Well That’s Fabulous!

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No matter how wholesome or sheltered you are, chances are you’ve seen or heard the abbreviation ‘wtf’. If seeing it here makes you uneasy, read on! I won’t share what is probably the original and most widely-used version (even though many of us have likely asked ourselves a similar question for several weeks now).

A few yeas ago my good friend in the faith, David, asked me a very serious question: “You know what that really stands for, don’t you?” Of course I do. Smirking he said, “Well That’s Fabulous”. I liked it, lol’d, and have used it ever since. It also works better as an article title than Haircuts, Face-masks, Unused Razors, Isolation, Leadership, and Politics.

But since you brought it up, let’s talk about those things.

It’s not lost on anyone that this worldwide pandemic has altered life and is unlike anything we’ve known this generation. Which is perhaps why it’s so disheartening to see how quickly business leaders, politicians, and others have moved from respect, understanding and cooperation to grandstanding, spewing rhetoric, imagining their own expertise, and jockeying for political advantage. There was much promise initially…an opportunity to come together for the good of humanity. But like other catastrophic events that only temporarily unite us, the goodness and spirit of unity left quickly. The honeymoon is over, and we’ve predictably devolved into finger-pointing and politics-as-usual.

But there are bright spots. What has been encouraging are widespread examples of ordinary people doing extraordinary things. Not just frontline workers battling in the trenches, but everyday people finding creative ways to encourage, teach, learn, give, and otherwise make the best of a horrible situation.

Speaking of horrible situations, even if I had two bits, I can’t get a shave and a haircut right now. Not good for a career high-and-tight guy. So I’ve been cutting my own! While it’s no Jerry’s Barbershop masterpiece, it’s not Bob’s Bowl-cut Special, either. Besides, I can always wear a hat until Mark is able to get behind his chair again. Now about that shave…

The start of a fresh month, coupled with being off-the-hook from shaving everyday, gave rise to April’s Stay-At-Home ‘Stache contest with family, friends, and colleagues. The last time I organized a similar activity (Mustache March a few years ago), my daughter nearly disowned me. I think her words were: “Dad, no. You need to shave that off. Never do that again!”

It has been a hoot seeing the creativity of some, the uncooperative genetics of others, and the generosity of all through this frivolous distraction. With judging less than a week away, it’s already the longest I’ve gone without shaving since I joined the military at age 18. Most importantly, over $1000 has been raised to help a hurting family.

Then there’s people like Mike, mentioned last time, who created a website dedicated to positive, educational, entertaining content. He and his family didn’t stop there. They began making cloth face coverings in their home to give people in their community and beyond. Ours arrived in the mail just days after he told me about it. He later sent me a picture of his 93-year-old neighbor, another recipient of the Brady family’s generosity. They even decorated a thank you tree! Reminds me of some other unselfish friends living in south Florida. The world is a better place because of people like them who use their resources to put others first.

Now more than ever leaders, politicians, and citizens alike need to take Theodore Roosevelt’s similar advice to do the best they can, with what they have, where they are. Small businesses are crumbling, along with the life-savings, heart, and soul many poured into them. People are feeling helpless, lonely, and scared. They are hurting, sick, and dying.

This is an unprecedented crisis. Because it is unprecedented, no one person, organization, or government has all the answers or knows a single best solution. It’s time for leaders to be leaders and focus on cooperatively serving others, instead of themselves or their ambitions. Another good friend dropped this brief video gem on the subject recently.

It would be most encouraging if everyone – elected, appointed, and citizen alike, would just stop. Stop wasting time blaming other levels of government or political parties; stop trying to advance their own political or personal agenda; stop arguing about who should have done what and when; stop trying to make others believe you’ve somehow become an overnight expert on infectious disease, economics, supply chains, business, or politics. And start being more caring, compassionate, cooperative, humble, and kind human beings.

I love the heartwarming stories on television and social media. They give me hope that all the junk above will ultimately be consumed by the goodness of human spirit. I encourage you to use this unique and challenging time to pray more, read more, love more, lead more. Serve others, build your faith, strengthen your body, grow closer to friends and family, and renew your mind.

And cut your hair.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

“Set you mind on things above, not on earthly things.” – Colossians 3.2

Davids

March Forth

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When I was a child, my dad used to share a riddle about how to get into a house with no windows and no doors. I always chuckled, but never really understood what he was talking about. Unfortunately, its clever meaning was lost on me until I was old enough to figure it out.

Similarly, it wasn’t until I had served over 20 years in the military this occurred to me: since I entered active-duty service on 3/4/1986, I had officially ‘marched forth’ on March 4th. Sadly, I’m sometimes not so bright.

