Time, Distance, & Shielding

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Have you ever felt like a character in those Southwest Airlines commercials, where you just ‘wanna get away’? Getting away from unpleasant situations isn’t the only circumstance distancing ourselves might be beneficial. Not to mention going ‘off the grid’ for a while is often key to a good Hollywood storyline or character development. Consider the likes of Bond, Bourne, Skywalker, The Fugitive, or one of my favorites: the obscure yet entertaining pulp hero, Remo Williams. Whether finding oneself, outrunning murderous antagonists, leaving the ‘agency’, grieving, or just hiding out…time, distance, and shielding are often involved and necessary.

As the world has watched in disgust the Russian attack and atrocities against Ukraine, a concern of many is whether Putin will employ a nuclear weapon. As I contemplate the situation, I think back to my early military service when the Cold War was still a thing. Military strength and respect for nuclear deterrence created a tense, yet necessary combination for peace. Nukes required special care by those entrusted to handle and secure them. Should there be a detonation, knowing the hazards and protective measures associated with nuclear warfare was a must.

The concept I remember most is time, distance, and shielding.

My old training materials note that when a nuclear weapon detonates, a blinding flash of light (intense heat known as thermal radiation) is seen before the sound of the explosion, and the time between the flash and the sound depends on distance from the point of detonation. That thermal radiation, followed by neutron and gamma radiation, occur within the first minute. Fortunately, radiation decreases rapidly with distance. Time and distance; check.

Shielding addresses the last two effects: the devastating blast wave followed by radioactive fallout.

Collectively, time, distance, and shielding conceptualized the course of action to best protect against adverse effects. A concept I believe is applicable to other areas of life.

Long before nuclear weapons, the Bible recorded countless examples of time, distance, and shielding. A few that come to mind include flood-surviving Noah; David avoiding Saul’s relentless pursuit in the wilderness strongholds; the Israelites’ desert wandering after leaving Egypt; John’s exile to Patmos; and Paul’s time(s) in prison. Not to mention his admonishment for us to “flee” and “avoid” things like lust and foolish disputes. Cities of refuge (Joshua 20), where one who killed another accidentally and unintentionally could flee for protection from avengers until their day in court, epitomize the concept.

It’s easy to see how elements of time, distance, and shielding were used to protect, bring about change, or otherwise help people get to a place they needed to be…literally or figuratively. Sometimes the place we need to be involves getting away from our own thoughts for a while.

In his book Chatter – The Voice in Our Head, Why it Matters, and How to Harness it, Ethan Cross mentions a concept called “temporal distancing”. He says temporal distancing involves keeping things in perspective by imagining how you’ll feel about a difficult circumstance years in the future, instead of in the moment.

Well before Cross wrote about the voices in my head, Marcus Aurelius shared remarkably similar wisdom about distancing and sheltering the mind from unwanted, unhealthy thoughts, and our sometimes harmful inner voice: “Tranquility is nothing else than the good ordering of the mind.” and “Such as are your habitual thoughts, so also will be the character of your mind.”

Still unconvinced about the non-nuclear applicability of time, distance, and shielding?

Maybe you’ve never had an argument with a spouse or loved one. Or a dramatic blowup after you ruined the life of your teenage daughter (again). Standard response plans in these scenarios include 1) getting away from the source (distancing), 2) for who knows how long (time), 3) by locking yourself in the bedroom or bathroom (shielding). *This may or may not be from personal experience.

Reenactment

Other real-life applicability might include things like avoiding the gym to rehab an injury; taking a vacation; retreating to quiet place to think through some things; avoiding situations that fuel weaknesses like pornography or lust; committal to a drug or alcohol rehab program. I don’t know how often this happens anymore, but there was even a time when judges offered a choice between compulsory military service or incarceration to wayward youth to give them the time, distance, and shielding they needed to get their life straight.

Having lived through more than a share of parental anguish, I think the those judges may have been onto something. Prayer is ceaseless, but there is only so much helplessness, frustration, and sleepless nights to give. Ultimately, incarceration or some other provision for time, distance, and shielding may be necessary for lasting change and recovery.

Whether trying to survive a nuclear detonation or mitigate some other destructive blast life throws at you, the concept is clear. Manage immediate risks by 1) acting quickly to create separation, physically and emotionally; 2) give yourself (or others) time to assess, process, and plan; and 3) protect yourself from the destructive surge and resulting fallout by taking cover, erecting barriers, and building resilience until the danger has passed.

Giving yourself the time, distance, and shielding needed to survive the worst of it, you’ll gain priceless experience and emerge stronger and better prepared to help yourself and others through the next blast that comes along.

