You Are Enough (Part Two)

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“With God’s calling comes a time of preparation, and preparation requires patience.” – David Jeremiah

I do my daily devotionals using the YouVersion Bible app, typically choosing a plan to go through the Bible in a year. This year, I chose English clergyman Nicky Gumbel’s classic Bible in One Year commentary, where each day he and wife Pippa provide insights and real-life application related to that day’s chapters. In a recent reading, Nicky paraphrased John Newton (former slave trader turned abolitionist and author of Amazing Grace), which seemed an appropriate way to start:

‘I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I wish to be. I am not what I one day will be. But, by the grace of God, I am not what I once was.’

It’s not easy to breakdown years of formulas that equal the sum of one’s thought patterns. In many ways I still struggle with the esteem issues mentioned in part one, but time has afforded a measure of clarity to some of those ‘cognitive distortions’. For instance, I’m certain one of the reasons I’m so neurotic about my appearance or bothered when my hair or nails get too long is rooted in sensitivity and embarrassment from childhood. My lifelong Schwarzenegger man-crush and near obsession with getting bigger, stronger, and faster no doubt originates from being a skinny, genetically unimpressive ‘late-bloomer’ who for years felt belittled and powerless to do anything about it. I don’t know if it hurt or helped that he once said, “We all want to look good…to stand naked in front of a mirror and be pleased with what we see. And of course, have others be pleased with what they see when they look at us.” I’ve spent decades lifting and exercising fanatically to feel good about the way I look, with or without clothes on. I was almost 50 before I got there, and it didn’t last long.

But I digress…

I’m sure at least part of my early lean toward public safety was influenced by esteem for which those in uniform were once held, followed by recognition that military and civil service provided not only structure, discipline, challenge, and esprit de corps, but also fulfilled all five of Maslow’s needs in my life at the time. I worked tirelessly at every level to be the absolute best I could be. It became a work ethic I am proud of, yet I sometimes wonder if it was approval, adoration, acceptance that subconsciously drove me? High performance and high achievement often equal borderline workaholism, and a price was sometimes paid in time I’ll never get back.

Yet there is nobility in helping the helpless and standing up for those unable to, which I’m sure my doc would also affirm was a subconscious manifestation to overcome runt status and somehow prove myself worthy.

What better way to prove oneself worthy than to try being everyone’s knight in shining armor?

But even the knight in shining armor’s sword can be double-edged. For in trying to be everything to everyone, we sometimes feel obliged to rescue those not ours to save; or lose sight of the peace and beauty of our own kingdom while admiring the deceptive splendor of someone else’s.

While everyone responds differently to stress, hurt, or injustices in life and relationships, I’ve long held a tendency to take things more personally than I should. Sometimes subconsciously using that as an impetus, I’d mix it together with an elixir of past insecurity, pain, or self-consciousness and let it culture in the warped petri dish of my mind. Once the microorganism of self-pity was incubated, it gave birth to various forms of self-affirming, self-centered acting out. And while acting out may temporarily make us feel better, there’s almost always collateral damage.

Seldom does selfishness make others feel better.

I know a thing or two because I’ve seen a thing or two. And done a thing or two. There’s something to that mid-life crisis thing. Still, the impact of boys and their toys, shoring up tender egos with an ever-growing, never-enough array of gas powered machismo is pretty innocuous. More concerning is when dispositions change: when we become increasingly abrupt, less forgiving, decreasingly tolerant, and an even bigger jackass. Especially toward loved ones.

Then there’s all that other stuff we neither wish to talk about, nor have time or space for in this episode. Yes, the flesh is indeed weak. And perhaps a more godly man would be better at controlling his thought life, ‘fleeing youthful lust’, or being more of a red light than a yield sign. Yet in the context of this article, those like me whose perceived sum total from past experience (especially concerning appearance and desirability) long equaled a probability quotient of zero, finally ringing the hi-strike bell of self-confidence at the circus of life is a powerful boost. Combine that with a string of rejections, disappointments, or unfulfilled expectations and it’s a recipe for…another article.

But our past doesn’t have to control us. Joe de Cena, founder of the Spartan Race phenomenon, says “Bitching burns between zero and zero calories per minute, so there’s no sense complaining about your hardships.” He’s right. Examine your past, acknowledge its impact or influence, and move on.

Easy for me to say. I still have trouble accepting myself as ‘enough’, and my thought life is likely to hamstring me indefinitely. But understanding in whom to find identity and properly accredit self-worth will help avoid these pitfalls.

Stop stumbling over things that are already behind you.

Here’s why: nothing we face hasn’t first been integrated into God’s plan for our life. God does, in fact, work all things together for good to those who love him (Rom. 8.28). In the very next chapter, we’re also reminded that he can (and will) do as he pleases: “Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery of noble purpose and some for common use?”

I’m definitely destined for the common use category. And I’m pretty sure I still identify as a lump of clay. But I know God is in whom to find value and meaning for my life, and he’s still molding me into the man I’m intended to be…despite my best efforts to torpedo his artistry.