So what better month than March to march forth toward fulfilling your purpose, achieving your goals, or making the world a better place?  What thoughts do you have on how best to do that? Here are just a few that come to mind for me.

Start a blog or some other venture. My good friend, a retired educator and fellow retired senior enlisted leader, recently created Charlie’s School House. It’s a site that provides educational information, interesting content, and links for students (and parents) that may be temporarily at home. I suspect it will endure long beyond this present crisis to serve as a simple resource for encouragement and learning. Well done, Mike.

Start (or ramp up) a personal reading program. In his book On Writing – A Memoir of the Craft, author Stephen King stresses the importance of reading in relation to being a proficient writer when he states “You have to read widely…”. I agree that being well-read is important to being a better writer. And I join many others who recognize the tremendous value of avid reading for other reasons such as gaining knowledge and for entertainment. Reading has made me a better writer, speaker, conversationalist, and communicator for sure! It helps that I love to read. In fact, I typically have a number of books going simultaneously…both print and electronically. While I enjoy some good fiction, most of what I read is biographical or historical, motivational or educational. Right now, besides reading through the Bible in a year, I’m into the pages of The Final Days – The Classic, Behind-the-Scenes Account of Richard Nixon’s Dramatic Last Days in the White House; Meditations – The Philosophy Classic Marcus Aurelius; Decision Points by George W. Bush; Jimmy Buffett A Pirate Looks at Fifty; and The Original Illustrated Sherlock Holmes. Trouble focusing much?

Volunteer. It’s comforting that during times of crisis, people seem to step up and show a much greater sense of community and compassion for others, albeit short-lived. It’s disappointing, however, that it takes tragic events like the terrorist attacks of September 11th or the present COVID-19 pandemic for us to experience this (brief) universal unity. If you need an excuse, use our current situation to do something nice for someone else. Volunteer to help elderly or higher-risk friends or neighbors by delivering groceries to them; participate in a group that helps teach or read to students online; join one or more community, fraternal, or civic organizations in your area and stay engaged after this passes. In other words, get involved with something that not only benefits you, but helps others, too. Service to others is a great way to forget about our own troubles for a while and to realize we’re not alone.

Get your fitness goals back on track. Even if you haven’t completely fallen off the fitness wagon, chances are by now your new year’s resolutions are more like mere suggestions or distant memories. Maybe the forced fitness of basic training doesn’t appeal to you at this time in your life, but perhaps there’s value in cultivating a mindset of constant improvement or committing to a structured workout plan to help revitalize those fitness goals. Besides, if ever there was a time to feel better, it’s now. Physical activity, even low-key/low-impact, can improve your physical, psychological, and emotional well-being.

Will you join me, especially now during this time of worldwide chaos, in marching forth into the future with renewed commitment to making ourselves, our neighbors, and our world a better place? Situations like this equally bring out the best and the worst in people. There’s a lot more each of us can do to show our best…and it all starts by stepping-off with the left foot.

So how do you get into a house with no windows and no doors? You keep running around and around it until you’re ‘all in’. I finally figured it out, Dad. And I’m all in.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. – Psalm 46.1

King, Stephen (2000).  On writing: a memoir of the craft. New York, NY: Scribner.

Free Samples of Forgiveness

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“The best way of avenging yourself is not to become like [the wrongdoer].” Marcus Aurelius

I spend a fair amount of time reflecting on things from the past, struggling to keep pace with things in the present, and pondering things yet in the future. Admittedly, I sometimes get bogged down more than I should dwelling on past mistakes I’ve made or how I’ve been wronged by others. Counselors call it ruminating. Apparently it’s one of my super-powers.

It’s not lost on me that many of my struggles in this area are rooted in difficulties I’ve had with forgiveness. That includes accepting it and granting it. Thankfully, I’ve come a long way from the person I used to be in offering forgiveness. And while I sometimes still let things bother me for a short time, grudges generally pass quickly. Still, there are a few specific instances where a spirit of unforgiveness continues to linger – which is both absurd and frustrating to me considering the things I’ve done…and been forgiven for.