I pray the people of Ukraine, and all of us, will continue to Get Strong, Be Strong, and Stay Strong.

Kross, Ethan (2021).  Chatter.  New York, NY: Crown.

Robertson, Donald (2020). Meditations the philosophy classic (based on The Thoughts of Emperor M. Aurelius Antoninus, translated by George Long). West Sussex, UK: Wiley.

Failures & Faith

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God looks not at our failures, but at the sincerity of our faith. The truth of that statement is found throughout history. Consider those honored as ‘Heroes of Faith’ by the author of Hebrews, who despite failing miserably earlier in life, were used mightily by God because of their faith.

Here are a few. 

Abraham, more concerned for his own well-being than his wife, passed her over to Pharaoh as his sister; later, his impatience with God’s timing would lead to hurt feelings and an unnecessary and unpleasant family dynamic.  Moses, long before leading his people out of Egypt, killed and buried an Egyptian, then hypocritically tried to play peacemaker between two of his kinsmen.  Both Moses and the valiant Gideon would doubt their abilities, self-worth, question God’s instruction, and resist their calling. And like many other men, the mighty Samson and King David were both enslaved to passion, self-indulgence, and captivated by beauty.  

Stories like this aren’t uncommon. Industry leaders, CEOs, Hollywood icons, athletes, and everyday people are stumbling masters of imperfection. Yet many contribute greatly and attain high levels of success and achievement. So why is this important, and why now?

Timing and proximity.

For a while now, my pastor has been preaching through the book of Hebrews.  Chapter 11 focuses on triumphant faith. Examining those highlighted as heroes of faith gives me hope…even heroes fail.  But faith endures, and by it they “…conquered kingdoms, performed acts of righteousness, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions…escaped the edge of the sword, from weakness were made strong” (Heb. 11.33-34; emphasis added).  Their faith gained them approval from God, because faith is evidence of the heart.  And God looks at our heart, not how many mistakes we make.  

But faith will be tested. 

Unfortunately for those who dislike discomfort, the pastor points out that for faith to mature it must be pressed…as olives are to making oil.  Faith is refined (matured) in the process of being crushed.  

It seems failure isn’t necessarily a bad thing. 

I don’t know where you land on the coincidence versus serendipity versus providence spectrum, but just days ago Tim Tebow, a man I respect for his faith journey, encouraged followers to embrace failure as a growth and learning opportunity.  Part of his post read “Failing doesn’t make you a failure”.   While he’s experienced some incredible success in his life, he’s also experienced significant disappointment.  His faith still shines above it all. 

I don’t know him personally, but I expect he would agree that faith is something we experience.   Whether we live to be 100 or our days are cut short, faith is a journey, not a destination.  And sometimes God uses even a short life to make a lasting impact.  

It’s not comforting, but people of faith know that sometimes God’s greater purpose outweighs temporary discomfort. 

“Counting on the future is folly.” – Charles Spurgeon 

We are two years into a pandemic we were told would be under control within a couple of weeks. Many have lost faith in authorities and experts because of their inability to provide consistent guidance or expected results. Don’t count on the future.

Those who lost friends or loved ones to COVID likely had their faith tested.  Unrelated to the pandemic, my family and others close to me have experienced incredible pain due to the unexpected loss of loved ones during that time. Two, in particular, were taken from their young families undeservedly soon. It may be little comfort to those grieving, but each of them lived a life of faith and powerful testimony, leaving behind a lasting legacy and impact.  

Faith is tested in other ways, too. 

It’s difficult to explain the level of anguish and heartache over an estranged child, wayward and spiraling downward; consequences of poor decisions come to fruition near rock bottom.

The olive press of parenthood isn’t always a pleasant journey of faith.  Flaming, blaming, hateful arrows launched from the tongue of a broken spirit aren’t easily ignored. They sew seeds of doubt in even the strongest parent.  

Are my own failures to blame? Whose faith journey is this, anyway?

I’ve had both insignificant and epic failures. I still do. I’m ashamed to admit that I’m not so unlike those heroes of faith mentioned earlier. I’ve been impatient with God’s timing; hypocrisy isn’t foreign to me; I’ve doubted my worth, downplayed my abilities, resisted my calling, and questioned God’s direction.

And if ever a person personified their biblical namesake, it’s this David.

I long for the ‘good old days’, but as I pointed out in the preview to this article, maybe the good old days weren’t all that great either. Still, times certainly seemed simpler then.

