick Moranis’s shrink ray.  #honeyIshrunktheyouknowwhats #horso’doeuvres #notafanoflittleweinersandtinynuts

Here’s some bottom line tenets that have been true for me.

1. Consistency is Key. I have watched friends and family struggle with fitness and weight loss by yo-yo dieting or the latest lose-weight-quick fad.  I have personally found that being consistent over the long-term and making fitness and physical activity a lifestyle choice makes the difference.  I made working out habit enough that it stresses me out me when I don’t do it.  People who know me can attest to my neurosis about this and the ensuing edginess when I miss too many workouts.

2. Portion Control = Self Control. I could easily eat until I’m miserable. Sometimes I do…I love to eat! Portion control is one of the biggest factors in keeping excess weight off.  Your body needs calories, and even though you may be able to do crunches all day, if you have a calorie inversion, we may never see your abs.  If you want a six-pack that doesn’t require refrigeration, do the math; if you take in way more than you burn off, you’ll probably get a little fluffy. I don’t obsess about what I eat, but I do try to avoid a lot of fried food and too much junk. I focus on lean protein, high fiber, fruits, nuts, and veggies.

3. Know Your Body. It took me a long time to crack the code on how my body responded best. It changes with circumstances and as you age. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve experienced more aches and pains and I’ve lightened my weights some.  But through it all I find lifting only a couple times a week and staying active with running or other cardio-strength activities the other days still gives me the best results.  DON’T overlook strength training.  I’m convinced building and maintaining muscle is a fat-burning fountain of youth.

I was probably in the best physical shape of my life during three periods between age 19 and 26, but I was almost 50 before I finally felt most healthy and pleased with my overall appearance.  Don’t ever give up.

I found what works for me; I watch what and how much I eat; I work very hard, and I’ve stayed consistent over the course of many years.

Figure out what works for you and do it. Hard.

Please see my Fitness & Workouts section at BeyondStrength.Org for workout plan ideas and more information about fitness.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

McRobert, S. (1991). Brawn. Nicosia, Cypress: CS Publishing.

Defining Mistakes

I’ve heard that it is few the men who finish well.  I am certainly not one of those few.  I marked my last day in the military less than a week ago.  As I ease into this new reality, I find myself nostalgically reflecting on the highlights of my career and wistfully pondering some of the royal eff-ups and ‘what were you thinking?’ moments.  As I do, I’m faced with the reality that even though I always strove to do my best, give my all, and put others first, I also made plenty of mistakes.  Nonetheless, something that accounts for nearly two-thirds of my life is done.  As I grieve the things I’ll especially miss about military service, reverie will be my ration now.

In his book My American Journey, General Colin Powell wrote of his draw to the Pershing Rifles during ROTC as “…the discipline, the structure, the camaraderie, the sense of belonging…”  Recognizing the U.S. military as one of America’s greatest opportunities, he eventually ascended to highest military position in our armed forces – Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.  I was a career enlisted guy, and while a non-commissioned officer can never be the chairman of the joint chiefs, many of us in the enlisted corps share the general’s affinity for those things that first attracted him to the Pershing Rifles and that likewise make the profession of arms a unique and honorable vocation.

Having had the privilege of serving at all levels of the enlisted force, from basic trainee to senior enlisted leader, I can say that structure, camaraderie, and sense of belonging General Powell spoke of are among the things I will miss most.  I already do.  With that in mind, I’d like to offer a few observations I believe relate to those merits of service quoted above that have leadership relevance within any organization, military or otherwise.

There are certain keystones to leadership that I believe some military leaders are particularly good at that should be embedded within the framework of any organization.  It begins and ends with truly caring about people.  It involves making sure every person understands where they fit into the organization, how important they are to the organization, and exactly how they contribute to the success of the organization.  It’s the leader’s job to do his or her absolute best to help each of them reach their full potential by ensuring they have the opportunities and resources necessary to be successful.  Had it not been for a few exceptional leaders ahead of me recognizing this and giving me opportunities and correction along the way, I’m not sure where I would have ended up.