Yes, I’ve been too long concerned with my physical appearance and what others think of me. God made me and accepts me as I am. Does that leave me free to let myself go? Of course not. Even though I have stopped shaving and mostly wear sweatpants in retirement, I still need to care for this vessel he’s using. I can’t be renting out a ramshackle cottage, crackhouse, or Fancy’s one room, rundown shack on the outskirts of New Orleans. I need to maintain a strong foundation; keep my windows clean to let the light shine in; and stir the bats of defective thinking out of my belfry.

I’ve wasted much time concerned with what people think of me, focused on the wrong things, or thinking I’m not enough. Nicky Gumbel suggests that dealing with the challenges we face doesn’t prevent us from doing the ministry God called us to, but perhaps that’s actually the ministry itself. So instead of attributing things in my past to my own dysfunction, I’ll try adjusting my paradigm thusly: I’m using the good, bad, and ugly of my life, career, and experience to bring me closer to God, help others, and make the world a better place.

You want to be a great leader, friend, and human? Get outside your comfort zone; own your mistakes, get over yourself, and stop deflecting or blaming others for your shortcomings. A few apologies might be good, too.

You are enough. Be confident in who you are and to whom you belong.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

De Sena, Joe (2014). Spartan up. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

https://bibleinoneyear.org/en/

You Are Enough (Part One)

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“God often spends years preparing us for what he wants us to do….don’t be impatient with yourself.” – David Jeremiah

As I continue balancing responsibilities, embracing retirement, and feeling the older I get the more time accelerates, I’ve found myself more self-reflective. There’s an abbreviation widely popular on social media for those of you nodding your heads in agreement: IYKYK (if you know you know).

Contemplation and self-reflection aren’t unusual for me…it’s pretty much what this whole motivational ministry thing is built on.  But when a number of other factors recently combined with those above, including the untimely deaths of several close friends and family in a short amount of time, it forced what I’ll call compulsory introspection.  Already feeling like the hands of my life-clock are spinning fast enough to launch an aircraft, contemplation of my own mortality naturally snuck in.  

Let’s be clear…I don’t fear death. I know where and with whom I’ll spend eternity when my time is up. But I also know it won’t be until I’ve done everything God has for me to do here. For the record, I appreciate his patience with me; if I were God, I would have smote me a long time ago.

Looking back, I cringe over how much time I’ve wasted not being the man God intended me to be; selfishness, missed opportunities, squandered blessings, ignored promptings, distractions, and probably some derailed plans. But was it really wasted time, or all part of a master plan preparing me for where I am today? It hurts my brain to try and reconcile free will with predestination. In a horribly unsuitable parity, the ‘Which came first, the chicken or the egg?’ debate might be easier to understand. Master plan or simply God working all things together for good (Rom 8.28), I know everything in my life thus far, including some bags I still need to unpack, has been preparing me for this chapter of my life story.

Looking forward, I know some of what’s left for me to do involves continuing to help others by sharing the time, energy, effort, resources, experiences, knowledge, skills, and abilities I’ve been blessed (and cursed) with. I’m especially grateful for the many new doors that have opened to me at this stage in my life, despite a few others that nearly hit me in the backside on the way out. There also remains the more difficult work of confronting things from my past that may help gain understanding about choices I’ve made, how they contributed to who I am today, and how best to use that understanding to help others and make the world a better place.

Let’s start there.

You would think being the child of a local celebrity might position you well for admiration and success. However, that isn’t necessarily true and can present its own challenges. Yes, I’ve always been proud of who my dad is and all he has accomplished. And while a sarcastic reference I once gave in a speech prompted enduring jokes about being a big deal, my dad really is a big deal. Prestige and status are rightfully granted to him. But kids can be cruel, and neither of those were necessarily afforded me or my siblings. In fact, the celebrity status of my father, while great for scoring points with teachers and other adults, was more of a target for peers.

Random elementary teacher: “Oh, is your dad THE Dave Eddy?”

Me: “Yes.”

Teacher: “How exciting that must be…and aren’t you cute!?”

Random elementary kid: “Oh, your dad’s that guy on the radio?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “Who cares…you’re a punk.”

Neither did fame equal wealth in mid-market media. We weren’t destitute but we certainly weren’t rich. Compared to many of my friends at the time, we were easily identifiable on the lower end of middle-class. My dad had offers to enter larger markets. He was even featured in a national radio and television broadcasting periodical in 1968. But as a humble professional and family man, his desire to stay close to our roots outweighed more money and greater fame. I’ve always admired him for that.

