Remembering 9/11

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I am set to speak at a remembrance event this weekend to mark the 20th anniversary of the attacks of September 11th, pay homage to those lost, and esteem the military and first responders whose lives have been forever changed.

A reporter advancing the event asked me to share my perspective about the withdrawal from Afghanistan. Taking the high road, I exercised appropriate restraint and diplomacy in my response. With the door of communication open, he also asked me to sidebar some recollections from the morning of the attacks.

This is what I shared.

My day job was in public safety assigned to an investigative unit. At the time, I was also serving a parallel career in a national guard security forces unit. It turns out this was a not-so-uncommon convergence of careers, both of which were significantly impacted by the events that day.

I was working at my office that morning. Not quite Brooklyn Nine-Nine, the space was nonetheless a standard maze of cubicles. Televisions broadcast multiple networks to keep analysts and detectives abreast of emerging local and national events. 

The news broke. The office fell silent as people drifted trance-like closer to the televisions. Shock and disbelief permeated the office as we watched replays of the first plane impacting the World Trade Center. A lack of productivity, and the promise of a larger screen, pushed me and my partners to one’s nearby house to continue watching the events unfold.

Like many others, I suspect the peaceful, clear blue sky and sunshine that morning so vividly contrasted the atrocity we were witnessing that it was difficult at first to reconcile what was happening. In fact, I recall thinking to myself after seeing the first plane impact the building, ‘How the hell did a passenger plane accidentally hit a skyscraper?’ 

Obviously when a second plane hit the other tower there was no doubt what was happening…further confirmed when the Pentagon was struck, and then reports that a fourth plane went down in rural Pennsylvania.

Within minutes of realizing it was an attack, I was on the phone with my military unit. I would spend the rest of that day and many that followed on and off the phone with my unit, civilian commanders, loved ones, and friends, all the while knowing that an attack on the homeland no doubt meant a return to active duty. 

Like many others, I was overwhelmed with feelings of anger, disbelief, frustration, confusion, patriotism. And a growing thirst for vengeance.

While it wasn’t a huge stretch leaving one profession of arms to go back to another, it wasn’t without challenge.  But first responders are just wired differently; they rush in while others are running out. Which probably speaks to why some of us aren’t quite right. It’s in our nature and our training.

No where is that pithy maxim more evident than reading the hundreds of names of first responders on the 9/11 memorial at Ground Zero lost ‘rushing in’ that day.

Or stepping into nearby O’Hara’s Pub to feel a spirit you’re not likely to forget. Ask to take a look at ‘the book’ while you’re there.

I recall one of the challenges for me was the impending birth of our daughter.  She would be born less than two weeks after the attacks, and I would be back on active duty two weeks later. I would remain on orders nearly two years under the Presidential Partial Mobilization. Fortunately, while a fair amount of travel, long hours, and uncertainty was involved, the majority of that initial tour was stateside, protecting the homeland.

That wasn’t the case for everyone.

At that time I had spent about 15 years in the military between active duty and national guard.  There was never any doubt as to relevance or responsibilities when I was on active duty. That was not necessarily the case once I transitioned to the national guard.  But the attacks of September 11th not only opened the eyes of the United States in a way they hadn’t since Pearl Harbor, it also awakened the ‘sleeping giant’ that was arguably the posture of the national guard, outside humanitarian relief and disaster response, for at least a couple of decades prior.  ‘Weekend warriors’ we were called…for good reason.

But it was time to rush in.

I would serve a total of nearly four additional years of active duty on and off following 9/11, including a tour in Iraq, regular trips to Washington, DC, and short-term visits with troops in the Middle East and other places around the world.

Neither military nor civilian career was ever the same as a result. And like many of you, I’m not the same, either.  

As predicted, what was supposed to be just a few lines of remembrance turned into much more than my reporter friend asked for. But for what it’s worth, it ended up equal parts catharsis and speech-writing (for the event mentioned above). And I’m grateful for the opportunity.

Never forget…

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes

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Do you remember ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes‘? Details are a bit sketchy as to origin, but it seems most commonly associated with Sesame Street in recent history. Considering my advanced years, vague recollections of doing the song and dance as a youngster, and leading my children and other church kids in this whimsical time-killer, I’m certain its roots are long ago.