One such leader taught me a long time ago that creating acronyms could help a simple-minded bloke like me remember things more easily.  In fact, I created this one as an outline for a talk and think it’s relevant here: L-T-S-R-B-R.  It stands for Leadership through Service, Respect, and Building Relationships.  You see, I not-so-uniquely believe excellence in leadership comes through relationships and service to others.  I believe real leadership is seen in how people treat others.  It involves treating others with dignity and respect; good communication; empowerment; and positive influence.

People need to know their leaders care both about the mission and about them, and that they are safe to make mistakes as they strive for greatness.  If you know someone in a position of authority who leaves a wake of destruction behind them everywhere they go, and they are more concerned with building an empire or advancing their own career than they are taking care of their people, that’s no leader.  In fact, that’s just a jerk.  My grandma would have said he’s gotten too big for his britches!  Using today’s vernacular, she might say it’s an example of the Peter Principle.  Still, I’m tempted to believe he was probably a jerk long before rising to his level of incompetence…

I believe true leaders are strong, courageous, humble, kind, committed, and compassionate.  Real leaders spend their time and energy finding ways to make others successful and equipping them to lead.  They genuinely care about people, and they own their mistakes.

I already miss serving.  I have considered it my privilege and honor to have followed and led some of the finest GIs in the profession of arms.  But I have not arrived.  Heck, I’m not even on final approach.  In the daily devotional Strength for Service, William H. Danforth quotes Coach Meehan of New York University as saying “We learn practically nothing from a victory.  All our information comes from a defeat.  A winner forgets most of his mistakes.”  I’ve learned much along the way from the many mistakes I’ve made, not the least of which is not to let them define who I am or what I represent.

Neither should you.

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

Hunsberger, E. & Nygaard, N. (2002). Strength for service: daily devotional messages for those in the service of others updated edition. Franklin, TN: Providence House.

Powell, C. L. & Perisco, J. (1995). My American journey.  New York, NY: Ballentine.

Fathers, Families, & Going Beyond

May 5, 1945

Dear Mom and Dad;

It’s been quite a while since I have been able to write.  We were committed for combat – when we secured our part of the island we had to go down and relieve the Army.

You will receive a notice from the War Dept. of my being wounded. Please don’t worry, as I am all right. I am not able to use my hands, so I am having a corpsman write this letter for me.

Your loving son,

John

P.S.

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Brady;

The above was written by me, as your son told me.  I am rather unaccustomed to doing this sort of thing, but somehow I feel that I must tell you a bit more than the blank, disheartening telegrams that Uncle Sam has already sent you.

As I sit here writing you, John is resting comfortably in a bed very close by.  Please know that he is getting the best care humanly possible, and that he is in no danger.

I know that it is quite foolish to ask you not to worry; you see I have a wife and little girl at home, waiting for me, and I do understand some of these things.  However, please take comfort and rest a little more easily, when I say that John is not too seriously injured, and that in all probability he will be home with you, perhaps sooner than you may think.

To be quite frank, and I hope you will forgive me if I am doing the wrong thing, John has been burned about the face, hands, arms and legs.  Perhaps that looks horrible in writing, but modern medicine and surgery will work wonders, and I know that John will be as good as new in a few months.

John is in very good spirits, not experiencing too much pain, and feeling at least up to “par”, so to speak.

I must close at this time, due to the fact that we have a few hundred more men, who have been injured, and they all need help.

Trusting that this finds you in good health, I remain

Very truly,

Edward D. Sears, Ph.M.2/c

U.S.S. Karnes, A.P.A #175,

c/o F.P.O. San Francisco.

—————————————–

John Brady served in the 1st Marine Division, United States Marine Corps during World War II.  The reprinted letter above was authored over 70 years ago, likely aboard a hospital ship during Brady’s transport back to the west coast from the South Pacific.

He would spend most of a year in a Naval hospital.  He eventually returned to his family in Rhode Island, re-enrolled in the University of Rhode Island, and finished school.  After graduation he married and they raised a family of six children.  My good friend Mike Brady, a Connecticut high school teacher and retired USAF Command Chief Master Sergeant, is one of them.

Mike found this letter a few years ago after his mom’s passing.  Here’s what he wrote about it:

My Dad had visible scars from his wounds, but not to us.  He was our Dad.  What an amazing thing this corpsman did in writing to my Grandparents for my Dad.