Seeds Are Sown

I’m blessed well beyond what I deserve and I own every mistake and decision I’ve made, so please don’t think for a minute what follows is me jumping on the ‘blame everyone else for my troubles’ bandwagon. I’m merely pointing out that, retrospectively, I can see how certain things have influenced some of my behavior, adjustment, and self-confidence. As a child I was scrawny, squirrelly, and occasionally a little unkempt. A kind and caring person who loved us unconditionally, my mom always did her best. But she also struggled with mental health issues, battling mood disorders and depressive episodes much of her life. Accordingly, there were times my hygiene and appearance as a child betrayed her; a visible timestamp of her low points. My hair was occasionally bedraggled (I was probably ahead of my time); my nails often untrimmed; my clothes and body periodically grungy. Despite feeling like Schulz’s Pig-Pen at times, neither my friends nor their parents ever made me feel less than (also an influence on my life). It’s both amusing and sad to look back at school picture day photos and speculate about periods Mom struggled. Most years not a hair was out of place and I was outfitted deceptively snappier than our income allowed; other years I looked like one of Henson’s muppets.

Add all that to being the punk kid of a radio and television personality, and it equals a fair dose of bullying and harassment. Only now am I really diving into the impact my past had on preferences, behavior, life and career choices, and responses to other situations; the most obvious of which has been spending most of my life believing Iā€™m not handsome enough, good enough, desirable, or strong enough…and trying in some way, every step of the way, to prove that I am.

Next time, we’ll explore some of those steps, why some turned out to be ‘landmines’, and why most were completely unnecessary.

“When we come to the end of ourselves we are left with nothing but faith.” – Don Denyes

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

 Miss you, Mom…<3

Happy Father’s Day!

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Wishing dads and father figures everywhere a blessed Father’s Day today. As my friend and author of the book MAN Up!, Mike Winter, recently said, “The best decision a father can make on Father’s Day is to double down on being the man God called him to be in his home so that he has the best possibility of raising godly children.”

And for those who are now without theirs, my prayer is that they simply await a sweet reunion with you in the presence of the Heavenly Father, who is always with you. “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deut. 31.8)

Unlikely Heroes: When Ordinary People Do Extraordinary Things

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“There comes a special moment in everyone’s life, a moment for which that person was born. That special opportunity, when he seizes it, will fulfill his mission – a mission for which he is uniquely qualified. In that moment, he finds greatness. It is his finest hour.”

– Winston Churchill

It’s not valor that warriors are thinking of when everything goes haywire. In his book If Not Now, When?, Medal of Honor recipient Jack Jacobs asserts that “Gallantry in the midst of almost certain death is not an act of physical courage.” Rather, “It is moral courage that makes the difference…the act of doing the right thing when it is much easier to do otherwise.”

I’ve never met Jack Jacobs, but I am privileged to be acquainted with two other Medal of Honor recipients, and a couple former Prisoners of War. I’ve never heard any of these remarkable men describe themselves as heroes. Rather, each of them was notably humble despite performing extraordinarily, under devastating, intense, and deadly circumstances. In fact, neither Medal of Honor recipient I’ve talked with consider the award individual recognition. Courageously devoted to comrades and country, each say they simply did what needed to be done, insisting it represents the service and sacrifice of all involved.

Whether the physical or moral type of courage, my favorite description is that it is not the absence of fear, but the absence of self.

For instance, six security contractors went beyond expectations preventing worse disaster and saving countless lives during the attack on a State Department outpost and CIA compound in Benghazi, Libya, during which Ambassador Christopher Stevens was killed. The book 13 Hours chronicles these events.

Likewise, while many acted heroically throughout, it was Secret Service Agent Tim McCarthy who deliberately moved to shield President Ronald Reagan during a 1981 assassination attempt, taking a bullet to the stomach. President Reagan would later express his gratefulness to McCarthy for his ‘extraordinary heroism’.

Perhaps heroic actions aren’t so unexpected for those mentioned above; or any other veteran, first responder, protector, or public safety professional. But that doesn’t mean it comes easy or naturally: as Harold Wilson is quoted, “Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death.”

And it certainly doesn’t mean they’re the only ones courageous or selfless.

Ordinary heroes are everywhere: teachers, mentors, the compassionate, the benevolent, the humanitarian, the missionary, the caregiver, the ones who stayed when it was easier to leave, or the ones left behind to carry on.

So many unlikely heroes…

Like pilot Chesley ‘Sully’ Sullenberger, who miraculously landed his non-amphibious passenger plane in the Hudson River after losing thrust in both engines, saving all 155 people onboard. He then repeatedly walked the aisle of the sinking jetliner to ensure no one was left onboard.

And it was during a 1957 multi-state crime spree that not only lawmen, but ordinary citizens, performed heroically. For instance, Melvin Ray, a local friend of Indiana Trooper William Kellems, bravely stayed with the mortally wounded Trooper as he succumbed to gunshots wounds. Kellems and Michigan Trooper Dugald Pellot sacrificed all in the line of duty that day, and several others were wounded. But it wasn’t until Clif Edwards’ stirring book Heart Shots that many other details of that tragic day became known…including the actions of Melvin Ray.

I was honored when my friend, Greg (Trooper Pellot’s son), asked me last year to attend a memorial dedication in Scottsburg, Indiana where Kellems was killed. I had the honor of meeting Greg’s mother, Kay (Trooper Pellot’s widow), members of the Kellems family, and Melvin Ray while there. It was a privilege to participate, and stirring to watch Melvin help dedicate the very portion of roadway where he cared for his friend during his final moments. Nearly 65 years later, this unlikely hero was full of emotion as he recounted his actions that day; grateful he could provide comfort to his dying friend, and thankful others knew their beloved Trooper hadn’t died alone on the street.