In my video preview to this article, I mentioned the rampant discourtesy of gorging, warehouse-store ‘free-samplers’. Two things come to mind on this: 1) While their careless, aisle-blocking oblivion irritates me at the time, forgiveness is swift and I’m generally over it before leaving the store. 2) I can’t help but think what a powerful witness this is to our modern lean toward excess, compared to the famines and desert wandering of Old Testament times. I’m dubious about our chances of survival if ever faced with similar circumstances. It’s taking your life in your own hands to get between some of those people and their free samples – even at a place with mountains of food readily available for purchase. Can you imagine the chaos if those free samples were it!?!? Quail and manna may feed us, but it probably wouldn’t save us from ourselves in today’s world…

In contrast, a less humorous example involves my own struggle with living out forgiveness in this way. As intimated earlier, one of my issues involves trouble eradicating recurring resentment for a few people because of things they’ve done that hurt me. That’s one of the reasons I chose ‘forgive’ as my word on a recent assignment. I truly want to be free of harboring these grudges. But as much as it embarrasses me to say this, I have trouble not thinking at least one other person’s word on that assignment should have been ‘hypocrisy’ instead of the word they chose. Worse yet, they probably have no clue (or don’t care) that the shoe fits.

Considering my own shortcomings and the whole context of this article, that probably should have been my word, too.

I’ll admit that in between plenty of blessings and joys, the year 2019 presented some significant challenges that certainly didn’t help my disposition: nagging tinnitus and a dried-up college fund; cancer diagnoses and surgeries for both a son and daughter-in-law; failing health of some loved ones; financial and marital challenges for other family and friends; and the passing of my mom just before the holidays, to name a few.

Mom was another person I still owed a measure of forgiveness to, by the way.

David Jeremiah wrote in one of his devotional books, “By God’s providence, every trial somehow returns a blessing in His time and way.”

Providentially, 2020 has started out much better than last year ended. My oldest and his wife are thus far cancer-free; my other son landed his dream job outside Washington, DC; my daughter was chosen for a potentially life-changing internship opportunity this summer; I was blessed be part of a mission team that traveled to Greece to provide humanitarian relief for thousands of refugees. I’ve also recommitted to eating healthier, changing some workouts to keep fighting off Father Time, reading more, finishing my master’s degree, getting more involved again at church, and getting back to other things I enjoy, like theatre.

I’ve also committed to work hard every day to get over myself, be more grateful for the undeserved forgiveness I’ve been granted, and to let go.

Mostly, I just want to be a kinder, more compassionate, and more considerate human being.

I might even hand out a few free samples of forgiveness…whether they deserve it or not.

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matt. 6.14-15

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

The Leadership T.R.A.P.

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Think about a characteristic that makes a leader great. Now think of a person you know who exhibits that trait. What else is it about that person that sets them apart? Is it their ability to make a decision or speak their mind? Is it because they are smart, approachable, charismatic, visionary, caring, or empathetic? Do they just seem to just handle themselves (and others) well? If you work for them, is it because you know they always ‘have your back’.

I doubt any of the characteristics that came to mind had to do with managing spreadsheets or mastering tasks. Those are great situational qualities, but we are talking about leadership acumen. Probably no one came to mind because of their keen ability to boss people around, impose their will, or because they know a lot of important people.

I’ve written about all these types before, but I had a chance to summarize some of this for a recent speaking engagement. I used an acronym as my outline to quickly compare and contrast some leadership traits for that talk.

You should understand this about my history with acronyms: while I use them often to help a simple-minded man like me organize my thoughts, they can sometimes have unintended consequences.

For instance, some years ago during the challenging times surrounding Presidential Budget 2013 (PB13), I gave a leadership keynote to a large group of military members. It focused on motivating them to control what they could control, see things from a larger organizational perspective, recognize the importance of teamwork, and try to always do more than expected. A short time after that speech I received an email from one of the senior noncommissioned officers in attendance thanking me and summarizing my talk in the following acronym.

T.U.R.D.

Take an enterprising look. Understand you can only control what you can control. Relationships are key. Do more than expected.

Yep. Perhaps NOT mentioning how much I like acronyms at the start of the talk would have been good. On the plus side, his acronym actually summarized things nicely and would have saved them from listening to me blather on.

I now try to provide the acronym to audiences ahead of time!

The acronym TRAP in the title is meant to compare and contrast Task versus Relationship focused leadership (the hugging and spanking, as Jim Hunter points out), and Authority versus the Power-focused (autocratic) leader.

Tasks tend to be one-dimensional, like a checklist. Get it done, check it off. A lot of good work gets done that way. Like spanking, it may address an issue at the moment, but there is some debate whether it really ‘hurts me more than it hurts you’. When the business (task) is balanced first with relationships built on genuine care for the those accomplishing the tasks, the work still gets done (often more quickly and efficiently) while increasing people’s motivation, satisfaction, and performance. Sustained performance doesn’t increase from being bullied into submission. And the time to try building a relationship isn’t in the midst of a crisis.

Authority speaks to respect and dignity. Helping others learn, do, and be successful for the betterment of the whole. A true leader exercises authority from a position of humility, understanding their authority is ultimately derived from those whom he or she serves. It should never be wielded carelessly or recklessly from a position of power, as in the adage ‘when a hammer is your only tool, everything looks like a nail’.