We all have people in our lives that have made sacrifices to help us get where we are, may we all take a moment to appreciate these sacrifices and give thanks whenever possible.

Mike’s dad died in 1984.

It was timely that I came across this vignette, that Mike originally shared, while backing up some files at my soon-to-be old office.  As my military career comes to an end at the end of the month and Father’s Day still close in the rear-view mirror, it brought with it a host of emotions and thoughts of my own aging father.

And of my own shortcomings.

Thank you John Brady and Corpsman Sears.  And special thanks to Mike Brady for allowing me to share his dad’s story.

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

Triumph, Tragedy, and Strength

In the difficult times, it is what is in you that comes out of you. I wrote those words down as soon I heard Don Denyes say them a few months ago.  Then I promptly forgot them. That is until two days ago.

Two days ago, I attended a local high school graduation ceremony with a thousand or so others. High school graduations are always a bit poignant as we wish our children and their friends well, anticipating the great things they will do to make the world a better place. And perhaps as we reminisce a bit about our own graduation so many years ago…contemplating whether we upheld our end of the bargain in making a difference in the world.

This school and these graduating seniors have already triumphed greatly and will no doubt continue to do great things.  Four Salutatorians and six Valedictorians were poised to speak to their fellow classmates and the many friends and family members on hand…quite possibly the largest audience most of them will ever have the honor (or horror) of addressing. It was remarkable. But we were about to witness something even more remarkable.

The day before the ceremony, a Thursday, I ran into a friend coming out of the barbershop as I was walking in. Jon and I used to play softball together and his dad, a pastor, was a friend and helped me through some tough times.  Jon and I have a common friend with whom he now works.  We made small talk and chatted about a promotion I didn’t know he had gotten.  Everything seemed great. The next day I had lunch with our common friend and told him I’d seen Jon.  He asked if Jon was doing ok.  It seems Jon’s pastor had been tragically killed in an automobile crash just the day before our barbershop run-in.  My first question was whether it was his father.  I was relieved to discover it was not, but as is common for me – and concrete evidence of my attention deficit – I found myself wondering why Jon doesn’t attend his dad’s church?

Nevertheless, I was saddened to learn of the untimely death of this local pastor.  He was a well-known, well-loved, and well-respected local man of God, and the community collectively grieved as news of this tragedy spread across the area.

Back to the graduation. You see, one of the class Valedictorians happens to be the son of this pastor.  As I looked over the program and compared the lineup of speakers seated on stage waiting to take their turn, the order didn’t match.  I silently acknowledged to myself how difficult that would have been to participate in a public graduation ceremony just two days after the unexpected death of someone as close as a father or mother, and then symbolically excused him from being there in my mind with sympathetic understanding.  The pastor’s son was the only male Valedictorian, and according to the program would have been the fourth Valedictorian to speak, had this tragedy not befallen his family.  So it was that I then found myself wondering who the lone young man was seated at the end of the row of five female Valedictorians.  Was this someone not listed in the program set to receive unknown special recognition?  Or were my eyes simply deceiving me?  Maybe I had miscounted the remaining honorees, since they also had the Salutatorians seated in the same row.

No. The order had been changed.  I, along with over a thousand others in the concert auditorium, were about to witness one of the most inspiring things many people have probably ever experienced.  The final person to speak would be an incredible young man whose father unexpectedly died just two days earlier.

He did all the things a good public speaker is supposed to do. He stood tall. He made good eye contact. He captivated the audience. He was clear, concise, and delivered an oration that was moving and insightful.  I wept, with pride and anguish, as I expect many in attendance that evening did.  This remarkable young man calmly told us his father recently passed away.  He spoke of the honor and dignity with which his father lived.  He spoke unapologetically about the love of God, family, and community his father displayed and instilled in him as he grew.  He told us how his father, just days prior, was helping him with his speech and shared a verse with him.  He was no doubt preparing his son not only to reach those listening to his speech, but for a life of service beyond graduation.  Little did he know how profound this verse would be just days later… “Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9 is a life-verse to many.  It is frequently quoted, memorized, shared on social media, scrawled in graffiti, and tattooed on people’s bodies as a reminder that even in the most difficult or challenging times, we can be strong and courageous because we are never alone.