Kay Pellot Anderson, Melvin Ray, Don Huffman (nephew of Trooper Kellems), Scott County Sheriff Jerry Goodin

Finally, it was a friend’s heroic actions 22 years ago that changed a family and an entire community forever.

“True heroism is remarkably sober…It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.” – Arthur Ashe

Eric Schutte and I worked together at Sajo’s, our local small-town pizzeria. We didn’t know each other well before that, but we became close the years we worked together. We hung around outside work, listened to the same music, detailed our cars similarly, and took a few trips together. One of our favorite activities was when we had to strip and wax the floors at Sajo’s. After closing, we would open the doors, blast the music, and begin our work; but not before creating ridiculously loaded pizzas for ourselves, downing unhealthy levels of fountain pop, and playing endless games of Galaga, Centipede, and Joust (using quarters of undisclosed origin). I really came to know and appreciate Eric for who he was. His work ethic was outstanding, and no-one except owners Joe and Sandy Barker knew more about running the business. Eric was incredibly intelligent, and even had the uncanny knack to correctly reconcile the till, or make any other accounting calculation for that matter, never using decimals! He was one of the nicest, humblest, unassuming, and helpful people I knew. He always thought of others. Which makes perfect sense when considering his actions February 6, 2001.

Friends began to call right away. Early headlines would read: ‘3 killed in Delton fire’, and ‘Mother, newborn, toddler die in early morning blaze’.

Awakened just before 2 a.m. to fire and smoke, Eric braved the flames to rescue his family, unable to reach everyone. He eventually scooped up two of his sons and broke a window to escape the raging fire, severely cutting himself in the process. Bleeding and badly burned, he reached a neighbor’s house with the boys.

Eric Schutte, described accurately as a man loved by everyone who knew him, would never recover.

Six days later, the headlines read: ‘Valiant dad dies from fire injuries’ and ‘Father remembered as a hero’. His then six-year-old son, Cameron, knew his dad pulled him and his brother out of the fire. He called him a hero. Everyone’s dad should be one of their heroes; Cameron and Clay’s actually is. He gave his life trying to save his family.

“What a great thing it is when the hero is found in the home.” (Rev. Matthew Smith at Eric’s funeral)

The small community rallied around the family in the months and years that followed, taking turns watching after the boys, caring for them, helping grandparents raise them.

A whole community of unlikely heroes, it seems.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Epilogue: In a time without social media and cell phones, Eric and I became somewhat disconnected after I left for the military…both a regrettable and avoidable situation. I’m thankful we still connected occasionally, and that I’ve reconnected with others over the years. I’m especially grateful to Cameron, who graciously met with me to talk about his dad, and even loaned me his collection of news articles to reference for this piece.

Left to right: Hero, author (at Sajo’s)

Ackerman-Haywood, J. (2001, February 16). Delton father remembered as a hero. Kalamazoo Gazette, A1, A2.

Edwards, C. (2021). Heart shots: The shocking true story of a dark day in the Michigan & Indiana state police. ShowMe Publishing.

Jacobs, J. & Century, D. (2008). If not now, when?: Duty and sacrifice in Americaā€™s time of need. Berkley Publishing Group. 

Kolker, K. (2001, February 6). 3 killed in Delton fire. Kalamazoo Gazette, A1, A2.

Kolker, K. (2001, February 12). Valiant dad dies from fire injuries. The Grand Rapids Press, A1, A5.

Linder, D.O. (n.d.). Timothy McCarthy: An American hero. Retrieved April 7, 2023, from https://www.famous-trials.com/johnhinckley/525-timothy-mccarthy

Sully Sullenberger. (n.d.). Biography. Retrieved April 7, 2023, from https://www.sullysullenberger.com/

United States Secret Service. (n.d.). In remembrance: Forty years since the assassination attempt
on President Reagan. Retrieved April 7, 2023, from https://www.secretservice.gov/reagan40thanniversary

Zimmerman, D. & Gresham, J. (2011). Uncommon valor: The Medal of Honor and the warriors who earned it in Afghanistan and Iraq.  St. Martinā€™s Griffin.

Zuckoff, M. (2014). 13 hours: The inside account of what really happened in Benghazi. Twelve.

Little Things (Part Two)

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Part One of Little Things included an example from my own life where, viewed in hindsight, seemingly insignificant, unrelated events interconnected. Unlike most so-called reality shows, they were not scripted. Neither were they happenstance. I believe what many consider coincidence is instead divine providence: God composing a beautiful symphony from the good, bad, and ugly noises we make on our instruments of free will. He may not assemble the orchestra as quickly or painlessly as we prefer, but good things take time.

Anything worth having is worth waiting for.

Not long ago a former recruit emailed me with whom I hadn’t communicated for decades (portions removed for brevity). 