I think it was Jimmy Buffett who said that living well is the best revenge. But vengeance isn’t ours to wield and many of us have some letting go to do.

But I see his point.

Living well with a faithful heart, despite our proclivity to stumble, may help today’s days be the good old days we seek.

Trust in the trustworthiness of God.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Tim Tebow quote retrieved from https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6900445218035089408/

3rd Annual Year in Review

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After initially penning pretty much a novel just as introduction, I decided to pour my glass half-full and save the bellyaching opening for a future essay of its own.  I’ll instead focus on this summarized recounting of another year’s worth of life-changing blatherings.  I encourage you to link to each article for a closer look (audio versions available within).  I also encourage you to check out the new Beyond Strength merchandise store! 

Six Foot Cup: “I grieve for what our country has become. No longer a shining example of democracy to the world, we have lost a common sense of dignity and respect. Peaceful protests are one thing. But antagonism has led to months of destructive civil unrest, disobedience, death, and millions in damages. The U.S. is supposed to be the world’s democratic leader. Now we look like a dysfunctional junior high school. Our political ‘leaders’ and elected officials have cast aside statesmanship, diplomacy, and decorum in favor of hissy-fits and name-calling. Taking credit or blaming others for something clearly beyond anyone’s complete understanding takes precedence over doing the right thing.”   

This article was equal parts venting and encouragement. It ultimately suggested the socially distanced coffee meetup to battle social isolation ongoing at the time.  

“There’s nothing quite like sitting down with a friend. Self-care, buddy-check, confessional, solving world problems, venting. Whatever the reason, it’s good and necessary. I love my alone time…but I need people too! Bonus when it’s without agenda or drama or judgment or problems that need solved.”

God is in control. We are not God. Be wary of those who think they are.

Least Bad Option: This article is largely about attitude, motivation, and inspiration.  A quote from Pirates of the Caribbean character Captain Jack Sparrow summarizes: “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.”  

I met Greg, an amputee, at the gym while vacationing in Mexico.  The ‘least bad option’ had to do with his decision to have his damaged lower leg removed after failed attempts to salvage it.  What impressed me most about Greg (humility and a positive attitude), relates well to Sparrow’s quote and everyday life. “I’ve always believed there’s no sense feeling sorry for yourself…you just gotta pick yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going.” – Greg

Walls and Window Dressings: This one dove deep and is difficult to summarize. It’s about being real, not hiding behind a curtain of double standards or camouflaging your duplicity. 

“Never value anything as profitable to yourself which shall compel you to break your promise, to lose your self-respect, to hate any man, to suspect, to curse, to behave hypocritically, to desire anything which needs walls and curtains.” – Marcus Aurelius (Emphasis added)

”Everything is permissible” – but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible” – but not everything is constructive.” (1 Cor. 10.23)

Moral relativism isn’t the answer.  Be wary of leaders blind or unconcerned to the impact of their actions. 

Paradoxical Conflictions: This is another one that ran deep and isn’t served well in summary.  In short, paradoxical refers to something with two meanings that don’t make sense together: or a contrary opinion.  The subtitle of this blog, Finding Strength in Weakness, is an example. 

Conflict generally refers to a fight or strong disagreement.  

Combined, this article attempts to resolve inner conflict and related paradoxes I feel as a man of faith, usually surrounding interpretations of biblical commandments versus personal convictions.  

Making matters worse, it isn’t uncommon for so-called pillars of the church to be most rigid in their convictions. And the first to confuse them for commandments. You may just need to go read this one…

Memorial Day: Lest We Forget: “We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother;” – Shakespeare, Henry V, Act IV, Scene 3.

Remember the fallen…Memorial Day and every day.

Do You Like Me?  Yes No: Today’s success is often measured in followers, likes, and comments.  I haven’t cracked that code, so I can’t help doubting myself or the value of Beyond Strength at times. I want what I do to be relevant and useful. I want to make a difference. It would be nice to be liked.

But as much as I yearn for affirmation, my worth doesn’t come from what I do or how many likes I get. And yours doesn’t either. Our worth comes from God. 

Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes: I found myself wondering if this romper-room dance was really a fun way to teach basic anatomy to children, or just a song about getting old?  

Adulting can be depressing and overwhelming, but we can learn a lot from what we did as kids.  Use this as a motivator to do things to improve your physical, spiritual, emotional, psychological, and social well-being. 

Even if it means running through the motions of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes a couple times.

Remembering 9/11: Last year marked the 20th anniversary of the September 11th attacks.

Never forget…

Slow Down: “Just slow down. Trust me, it’ll still get done…you’ll still get there.” – Bruce

Slow down, take it easy, and give this one a read.