The kind of strength we witnessed when a grieving, graduating high school Valedictorian chose to not only attend his graduation (when no one would blame him for not doing so), but to courageously deliver his speech and use that opportunity to reach others as a proxy of God’s glory is truly going beyond strength.  I want to be more like him.

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong

Lest We Forget…

“By this we know love, because he laid down his life for us.”  These are the words of the apostle John, written somewhere around A.D. 90.  John was referring to Jesus Christ in the first half of that verse, but he goes on in the second half of the same verse to say, “And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” (1 John 3:16).  The next few verses of that passage then articulate what I consider some of the most insightful facts about love ever documented, the bottom line of which is this: genuine love ALWAYS results in action…not just sentimental words.  Memorial Day is a holiday through which we rightfully pause to remember the loving action of ultimate sacrifice by those defending freedom.

Since 1775, more than a million American service members have died in wars and conflicts to preserve the freedoms we hold dear, fighting for our independence.  They helped create the world we live in and paved the long road of democracy we continue walking today.  We all owe them our gratitude for the freedom to live, work, play, express our faith, and raise our families.  I’m especially mindful today of those thousands of brave sons and daughters who paid the ultimate sacrifice fighting our nation’s wars…who died while preserving our way of life.

These men and women were some of America’s best and brightest.  They gave their lives on the blood-soaked beaches of Normandy, in the jungles of the South Pacific, and over the skies of Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan.  They fought and died on the icy slopes of the Korean Peninsula and in the rice paddies of Vietnam.  More recently, they have fought and fallen in the mountains of Afghanistan and in the deadly streets of Iraq.  Only those who have seen the horrors of war firsthand can ever truly know what these Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines may have gone through in their final moments.

“…I think of all those guys killed in action, wounded in action, and their friends, their relatives and all those altered lives.  How could I forget?  It’s not so much what we went through as it is knowing what the other guys went through.  They died dirty.  They died hot, hungry and exhausted.  They died thinking that their loved ones would never know how they died.”  Clinton Poley, 2nd Platoon, Charlie Company, 1st Battalion, 7th Cavalry in the Ia Drang – as written in Lt. Gen. Harold G. Moore’s book We Were Soldiers Once…And Young.

Even though the technology of war has changed dramatically since the American Civil War, the risks and suffering has not.  For brave Americans who bear that risk, no victory is free from sorrow.  This nation’s men and women fight proudly, but we likewise know the price and weigh the cost each time we see another flag-draped coffin carrying the remains of another fallen hero home.  I can tell you that having been there on the other end as some of those heroes began their journey back to the U.S., the loss is real…tangible…and tragic to those grieving, on both sides of the ocean.

It is humbling, and comforting, to realize that despite the known dangers, increased operations tempo, and unconventional enemy we now face, every member of the all-volunteer armed forces serving today has either enlisted or re-enlisted since September 11, 2001.  And as of 2013, more than half of those serving were seasoned combat veterans.

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

For he to-day that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother; – Shakespeare, Henry V, Act IV, Scene 3

Those who have known combat make me think of these words from the Man in the Arena portion of Theodore Roosevelt’s ‘Citizenship in a Republic’ speech: “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasm, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

America’s military has defended her throughout history with courage and honor.  Our service members raised their right and swore an oath, knowing what they had to do and what that cost might be…the shedding of blood.  Perhaps their own.  They are humble servants, serving something greater than themselves.  Remember the fallen…today and every day.

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

If you have an extra few minutes, I encourage you to watch this video about Air Force Pararescueman William Pitsenbarger, killed in action in Vietnam, April 1966.  Video courtesy of the United States Air Force.  http://www.airman.af.mil/HeritageToday/videoid/492074/dvpcc/false/#DVIDSVideoPlayer33885

I also encourage you to learn more about the high price Americans have paid in service to the nation by exploring the following link: https://www.va.gov/opa/publications/factsheets/fs_americas_wars.pdf

In the interest of proper attribution, some portions of the text above are from speeches I gave the last few years at Memorial Day events, with some of that content originally derived from military Public Affairs Office talking points provided for consistent messaging by those speaking in an official capacity.