ā€œI canā€™t believe it has been over 20 years. Defensive Tactics was my absolute favorite class. I still remember all three of my boxing matches. After my third match, I was pretty angry and disappointed that I couldnā€™t get many punches in. I had taken a lot of hits and refused to be knocked down. You knew I was not happy about it and afterwards and I told you ā€œI suckedā€. You grabbed my headgear, looked me in the eyes, and told me I had done a good job. I will always remember that day. Thank you.”

“You did a good job.” Five little words I don’t even remember saying. But she remembers.

Another former recruit was recently honored for exceptional community service. It was a big deal, not just because of the award, but because it almost never happened. Several years ago, a friend contacted me after a dubious roadblock removed his niece from hiring consideration. I researched exceptions and made some calls. Little things that cost nothing but a few minutes of my time helped ensure a now decorated public servant’s dream career wasn’t derailed before it began.

Looking back, it’s gratifying to realize some of those small words and actions made a difference. I didn’t purposely say or do things over the years just so I’d have something cheeky to write about someday. Kindness and helping others is important, and while I mess up plenty, I care about people and genuinely want to make the world better.

The biblical account of a pretentious teenager sold into slavery by his jealous brothers reinforces this concept. Despite entering Egypt a lowly slave, Joseph remained faithful to God, matured, saved an entire nation from famine, and eventually became second only to Pharaoh. But only after being falsely accused, imprisoned, forgotten about, and proving himself trustworthy in lesser jobs first.

Faithfulness in little things leads to faithfulness in much.

That’s a pretty solid recipe for success: start at the bottom, prove yourself trustworthy and capable in the little things, and work your way up.

Today the inexperienced, entitled, or unqualified favorites often ascend to leadership having seldom stayed long enough to master one assignment before moving to the next. They bypass little things like developing core competence or emotional intelligence; learning to be a good team player; understanding their own need for professional development and self-improvement; or showing diligence in even the lowliest assignments.

Too many expect too much having done too few of the little things.

As the founder of Spartan Race enterprise Joe De Sena says, “Instant success imparts nothing of any real or lasting value.”1 Ignoring little things can lead to horrible bosses and systemically poor organizational leadership. It can also spell failure in areas from fitness and finances to relationships and rockets. Just ask any orthopedic surgeon, bankruptcy attorney, therapist, or NASA O-ring engineer.

There’s a reason great coaches spend time on the small stuff.

I’ve written before about incremental improvements. Babies crawl before they walk; regular walking leads to better health; progressively adding pounds in the gym increases strength; progressively losing pounds on your body helps you reach a healthy weight; spending more than you make leads to financial ruin, but saving a little each month and paying off debt leads to financial peace; a little prayer and time in God’s word each day grows faith; and faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. (Matt 17.20)

Putting little things before the big things can make the big things a little easier.

For instance, before ascending the marriage mountain, a little dating and courtship may uncover some not-so-little-idiosyncrasies that would otherwise torpedo a relationship before the honeymoon is over. Regular oil changes, proper tire pressure, tune-ups, cleaning, washing, waxing, and other preventive maintenance prolongs the life of your car and help avoid costly breakdowns. Uncle Sam’s similar important little things are known by terms like gig lines; spit and polish; inspection ready; good order and discipline; clean, dry, and serviceable; and direct orders.

Inspection ready.

It was a simple order that led Japanese Lieutenant Hiroo Onoda to wage an impracticable private jungle war for 30 years after WWII ended.2 Not realizing fighting ended soon-after, he’d been told to “hold [Lubang Island] until the Imperial Army’s return.” Onoda survived so long by doing little things well: field hygiene; uniform repairs; weapon and equipment maintenance; keeping his sword spotless using palm oil he made himself. But perhaps most important, known well by covert operators and combat veterans, were his noise and light discipline. He remained practically invisible for decades.

Even the smallest light can be seen in the thickest darkness. 

I’ve heard the glow of a cigarette at night can be seen for hundreds of yards. Fingerprints, DNA, hairs, fibers, and other microscopic evidence solve big crimes. Getting a little off-course while exploring has led to some of my best memories. Examples are limitless.

Youā€™ve heard “Donā€™t sweat the small stuff, and itā€™s all small stuff.’ But do you really believe that?

Perhaps losing sight of the small stuff is a major contributor to our rampant discontentment. I remember throwing a tennis ball against my grandparent’s front steps for hours. I’d play entire games fielding pop-ups, line drives, and grounders. All I needed was a ball and glove. People today can’t go 10 minutes without taking a selfie or checking social media. We’re miserable. We need the next best thing, and we’re bored (or embarrassed) by simple things that once fascinated us. John Mark Comer puts it this way: ā€œ[We] have evermore everythingā€¦except happiness.ā€3

The issue isn’t how much we have, but what we do with it. 

David Jeremiah might sum Little Things up best: “Never underestimate the power of small actions in life. What seems like an insignificant word or action on our part may set in motion a chain of events that God uses in a mighty way.”4

Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil. Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred. (Prov 15.16-17)

Smile, laugh, hug, and open doors for people more often.