Power is that hammer. “Do it or else!” I can’t help but also think of the well-used ‘Seagull Management’ analogy here: flying around making a bunch of noise, pooping on everyone, stealing their food, and then flying away while others clean up the mess.

Whether you’re reading this as a leader, follower, neither, or somewhere in between, perhaps the words of my friend, former POW Colonel Ed Hubbard, are relevant: “Everything that happens in your life is judged good or bad compared to something that has already happened.” It’s not what happens that is most important…it’s how we respond.

If you’re someone who relates and responds more to tasks and power than relationships and authority, maybe something in your past has made you that way. Or perhaps you’ve just become complacent.

Complacency had become an issue for some toward the end of my tour in Iraq. A sign on one of the bunkers we took cover in when under attack read “Complacency doesn’t kill, poor leadership does.”

Boom.

Don’t be a seagull. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

For more on this subject, see my related article Egos & Empires.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

The Year in Review

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It’s hard to believe that 20 years ago we thought Y2K would end the world or malfunctioning computers would catapult us back to the digital dark-ages. Some even believed that the turn of the century would result in some sort of Stephen King, ‘Maximum Overdrive’ scenario where machines took over the world. With the Internet of Things (IoT) led by the armies of Alexa, Cortana, Siri, and Google Assistant, we’re probably closer to that now than in 1999!

I take great care and time compiling what I hope are meaningful, enjoyable, powerful, sharable essays. Because of that, I don’t post as often as I’d prefer. Still, I feel like a kid who sank an impossible trick shot in the driveway or performed a concerto flawlessly at home, wishing more people would have witnessed it. I really want more people to read, enjoy, and relate to what I write!

So for those who missed any of my ‘life-changing’ posts in 2019 (insert eye-roll and ROFL emojis here), and in honor of the world not ending 20 years ago, here’s a Beyond Strength summary of articles from the past year.

New Beginnings: Breach the new year with optimism, commitment, and focus. Make yourself and the world a little better each day; “A compassionate man does not stand detached from the sufferings of others.  Rather, he steps into the world of the hurting and feels the pain and anguish of the one suffering.” (David Jeremiah)

I’m Rubber & You’re Glue: Like a rubber band, we need to stretch to be most useful, effective, and reach our full potential. 

Stretchy Pants:

S eize your moment
T ry something new
R ead
E xpect great things
T ransform your thinking
C ast no stones
H elp others reach their potential
Y our mistakes do not define you

P ain is temporary (pride is not)
A lways do more than expected
N ever fail to learn something (especially from mistakes)
T reat others the way you want them to treat you
S top giving life to the doubts of others

Friends Without Coffee: Time and distance are no indicator how close a friend really is; I am a lot more laid back when I don’t drink coffee.

Egos & Empires: Great leaders are visionary, courageous, decisive, passionate, genuine, caring, and humble; they build empires of respect, care, professionalism, and adoration. We need more leaders like that so empires of egos and self-serving motives disappear, and those who rise to prominence because they know someone (yet care about none) cease to prosper.  

Discipline of Fools: Lack of self-discipline has major impact on physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological well-being. When I fail to exercise discipline at the dinner table, my physical appearance and health suffer. When I don’t discipline my time, all areas of my life suffer. When I fail to discipline my emotions I get upset, edgy, angry, or unhappy. When I don’t discipline my thought life, my mind wanders and folly ensues.

Out with Insecurity: I trace many choices back to insecurity, damaged self-esteem, or skewed perceptions of self-worth. Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there is more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on.  Stop being afraid to move on! Close this chapter of hurt and never re-read it again.  It’s time to get what your life deserves. Move on from things that don’t deserve you. Don’t spend your days trying to correct the past; instead, let go and let God create something better for your future.

Create Your Opportunity: Commit to a never-ending quest for learning and growth; glean value from whatever situation you face; be ready to conquer giants and overcome obstacles in life; understand you can’t do it alone.  Do at least one thing better today than yesterday; relentlessly pursue whatever you love; do your best and work hard; don’t let mistakes or other people define who you are or how far you will go.

Wreckage In Your Mind: Feed the right beast. Learn from your mistakes, walk it off, and get back to work. Do not go gently into the night…“When your body gets tired, run with your heart.” (Don Denyes)

Entitlement: It’s My Prerogative: Here’s what I’m entitled to…NOTHING. But I should expect 1) Honest pay for honest work. 2) Protections outlined in the Constitution. 3) To be a good human being, because there are more than enough rotten ones.

