GO SIT ON THE POT

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“You need to go sit on the pot.” – Tim Hawkins

Christian comedian Tim Hawkins is hands-down one of the funniest and most entertaining comedians I’ve seen. If you ever get the chance, I encourage you to rent one of his videos, Google ‘Tim Hawkins Yoga Pants’ or ‘marriage GPS’, or watch some of his stuff on YouTube. One of his many relatable bits involves Mom’s answer to many of life’s problems: you probably just need to go sit on the pot. Funny? Absolutely. And relevant. After all, laughter is good medicine. The conversations of adolescent boys everywhere confirm, regularly, the subjects of farts and poop are hilarious. And there’s certainly a case to be made about the relationship between regularity and wellness.

Not just physical wellness.

Constipation: a condition in which there is difficulty emptying the bowels, usually associated with hardened feces.

Emotional Constipation: a buildup of unprocessed emotions, or an inability or unwillingness to express such, *often associated with hardened feelings (*added by author).

I first heard the term emotional constipation in Tantor and Terk’s firey interchange watching Disney’s classic animated film Tarzan with my kids.

Tantor: That sounded like Tarzan. It sounded like – like he was in trouble.

Terk: Yeah? Well, why doesn’t he get his new friends to help him? I don’t care.

Tantor: Thaaaaat’s IT! I’ve had it with you and your emotional constipation! Tarzan needs us, and we’re gonna help him! You got that? 1

Twenty-five years later, emotional hangups are still ubiquitous to daily life and relationships, yet I was surprised just how much information there is available to help explain this concept of emotional constipation.

One counseling center’s website explains that people suffer from emotional constipation when experiencing “many more feelings than he or she has the skills to express or identify.” 2

Another describes that it may involve one “…unconsciously using self-protection as a way to limit yourself, your growth, and your happiness.”

Do tell.

I most like one of her answers on dealing with it, though: get over yourself (author’s interpretation). The counselor actually presented it as a challenge: “Get over your need to be comfortable all the time. When you feel something come up, feel it, label it, decode it, and let it go.” 3

Let. It. Go.

I recently had lunch with a friend. This friend has been through some stuff. If anyone is entitled to hardened feelings or should be given some grace concerning emotions, it’s her. Besides some very difficult subject matter, some of our conversation drifted to what keeps us busy in retirement and hobbies we enjoy. Music for example. My friend recently resumed playing after a long break and is quite enjoying it. Conversely, while I quite enjoy playing, I seldom do anymore. Predictably, the conversation went right to why I seldom play.

Being busier than a retired person should be is only part of the reason, I explained. After all, as mentioned in a previous article…you don’t find time to do the things that are important, you make time. It was more a result of conflicting loyalties and differing priorities.

My friend listened thoughtfully to lamentations about the circumstances of my musical hiatus, as well as about the subsequent ‘ghosting’ by a very good friend who convinced me to play in the first place. She then quite confidently exclaimed, “Wow. Someone clearly has some unprocessed emotions.”

I’m still not sure if she was talking about me, my invisible friend, or both.

Either way, interest in playing together, other shared activities and projects, and our friendship had vanished. Sadly, I don’t believe it was just unprocessed emotions of a very difficult and unexpected loss, but also some significant unresolved feelings from an earlier, completely unrelated, situation that coalesced to bring about the end of not only playing music, but a great friendship.

But wait, there’s more!

Webster included the word stultification in its definition of constipation, e.g. Stultification: cause to lose enthusiasm and initiative; cause (someone) to appear foolish or absurd. I believe unprocessed emotions, avoidance, and just plain selfishness brought about a lack of enthusiasm for continuing to play music together, and eventually the friendship. I mean, who needs all that emotional constipation? It’s much easier to just check out.

“I will never leave an Airman behind.” – USAF Airman’s Creed

I have been reading through Objective Secure, Nick Lavery’s compelling book about goal achievement based on his military service. Lavery is a US Army Green Beret who was critically wounded in 2013 while serving in Afghanistan. He is the first above-the-knee amputee Special Forces Operator to return to combat. In a chapter similarly entitled I WILL NEVER LEAVE A FALLEN COMRADE, Lavery extends its principle, typically reserved for warfighters, to anyone. Commit to doing “whatever it takes” in a given situation. He writes, “The warrior mindset is not exclusive to those who are warriors by profession.” 4

But Nick Lavery is a warrior. One colleague said during his quest to requalify as a special operator that he “carried himself as though he had never been injured.” He didn’t blame the system or look for a free pass. He was “just another one of the guys with a job to do.” He took responsibility for his rehabilitation, qualification, and everything else it would take to become fully operational again.

Do whatever it takes.

Tom Brokaw wrote in his 1998 book The Greatest Generation, “A common lament of the World War II generation is the absence today of personal responsibility.” At a time when people were more inclined to sue gun manufacturers than accept personal responsibility for failing to secure a loaded weapon, Tom Broderick, who lived the rest of his life blind after being shot in the head during his WWII service, says, “It was my fault for getting too high in the foxhole. That happens sometimes.” 5

There was no blaming the enemy or the manufacturer of the weapon for what happened. He wasn’t bitter or depending on others to make him feel worthy or supported. He didn’t blame someone else for making him ‘feel’ a certain way. Broderick accepted personal responsibility and refused to play the victim.