Bring a little light to this dark world.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

1 De Sena, Joe (2014). Spartan up. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.  

2 Herzog, Werner (2021). The twilight world.  New York, NY: Penguin Press. 

3 Comer, John (2021). The ruthless elimination of hurry. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook.

4 Jeremiah, David (2019).  Daily in his presence. San Diego, CA: Turning Point.

Little Things (Part One)

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Have you ever considered how much little things really matter? With a disc-jockey father, I heard a lot of music growing up. One 1950s song I remember resurged a few decades later when it became the jingle for White Cloud toilet paper: Little Things Mean A Lot. It’s tough to argue against quality rumpus roll being a pretty important little thing! Ironically, this subject is much bigger than I anticipated, requiring two parts to accommodate all my blathering.

In chapter three of his epistle, James analogues four little things that help introduce this subject, each capable of immense impact despite its size: a bit, a spark, a rudder, and the human tongue. The entire horse is turned by bit and bridle; great forests are set ablaze by a tiny spark; a wee rudder steers a massive ship. And though a small part of the body, James’ passage focuses on the tongue because of its power to both lift up or tear down, praise or curse, harm or heal. Described as “a world of evil among the parts of the body”, the tongue is capable of setting “the whole course of one’s life on fire” (v. 6).

The connotation of setting fire no doubt refers to the tongue’s destructive power; and scorched eyebrows betray those who believe words don’t hurt. Fiery furnace or not, looking back over the years, little things indeed loom large when the dots of your past are connected. Ostensibly insignificant words, incidents, decisions, choices, and (apparent) coincidences are written seamlessly into the script of your life today.

Incidental Interconnectedness

Had I not met my wife at a friend’s wedding back home, I would have probably married someone from Texas. Had we not moved back during harvest, our friend would not have hired me to drive his grain truck that season, so pregnant and jobless, we would have moved back to Fort Worth. Were money not an object, I wouldn’t have turned down a local job for work two hours away. Had I not taken that distant job when I did, I would not have met the friend who introduced me to the employer I recently retired from. But before that came to fruition, a job closer to home emerged. So good a job it was, I intended to forego my friend’s recommendation. However, were it not for a denied residency policy exception, I would never have reconsidered my friend’s introduction, nor followed him into service. Had even the slightest circumstance been different, I would have never met that friend, gained crucial insight into the hiring process, attended the same recruit school, nor served with him an entire career.

Long ago…

Maybe things viewed only in the moment aren’t so incidental after all.

Those are just the ‘big’ little things most suited to prose…I could write volumes of other incidental interconnectedness for this one area of my life, alone. Unfortunately, there’s an equally illustrative parallel series of incidents, decisions, choices, and coincidences much less flattering. For not only have little things led to a blessed career and enjoyable family life, there have also been choices and other circumstances along the way with huge and lasting implications that have hurt those close to me.

Even Small Acts of Kindness Provide Big Comfort in the Midst of Pain

In his most recent 365-day devotional, David Jeremiah retells the story of a waitress who took time to slip into a booth and chat with an elderly woman. It was the woman’s first time dining alone since the death of her husband. This waitress’s “…small act of kindness, which cost her nothing but of few moments of her time, encouraged and brightened the day of someone who was hurting.”1

To be sure, losing a loved one is in a category all its own. God doesn’t guarantee we will have trouble-free lives, nor will we always have answers to why evil prevails, the wicked prosper, or bad things happen to good people. Pain is the great equalizer, and life has a way of making sure few are overlooked.

Maybe you have been persecuted, falsely accused, conspired against, had your intentions misinterpreted, or been let down by your friends. All are painful and not such little things. But God reassures us that he is with us in our troubles, and perhaps a few little things can provide an added measure of comfort during these times.

A few small things I did recently helped me through a very trying time of feeling discouraged, unjustly persecuted, and abandoned by friends and coworkers. I didnā€™t ascend a mountain to visit some mystic monk, drown my sorrows in drunken stupor, speak ill of anyone, or conspire to ‘get even’. Instead, I acknowledged the pain, let go, prayed, looked for opportunities to encourage others, and chose the same few specific verses to read every day until I felt better. These ‘little things’ made a huge difference. 

Still unconvinced? Here are some other little things that mean a lot.

Getting out of bed and showing up for work every day; a positive attitude; giving compliments; gratefulness; treating people with dignity and respect despite your differences; asking people how their day is going; saying “please”, “thank you”, “I love you”, and “how can I help” more often; holding hands; writing and sending thank-you cards; leaving notes for your spouse or children wishing them a good day or welcoming them home. Research suggests a simple hug or touch may reduce stress. Personally, a hug or touch on my arm or across my shoulders provides immediate stress relief and calming effect. This is not true of everyone, especially those having experienced abuse. Know your audience, for the little thing means a lot theory applies equally to each.

Little things mean a lot. I hope you’ll stick around for Part Two!

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

1Jeremiah, David (2022). Moments with God. San Diego, CA: Turning Point.