There isn’t much doubt this nursery-rhyme-variety, body-part-identifying dance revolution has been used countless times to help little ones burn off energy, distract, entertain, and teach where their head, shoulders, knees, toes, eyes, ears, mouth, and nose are located.

I now find myself wondering if this romper-room cavorting is a fun way to teach basic anatomy, or really a song about getting old?

Of the 90 or so articles I’ve published, I’m sure I’ve discussed all these people-parts in the context of aging or related to life, leadership, and fitness in some other way. But let me bottom-line some jagged points here that come to mind for each that perhaps people of all ages can take from the unintentional swipe this kids song takes at my aging, aching, trichotomy of weakness (body, mind, spirit).

Head: migraines, vertigo, male pattern baldness, thought life, insecurity, self-esteem, vanity, trouble focusing, inevitable senility.

Shoulders: shouldering my share of the work, vaccination scars (from a time there was much less controversy about getting one), proper development of, proper care for, arthritis from injury and overuse, physical therapy, inevitable surgery, and of course the Beyond Strength logo.

Knees: knobby, achy, creaky, crackly, scrapes, scars. But most of all, a need to spend more time on them in prayer and apology.

Toes: part of our feet, which should be going into all the world and making it a better place. I’m thankful to have reasonably presentable paws, but not everyone does. Some old-timers’ hooves show (and feel) the wear and tear of a lifetime spent clomping around on them. Take care of your feet (and your toes); they will thank you for it. Others will also appreciate it, especially if you’re one to wear sandals or go barefoot.

Eyes: itchy, watery, bloodshot, bags under, astigmatism, inevitable need for ‘readers’. Most importantly, their connection to thought life. Consider this, for one…”If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away.” (Matt. 5.29). Read the verse prior for context. On the plus side for a guy like me, the obvious brutality of the phrase surely excludes its literal translation. But the implication is clear. Look, God created countless beautiful things, women among the loveliest in my opinion. But don’t dwell. Appreciate their beauty and move on. Easier said than done…trust me, I know.

Ears: eavesdropping, protruding, ringing, diminished hearing, gravity and time’s lengthening effect, propensity to listen to or repeat the wrong things. Can you hear me now?

Mouth: see above. The mouth is one of the harshest and most weaponized of physical features. Once uttered, words can’t be undone. The mouth can equally affirm or destroy. Take it from someone who has been unfortunately good at both. Use yours wisely, kindly, lovingly.

Nose: first and worst is failure to recognize one’s own stench. Allergies, reddening, gravity and time’s lengthening effect, obvious target for blemishes, acne, and carcinoma. Beware digging for gold, especially when sitting in traffic.

I don’t think this made as much sense here as in my head when contemplating this article. But here’s the thing…we can learn a lot from what we did as kids. Age, experience, responsibilities, stress, the effects of aging, seeing what we do and are capable of when left to our own devices, and adulting in general can be depressing or overwhelming.

Use this as a motivator to do some things to improve your physical, spiritual, emotional, psychological, and social well-being. Even if it means running through the motions of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes a couple times.

It’s also good to remember old Sunday school songs like ‘O Be Careful Little Eyes’ or its more recent and powerful mashup ‘Slow Fade’ by Casting Crowns. Considering my own shortcomings and tendencies highlighted above, I should probably just play this on repeat. All day.

Be careful little eyes what you see
It’s the second glance that ties your hands
As darkness pulls the strings

Be careful little feet where you go
For it’s the little feet behind you
That are sure to follow

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise
The end is always near

Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises
Lead broken hearts astray

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you’re thinkin’
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinkin’

It’s a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade
When black and white have turned to gray
And thoughts invade, choices made
A price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see

Source: Musixmatch. Songwriters: John Mark Mark Hall

Slow Fade lyrics © Sony/atv Tree Publishing, My Refuge Music

(Some repeat choruses omitted for brevity)

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Do You Like Me? Yes__ No__

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Listen to the audio version here, or keep reading below.

Before cell phones and social media, kids were known to write notes. In the case of that special crush, they might agonize over how to best communicate the proper level of adoration to the one they’d been spying in the lunchroom or on the playground. More often than not determining the title of this article was the best way forward, they would scribble the words on a piece of paper, fold it just right, and pass it to the love of their life through a trusted friend (who probably wished the note was for them).

The wrong answer was devastating.

Recently, a number of my friends, family, and colleagues have (again) sworn off social media. I can’t blame them. Typically their reasons for going dark involve too much drama or politics, unwanted opinions, or a lack of respect from loud-mouths with opinions contrary to theirs. I tend to ignore the nonsense and avoid being dragged down into it. Not that I don’t sometimes want to tee off on that ridiculousness, but I know where it will lead: a comment or reply, no matter how sensible, is unlikely to change anyone’s position or opinion on a matter. You can’t reason with the unreasonable. Still, the feelings of validation from ‘likes’ and encouraging comments is powerful.

This isn’t intended to be an essay on social media, but rather commentary on something linked to it that’s beyond my comprehension: social media ‘influencing’. I have yet to crack the code.

While I don’t understand what most ‘social media influencers’ are influencing or educating us on, I understand the draw; the response and number of followers is overwhelmingly linked to feelings of self-worth or self-efficacy. And apparently a lot of money.

Another code I haven’t cracked.

My intent with this venture has never been about money or followers. But one of my goals is to share insights, experiences, encourage, and provide of bit of entertainment to as many people as possible. I’ve linked a few social media accounts to this blog with increased visibility in mind. I appreciate every follower, and I’m particularly grateful for the small group of you who regularly like, comment, and share these articles. But I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me not to have a larger following or get more feedback.

“Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach” is a George Bernard Shaw quote most commonly used in derogatory fashion today. Yet some of the greatest doers are also some of the greatest teachers. I have been blessed to serve with some incredible leaders (some not so much), and have even held a few positions of influence and leadership myself. I’m certainly not ‘all that’ and have had a few missteps along the way, but I try hard to translate that experience, good or bad, into meaningful content. It’s not Pulitzer Prize stuff here, but I like to think it’s not a complete waste of time, either.

So why hasn’t this thing taken off like million-plus follower types The Minimalists (who I researched on how to create a blog) or thought-leaders like Simon Sinek? Or my just-for-fun Rhythm Section’s Guide to Mixology, which got more interaction to its first post than most of my blog posts? And what about the recent trend of widely followed middle-age women whose provocative selfies routinely garner tens-of-thousands of likes and comments? Maybe I need to start posting more of those ‘artistic’ selfies I took when struggling with self-confidence at the prospect of turning 50.

Or maybe I just need better marketing.

Realistically, no matter how important or influential we might think we are (or were) in the moment, people are fickle and most are quickly forgotten. Before retiring from the military, I was a senior leader responsible for thousands of enlisted members and helped direct national-level executive leadership training. Not even three years retired, I am seldom contacted nor do I receive notice of significant ceremonies or events expected by protocol and courtesy.

That hurts.

Today, success is often measured in followers, likes, and comments, so I can’t help doubt myself at times and the relevancy or value of Beyond Strength. And if a picture of me half-naked or a video of an overly made-up teenager telling us her life is over because the espresso machine is out has more impact than real, heartfelt, relevant, and proven life, leadership, and fitness principles shared by someone who’s been there, I may be out of ideas.

I want what I do here to be relevant and useful. I want to make a difference. It would be nice to be liked.

But here’s the thing: as much as I yearn for affirmation, I need to remember my worth doesn’t come from what I do or how many likes I get. And yours doesn’t either.

Our worth comes from God. The God whose son said “If you love me, keep my commandments.” (John 14.15).

The same Son who died on a cross to save us because none of us do.

I want you to like me. But I understand if you don’t.

Sometimes I don’t even like me.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Paradoxical Conflictions

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A Google search reveals a few definitions for ‘paradox’: a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true; a statement or proposition that, despite sound (or apparently sound) reasoning from acceptable premises, leads to a conclusion that seems senseless, logically unacceptable, or self-contradictory; a situation, person, or thing that combines contradictory features or qualities. Paradoxical then being something with two meanings that don’t make sense together; or a contrary opinion.

A similar search reveals confliction is a fight or strong disagreement (conflict).

Paradox, conflict, contradiction. Redundant or not, this concerns my internal disagreement (conflict), compounded by contrary opinions.

I’m surely not the only person of faith who sometimes feels conflicted. Not just because of differing opinions or interpretations of scripture. The fact is, there are a number of contradictory or paradoxical statements in the Bible. For instance, giving to receive; dying to live; walking by faith not by sight; being yoked (laboring) to find rest; humbling oneself to be exalted; loving your enemies; God loves me yet allows heartache in my life. Even the subtitle of this blog, ‘Finding Strength in Weakness’, is paradoxical and rooted in the Bible.

Pondered within context, these present little problem for the believer. In fact, understanding them often leads to greater peace and a deeper relationship with God.

But perhaps a greater problem for many is confliction or confusion reconciling life today to biblical times. Every believer should guard against trying to conform a timeless and limitless God into their convenient discomfort-avoiding-box-of-human-relativism (modern existence). But the fact is, scholars sometimes interpret the same scripture differently, which can be particularly troublesome for believers…especially when it comes to commandments versus convictions. Making matters worse for already conflicted or confused people of faith, it is not uncommon for so-called pillars of the church to be most rigid in their ‘convictions’. And the first to confuse them for commandments.

I have a low threshold for boredom and a high threshold for busyness. This leads to a variety of extra responsibilities, hobbies, social activities, and other things that consume my time. Serving on various boards of directors and work activities provide professional satisfaction; hobbies and a variety of other creative endeavors provide needed outlet and opportunity to spend time with friends and family. Which is paradoxical in itself: being too busy can elevate stress or negatively impact relationships, while boredom often leads to nothing good (cf idle hands are the devils playthings). Which can likewise elevate stress and lead to nothing good, by the way.

My issue is a combination of trouble saying no, desire to please people, and knowing my propensity for less-than-productive thought life tendencies when I sit idle too long. Maybe I’m ‘wired’ that way, or maybe some of the things I’ve seen and done – that people really shouldn’t – somehow crossed up my wiring along the way.

Which brings me to my current confliction.

My friend Steven and I recently started something we call the Rhythm Section’s Guide to Mixology. He had the idea to create instructional videos of us making cocktails for our wives, while helping viewers “up their drink making game.” Between our friendship and the chemistry we already have playing in a band together, we knew it would be a creative way to do something fun together with our wives.

So what’s the conflict?

First, I’m confident not all of my Christian friends approve or agree with what we’re doing. While we certainly never advocate over-indulgence, nor partake in most of the concoctions ourselves, alcohol consumption is still one of those areas where Christians widely disagree. I’m no biblical scholar, but this is one of those commandment versus conviction situations that is highly sensitive and can create confusion or misunderstandings. So I’m concerned with how some feel about this venture. There’s also this paradox: even if it isn’t inherently wrong, neither do I want to cause anyone to stumble (cf 1 Cor 10.31). Self-doubt is seldom in short supply for me.

Secondly, I take great care, time, and effort providing essays here that are meaningful, insightful, helpful, or mildly entertaining. While I deeply appreciate every follower and all the shares, likes, and comments, our first Rhythm Section’s Guide to Mixology episode garnered more views and feedback than many of my articles, combined.

Oof. Not only is that disappointing, it may also be a sign it’s time to add something to this project, as well. More to come on that.

Here’s a few other head-scratchers to ponder, paradoxes or not.

I can’t see the forest for the trees; gotta be cruel to be kind; Tequila is mezcal, but mezcal is not necessarily tequila (thanks Matt and Dave); bourbon is whiskey, but not all whiskey is bourbon; champaign is wine, but wine is not necessarily champaign.

These are clearly not the best examples of paradoxes or conflictions, so I encourage you to comment below with a few of your own.

I also encourage you to research an old article by Jerry B. Harvey where he explains the Abilene Paradox. The Abilene Paradox says that the “…inability to manage agreement, rather than conflict, is the single most pressing issue of modern organizations” and that “Organizations frequently take actions contrary to the desires of any of their members, and defeat the very purposes they set out to achieve.”  

Paradox for thought.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/paradoxical

Click to access 16-Harvey-Abilene-Paradox-redacted.pdf

Walls & Window Dressings

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My parents divorced when I was young.  Hindsight tells me that resulted in a fair amount of confusion and uncertainty, even though I didn’t recognize it at the time.  It likely explains, on some deeper psychological level, some of the nonsensical things that provide a sense of comfort even to this day.  Things like carports, covered porches, other overhangs and enclosures; airports, hospitals, other places that are always open; and structure or routines.  

One of those routines was watching the yearly broadcast of classics like ‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’, ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’, ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’, ‘Frosty the Snowman’, and ‘The Wizard of Oz’.  Pre-cable, pre-streaming (even pre-color in some instances), these were standard family routines.  Later, annual VHS viewings of ‘White Christmas’ became a new but similar routine. Likely because I could relate, I remember feeling bad for Charlie Brown, and angry at those making fun of Rudolph. I also remember being a little freaked out by flying monkeys, melting witches, and talking melting snowmen. Owning a quaint lodge somewhere like Vermont, or performing in dinner clubs across the world like entertainers Crosby, Kaye, Arnaz, or Sinatra has secretly always appealed to me.

No Desi Arnaz

Then there’s that pay-no-attention-to-the-man-behind-the-curtain thing.

I routinely self-deprecate.  The fact it took me a minute to fully understand the Wizard’s deception doesn’t make me feel better about myself.  Nonetheless, all the above provide analogue to things like transparency, accessibility, reality, and routines.

Roman emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius wrote “Never value anything as profitable to yourself which shall compel you to break your promise, to lose your self-respect, to hate any man, to suspect, to curse, to behave hypocritically, to desire anything which needs walls and curtains.” (emphasis added)

I was pretty much toast at point number one…with a firm twisting of the knife by the last.

The Apostle Paul put it another way: “”Everything is permissible” – but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible” – but not everything is constructive.” (1 Cor. 10.23)

Consider the words of former FBI profiler Roy Hazelwood that perhaps cut deepest to the heart of the matter: When everything is tolerated, nothing is forbidden. Does that not typify today’s social condition? Moral relativism. Woe any who disagree or take a contrary stand based on their own values or viewpoints.

I’m certainly not qualified to cast stones. But it seems duplicitous to accuse people of intolerance or narrow-mindedness simply because they disagree or don’t embrace one thing or another, pointing the finger of judgment and demanding concurrence with their worldview – yet not giving others the same allowance to believe as they choose. We don’t have to agree on everything to respect one another…not embracing someone else’s beliefs, lifestyle, or opinion doesn’t automatically render the other person a bigot.

Like the Wizard, duplicity and transparency are just a couple of problems with many people and organizations. Its effects are compounded particularly within organizations, where people have been repeatedly ‘rewarded’ despite lackluster performance, or promoted beyond their level of competency, and are unable or unwilling to change. Instead, pride or a lack of humility keeps them in a land of Oz, protected by their walls (position) or concealed behind their curtain of favoritism and double-standards; blind or unconcerned to the impact of their actions. This obfuscated leadership tendency is likely one attribution to the phrase ‘smoke and mirrors’.

Two years ago I wrote ‘Friends without Coffee’, a tribute to my South Florida friend.  I described him as an unfiltered, anti-establishment kind of guy.  He isn’t one to beat around the bush.  He says what’s on his mind…no smoke and mirrors. While some cringe at that, he is the antithesis of the assertion “If you have politically correct opinions, you can get away with just about anything.”1  

In a creative retelling of a Greek warrior-god in her book The Song of Achilles, author Madeline Miller masterfully describes this ‘direct’ disposition she gave Achilles: “He said what he meant.  He was puzzled if you did not.  Some people might have mistaken this for simplicity. But is it not a sort of genius to cut always to the heart?” 

It’s hard not to respect someone for being unapologetically real. Organizations and people, alike, could benefit from more reality.

And less window dressing.

Everyone is flawed. But refusing to acknowledge, change, or improve known shortcomings is willfully negligent. Taking the yellow brick road of prudence and humility is a good start. Maybe an apology or two. Probably best if I shuffled around the house on my knees to save time preparing for my next apology…

Sometimes we erect walls to protect ourselves because of past wrongs or heartache. We also hide parts of ourselves, our thoughts, or our actions to spare those we care about from the pain it would cause them. We even blur the truth for other reasons, right Santa Claus?

I don’t have it all figured out.

The fact is, I am a sinner saved by grace. Fortunately for those of us whose drapes are tattered from hiding behind them, “…a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is his body…” (Hebrews 10.20).

The truth will set you free.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

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Near Seven-Mile Bridge with Billy

1 Dobson, Ryan (2003). Be intolerant because some things are just stupid. Sisters, OR: Multnomah.

Miller, Madeline (2012). The song of achilles. New York, NY: HarperCollins.

Robertson, Donald (2020). Meditations the philosophy classic (based on The Thoughts of Emperor M. Aurelius Antoninus, translated by George Long). West Sussex, UK: Wiley