Finishing Well: With retirement rapidly approaching, I want to finish well.  My good friend and fellow short timer said, “We only end on a low note if we allow it.”

Finishing well means setting aside grievances, knowing what I can and cannot control, and adjusting my attitude accordingly.

Attitude and actions are completely within our control.  

Keep doing great things!

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Shakespeare quote retrieved from: http://shakespeare.mit.edu/henryv/henryv.4.3.html

Finishing Well

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When I recorded the video preview, this article was intended as motivation to finish well as I close in on retirement. I had no idea the next two weeks would be a collision of parallels between finishing a career well and finishing a life well. With the unexpected passing of my mother-in-law, and two other funerals the same week, the connection was unmistakable.

Contextually, hints of resentment started percolating and I didn’t like it. Save for a few disappointments, I’ve had an extraordinary career…I refuse to spend the last few months of it embittered. A little self-reflection revealed two primary issues conspiring against this emerging, unwanted disposition.

Too many decisions are made for the primary benefit of those making them. That’s nothing new. What is new has been the perfect storm of social, civic, and public safety upheaval, resulting in declining sentiment toward policing and melodramatic policy decisions driven by political activism. Progress is good; change is necessary. But not when it benefits some to the exclusion of others. What once was among the noblest of professions is now one in which contempt and disrespect for those sworn to serve and protect has become an acceptable norm.

The criminal actions or irresponsibility of a few must not diminish the honor and distinction with which the vast majority of public safety professionals serve. Many who have dedicated their lives to protecting and serving are exhausted and anguished. The current environment creates the potential for a profession that once attracted the altruistic and humble to instead draw those primarily motivated by power and authority. That’s not progress. But neither is it something I have control of.

The second issue is unforgiveness. I have too-long held onto hard feelings about lost opportunities. Two were blatant instances of favoritism, bias, and partiality; the others less obvious, but no less disappointing and no less wrong. Unchecked, these types of inequities create an environment where people don’t feel psychologically safe, and some simply stop trying; helpless to change things and afraid to speak out.

That’s where I eventually found myself. Hurt, ruminating, and waiting for an apology that will never come. Empathy and healing aren’t high on the list of priorities for the leader, husband, wife, father, mother, or friend unwilling or incapable of apology. Another thing I have no control of.

What is within my control are my attitude and actions.

In his book The Socrates Express, Eric Weiner quotes Gandhi as saying that no man “…takes another down a pit without descending into it himself.” Said another way by a good friend recently as we lamented current events, “We only end on a low note if we allow it.”

Avoiding low notes and pits by controlling what I can, and letting go what I can’t, seems obvious. Accordingly, I choose to finish well; maintain a positive attitude; avoid engaging in biased or self-serving decisions; and continue speaking out against injustice…socially and within my family, organization, and my profession.

And I choose to forgive…with or without an apology.

Besides, believers are urged to “…not grow weary while doing good” and “…not lose heart.” (Gal. 6.9).

My mother-in-law, Joy, never grew weary of doing good. She was one of the kindest, gentlest, most genuine people on the planet, who lived out her namesake every day. I had the privilege of speaking at her memorial, during which this portion of my remarks both applies here and convicts me:

“I say this with not an ounce of pride, ego, or self-serving motive; this woman, this most beautiful and tenderhearted of human beings, adored me.  An adoration I never deserved.  She was one of the few people I have ever known who truly loved unconditionally.  No matter how many times I messed up, was abrupt, spoke unkindly, or hurt her daughter in some way, she never stayed angry or judged me. Instead, she was always the first to forgive me. I will never understand why she felt that way about me, or why a guy like me was so blessed to be a part of this wonderful family…” 

My mother-in-law lived well, and despite her untimely passing, finished well. I’m a better man because of her.

Likewise, notwithstanding some disappointments along the way, I’m also a better man because of the organization I’ve been a part of for nearly 30 years.

I mentioned two goals in the preview video: finishing well and decluttering.

Finishing well means setting aside my grievances, knowing what I can and cannot control, and adjusting my attitude accordingly.

Decluttering means ridding myself of unnecessary junk…literally and figuratively.

In some ways, my profession and organization are unrecognizable today. That’s not necessarily a bad thing…it’s just not necessarily my thing.

Nonetheless, I choose to run with perseverance to the very end.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…” (Heb. 12.1)

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Weiner, Eric (2020). The socrates express. New York, NY: Avid Reader Press.

The Year in Review

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It’s hard to believe that 20 years ago we thought Y2K would end the world or malfunctioning computers would catapult us back to the digital dark-ages. Some even believed that the turn of the century would result in some sort of Stephen King, ‘Maximum Overdrive’ scenario where machines took over the world. With the Internet of Things (IoT) led by the armies of Alexa, Cortana, Siri, and Google Assistant, we’re probably closer to that now than in 1999!

I take great care and time compiling what I hope are meaningful, enjoyable, powerful, sharable essays. Because of that, I don’t post as often as I’d prefer. Still, I feel like a kid who sank an impossible trick shot in the driveway or performed a concerto flawlessly at home, wishing more people would have witnessed it. I really want more people to read, enjoy, and relate to what I write!

So for those who missed any of my ‘life-changing’ posts in 2019 (insert eye-roll and ROFL emojis here), and in honor of the world not ending 20 years ago, here’s a Beyond Strength summary of articles from the past year.

New Beginnings: Breach the new year with optimism, commitment, and focus. Make yourself and the world a little better each day; “A compassionate man does not stand detached from the sufferings of others.  Rather, he steps into the world of the hurting and feels the pain and anguish of the one suffering.” (David Jeremiah)

I’m Rubber & You’re Glue: Like a rubber band, we need to stretch to be most useful, effective, and reach our full potential. 

Stretchy Pants:

S eize your moment
T ry something new
R ead
E xpect great things
T ransform your thinking
C ast no stones
H elp others reach their potential
Y our mistakes do not define you

P ain is temporary (pride is not)
A lways do more than expected
N ever fail to learn something (especially from mistakes)
T reat others the way you want them to treat you
S top giving life to the doubts of others

Friends Without Coffee: Time and distance are no indicator how close a friend really is; I am a lot more laid back when I don’t drink coffee.

Egos & Empires: Great leaders are visionary, courageous, decisive, passionate, genuine, caring, and humble; they build empires of respect, care, professionalism, and adoration. We need more leaders like that so empires of egos and self-serving motives disappear, and those who rise to prominence because they know someone (yet care about none) cease to prosper.  

Discipline of Fools: Lack of self-discipline has major impact on physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological well-being. When I fail to exercise discipline at the dinner table, my physical appearance and health suffer. When I don’t discipline my time, all areas of my life suffer. When I fail to discipline my emotions I get upset, edgy, angry, or unhappy. When I don’t discipline my thought life, my mind wanders and folly ensues.

Out with Insecurity: I trace many choices back to insecurity, damaged self-esteem, or skewed perceptions of self-worth. Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there is more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on.  Stop being afraid to move on! Close this chapter of hurt and never re-read it again.  It’s time to get what your life deserves. Move on from things that don’t deserve you. Don’t spend your days trying to correct the past; instead, let go and let God create something better for your future.

Create Your Opportunity: Commit to a never-ending quest for learning and growth; glean value from whatever situation you face; be ready to conquer giants and overcome obstacles in life; understand you can’t do it alone.  Do at least one thing better today than yesterday; relentlessly pursue whatever you love; do your best and work hard; don’t let mistakes or other people define who you are or how far you will go.

Wreckage In Your Mind: Feed the right beast. Learn from your mistakes, walk it off, and get back to work. Do not go gently into the night…“When your body gets tired, run with your heart.” (Don Denyes)

Entitlement: It’s My Prerogative: Here’s what I’m entitled to…NOTHING. But I should expect 1) Honest pay for honest work. 2) Protections outlined in the Constitution. 3) To be a good human being, because there are more than enough rotten ones.

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie: We all have a responsibility to be citizens who engage in respectful dialogue aimed at improving our world. It’s okay to disagree, but only while treating each other with dignity and respect.  When tempted to be dragged into a quagmire of divisiveness or disrespect, let that sleeping dog lie. 

Settle Down: Recognize how failing to address primal needs in life can cause restlessness. Embrace the present; love unreservedly; help others; determine and fulfill your purpose; live by faith knowing God is in control. 

Take Off Your Mask: Patrick King says “If you want to be confident, you have to look confident.”  But what if I’m not and I don’t?  Many of us ‘mask’ who we are rather than risk exposing weakness or insecurity. Tear down relationship barriers by taking off your mask and allowing others to be real, without fear of criticism and judgment.

The Heart of Service: Influencing others is the heart of leadership. Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned came from a few exceptional leaders who, through their words and actions, revealed the character of their heart and their concern for mine.  That is the heart of service.  

Strength is beyond just being physically strong, that’s why I called it ‘Beyond Strength‘. Let’s help each other get strong, be strong, and stay strong in this new decade.