Man in the Arena quote retrieved from: http://www.theodore-roosevelt.com/trsorbonnespeech.html

Shakespeare quote retrieved from: http://shakespeare.mit.edu/henryv/henryv.4.3.html

Gen Z Rhymes with Me

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“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin (emphasis added).

Is it just coincidence that this latest generation, sometimes referred to as the ‘Internet Generation’, is identified by the same letter of the alphabet as the first letter of Facebook CEO and founder Mark Zuckerberg’s last name?  It probably is, but what an incredible example of fortuitous providence.

To be honest, I have not heard much about Generation Z up to this point, even though I have two children who would be considered within that generation.  But as fate would have it, I was compelled to learn more about it for a recent graduate class.  In examining this generation a bit more closely, and considering the two of my own children who are living examples (at least by chronology’s definition) of it, I’m not sure I completely agree with the theory that they only seem to care about themselves…although I certainly see tendencies in that direction!  However, I can also say that while many in this current generation may appear at first brush to be more self-centered than some other generations, the previous generation could be similarly described.  In fact, I expect people could ascribe this trait to most any generation.  Let’s be real here…didn’t your parents call your music choices into question with statements like “How do you even know what they’re saying?”; “You don’t have to play real music that loud to enjoy it.”; or “Don’t play that record backwards or you’ll hear Satan talking.”  Note: Generations Y and Z may well be confused by the term ‘record’ or simply the mind-blowing concept of playing any sort of music backwards.

Nonetheless, it would be a stretch and perhaps an unfair generalization to label an entire generation as only caring about themselves.  Like most anything else, I think it’s preferable to look at individual characteristics rather than generalizing a group based upon stereotypical factors or other biases.  Consider that one doctor who abuses his patients doesn’t signify that all doctors are perverts.  And one police officer who is a heavy-handed control freak doesn’t mean all police officers are racists or are looking for an opportunity to push someone around.  In the same way, not all those in Generation Z should be viewed as self-centered neophytes who believe they are the center of the universe.

So are there leadership implications?  For those who do lean in the direction of what’s in it for me (WIIFM), the effect on group performance can be significant.  When a group, team, or work unit is formed for the purpose of carrying out some function for an individual or organization, the mission or goal(s) for which the group was formed must come first.  When individual needs or desires within a group overshadow the group or organization’s objectives, the group is no longer functioning cohesively or collaboratively because that individual in engaged in self-interest roles within the group.  At that point the group dynamic has greater potential to become dysfunctional and should be corrected by either refocusing that individual or removing him/her from the group to bring harmony and proper focus back to the group.  This is true of any individual causing dysfunction or disharmony in the group – regardless of generation.

But refocusing an individual who is primarily concerned about their own interests is not likely to be an easy task.  I know…I speak from experience with both sides of that double-edged sword.  All people, regardless of their personality or disposition, have developed traits or characteristics through years of experience, observation, and perhaps some level of inherited predisposition.  Generation Z individuals are no different.  In fact, while I don’t personally have the empirical evidence to prove it, I expect that at least part of what led to some in this generation to over inflate their self-importance can be tied back to the pace of advancing technology…that technology creating greater independence and increased solitude resulting from that independence.  Loneliness in a crowd.  I also feel that society, in general, has become less tolerant and more selfish, with a very vocal – albeit relatively small percentage of the population promulgating an ‘it’s always someone else’s fault’ world view.  And that vocal minority is influential.  And that influence is powerful, fueled by polarizing political viewpoints and constant information overload via social media and 24 hour news channels.  With an impossible volume of information, not all of which is reliable or properly vetted, how could people of any generation not be swayed one way or the other?

I personally believe many in this fast-paced, information saturated generation have never had anyone take the time to slow them down, spend quality time with them, mentor them, or show them what it means to put others’ needs ahead of their own for the greater good of society.  And I believe all of this, or at the very least a combination of many of these factors, is what has inculcated within them the message that it is ‘all about them’.  Because, quite frankly, much of the last 18-20 years HAS been all about them.

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong.