4th Annual Year in Review

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February marks five years since I started beyondstrength.org. I intended it as a mechanism for personal healing, as well as a way to share some of the triumphs, failures, and lessons learned from a life of military service and public safety. I’m just an ordinary man, but I’ve been blessed with some extraordinary opportunities, training, education, and experiences. Having served and led from the lowest to highest levels of leadership, I’m well-traveled, well-read, I’ve seen and done a lot of things many have not, and I have an insatiable appetite for applied learning. What profit come in keeping these good, bad, and ugly exploits to myself? Reverend Nicky Gumbel puts it this way: “If you have been blessed by God, it is not for your own selfish indulgence or self-congratulation; it is in order that you can be a blessing to others.” How can I not share with others what God has ordained in my life?

Five years in, I think Beyond Strength has largely met its original intent.

Still, ‘exponential’ growth has been elusive, and I’ve been an epic failure at convincing anyone to actually buy the super-cool motivational and marketing stuff. But hey, they make great gifts!

Well, except for that one time at work…šŸ˜³

But growth and cool merch have never been the point, and for a man of faith not much is coincidental. Like Joseph’s perspective after his brothers sold him into slavery, I know God uses even the bad for good…including that which others intended as evil.

So here’s your 4th Annual Year in Review! Social influencer or not, I’m hopeful that the content was mildly entertaining, inspiring, meaningful, helpful in some way, and consistent with my vision for this venture.

Failures & Faith (2/21/2022) – God looks at the sincerity of our faith, not our failures. Unlike us, he accurately assesses our motives, looking at the heart and crediting us for our faith without misreading our actions or keeping score.

Time, Distance, & Shielding (4/25/2022) – Time, distance, and shielding conceptualized the recommended course of action in the event of nuclear detonation. This also applies to other areas of life. Manage immediate risks by creating separation, physically and emotionally; give yourself time to assess, process, and plan; protect yourself by taking cover, erecting barriers, and building resilience until the unpleasantries pass.

Sounds Like Fun (6/18/2022) – Joy is a key ingredient to living a full life. Bonus that often our most productive days are the most enjoyable. Rejoice always…(1 Thessalonians 5.16)

Garage Sales & Garbage (8/13/2022) – Living a better life may involve getting rid of excessive garbage, literally and figuratively. Happiness and contentment are the result of disposition, not circumstances or an abundance of ‘things’. Maybe it’s time to get serious about removing things from our life we no longer need.

Climate Change (9/26/2022) – While changing ā€˜climateā€™ can be as easy as adjusting the thermostat or going south for the winter, acclimating to change isnā€™t quite that simple.

Vultures Will Gather (11/7/2022) – Buzzards arenā€™t the only creatures attracted to death or affliction. Human vultures are often circling around, fascinated with distress and eager to victimize their prey. Be strong, and don’t be an easy target.

Broken Together (12/10/2022) – Perfection is impossible for humans. So why should anyone be surprised when someone they love does something that hurts them? But ā€œGod delights in making something beautiful out of something broken.ā€ (Pastor Don Denyes) The only answer to the enormous mess that selfish, unfaithful, broken, untrustworthy humans have made of everything is a Savior.

FITNESS UPDATE

Beyond Strength is wordplay to emphasize being strong in life means more than physical strength. However, part of this motivational ministry does involve physical wellness (Life, Leadership, and Fitness). Accordingly, here’s a snapshot of my personal fitness efforts over 2022 to help motivate and encourage.

Two years ago I committed to doing my age in push-ups every day, which amounted to about 20,000 last year. Use whatever works for you…five sets of 11 or 11 sets of five. I typically split mine up between two and five sets. I also did 217 primarily ‘strength’ workouts (weights, yoga, calisthenics, HIIT, etc.) and 91 primarily ‘cardio’ workouts (walking/running). It seems like a lot written out, but don’t be daunted. My workouts are typically 30 minutes or less, and I averaged less than eight miles running or walking per week last year (excluding fitness tracker step credit). Consistency is key. I’ve spent decades building a fitness lifestyle, so I know making exercise a habit is what keeps me going. Commit to walking just a mile every day or two, and doing a few pushups or body-weight squats to start. Nothing excessive; knee pushups are fine if you struggle with standard; wall-sits or walking a few flights of stairs are also good. Don’t get discouraged or beat yourself up if you feel unmotivated or miss a workout. It takes somewhere between 21 and 66 days to form a habit, so don’t give up…just start again tomorrow!

Please link to the 2022 articles above, have a look, and consider subscribing via email to this unapologetic motivational ministry. I also encourage you to consider partnering with me by purchasing any store merchandise that motivates or interests you, or by making a small donation. Each store purchase directly supports this site, and 10% of every donation will be given to the Veterans of Foreign Wars of the United States.

I’m grateful for your support and look forward to a great 2023 together.

Keep doing great things!

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Audio version now available here!

Broken Together: Can Grace, Mercy, Commitment, and Forgiveness Save Your Fairytale?

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Listen along to the audio version here.