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie: We all have a responsibility to be citizens who engage in respectful dialogue aimed at improving our world. It’s okay to disagree, but only while treating each other with dignity and respect.  When tempted to be dragged into a quagmire of divisiveness or disrespect, let that sleeping dog lie. 

Settle Down: Recognize how failing to address primal needs in life can cause restlessness. Embrace the present; love unreservedly; help others; determine and fulfill your purpose; live by faith knowing God is in control. 

Take Off Your Mask: Patrick King says “If you want to be confident, you have to look confident.”  But what if I’m not and I don’t?  Many of us ‘mask’ who we are rather than risk exposing weakness or insecurity. Tear down relationship barriers by taking off your mask and allowing others to be real, without fear of criticism and judgment.

The Heart of Service: Influencing others is the heart of leadership. Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned came from a few exceptional leaders who, through their words and actions, revealed the character of their heart and their concern for mine.  That is the heart of service.  

Strength is beyond just being physically strong, that’s why I called it ‘Beyond Strength‘. Let’s help each other get strong, be strong, and stay strong in this new decade.

The Heart of Service

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I recently had the privilege of delivering the keynote speech at two different Veterans Day events on successive evenings. While they were two very different audiences, my message was largely the same for both, with a few variations due to the nuances of each group.  In each, though, I spoke about the character and heart of leadership.  

While I’ve shared some similar examples before, I have come to appreciate and see with more clarity that while certain people came in and out of my life, it wasn’t simply the character of their leadership but the fundamental character of their heart that I now recognize most influenced me.  

Still in the shadow of Veterans Day, let me acknowledge all of the veterans who might be reading this right now and thank you for your service to our country. Whether you served one day, one year, or an entire career, many of you made the conscious decision to volunteer your life – and many ways the lives of your families – to be part of something greater than yourself.  You should be proud of that, and appreciated every day, not just on November 11th.   

Honored to be with these esteemed veterans on Veterans Day 2019

All who wear the uniform are pulled into service by some force, be it voluntary or compulsory.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but I suspect I was at least in part drawn to military service by roots going back the revolutionary war, well documented in the four genealogy volumes my dad has published.  They include:

Two WWII veteran uncles; one a soldier wounded in battle while serving in 1944 Italy, the other a sailor whose teenage son would tragically drown some 25 years later on his senior trip, never to attend one of the threemilitary academies he had been accepted to.  My cousin John no doubt would have served proudly and with distinction, just like his father.  Two uncles on the other side of my family, both still living in my area; one a Korean War veteran and the other a retired senior enlisted soldier.  My dad a National Guard veteran; my older brother and my son, both Air Force veterans like me. 

I was blessed with a very long and fulfilling military career that started in 1986.  I can honestly say that through everything, I always tried hard to be the very best I could be at every level with no expectation or sense of entitlement to go to the next.  I never forgot where I came from, how average I really am, and the importance of hard work.  I also learned to recognize that having your head in the game is important, but it is even more important to attend the ‘heart’.  

In his book The Top Ten Mistakes Leaders Make, Hans Finzel says influencing others is the heart of leadership; that the greatest impact on us as individuals comes from direct interaction with other individuals.  It’s true!  I never forgot the lessons I learned from a few exceptional leaders who had their head and their heart in the right place.  Four leaders, in particular, through their words and actions at just the right times in my life, revealed to me the character of their heart and their concern for mine.  That is the heart of leadership.   

Here’s some of what I learned from these four men.  

When insecure and publicly embarrassed, I learned from a Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force that the defusing properties of humor and gratitude are powerful encouragement.  

When tempted to think I was kind of a big deal, I learned from a previously feared senior enlisted leader that humility and forgiveness are two of the most respectable attributes a leader (or anyone for that matter) can have.    

When dealt what seemed like a crushing blow to my career, I learned from a friend, mentor and beloved leader that failure does not define me, and well-timed encouragement and persistence can make a huge difference in a person’s life.

When cavalierly demeaned in front of others by an egomaniacal former adjutant general, I learned from a different flag officer that there is dignity, honor, and respect in standing up for others…even when the person you’re defending is a stranger.  

There is nobility, strength and courage expected of those who wear the uniform and we owe veterans our gratitude, support, and recognition that not all scars are visible on the outside.

But those attributes aren’t exclusive to those who serve.  When I look back over my life and career, it’s the people who influenced me and those I have influenced that I think of most – whether they wore a uniform or not.  

The head is important, but the heart is the wellspring of life.  That’s the heart of leadership. 

Get Strong.  Be Strong.  Stay Strong. 

Finzel, Hans. (2000). The top ten mistakes leaders make.  Colorado Springs, CO: Nexgen.