I’m not saying our experiences don’t count for something nor contribute to some of our (many) issues today. In fact, I’ve written about a number of my own experiences that have contributed to some of my hangups. But in the end, whose responsibility is my happiness, disposition, outlook, and emotional well-being? Mine, and mine alone.

If you’re constipated, emotionally or otherwise, take personal responsibility and action to fix it. Make an effort to make it right.

In other words, go sit on the pot.

Good friends, true friends, don’t come easy. Blessed is the one who can count but a few as such.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Not actual pot.

Not actual poo.

1. Tarzan Wayne Night: Tantor. (1999). IMDb. Retrieved October 29, 2024, from  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120855/characters/nm0001431

2. Overcoming emotional constipation and internal anger. (2015, October 21). Heart to heart counseling center. Retrieved October 29, 2024, from https://www.drdougweiss.com/overcoming-emotional-constipation-and-internal-anger/

3. How to avoid emotional consitpation. (n.d.). Aligned holistics. Retrieved October 29, 2024, from https://www.alignedholistics.com/blog/how-to-avoid-emotional-constipation

4. Lavery, N. (2022). Objective secure: the battle tested guide to goal achievement.  Precision Components. 

5. Brokaw, T. (1998). The greatest generation.Random House. 

As Far As The Eye Can See

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Over the course of my career, I found witness recall to be at times remarkably accurate, and at others incredibly unreliable. Recollection can depend on a number of factors, including the object, person, or type of incident being witnessed; other activities ongoing at the time; the state of mind, mental acuity, physical or mental capacity of the witness; or outside influence (confabulation). As with other subjects, I’ll typically draw on personal experience when providing examples during lectures. It just happens that a recent speaking engagement in the same part of the state as a case consultation nearly 20 years earlier provided a timely and humorous opportunity to do just that.   

For about 15 years, I was assigned to a statewide team that specialized in the investigation and analysis of violent crimes.  There were many times over those years that my colleagues and I traveled across the state in the course of our duties. A number of those trips were to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula with my partner, Terry.  

Known for its hunting, fishing, hiking, boating, long winters, and expansive wilderness, the UP (you-pee) as it’s referred to, is made up largely of wilderness, waterways, state and national forests, and hundreds of miles of Great Lakes shoreline. Equal parts picturesque and isolated, the UP is linked to Michigan’s lower peninsula by the historic Mackinac Bridge and bordered by Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Canada. On one hand, think Daniels’ Escanaba in Da Moonlight or Reeve’s Somewhere in Time; or further back, perhaps Anatomy of a Murder – set, filmed, and inspired by an actual 1952 murder in the desolate northern UP settlement of Big Bay.

On the other hand, consider three small but noteworthy universities (Northern Michigan, Michigan Tech, Lake Superior State); billion dollar iron mining and logging industries; massive freighters like the doomed Edmund Fitzgerald moving cargo from Lake Superior to the lower Great Lakes through the impressive Soo Locks; the hometown of famed coaching friends Tom Izzo and Steve Mariucci; a whole lot of great hockey; and even a couple U.S. Olympic training centers. The UP has a bit of everything.  

Credit: Apple Maps (screenshot)

Except an abundance of gas pumps, it turns out. 

Perhaps the link between time passage and sentimentality is at work here, but those UP trips with Terry back in the day are among some of my fondest work memories…largely because of him.

First of all, Terry is one of the finest human beings I’ve ever known. An ‘old soul’ in the greatest sense, there aren’t many like him anymore. He remembers literally everything. He’s a kind, caring, methodical, contemplative, put-others-first-even-if-it-kills-him, humble to a fault rarity. If selflessness, humility, and unassuming intellect were a radical group, he’d be his own sleeper cell. 

And did he take a lot of pictures!  

Everyone gave him a hard time about this, including himself, but whenever I find myself going through old photos, I’m reminded how grateful I am that well before cell phones, he was always ready with a camera, both at work and at my kids’ sporting events. Perhaps it’s no coincidence, then, that his photos immortalized several of those UP trips; the most memorable of which was a single trip involving an unforgettable night clerk, an overconfident boat captain, a questionable walk on the beach, and those gas pumps I mentioned.

Perhaps the beach photos would have been better left alone.  

It all started some months earlier during a vacation when my family and I traveled through a small UP town called Engadine.  I should note that once outside towns and villages, desolation quickly makes driving most parts of the UP dicey if you’re in need of facilities or fuel.

Inattention during the work trip with Terry that followed resulted in desperate need of both. 

To make matters worse, it was getting late.  Thankfully, the reflective glow of a sign pointing to Engadine appeared in our headlights. Relief swept over me as explained to Terry there was no need to worry, as I had recently passed through that very town and as luck would have it, there was a service station with “pumps as far as the eye can see!” 

Yep, I used those very words as I confidently assured him that not only could we refuel, but maybe even get some ice cream, too.  It was a few miles out of the way, but we were already on fumes and was our only option at this late hour. We made the turn north. 

A couple miles later we rolled into a darkened, deserted Engadine. Population 897.  In the same town I was certain I’d recently visited a petroleum superstore the likes of Buc-ees and Pilot, we instead found a couple of pumps next to a delapidated bait shop, at best.    

Actual station in more recent years. Photo credit: Google Street View

Therein lies my point about witness reliability.   

After absorbing some of Terry’s well-deserved harassment, we retraced our route south and continued on, hoping to find a motel for the night before an empty tank made our car a sleeper sofa on the shoulder of US-2.    

Thankfully, we found a place not too far down the road.  A quaint roadside motel along the northern shore of Lake Michigan. Not sure they were receiving guests, we stepped into the tiny lobby. The glow of a television in the back room betrayed the clerk’s opportunity to ignore us, and he reluctantly took his post behind the desk without bothering to slip pants on over his tighty whities of questionable age, functionality, and cleanliness. It’s an image forever burned into our memories.

I can assure you there is no witness recollection issue with this one.

The same goes for the boating incident later in the trip.

Having finished visiting part of a crime scene accessible only by water, we screamed across a bay near Pictured Rocks in a vessel piloted by our guide. The combination of an icy jump into Lake Superior’s frigid waters to dislodge our craft from a sandbar and the words still audible in my mind of our captain’s confident utterance only moments before in response to concerns we expressed about how shallow the water looked reinforce the accuracy of my recollection: “I know these waters like the back of my hand.”

Do tell.

No problem, it’s not that cold. We’ll just get out and push….

I don’t have an empirical answer to witness recollection. And I’ll never understand who thought that beach picture was a good idea. But I can say that photos, experiences, and the people I travel with help me remember things.

Thanks for the memories, Terry.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Changing The Gap Between Good And Evil

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“There must be evil for there to be good.” – Course Attendee, Bogota, June 2024

I heard someone say at a recent training event that there are two things we all hate: change, and the way things are. Not only did I literally laugh out loud when I heard it, that statement is perhaps one of the all-time greatest representations of the human condition throughout history.

Here’s another one: the more things change, the more they stay the same.

At nearly every training event I now emcee, facilitate, or lecture at, I anecdotally refer to the human condition during my opening or closing remarks to illustrate how little things have really changed throughout history. It usually goes something like this:

1600s French artist Eustache Le Sueur’s painting The Rape of Tamar

I describe or project the above image and ask if anyone knows what painting it is. When no one responds, I explain it is an image of the painting The Rape of Tamar by 1600s French painter, Eustache Le Sueur. It likely represents the Old Testament biblical account from 2 Samuel 13 wherein one of King David’s sons, Amnon, raped his half sister, Tamar. Two years later, her brother, Absalom, exacts revenge on Tamar’s behalf by conspiring to murder Amnon.

At that point, I rhetorically ask whether anyone has ever read the Old Testament, and go on to point out that from the first recorded murder (Cain’s murder of his brother Abel out of jealousy), humans have consistently and unceasingly done terrible things to one another. Moses killed an Egyptian and buried him in the sand, and even King David, described as a man after God’s own heart, had Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, killed to conceal their affair. In the Old Testament alone are recorded countless instances of rape, murder, adultery, incest, conspiracy, assassination, execution, and a host of other issues that yet persist.

What we face today, I summarize, is nothing new. Perhaps greater in prevalence and creativity, yes. And certainly we can now bring to bear greater tools, techniques, procedures, and scientific advancements with which to find truth. Yet in spite of all that, little has changed since the start of human history. As acquaintance, historian, author, and good friend of my dad, Michael Delaware, wrote in the introduction to his fascinating new book Victorian Southwest Michigan True Crime, “…it is not the instrument of murder that holds any consistency, but the sinister impulse behind the criminal act wherein lies the true evil.”1

Indeed, Michael.

As I return from my third trip to Bogota, Colombia, where I’ve been honored and blessed with the opportunity to teach alongside incredibly talented presenters and help deliver training to dedicated, professional investigators from Central and South America, all the above hits a little closer to home. For while I don’t consider myself resistant to change, neither can I say it’s not occasionally uncomfortable or that I always think it’s necessary. Sometimes change is good, but sometimes things work the way things are. As fellow USAF Chief Master Sergeant Kevin Slater’s leadership book by the same title suggests, sometimes ‘Old School is Good School.’ And while seldom is ‘Because we’ve always done it that way‘ the right answer to a leadership challenge, this out of control social experiment of a world could occasionally benefit from a bit more of the ‘old way’ of doing things. But if change is necessary, let’s change things for the better!

Change is inevitable; growth is optional.

If I’m being honest, I didn’t completely know where all this was going when I started writing it. Maybe you can tell. But comments during a panel discussion at the course in Bogota, which coincidentally involved a change in the agenda, got me thinking. The panel was a departure from previous events, and I took a chance by including is in the final agenda. I’ve seen it work during many military training events I’ve attended, and envisioned the programmed Q&A methodology encouraging more interaction. But I really had no idea how it would go over in this type of course.

Reaction was fantastic! The other panel members and I were delighted with the response. Attendees asked an impressive number of questions and provided insightful responses of their own with unexpected candor. It went so well, in fact, that we adjusted the schedule to accommodate a second panel the following day.

Perhaps somewhat providentially, it was the response to one of the questions I posed back to the group that prompted this essay.

It was a simple question: Why do you do what you do?

I framed it in the context of known and suspected dangers and challenges they face in carrying out their duties in that region. Some responded that it was a logical choice, coming from a family of public servants; others described it simply as their calling. I believe them; no matter the reason, everyone I’ve encountered throughout these courses voluntarily, professionally, and proudly serves with purpose, honor, and distinction. They persevere.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom 12.21)

But as a man of faith, one answer struck me to the core: “There is much evil in the world. Yet there must be evil for there to be good. I (we) must be the good that overcomes the evil.”

I don’t know that I could add much more to that here, nor should I try. It was profound, heartfelt, and seemed to resonate with everyone in the room. So I’ll simply end as I started…with a quote.

Typically attributed to Edmund Burke, its true origin appears largely in question. Nonetheless, the message endures: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

I’m proud to have answered that call, and grateful for those who continue standing in the gap restraining evil in this world.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

1Delaware, M. (2024). Victorian southwest Michigan true crime. The History Press.

The Parable of the Carafe

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“Every organization in the world today should be teaching employees how to be extraordinary.” – Mark Sanborn

(Much of this was shared in an earlier social media post; I consider the lesson worthy of a full article)

Last month, I facilitated a training event in Kansas City, Missouri. It was a very busy week, as we simultaneously held a board meeting and strategic planning session that coincided with the first two days of the course. But with all that going on, with all the different information shared and discussed between all three events, perhaps the most important lesson of the week came neither from the classroom nor the boardroom, but rather in a most unexpected way.

Experience has taught me that classes the size of this one, with its audience type, require a near-steady flow of coffee with plenty in reserve. However, during Sunday evening setup, I noted that while there were plenty of supplies, the class would be limited to a standard three-burner Bunn with its respective pots; I had overlooked the need for carafes or an insulated beverage container.

It may seem like a small thing, but it bothered me. You know from my series on little things that they can mean a lot. And they often become big things. When nearly 100 people go on break simultaneously, particularly those conditioned or accustomed to caffeine dependence on the job, three pots run dry pretty quickly. And training directors are apt to get their brake lines cut.

Ok, that’s a little extreme. Perhaps just a few surly attendees and a critical review or two about having more coffee next time.

“Worry is a down payment on a problem you may never have.” – Joyce Meyer

My down payment increased greatly after striking out late Sunday evening in my attempts to find a street vendor selling insulated beverage containers. Not one to give-up quite so easily, I turned in with the thought that perhaps the hotel where I was lodged might have a stray carafe lying around. Conversely, thoughts of NOT finding a solution kept me up much of the night. In all honesty, I seldom sleep well the first couple nights in a new place, anyway. So I arose early Monday and headed downstairs.

Note: It’s important to mention before going any further that my hotel was not the training site, nor connected in any way to the other business mentioned above. In fact, it wasn’t even the contracted hotel for the course attendees!

Enter Imelda.

After lurking…I mean looking around a few common areas, poking my head into vacant meeting rooms, and asking the front desk yielded nada, I thought one last option might be the breakfast buffet area. Situated behind stately glass-panel French doors at the top of an impressive staircase, it was a beautiful dining space laid out opposite the glass-paneled arc of the building; overlooking adjacent buildings, the street below, and what’s known as the plaza area in the distance further down the hill.

Unfortunately, it was closed, wouldn’t open for a while yet, and I was crunched for time. Noticing a staff member through the glass on the other side of the locked door, I approached with a sheepish smile and tentative wave. I felt like a kitten scratching at the door to be let in, but probably looked more like some creep in a suit expecting not to wait for breakfast.

Clearly dressed as the host who would soon welcome actual customers in for a nice, hot breakfast, the woman on the other side could have easily gestured at the clock and turned away like many others would have done in that moment. Instead, Ms. Imelda kindly unlocked the door and allowed me to explain my dilemma…to which I did.

I asked if it would be at all possible to temporarily borrow some sort of beverage carafe until I could pick one up later in the day? She could have simply and understandably declined. Yet she didn’t. Instead, Imelda asked me to wait there before disappearing around the corner toward the kitchen. She returned shortly after with an insulated, vacuum-pump coffee carafe. There was no hesitation nor hint of pretension. Imelda simply smiled, said she was happy to help, and asked me to ‘just bring it back at the end of the week.’

Imelda saved the day. The week, in fact. Thank you Marriott Hotels and Kansas City Marriott Country Club Plaza for hiring wonderful people like Imelda. As a person of faith, I believe what David Jeremiah relates in his devotional The Upward Call that as God blesses us, we are “sent out into the world in order to be a blessing to others.”

I don’t know whether she holds the same beliefs I do, but Imelda certainly understands how to pay it forward and about being a blessing to others. I’m grateful and blessed to have met this wonderful human being.

“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” – Albert Einstein

The world needs more Imeldas.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Jeremiah, David (2015). The upward call. San Diego, CA: Turning Point.

Sanborn, Mark (2004). The Fred factor. New York, NY: Currency Doubleday. 

Even the Donkey Knows

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“Behold, your king is coming to you…humble and mounted on a donkey.” – Zech. 9.9

As the commemoration of Holy Week concluded (representing the span between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday), I reflected on a sermon I once heard wherein the preacher used details of the triumphal entry that first Palm Sunday to illustrate his lesson on humility: despite all the cheering and hullabaloo, the gentle and lowly king Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a simple and humble beast of burden. (Matt 21.1-11, Mark 11.1-11, Luke 19.28-40, John 12.12-19)

As humans, we desire affirmation and often envy the kind of attention given to Jesus that day. Yet sometimes it’s not about us. The preacher joked that even the donkey understood the fanfare wasn’t for him, but for the one on his back.

Animals are remarkably perceptive, so it’s not a stretch to believe that.

Humans are also perceptive. But we’re likewise careless, impetuous, fickle, and consumed with our own self-interests. You probably know well what happened in the week following that donkey ride. By week’s end, many of those celebrating Jesus’ arrival were silent, hiding, or even among those calling for his death.

Not much has changed in 2000 years. Animals, despite having no capacity for reason, remain extraordinarily perceptive. Humans, despite having great capacity to reason, remain extraordinarily self-absorbed and persist in a perpetual rebellion-repentance-restoration relationship with God. And all those points were on full display during a recent monthlong decampment blending business with pleasure, highlighted by a week in Costa Rica with friends.

Surely everyone traveling to Costa Rica has heard about the wildlife. Even the least amount of research into the area we stayed confirms the prevalence of monkeys (and other exotic animals) running amok around the property; including the possibility these little safe-cracking simians might help themselves to your belongings if the doors aren’t secured. We couldn’t wait to see for ourselves if the stories were true!

There are likewise ample warnings directing guests NOT to feed the animals. You see where this is going?

Many reasons exist not to feed wild animals, including much of what we eat is bad for them. Not to mention doing so only entices them to return for more. More often, and more aggressively.

Consider these firsthand examples.

While I certainly don’t care to snuggle with any, my experience is that iguanas typically mind their own business. In fact, they usually just ignore people or scurry away when we clumsily try to get as close as possible to take their photo. I don’t blame people for wanting to take photos…iguanas are beautiful, fascinating creatures. But sometimes it’s like watching a search warrant execution, except everyone’s wearing sunscreen and flip-flops. Just use the zoom feature, already!

Worse yet, occasionally there’s that one dude to whom the rules don’t apply and common sense persistently eludes. It happened this time to be the same dude who foolishly thought perhaps the friendly poolside iguana, just trying to mind his own business, would instead like a French fry. In pure poetic irony, everyone nearby was treated to several minutes of lively entertainment as Captain Ketchup scrambled off his palapa, squealing like a teenage girl, while the iguana quite aggressively came back for seconds. And thirds. You’ll be happy to know the iguana was fine, and that good old Crinkle Fry there was later heard to say “I guess that’s why we’re not supposed to feed the animals.”

Don’t be that guy.

Then there’s what Alfred Hitchcock tried to warn us about. Loud, obnoxious, and known to suddenly perch on heads of unsuspecting diners or snatch food right off their plate, the birds were perhaps most annoying. Yet giggling guests continue feeding them.

And of course, the monkeys.

It wasn’t uncommon to encounter them in trees throughout the resort. But the sight of dozens scampering across railings on every level of main lodge balconies each morning was like something straight out of Jungle Book. King Louie had nothing on these primates.

In fact, one morning from the sidewalk below, several of us were caught between curiosity and incredulousness as we watched a young lady precariously suspended from her balcony. Holding on with one hand, she dangled part of her breakfast in the other as she stretched toward a monkey on an adjacent railing.

At least two thoughts crossed my mind in that moment: 1) she’s probably someone to whom things like using turn signals, returning shopping carts to the corral, not texting and driving, waiting their turn to exit the aircraft, or not feeding the animals are merely suggestions not to be taken seriously; and 2) I wonder which one of us is going to call the ambulance?

Fortunately, the girl didn’t plummet to her death, wasn’t bitten, and the monkey didn’t eat from her hand.

But our proclivity toward stupidity and the problem of feeding animals persists.

We hadn’t seen monkeys on our own balcony until our last morning, so it was as if they’d read the daily departures log and came to bid us farewell. It was fun watching them drink from the jacuzzi spout and search the veranda for scraps we may have left behind. We personally confirmed they do, in fact, know how to operate the sliding doors. While ours was latched making for an unsuccessful break-in, one did slip in through our neighbor’s door long enough to swipe some sugar packets off their table. Shortly thereafter, I saw his buddy grasping a bag of peanut M&Ms lifted from another room.

Amusing as it was to watch their antics, I was irritated and grew even more concerned for their wellbeing as I watched one on the patio tentatively, yet persistently, trying to eat something unrecognizable, disgusting, and probably not from nature. The impact of careless, self-absorbed humans consumed only with their own amusement continues contributing to the problem. We should instead be part of the solution.

There is hope.

The monkeys there are skittish and reluctant to accept food from people; and the iguanas just want to be left alone. Like the donkey knew the fanfare wasn’t his, these animals know our food isn’t theirs.

Unlike wild animals, humans should know better; we have the capacity to think and reason. Perhaps over time, if we stop feeding them, they’ll be reconditioned (and stop telling their friends where all the loot is). The least we can do is leave them alone and just appreciate their beauty and unique place in nature.

Not everything needs to be about us.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Special thanks to Cupine Farm and the McCarthys for the cover photo of Jarvis setting the horses straight, and for another memorable trip.

“Please Don’t Feed the Animals” – The Management

*If you’d like to know more about Jesus or the meaning of Palm Sunday and Easter, please contact me. Or consider reading the New Testament Gospel According to John.

Transformation Tuesday: The Heart

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This week we’ll celebrate Valentine’s Day, now a largely romantic holiday of debatable history widely thought to have originated from a martyred Christian named Saint Valentine.  Certainly well-meaning in its modern adaptation – I mean, who couldn’t use a little more love, romance, and heart-shaped chocolates in their life? – it’s the human heart that is the focus of this Transformation Tuesday.  

In the figurative sense, hearts get broken, and like other holidays this can be a tough one for many.  In the literal sense hearts can also be broken due to congenital disease. They can also become broken, or defective, as a result of infection, high blood pressure, high LDL cholesterol, diabetes, smoking, simple age-related degeneration, obesity, unhealthy diet, and physical inactivity.  Some heartbreak and some heart problems are unavoidable.  However, as poor decisions and bad relationships can lead to broken hearts, many physical heart problems are likewise preventable; the result of simple abuse or neglect.  

What: Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4.23)

How: Be physically active, get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, eat healthy while adhering to reasonable portion control. Or as my friends over at On Target Living say: Rest | Eat | Move. It is perhaps equally as important to avoid those foods, activities, and people that aren’t good for you. 

Why: The heart is at the center of our being: physically and emotionally. From attitude to energy to relationships, everything else is impacted when our heart isn’t working like it should.

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” (Luke 6.45)

Make sure yours is healthy, happy, and full of the right stuff.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.  

A Full Cast of Characters

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“The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team.” – John Wooden

Listen to the audio version here.

During a recent service, my pastor quoted Charles Spurgeon: “Scripture frequently sums up a man’s life in a single verse.” I’ve thought a lot about what single verse might sum up my life. While many could easily apply, like Ephesians 3.8 (I am less than the least of all the Lord’s people), one perhaps fits best: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst.” (1 Tim 1.15)

Look, it’s not a competition; no one wins at sin. But I fall short a lot, and the closer I get to God the more obvious and uncomfortable my unworthiness is. So I place myself at the top of the list. And like anyone in uncomfortable situations, I have a couple of choices: distance myself or draw closer. While the tendency for most is to disconnect, for the person of faith it should be to draw near to God and surround ourselves with others who make us better people.

Life and leadership are about helping others be successful.

“Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind.” (John Donne) While there’s something to be said for independence and alone time once in a while, no man is an island. Humans are interdependent. From the beginning, God said it’s not good for man to be alone. Pets are great, but we need companionship with others like us…with intellect, ethics, emotions, spirituality. Besides, pretty much everything in life requires some level of teamwork: leadership, business, sports, relationships. A widely shared passage in Ecclesiastes (4.9-12) reminds us that two are better than one and a cord of three strands is not easily broken. Not only can they help us be our best, other people help prevent loneliness and isolation. One only need consider the devastating emotional effects many experienced during the pandemic lockdowns to understand this truth.

But not every friend is a good one, nor every team a winner. A friend loves at all times, not just when you’re with them or have something to offer. And even teams with the greatest all-stars lose. The symbolism of that simple threefold cord helps us understand it’s better to have a few of the right players than an abundance of the wrong. A friends list or team roster stacked with the wrong people can lead to all sorts of trouble, but a GOOD team player and the RIGHT kind of helper is essential to success.

“It is not important what role you play, as long as you play your role.” – Don Denyes

Have you ever watched the credits roll at the end of a show? They seem to run forever and list literally hundreds of cast and crew. Few are the ‘stars’. As I write this article, final rehearsals are taking place for a stage production I’m involved with. Like most, I play a very small role. Yet having experienced a fair amount of theater (and a couple of film productions), I can tell you that it takes the entire cast and crew to be successful. Contrary to pop news, it’s the collective excellence of the set, sound, and stage crews, minor characters, and company performers that make or break a show. Of course the right leads are important, but even a momentary loss of character or focus by a supporting role upstage is immediately noticeable and often what keeps an average production from being exceptional. Every member of the cast and crew must be bought in, committed, support one another, and work seamlessly together throughout – keeping always the best interest of the show and team at the forefront; even if that means not being the center of attention.

For me, home projects are another example of my need for others. I take pride in being good at a number of things, but certain handiwork is not generally among them. Sure, given enough time and do-overs I can generally muddle through, but the results are more akin to ‘That’ll work.’ than ‘Wow, that looks amazing.’ And while I have no trouble running a saw, tape, or hammer, it did once take me two tries to install a cat door. The result was convenient floor and ceiling access for what I thereafter referred to as our circus cat. Note: when you remove a door for such projects, remember which end is which (that’s just one of many examples from life in the unskilled trades). Had I just asked for a little help…

Disposition is everything when it comes to teamwork.

There are many more examples of our need for relationships and teamwork in life. We simply can’t do life alone, so the virtues of humility, respect, and the ability to relate to others are invaluable.

John Maxwell points out in his book The 360 Degree Leader, “Leadership is more disposition than position.” The same is true of teamwork. Leading, following, asking for help, and helping others all require an unpretentious disposition. Humility is the antithesis of pride and self-service, which in turn are contradictory to being a great leader, teammate, and friend. It’s a small man who neither offers nor asks for help, and who runs down others to boost his own fragile ego. Yet ironically, it is the same man’s inflated ego and self-serving disposition by which humility and vulnerability escape him. While people with these traits make poor leaders, teammates, and friends, it may simply be that they lack emotional intelligence; particularly empathy and self-awareness.

So what does this have to do with the rest?

The strength of the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

We all have issues. Humans are imperfect. Teams are a collection of individuals, therefore likewise imperfect. In his book The Ideal Team Player, Patrick Lencioni focuses on team members individually improving on “…the virtues that make him or her more likely to overcome the dysfunctions that derail teams.” This not only applies to the pretentious egotist mentioned above, it translates to all areas of life. Looking within and without, individually and collectively, we can make the world a better place by making each other better. It’s ok to be broken, but we’re still better together than apart!

Nicky Gumbel shared this from Desmond Tutu recently: ‘The solitary human being is a contradiction in terms…[W]e are made for complementarity. We are created for a delicate network of relationships, of interdependence with our fellow human beings…’ Adds Gumbel, “God does not intend for you to be lonely and isolated.”

We were created with an enduring need for others and a relationship with God. He gave us an important and obvious example in sending his son to share in our humanity, without whom salvation is impossible.

The show must go on…work hard to live at peace and encourage one another.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

John Donne prose retrieved from: https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/no-man-is-an-island/

Lencioni, P. (2016). The ideal team player. Josey-Bass. 

Maxwell, J. C. (2011). The 360-degree leader. Thomas Nelson. 

Those Who Can

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Do good. Be rich in good deeds. Be generous and willing to share. (1 Tim 6.18)

As I began writing this a few days ago, I was retuning from Bogota, Colombia, where for the second time in three months I had the privilege of helping deliver training to investigators from Central and South America as part of the U.S. Department of Justice’s International Criminal Investigative Training Assistance Program (ICITAP). The week prior, I was presenting at another investigations seminar closer to home. Even as I type this, I am traveling to the nation’s capital to emcee and help facilitate an International DNA and genealogy summit. Yesterday’s participation in a unique high school career and technical education event simply added to an incredibly meaningful and busy last few months. And while busier lately than I anticipated, I’m grateful for opportunities to continue serving; particularly when it involves consulting on cases or presenting, lecturing, and teaching on related subjects.

The pejorative sentiment “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” is a sort of truncated excerpt originating from George Bernard Shaw’s Man and Superman that is clearly directed at educators. Perhaps Shaw never intended it to be as offensive or ubiquitous as it has become, but I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve heard it over the years. Sadly, two former colleagues must have really liked it, because they spewed it more than anyone else. It was clearly intended to mock those, like me, whose responsibilities included the in-service education of others in our line of work. I took it all with a grain of salt, knowing it was more rooted in envy and my position firmly outside their in-group than anything else. But I still didn’t much care for it.

Even on the outside chance those using that expression don’t intend it disrespectfully, it’s hard to miss the implication that those who teach others are somehow viewed as unskilled, incompetent, or otherwise unable to perform the actual job; relegating them instead to teach about it. In most cases that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Those who can, do both!

“The safest thing for a patient is to be in the hands of a man involved in teaching medicine.” (Charles H Mayo)

My opinion, which also serves as a rebuttal of sorts to the begrudging purveyor of this lame George Bernard Shaw quip, is this: those who have the ability and opportunity to do both have also the obligation. It doesn’t end with job change or retirement, either. Even when those who can are done doing what they did, how is the next generation of doers expected to know how to do it if not taught by someone who did?  For not unlike the best and most respected military officers having often been prior enlisted members, people with job-related experience and subject matter expertise often make the best and most revered instructors. They are typically capable, engaging, and effective lecturers on their respective subjects. Of course that’s not always the case. Sometimes highly qualified and technically proficient workers are horrible public speakers and the last person you would want teaching or coaching others; like the occasional enlisted member who commissions into nothing more than a just higher ranking nincompoop. Likewise, there are a great many who have no real hands-on, practical experience related to their subject matter yet are remarkable teachers and lecturers.

Personally, I’m glad there were those before me who placed a high priority on educating others about the job, and freely did so in a way that kept my interest and successfully transferred valuable knowledge to help me do it better. Their calling was true and contributions immeasurable.

I’m certainly no professional orator, but I do embrace my love of it and consider the ability to speak, teach, and communicate information effectively among the gifts I have been blessed with. God has blessed each of us with certain gifts and abilities that align with our calling and purpose in life, and we glorify him when we respond to that call. How can I NOT respond to that call? How can I NOT perform to the best of my God-given ability at whatever I undertake, be it the doing or the teaching?

An apostle and a philosopher…

“Whatever you do, work art it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. (Col 3.23) – Apostle Paul

“Do well what you have in hand.” – Marcus Aurelius

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God.” (1 Cor 10.31) – Apostle Paul

“Work long and hard; have few wants; work with your own hands; don’t meddle in others’ affairs; be unwilling to listen to slander.” – Marcus Aurelius

Rather than cheekily running others down to feel better about ourselves or deflect from our own discomfort with public speaking, maybe we should instead do everything we can to benefit others with the blessings we’ve been endowed.

Summary

People ask me all the time what I’m doing in retirement. A number of those who ask seem surprised that with rare exception, everything I do is charitable: gratis, without compensation. In other words, pro bono publico (Latin): done for the public good. I don’t say this for self-inflation…I say it because I personally feel that as long as I have the means, time, and ability, it is my responsibility and calling to use the gifts God gave me to benefit others and help make the world a better place. How selfish it would be to withhold from others the knowledge, skills, gifts, and abilities graciously and temporarily on loan to me for work here on earth for that very purpose?

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, don’t.

But those who teach, do both. Because they’re unselfish and awesome.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Make Time to Train

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“When you say you don’t have time to train, what you are really saying is that you’ve chosen not to train.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

As I think about favorite settings and scenes from movies, those involving trains are nearly always near the top of my list. Adventure. Romance. Mystery. Intrigue. Think James Bond, Ethan Hunt, and most any Jackie Chan character in a running gunfight atop one and narrowly dodging an approaching tunnel, signal mast, or opposing locomotive as they brawl; Murder on the Orient Express, Silver Streak, Bullet Train, and practically any of the great westerns fit. Some of the zaniest Three Stooges bits were aboard trains, and the New Year’s Eve journey in 1983’s Trading Places is still a favorite scene from that comedy classic. Even Rowling’s Hogwarts Express and the animated Polar Express sate fascination.

Long before Tickle Me Elmo, Pokemon, and everything super-hero, train sets of all types were wish list toppers for many youth, perhaps due in part to their surprising detail. I’ve always been impressed at the realism and intricacy of model layouts, and enjoy discovering when a local diner still has a replica rail system circuitously routed around its upper walls. As with the hobbyist’s impressive layout, I find myself easily lost to imagination watching it complete its circuit over and over; and admittedly more disappointed than I should be when one is rendered little more than a dusty, neglected static display.

Am I the only person who still delights in watching locomotives circle the ceiling of a restaurant, rumble through town, or across the countryside? Or heartbroken there’s no longer use for a working caboose?

I credit my dad and growing up in a rail-heavy area with sparking this preoccupation. Not only did my dad once take me to visit a friend who operated a now obsolete manual switching station (pictured), he also took me and my siblings on the Amtrak from Battle Creek to Chicago! From visiting the museums to eating downtown at Wimpy’s (namesake of the mooching Popeye character who would ‘gladly pay you Tuesday for hamburger today’), a lifetime of memories were made.

So, too, a lasting draw to trains and travel on board.

Photo credit michiganrailroads.com (Charlie Whipp)

Excluding the work of porters, conductors, spies, villains, action-heroes, and mustached monocle-wearing super-sleuths, taking the train successfully reduces life to a slower pace. I don’t mean to overstate the obvious, but rail travel takes patience. Excluding commuters, if you’re in a hurry to get to there, you’re probably not planning to take a passenger train. Rail travel preloads patience through expectation management; you expect it to be leisurely and afford time and attention ordinarily devoted to driving, backseat driving, or jockeying for position on the shared armrest be given to other things. Perhaps that mental break and relaxed pace are precisely why to consider this method of travel.

Historically (and quite necessarily) on time, there’s added benefit in yielding to the compulsory predictability of the rail system’s timepiece. Even when rare delays occur along the way, programmed pauses to refuel, restock, or change crew afford abundant liberty unto an on-time arrival. In fact, I’ve often found the generous space, independence from watching the road, and freedom to move about particularly advantageous to business travel. For instance, as a senior enlisted leader I sometimes traveled by train when making unit visits. Because those trips didn’t involve me driving, bouncing around in a helicopter, or cramped on an airplane, I used time onboard to work on presentations and award packages; write commendations, performance reviews, or speeches; respond to email; review expectations and visit itinerary; catch up on reading; or even sneak a power nap.

An added bonus was a unique opportunity for informal mentoring.

As the nearest depot was usually some distance from base, I would ask that the unit choose one or two junior enlisted or company grade officers to receive me. Not only did this bless me with the opportunity to meet people I usually hadn’t met before, it also provided uninterrupted windshield time to discuss personal life, family, professional and educational goals, and gain insight into what was going right, where I could improve, and how the organization and I could best help them reach their goals.

Even business travel is a pleasure by train.

There’s a measure of comfort found in steadfast onward locomotion. No wrong turns, flat tires, road rage, or traffic signals. Notwithstanding the occasional jolt, jerk, rattle, or shake, there’s something mesmerizing about the sway and steady rumble of these diesel behemoths lumbering along their predetermined route. Proximate, yet temporarily absent a world they now spectate, riders are contained comfortably within a sort of rolling theater, where similar performances can be seen with passage through any given town: wreckers hooking wrecks, hookers catching looks, dogs walking walkers, and cops nabbing crooks. Lights, signs, signals, and lanes…how much better to be on a train?

A lot better.

Temporarily furloughed from the tyrannical spin of the clock and busyness of life, passengers enjoy an ever changing landscape. There’s freedom to spread out, move about, relax, or pay a visit to the club car where food, drinks, card games and conversations are readily available. While not always possible or necessary, a private room can add much to the overall experience which includes dining, additional privacy, a bed to sleep in, and other things impossible to enjoy by airplane, bus, or automobile. Such as kicking off your shoes for an evening glass of wine after an excellent meal in the dining car, perhaps followed by a relaxing read as dusk settles into the picturesque landscape rolling by outside; or enjoying daily quiet time while dawn breaks through the curtains and sunbeams dance gracefully across haystacks, two-tracks, and steel-roof shacks…as waking travelers, enticed by hot coffee and a fine breakfast, emerge their berths ready for another day’s travel.

Any wonder why it’s my favorite way to travel?

In his book A Gentleman in Moscow, Amor Towles’ main character astutely notes that “a man must master his circumstances or otherwise be mastered by them.” The same principle appears in Arnold’s opening quote, though contextually related to fitness: you don’t find time, you make time.

Taking time to share some lighter fare has been fun, but provided merely a glimpse into one of the truly enjoyable ways I make time to master my circumstances whenever possible. I encourage you to get on-board and see for yourself.

Make time to train.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Towles, A. (2016). A gentleman in Moscow. Penguin Books.