Have you heard ‘bad things come in threes’ or ‘the power of threes’ in business and leadership? I often use a ‘three points’ approach when public speaking. Conveniently, three timely things helped bring this essay to life: a wedding anniversary, a song, and a holiday. Honestly, I prefer to set this subject matter aside for another time (or not at all) because I know there are some who will get the wrong idea, be hurt, offended, or tempted to judge me. But my mind keeps returning to it, so I’m stuck like a worm on a hook: squirming around…about to be in over my head.

I missed when news recently broke of an affair between two popular television personalities. Other than sorrow over more broken families, it doesn’t impact me. But it is a public and familiar reminder of our overall brokenness. And conveniently helps weave my three points together.

First, my wife and I recently celebrated 32 years of marriage. If you’ve read the ‘About the Author’ segment of this site or heard me talk, you’ll note I reference ‘miraculous’ to describe the longevity of my marriage. A 32-year marriage is somewhat statistically uncommon today. Consider this exemplification: a while back I was catching up with an old military friend. During our conversation he asked how many kids I have. When I said “three”, he promptly and in all sincerity asked, “All with the same woman?!?”

While all that may appear mildly noteworthy, my use of ‘miraculous’ is a bit of an understatement. I’m a complete wretch…which is NOT statistically uncommon.

As such, even though our marriage is still relatively intact, we’ve been through some stuff. Lots of stuff. Thankfully, I am married to an uncommonly gracious and committed wife, and I have a savior who is even more merciful and forgiving than she is.

And both know how broken I am.

Second, Casting Crowns has an excellent song titled Broken Together that I again heard around the time of the ‘breaking news’. Here are the lyrics (choruses eliminated for brevity):

What do you think about when you look at me? I know we’re not the fairytale you dreamed we’d be. You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand. And we dove into a mystery.

How I wish we could go back to simpler times. Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light. Now on this hallowed ground we’ve drawn the battle lines. Will we make it through the night?

It’s going to take much more than promises this time. Only God can change our minds.

Chorus: Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete. Could we just be broken together? If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine, could healing still be spoken and save us? The only way we’ll last forever, is broken together.

How it must have been so lonely by my side. We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind. I’m praying God will help our broken hearts align, and we won’t give up the fight.

It’s going to take much more than promises this time. Only God can change our minds.

(Chorus x 2)

I come from a broken home. Divorce sucks. Many of my friends and relatives ended up in broken homes. I’m the last person entitled to sermonize right or wrong ways of handling marriage or relationships. I’m absolutely not condemning anyone who’s had multiple marriages or children with different parents. In no way am I being critical of past decisions, those made beyond one’s control, doing whatever was necessary to stay safe, or any one of 100 other scenarios resulting in fractured families. I don’t know what others have been through, experienced, or might now be going through. Any one of those scenarios could easily be mine.

I write this based on my personal experiences and past. My experience is that while it may be necessary or even justified, divorce complicates everything: finances, raising children, school activities, kids sports, relationships, weddings, funerals, and even holidays. Especially holidays. The first time I ever heard my dad cry was when I was a child and we missed a family Christmas. He tried desperately to manage everything and make it special for us kids, but by the time he picked us up from my mom’s and got to my uncle’s house, they had already celebrated without us. He was crushed.

I’m not suggesting it’s okay to do whatever we want or to be unconcerned with the consequences of our actions. That sort of moral relativism is as ill-advised as being self-righteous. Sadly, both are as pervasive today as in ancient times, and bring me to my last point.

Christmas is coming.

Perfection is God’s standard for salvation, which is impossible for humans. Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus, the Messiah. God’s Son born into the world to be a perfect and final sacrifice some 33-years later. Atonement for an imperfect world.

The only answer to this enormous mess that selfish, unfaithful, broken, untrustworthy humans made of everything is a Savior.

I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ. Nothing here is intended to be personal or hurtful. No matter what we think of ourselves compared to others, we’re all equally defective. Each of us is as morally guilty as any other transgressor. “Whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all.” (James 2.10); “There is no one righteous, not even one.” (Rom 3.10, Ps. 14.3; 53.3)

Brant Hansen puts is this way: “Whatever anyone’s done to me, or to anyone else, I stand just as guilty. People have lied to me, but I’ve lied too. People have been unfaithful to me, but I’ve been unfaithful too. People have hurt me, and I’ve hurt them.”

Why should anyone be surprised when someone they love does something that hurts them?

Faith is a journey. I suggest the same is true of relationships. “God delights in making something beautiful out of something broken.” – Pastor Don Denyes

Don’t give up!

And don’t miss the reason for the season. “For unto us a child is born…” (Isa. 9.6).

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Hansen, Brant (2022). Unoffendable. Nashville, TN: W Publishing Group. 

Source: Musixmatch. Songwriters: Bernie Herms / John Mark Hall. Broken Together lyrics Ā© Sony/atv Tree Publishing, G650 Music, Pure Note Music, Songs Of Universal Inc. View the official lyric video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAAvPDgKf30