Six Foot Cup

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I am at odds with myself. I have become increasingly conflicted. I feel this way; then that way. I’m at peace and content; then I’m stressed and unsettled. This statistic is concerning; but that doesn’t add up. Remote work is getting old; but I don’t want to go back to work. It’s reasonable to respect the seriousness of the pandemic and not be careless or reckless; but until the vaccine is predominant, it’s obvious the virus is going to do what it wants to do, restrictions or not.

What explains those who diligently wear masks, socially distance, and adhere to every recommendation and edict from the experts, yet are still infected? What explains how some states’ restrictions are driving small businesses and restaurants into extinction, while others, with fewer restrictions, have lower death rates, citizens are happy, and businesses thrive? It seems the things we think are most helpful aren’t a silver bullet after all, and things we think are most perilous maybe aren’t as devastating as we thought.

I liken it somewhat to parenting. You can do everything wrong and your kid will still turn out alright; you can do everything right and your kid will still take a left at Albuquerque, delivering indescribable anguish.

Point: Many people have done everything right, yet still catch COVID.

Counter-Point: Many people have been careless, nonchalant, or downright rebellious to recommendations, yet they’re doing fine.

Truth: There is a worldwide crisis.

Sad-Truth: Political posturing has been rife throughout the crisis…on all sides.

I grieve for what our country has become. No longer a shining example of democracy to the world, we have lost a common sense of dignity and respect. Peaceful protests are one thing. But antagonism has led to months of destructive civil unrest, disobedience, death, and millions in damages. The U.S. is supposed to be the world’s democratic leader. Now we look like a dysfunctional junior high school. Our political ‘leaders’ and elected officials have cast aside statesmanship, diplomacy, and decorum in favor of hissy-fits and name-calling. Taking credit or blaming others for something clearly beyond anyone’s complete understanding takes precedence over doing the right thing.

As a man of faith, I’m called to be subject to governing authority, and to be anxious for nothing (Rom 13.1; Philippians 4.6). But I am admittedly frustrated and confused. My heart aches for those who have lost loved ones to this wicked affliction. And for people losing their life savings and livelihoods because they aren’t allowed to responsibly resume reasonable, careful business operations; or go back to work at the jobs necessary to do so.

What does all that have to do with six foot cups of coffee? Everything!!

These are tough times even for the strongest among us. People’s mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being have been challenged greatly since this began. Humans are social creatures; nearly a year of social distancing and isolation has been devastating. We need each other!

Hollywood might be onto something, for at least one pivotal scene always seems to take place in a booth or at the counter of a classic roadside diner. Heroes, villains, fugitives, unlikely lovers figuring things out, or conspirators planning a heist. Best done over a hot cup of Joe!

There’s nothing quite like sitting down with a friend. Self-care, buddy-check, confessional, solving world problems, venting. Whatever the reason, it’s good and necessary. I love my alone time…but I need people too! Bonus when it’s without agenda or drama or judgment or problems that need solved.

Such was the advent of the ‘six foot cup’.

It came about during a virtual team meeting. As I expressed my concern over current events and the well-being of my people, I also shared some of my own struggles with so much social isolation. I end meetings imploring them to call, text, email, or video me any time if they need anything or just want to talk. Pleasantly, a number of them have. On this occasion I offered to meet anywhere in the state for a ‘socially-distanced’ cup of coffee.

Immediately, a trusted colleague and friend – intuitive to my need, and perhaps desiring some adult conversation himself – messaged to take me up on that “six foot cup”. Therapeutic for us both, we’ve since met twice.

I refuse to live my life in fear of this pandemic. But I likewise refuse to allow my actions to cause others concern or to stumble. I continue to respect the well-being (and fears) of others and adhere to the precautions of wearing a mask and not being careless in contact or interactions with others. These are not unreasonable expectations for anyone.

Maybe it is also reasonable not to pretend to know things we don’t; not to regurgitate dubious statistics; not to buy into or create false narratives; or not to concern ourselves with outward appearances…while being filled with questionable or self-serving motives.

“Woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry…” (Luke 11.46)

“Everything they do is done for people to see.” (Matt. 23.4-5)

God is in control. We are not God. Be wary of those who think they are.

It’s a miracle he hasn’t already smote every one of us for our selfishness, disobedience, and unfaithfulness.

Thanks for the six-foot cup, Karl. Next week?

2nd Annual Year in Review

As the calendar turned two years ago I quoted David Jeremiah, who wrote: “A compassionate man does not stand detached from the sufferings of others.  Rather, he steps into the world of the hurting and feels the pain and anguish of the one suffering.” The world has been hurting, and many suffered greatly in 2020. Maybe that quote would be better served to start 2021.

The premise behind beyondstrength.org is that strength is more than just being physically strong. It’s also about finding strength in weakness, and helping others get strong, be strong, and stay strong. Thank you, 2020, for proving that premise to be necessarily self-evident.

There’s no sense lamenting the things here we’ve lived ad nauseam the past 10 months via revolving news networks. Instead, I will continuing the fledgling tradition of recapping my blatherings from the past year.

Surely you read, enjoyed, related to, and benefited from all of my writings the last 12 months?! On the outside chance you missed any of these ‘life-altering’ posts, here’s a summary of Beyond Strength articles from the dumpster fire of a year called 2020.

Cause for Delay (video): Starting the year already behind schedule, I bought time by sending a video update from the island of Lesvos, Greece. I was there with a short-term mission team providing humanitarian support to refugees at Moria Camp. It was an amazing experience and added valuable context to my life experience and walk of faith.

The Leadership T.R.A.P.: The article used the acronym to compare and contrast Task versus Relationship focused leaders and Authority versus the Power-focused leader. Tasks tend to be one-dimensional…just get it done. But tasks and overall mission are best accomplished when relationships built of genuine care for your people come first.

Free Samples of Forgiveness: I get bogged down dwelling on my mistakes or how I’ve been wronged by others. Counselors call that ruminating. My struggles in this area are rooted in difficulties accepting and granting forgiveness. I’m committed offering forgiveness more freely and being grateful for forgiveness I’m granted. “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matt. 6.14-15

March Forth: What better month than March to march forth toward fulfilling your purpose, achieving your goals, or making the world a better place?  I suggested some ideas like starting a blog or other venture; starting a reading program; volunteering; or getting your fitness goals on track. How did you do?

Well That’s Fabulous: Chances are you’ve seen or heard the abbreviation ‘wtf’. If seeing it makes you uneasy, don’t be. It stands for Well That’s Fabulous. WTF was a discussion about the disturbing trends being witnessed within the pandemic. This is an unprecedented crisis; no one person, organization, or government has all the answers. People should stop blaming others; stop trying to advance personal and political agendas; stop arguing about who should have done what, when; and stop trying to be an infectious disease, economics, supply chain, business, or political expert. Instead, start being more caring, compassionate, cooperative, humble, and kind.

Conspiring for Good: Election interference and virtually everything surrounding COVID-19 generated rife theories of conspiracy or malfeasance that continue to thrive. Whether conspiracy theories do more harm than good or serve to help maintain proper balance in the world, it can take years for the truth to be revealed…and even then there will be those who doubt. Conspiracies make for great entertainment, but also cause great divisiveness. Commit to conspiring to do good.

Be the Solution, Not the Problem: Here were a few ideas I shared to be more of a solution than a problem.

  • Make room for God in your life. When we understand our own unworthiness compared to a Holy God, we tend to be less of a problem for others.
  • Stop claiming the misfortunes of others as your own in some attempt to justify living however you want, or as an excuse for your own bad behavior. “Let your light shine before others…” (Matt. 5.16)
  • Embrace diversity. Enable diversity to foster and thrive by treating everyone with dignity and respect.
  • Take ownership of your mistakes and shortcomings. Owning your mistakes is solution-oriented; blaming others makes you part of the problem.
  • Pick up after yourself; leave things better than you found them; say please, thank you, and I love you more often.
  • If you see someone struggling or in need, help them. Saying to yourself, “It’s not my problem” is part of the problem.

Heard, Understood, Acknowledged: An essay about the challenges of interpersonal and organizational communication. Sometimes it’s not what I say, but my delivery that sucks. Like other challenges, there’s probably no easy answer to solving communication problems. But I have found timeliness, openness, transparency, and over-communicating helps. Can you hear me now?

Gains without Pain: There’s something to be learned from pain in our lives, be it physical, emotional, psychological, or otherwise.

  1. Recognize its warning
  2. Protect the injured area(s)
  3. Strengthen surrounding structures that are weak
  4. Properly address and treat the root cause
  5. Don’t bury, numb, or mask it with medication, over-indulgence, or risky behavior
  6. Avoid it when it’s causing damage or grief

As we move on from 2020 into the new year, I pray you’ll have a Happy(er) New Year, you’ll continue to follow along, and that you’ll make a positive difference in others’ lives.

“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” – Jackie Robinson

Keep doing great things!

Get Strong. Be Strong, Stay Strong.

Gains Without Pain?

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No Pain, No Gain! A familiar expression barked by trainers, a well-used mantra for gym-rats. From a muscular development or fitness improvement standpoint it’s true. It’s tough to make gains if you don’t push yourself, and pushing hurts sometimes. As someone who has suffered from chronic headaches and migraines since adolescence, unfortunately I know pain without gain well…and finding ways to press on has been the only option. But I’ve recently been reminded ‘working through’ pain is not always best.

In an effort to find a cause and eliminate what no one wanted to talk about, around the first or second grade (early 1970s), I was subjected to a brain scan. It was a fairly horrifying experience for a little guy, where dozens of wires were poked into the scalp all over my head. It was made worse by A) the probes kept falling out, so they were poked into my skin and then glued to my head; B) a scary-looking, impatient, unsympathetic nurse ripped half my hair out trying to remove the glue afterwards. I’m not sure I ever screamed and cried so much before or since.

I think I had endured an Electroencephalogram. MRIs weren’t quite on the scene yet, but honestly those aren’t my favorite way to spend an afternoon, either. The good news is there was no tumor, aneurysm, or anything else that concerned doctors. The bad news is 1) there was no explanation for the already chronic headaches I still have to this day, and 2) my dad had the perfect lifelong icebreaker and punchline at my expense: “They did a brain scan on David, but they didn’t find anything!” Figuring 45 years of persistent headaches can’t be a good thing, I had a MRI done last year, just in case. Dad: “How did your brain scan come out?” Me: “Good.” Dad: “They didn’t find anything, huh?!” It never gets old.

Electroencephalogram may explain the hairdo.

Chronic intense pain has nearly always been a ‘normal‘ part of my life.

On the bright side, pain is one of the body’s sensors to indicate something is wrong. In his book “Where is God When it Hurts?” Philip Yancey reminds us “Pain sensors loudly alert [our bodies] to danger…”. He says absent pain’s warning, or ignoring or silencing it without heeding it, is dangerous and can lead to greater harm. That’s where the not-so-bright-side comes in.

Ignoring pain, pushing through, deadening it, or turning it off altogether is dangerous and undermines the body’s natural warning systems. Like removing the batteries from your smoke detector or putting tape over your check-engine light because you’re tired of looking at it. Too often we get into the habit of treating pain’s symptoms and ignoring the root cause. This can be through medication, alcohol, or living with reckless abandon. The result is often more damage. Pain is telling us something. We are wise to listen.

I’m not just talking about physical pain.

I have become so accustomed to living with the pain of migraines that when other things hurt, I just try to ignore or deaden it until it subsides. Sometimes it persists so long that it gets drowned out in the ‘noise’ for a period of time it’s not as noticeable. Like people living near railroad tracks or the effect white noise can have on the constant ringing in my ears. But, like ignoring emotional pain that needed attention and psychological pain from unresolved vicarious trauma, I’ve learned pushing through the pain of degenerative joint disease (advanced arthritis) in my shoulder just causes more damage. Not only has the result been near constant discomfort and improper functioning, failure to properly deal it has weakened the surrounding structures.

Obvious symmetrical inconsistency resulting from improper shoulder function.

In just a few weeks of physical therapy I have come to understand I can’t ‘fix’ this arthritis…I’ll live with shoulder pain the rest of my life. But I can strengthen the right areas, re-teach myself proper alignment and function, and learn to listen and respond appropriately to pain. Sometimes that means not pushing through discomfort.

I’m not just talking about my shoulder.

There’s something to be learned from this about pain in our lives; physical, emotional, psychological, or otherwise.

  1. Recognize its warning
  2. Protect the injured area(s)
  3. Strengthen surrounding structures that are weak
  4. Properly address and treat the root cause
  5. Don’t bury, numb, or mask it with medication, over-indulgence, or risky behavior
  6. Avoid it when it’s causing damage or grief

“Like a grain of sand or other irritating substance that finds its way into the shell of an oyster eventually leads to creation of a beautiful pearl; so an injury, irritation, or wrong in our life can become a great blessing and the means to enrich us.” – Karl P. Buswell

My prayer is that you will somehow find blessing in your pain.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Yancey, Philip. (1990). Where is God when it hurts. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Veterans Day

All gave some, Some gave all.  

Memorial Day honors those who gave ‘all’; today honors the rest of us who gave ‘some’ – often more than many people understand.   

Today, BeyondStrength.Org honors you and thanks you for your service.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Heard. Understood. Acknowledged.

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Spend any time around the military, in particular those in more ‘operational’ specialties, and you’ve probably heard prolonged discourse between members in some sort of grunting, identifiable by the root sound “hoo-ah“. This language is ubiquitous across service branches to exclaim, motivate, question, acknowledge, or agree.

From my observations over 32 years of military service, it breaks down something like this: USMC = Oorah or Hoorah; Army = Huah or Hooah; USAF = Hua or Huah.

Admittedly biased, I ascribe to an unverified report the sound and defacto meaning originates from the USAF version wherein operators used “Hua” as a communication pro-word to shorten radio transmission time acknowledging the message was ‘heard, understood, and acknowledged’ (HUA). A Google search will no doubt provide ample contradiction to its origins, and confirm your belief that I am full of hooey (not to be confused with above).

This article is about more than the ad hoc phonic of snake-eaters. It’s about the challenges of interpersonal and organizational communication. And it’s not just a lack of that’s the problem. For instance, Air Force Handbook 33-337, The Tongue and Quill, states that “For communication to be successful, the audience must not only get the message, but must interpret the message in the way the sender intended.” It’s true what my friend Terry always said: it’s not so much what I say, but my delivery that is sometimes the problem. Maybe that’s a problem in organizations, too.

Some are very good at communicating and some are not. Having experienced, present day included, the effects of poor organizational communication, I strive to do the best I can as a leader to be the former. Too often, leaders hold information hostage as if it will somehow weaken their position or undermine their authority if shared with subordinates. While there will always be circumstances not everything can be shared or is known, the vast majority of instances I’ve found it’s better to be direct, transparent, and even over-communicate, than to withhold.

Withholding information causes people to question motives and to create their own narrative – which may or may not be accurate. Rumors, misinformation, and distrust run rampant in organizations where leaders poorly communicate. Those leaders often believe ‘information is power’, and withhold it or wield it like a lever to retain control or to control others. And ‘controlling’ is neither a respected leader characteristic nor an endearing relationship quality.

I’ve found those who operate that way or control others by withholding information are often the same types of people who are insecure in their ability to lead; threatened by others’ success; or underestimate their people. Organizations are made up of bright, mature, competent professionals anxious to help it succeed. They can handle the truth, and respect a leader who tells it like it is…even if it’s bad news or the information might change later.

What they don’t respect, nor appreciate, is being kept in the dark.

Communication is difficult in the best of times, so it’s easy to see how remote-work compounds the problem. Isolation, home internet, diminished ability to read body language or facial expressions, and a host of other issues seldom considered before lockdown challenge today’s communication.

Side note: have you found yourself wondering whether video avoidance on remote meetings is a bandwidth issue, privacy concern, or maybe a matter of having ‘let oneself go’ a bit the last six months working from home?! Admittedly, I have gotten quite comfortable skipping the razor and being minimally attired…no shirt, no shoes, no problem! Except when I’m one minute out from a video call and two floors away from my closet…

Notwithstanding these current isolation, self-care, lack of face-to-face interaction, or technological impacts, even normal communication is impacted by varying expectations of necessity, purpose, and audience. Is it intended to direct, inform, or persuade? Does your audience need to know, or just want to know?

Whatever the intent or purpose, solving organizational communication involves asking myself, “Does everyone in my sphere of influence know or have the information they should about the subject?” If the answer is no, why not?

It wasn’t communicated? They weren’t paying attention? They heard but didn’t listen? They listened but couldn’t hear? Was it lost in translation? How does chain of command or hierarchy factor in?  If supervisors are given the information but fail to pass it along to their people, is that the originator’s problem?

What about texting or social media? Have you seen (or been victim to) ‘auto-correct gone bad’?

Just the other day I sent a text intending to make light of a situation, but I failed to insert the ‘eye-roll’ emoji at the end. Just that simple oversight led to an entire day of tension and silent treatment. (Insert eye-roll)

Like other challenges, maybe there’s no easy answer to solving communication problems. But I have found timeliness, openness, transparency, and over-communicating helps.

As does trying hard for my walk match my talk, but extending grace where possible knowing my own propensity to get it wrong sometimes.

Can you hear me now?

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

AFH 33-337, The Tongue and Quill, retrieved from https://static.e-publishing.af.mil/

Be the Solution, Not the Problem

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“What’s your problem?!?” I know you’ve been asked that. Maybe you’ve uttered those words yourself, right before realizing things were about to go south. It’s a legitimate question, but one that’s usually asked in the wrong tone at the wrong time.

I have been asking myself that question for weeks now. While I usually ask it when struggling with my thought life or downswings in my mood or attitude, recently it’s been related to my lack of motivation to write an article. The solution came after talking to my friend. He experienced similar ‘writers block’ as he contemplated the much more significant purpose of drafting his brother’s (and our bandmate’s) eulogy. He tells me he awoke in the middle of the night and just started writing.

History repeated itself in a sense, for as chatting with him was part of my solution here, he likewise helped me move from problem to solution a few years ago when he convinced me to join his band to help me recover from a dark time in my life.

Problem: They needed a drummer (I didn’t play drums).

Solution: Now I do.

It would be easy to swing at the softball floating toward home plate courtesy of the pandemic right now. After all, the current medical-social-political-economic finger-pointing circus supplies ample example; there is no shortage of those who are part of the problem. The good news is, there are just as many who are working hard to be part of the solution.

Besides people who barely passed high school math suddenly knowing more about infectious disease than actual scientists and doctors, people who are part of the problem do things like this: litter; don’t scoop their dog’s poop; procrastinate excessively; blame others; engage in cronyism and favoritism; fail to learn from mistakes; are inconsiderate or entitled (typically related); leave their shopping cart parked where cars are supposed to; pretend to care about people.

They may also fail to recognize (or care) they are part of the problem.

Here are a few ideas to be more of a solution:

  • Make room for God in your life. When we rightly understand our own unworthiness compared to the righteousness of a Holy God, we tend to be less of a problem for others.
  • Stop claiming the misfortunes of others as your own in some attempt to justify living however you want, or as an excuse for your own bad behavior (cf. peaceful protesting vs. arson, looting, assault, and property destruction). If you want to be a voice and strength for the oppressed or weak, live honorably in such a way that brings about positive change. “Let your light shine before others…” (Matt. 5.16)
  • As Dr. Samuel Betances used to say, stop counting heads and start making heads count. Embrace diversity. Enable diversity to foster and thrive by treating everyone with dignity and respect. We are all humans created in the image of God. I don’t believe supporting one race, gender, orientation, or ethnicity has to be to the exclusion, debasement, or detestation of another; you don’t have to be ‘one of’ to ‘stand with’. Fostering a culture of diversity involves being part of the solution.
  • Take ownership of your mistakes and shortcomings. Learn from them. Everyone stumbles and falls short. Owning your mistakes is solution-oriented; blaming others makes you part of the problem.
  • Pick up after yourself; leave things better than you found them; say please, thank you, and I love you more often; be a good (nobody’s perfect) human being.
  • If you see someone struggling or in need – mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually – help them. Saying to yourself, “It’s not my problem” is part of the problem.

Bystander intervention, being kind, considerate, polite, old-fashioned, or a Good Samaritan. Whatever you call it, consider this: “Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?” That’s from the second chapter of James, where he relates that faith, when not accompanied by works, is dead. Even the secular rock band A Perfect Circle seems to get it. Consider these excerpted lyrics from ‘Talk Talk’:

You’re waiting…On miracles…We’re bleeding out
While you deliberate…Bodies accumulate Sit and talk like Jesus…Try walkin’ like Jesus
Don’t be the problem, be the solution
Faith without works is, Talk without works is
Faith without works is Dead, dead, dead, dead
Try braving the rain, Try lifting the stone, Try extending a hand
Try walkin’ your talk or get the f**k out of my way

The Christian band Casting Crowns likewise addresses not walking the talk in their song ‘If We are the Body’:

But if we are the body, why aren’t his arms reaching? Why aren’t his hands healing? Why aren’t his words teaching? And if we are the body, why aren’t his feet going? Why is his love not showing them there is a way?

There is so much more I need to say about this subject, but I’ve already overstayed my welcome.

If you are a so-called leader who plays favorites, cares only about what benefits you, or creates problems where (or because) none exist, you’re part of the problem. Leadership involves solving problems, not creating them.

Be part of the solution.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Lyrics retrieved from https://www.lyricfind.com