Bad Days & Perspective

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I’ve been a little under the weather the last couple of weeks, which is no surprise considering it seems the actual Michigan weather has been under the weather lately!  Unfortunately, it has taken a toll on my motivation and my fitness routine.  Combined with the resurrection of some painful memories and events I have worked hard to leave behind, I’ve been tempted to deep-dive into a quagmire of self-pity.  I even considered throwing a party in its honor.  You guessed it…a pity party.  Then during a review and update of my recommended reading list here at Beyond Strength, I was reminded of a very important concept concerning bad days and keeping things in perspective.  Which leads me to this post; a simple review of the book Escape from the Box – The Wonder of Human Potential by Col. Edward L. Hubbard USAF (Retired).

In November 2009, I had the opportunity to be in the audience and eventually meet former Vietnam Prisoner of War (POW) Colonel Ed Hubbard after he spoke at a military conference I attended in Texas.  The majority of the content of his presentation followed information and experiences contained within his book Escape from the Box – The Wonder of Human Potential (1994).

Escape from the Box was an eye-opening and inspirational book that I found a quick, entertaining, inspirational, and captivating read.  Colonel Hubbard arranged his book in three parts: Human Potential, The Price of Success, and Let Me Try.  He sets the stage for where he will take the reader in the human potential section.  Not only does Colonel Hubbard detail the circumstances of being shot down and ultimately captured after, as he puts it, he “…very cleverly intercepted a couple of surface-to-air missiles…” with his airplane over North Vietnam (p. 29), but he also reveals important details about his attitude and character; personal traits that would help him survive as a POW, and other characteristics that he would ultimately need to address in order for him to endure the over six and a half years of his captivity.

Colonel Hubbard shares many experiences from captivity that he and other Prisoners of War came to use as opportunities for learning and survival.  He makes a point not to share many of the more graphic details of the types of things that he and other prisoners endured, but instead illustrates how he came to appreciate and rely on things like faith, pride, courage, hope, and even competition to sustain him throughout his imprisonment.  He does an excellent job of relating lessons he learned and attributes of his character he applied to his situation in a way that demonstrates that anyone has opportunity, should they so desire and commit, to make “incremental improvements” in their lives.

Considering the years that have passed since the first edition of this book was published, some of what Colonel Hubbard writes about is almost prophetic.  He painstakingly (and often satirically) points out how the military will be required to do more with less because of decreasing personnel and resources.  And while certainly not a unique concept, he speaks candidly and un-affectionately (my words) about the number of so-called leaders who constantly make excuses why something can’t be done, while standing in the way of those true leaders who are actually doing it.

Throughout the book, Colonel Hubbard stresses the importance of listening, accountability, adapting to our changing culture, the power of attitude and enthusiasm, and so much more.  I found this to be an excellent book on life and leadership, which also served to pique my interest in researching more POWs and other combat veterans of the time to learn about their experiences, and how I can apply their lessons learned to my own leadership development and self-improvement.

Early in his book, Colonel Hubbard actually sums up nicely one of my primary take-a-ways from this reading, and one that I now try hard to live out: “Now is the time to stop talking about whether we can do things.  Now is the time to start talking about ‘How soon can we start and how soon can we finish?’” and “How can we do the job with the resources already available?’” (p. 39).

It reminds me of a quote attributed to Theodore Roosevelt: “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”  The longer we make excuses and simply talk about doing what should be or needs to be done, the longer it takes to get it done – if it ever does.

Colonel Hubbard’s book is already included on Beyond Strength’s recommended ‘reading list’ page, along with books by a number of other POWs and combat veterans.  And I add to the list regularly.  I highly recommend you put this book on your personal list of things to read.  In fact, I think I have an extra copy I will gladly send to the first person expressing interest, either by email or comment to this post.  Copies are also readily available for purchase online.

This great American knows more about bad days and perspective than most human beings will ever know.  Please take time to learn more about him and his story here:

http://www.edhubbardpow.com/

Hubbard, E. L. (1994).  Escape from the box: the wonder of human potential. West Chester, PA: Praxis International.

 

Heroism – The Absence of Self

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Admittedly, I have been struggling with what to write about this week.  Not that I don’t have dozens of themes rattling around in my head at any given moment and even more already written down just waiting to be refined into existence when the time is right.  But outside a loose plan to eventually dedicate certain topics to a given month, I generally find myself inspired in some unexpected way…usually by a current event or something dumb I’ve done recently (see earlier post ‘Irony or Incongruity?’).

Winter’s cold bite is holding on longer into spring than many think it should in Michigan, including me.  And running on the treadmill or elliptical just doesn’t have the same mind-clearing power that an outdoor run does.  And trust me when I tell you that I’ve needed some mind-numbing and mind-scrubbing the last six weeks or so.  So I ran outside today and that’s what I needed; as soon as the song ‘Heroes’ by Casting Crowns popped up in my playlist, I knew.

It’s pretty common to think of the less than one-percent of the population who serve in the military, others in the profession of arms, or firefighters and the like as heroes.  Justifiably so, in most cases.  In fact, I have a very good friend and mentor who, as a USAF Combat Controller, was part of the special operations forces participating in the Battle of Takur Ghar (Roberts Ridge); a deadly enemy encounter in Afghanistan during which seven Americans died and many others were wounded.  So significant has this man’s influence been on my life that a print of Keith Rocco’s painting “The Battle of Takur Ghar” hangs in my office in his honor, giving me the opportunity to tell others a small part of his story…one of courage, survival, and heroism.  But as I listened to the lyrics of the song, I was moved and reminded that heroism isn’t just about taking up arms to fight for others or running into a burning building.  It’s doing those everyday things, the little things and the big things, that make a difference.

She’s on her own, two girls at home
Thirteen years just up and walked away
And left her all alone
With bills to pay and mouths to feed
And every day she’s taking care of everybody else’s needs

But she’s finding her strength in the One love that won’t ever leave her
So she works and she prays and she loves and she stays ’cause they need her

These are the heroes, just ordinary people
Laying down their lives like angels in disguise
They’re weak but always willing
They dare to do the hard things
And in the dark and desperate places no one else goes
You’ll find the heroes

There are heroes walking among us every day…both the obvious types and the not-so-obvious types.  We often hear the term hero tossed around in sports, such as ‘heroes of the gridiron’; or when captivated by celebrities and business icons; and of course ‘super heroes’ who carried many a young person through tough times in old-school comics and have found new life in Hollywood re-creations that take our minds and hearts to another place for a couple of hours.  But there are other heroes…those fighting battles without and within.  Those who stand ready to do battle at home and abroad; or help those who cannot help themselves; or who remain loyal to their cause, even if that cause be simply to persevere with faith through dark circumstances in a dark world so that others may see something good.

I’ve heard it said, and have repeated it myself, that courage is not the absence of fear but rather it is the absence of self.  Norris L. Tibbetts perhaps put it better when he wrote “Heroes are those who are so interested in others that they forget about themselves.”  Easier said than done for many people, I expect.  The USAF Airman’s Creed states in part “…I am an American Airman…guardian of freedom and justice…my nation’s sword and shield, its sentry and avenger…I defend my country with my life.”  All other branch’s creeds state similar commitment and conviction.  Thousands of young men and women have given their lives in the cause for freedom and each Memorial Day we remember fondly, and with great sorrow, the sacrifice of every lost Soldier, Sailor, Marine, and Airman.  It is those courageous individuals, along with all others in the past and those still serving today, who stood toe to toe with our adversaries, offering themselves as shields for America to keep war from reaching our front door.  Each of them knew their duty and chose selflessness.  Let’s certainly not forget those heroes.

But let’s likewise not forget the ‘ordinary’ people who are heroes to many, or perhaps just heroes-in-waiting.

My daughter wrote a paper for school recently and named me as her hero.  It reminded me of a note she wrote to me as the holidays approached the year after I returned from Iraq.  In it she wrote “Daddy…I was really excited and relieved when I heard that you were staying home for CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!”   Like that note, I couldn’t read the hero paper without welling up with tears.  I was a wreck…I know the real me and how unworthy I am to be held in such esteem.  Yet to my daughter, I am a hero.  So whether you’re fighting crime, fighting the enemy, fighting debilitating disease, battling personal demons, or battling everything this world is throwing at you just to care for your children or family, remember that you are a hero to someone.  True love always involves sacrifice, and heroes aren’t afraid of sacrifice.  I challenge you this day, as German Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote long ago, “Throw not away the hero in thy soul.”

Songwriters: John Mark Hall / Matthew West

Heroes lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Essential Music Publishing, Capitol Christian Music Group