7th Annual Year in Review

Nothing to Prove

2 Comments December 3, 2025 Eddy

Visit YouTube to hear an audio version of this article: https://youtu.be/v1h1am2FXak

Invest your personality, at whatever sacrifice, for the good of others and the glory of God. ~ Frederick Erdmann Smith

Have you ever been really excited about an opportunity, felt good about how it went, then later began to doubt yourself or question the job you’d done? Not like when you wish you’d made this point or that, or feel you could have said things differently to make your talk, position, or argument more complete or persuasive. That’s just nitpicking your delivery.

I’m referring to the more insidious creep of self-doubt.

The last three months have been both incredibly busy and profoundly rewarding. Spanning two countries, several states, six time zones, and traveling over 15,000 miles, it was a blend of contract work, consulting, and speaking engagements. I had the privilege of delivering opening remarks at a conference for one of those speaking engagements.

I was both excited and humbled to have been considered for such an honor. The assignment itself wasn’t something new; I’ve delivered keynotes, lectures, taught, and presented in various settings and audience sizes all over the world. In fact, this was one of several other appearances and presentations over these three months. But much of the time my public speaking has been married to existing responsibilities, position held at the time, or instructing, lecturing, and teaching. This one was a bit of an anomaly; it originated through my website.

Prior acquaintance with the requestor may have pointed him my way, but very few requests originate through this blog. Appearances outside those listed above tend to arise via word of mouth or referrals of friends and business associates. So infrequent are legitimate, non-marketing related emails to my blog that I largely began to ignore that account, carelessly overlooking that the ‘Speaking Requests’ link gathering virtual cobwebs might actually be used to make a speaking request! Thankfully, after having it brought to my attention by a friend in common aware of the request (and my lack of response), the engagement came to fruition.

I took it very seriously, and not just because I felt terrible about missing the original request. Because regardless of assignment, I feel it’s important to give my best. The last thing I want to do is let anyone down. In fact, years ago during one of those leadership/team-building/self-reflection exercises involving karate-chopping a board in two, my motivating afflictions in need of the Bruce Lee treatment were fear of failure and letting people down. That, and youthful aversion to embarrassment, were pretty good motivators to keep a slight lean toward perfectionism…and perhaps a bit of neuroticism.

As a side note, while I do still struggle with fears of failure and letting people down, it’s liberating to be at a point in life that not much embarrasses me anymore.

Anyway, I poured myself into tailoring a talk that would be meaningful, inspiring, relevant, and mildly entertaining. I was ready and felt great before, during, and after. It was an awesome event that I was proud to be a part of, and it felt good to be surrounded by wonderful and encouraging people committed to their work and improving themselves.

Enter Captain Darkness.

I’m not one to do what they now call doom-scrolling social media, but I do check notifications and end up seeing a few surrounding posts that are product of engineered algorithms. Shortly after the two-day event concluded, I happened across an abundance of very complimentary reactions to the event’s final presenter; an author and professional speaker who delivered the closing keynote. And while I’m confident what I kicked off with the day prior was in line with the conference theme, well-received, and an appropriate bookend to the closing keynote, insecurity crept in. My mind carelessly drifted into the contemplation station and boarded the train of self-doubt. Next stop: the canyon of comparison. Why? Because I’m a self-conscious nit who sometimes foolishly (and unnecessarily) interprets people’s reactions with emotion and faulty logic. I don’t want to let people down, and I began thinking maybe I had.

I wasn’t good enough. I could have done better. I should have done better!

The thing is, I received great feedback. But the demon of doubt and ogre of insecurity resting quietly for some time was awakened, fed, and standing at the door.

This isn’t the first time I’ve struggled with insecurity, compared myself to others, or ruminated unnecessarily. In fact, I’ve shared about all those things before. One of the last times I did, many of you reminded me there’s no need to compare myself to anyone. I’m grateful for the encouragement of friends who say things like that’s why they love me, that’s what inspires them, that they love me being me, that I’m solid, or that God made me special.

Oh, I’m special alright…

Sure, I’m not tall, dark, or handsome, a Knight in Shining Armor, a polished statesman, or a talented musician. I know where my identity ultimately comes from, and that identity is none of those. Nor is it pro hockey player, actor, radio broadcaster, engineer, scientist, or celebrity chef. Or professional speaker.

Each of those professionals become experts in their craft by honing their skills through hard work and years of practice. At least 10,000 hours, according to Malcolm Gladwell. It’s the same for you and me; just the calling and areas of expertise are different.

At the end of it all, I’m just an average-at-best goofball trying relentlessly to improve who enjoys serving others and giving back some of what I’ve seen, done, and experienced; and who feels obligated to share from the abundance of blessings I’ve received. I also happen to look and sound remarkably like Howdy Doody, which is most certainly why radio broadcasting and movie stardom didn’t work out. If only I were a marionette.

But I can’t be someone I’m not, and neither can you.

A friend wisely concluded after decades of frustration and resentment toward his father that he would never be able to change him. He couldn’t expect his dad to be someone or something he isn’t. Only then did he experience a sense of peace about their relationship he’d been searching for.

Wisdom involves knowledge, experience, and maturity.

I used to watch accomplished public or motivational speakers with awe and envy. I wanted to be like them; to captivate audiences and leave them moved, inspired, and wanting more. That still appeals to me, and I try my best (with questionable success) to make it so whenever I speak. But I have to realize that may not be my primary purpose in life. It certainly wasn’t when I was younger, as it would have been for purely selfish reasons like attention or adoration. If I’m being honest, those still appeal at some level below the surface of my psyche. But I’m older and (only slightly) wiser now. I know I’m blessed beyond what I deserve, and I know now it’s my responsibility to use those blessings to show the world how awesome God is, not to feel better about myself or show how great I am.

See, I believe God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things so others will see and believe. So as much as I secretly wish I was wittier, more handsome, famous, engaging, dignified and refined, or taken more seriously, the fact is I’m ordinary. Dare I say extra-ordinary. Definitely not extraordinary. And while I still battle occasional insecurity (article in point), God knows my heart, and is the only one I should be concerned about letting down. He can and will use me just the way I am if I’ll just pay attention and get out of the way.

I don’t even get that right most of the time, by the way. People tend to do foolish things because of insecurity. I’m chief among them. Just ask, and budget plenty of time.

So, about this speaking gig. I don’t know if I did great or totally bombed. But I know I did my best.

I don’t need to be all things to all people. I just need to do the best I can, where I am, with what I have. And I need not compare myself to anyone, especially the super-awesome closing speaker. I just want to mess up less and honor God more. I want the story of my life to show others his grace and love.

So, I’ll keep doing my best and forget the rest, as fitness guru Tony Horton says. My identity is from God, and he’s not done with me yet.

He’s not done with you, either. So let’s stop comparing and start doing.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Magnificent Restlessness

Poop in the Clubhouse & Joy in Your Heart

2 Comments May 24, 2025 Eddy

“Never focus so much on who you’re becoming that you miss who God saw you would be from the beginning.” – LaBryant Friend

Great leaders demonstrate humility and a willingness to serve others. Serving with humility doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be confident in your God given abilities, but neither should you see yourself greater than you are nor more important than others. There are many ways that might look in practice. One is that if you see a need, do what is within your power to meet it. That may involve sacrificing your own comfort, interests, or time. Time is perhaps the monster I most often wrestle with on this, so I speak from experience: don’t be in such a hurry as to miss an opportunity to help someone in need.

“Don’t raise your fence and hide; lengthen your table and serve.” – Jerry Flowers

Several things have happened this year that excite me. Cleaning up poop from the floor isn’t one of them. At least I don’t think it is. But the fact that I did at least encourages me. Okay, excite was a strong word…scratch that. Several things have happened this year that encourage me.

From body hair to athletic prowess, postsecondary education to behaving like an adult (overrated by the way), I’ve always been a bit of a late bloomer. So better late than never, my life is experiencing somewhat of a late-harvest internal makeover stew that only God could cook up.

Let me take this unnecessarily abstract metaphor uncomfortably further.

Combine ingredients of meaningful retirement work, world travel, renewed daily devotions, and more purposeful prayer time with heaping measures of heartbreak, frustrations, challenges, and difficulties. The result is an amalgamation of personal growth that seems to be fault-testing questionable circuits and softening still-rough edges of this defective and exceedingly average human still under construction. And let’s be clear…I get in the way a lot. Especially when I try to handle this building project myself, erecting walls of self-sufficiency, strong opinions, dubious viewpoints, and questionable decisions that often leave those close to me one eye twitch away from completely losing it.

It’s not lost on me that started out as a cooking analogy.

Baking or building, I’m not so naïve to think I have it all figured out or that I won’t keep taking one step forward and two back. But I’ve tried to be distinctively more cheerful, better at maintaining a positive attitude, and consistently experiencing more joy as I go about life. Lately, living peaceably has come more naturally in this world of selfishness, anger, antagonism, and divisiveness. And while I’ve always tried (not always successfully) to put others first, serve well, and lead with humility, I now purposefully challenge myself to speak and act with gentleness and kindness. Am I always successful? No. Am I finally growing up? I hope not.

Side note: does celebrating humility seem contradictory to you?

Love will deny itself to look out for others.

I remember two things very distinctly about our first stay in Florida with a new-to-us RV a few months ago. 1) The first week was much colder and rainier than expected; 2) Someone there, as Judith Viorst might say, was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad gastrointestinal day.

Okay, she probably wouldn’t have written about the gastro problem in her children’s book by a similar name. But it could happen. Perhaps a sequel: Alexander and the Giant Gift of Gastrointestinal Gobbledygook.

Sunbathing opportunities were few due to the weather. But once it cleared, we enjoyed walks around the park, pickleball, and a couple days poolside, which was a nice change from movies, cards, Scrabble, and getting on each other’s last nerve stuck inside the camper.

It was during one of my trips from pool to restroom to clubhouse (for more coffee) that I whiffed a strong, foul, and familiar odor that was NOT coffee. A quick scene survey identified the source: a substantial glob of partially smeared feces on the clubhouse floor. From the look of surprise and disgust on her face, it was simultaneously noticed by a woman passing through at the same time. Naturally she asked, “Is that what I think it is?”

What am I, a doodoo recognition expert?

“Yes, I believe it is.” I replied, glancing at her shoes for evidence of transfer smear.

As we speculated cause and origin, it became apparent from another glop on direct azimuth to the men’s room it was human excrement, not that of a stray animal making its way into the clubhouse.

The bewildered woman began muttering adjectives while threatening to call the office. Meanwhile…swim-suited, flip-flopped, shirtless, and cowboy-hatted (you’re welcome), I armed myself with some damp paper towels and went about cleaning up the mess. She was incredulous, looking at me as if I were about to reach into a vat of radioactive waste.

“Oh…wow. Are you going to clean it up?”

Um, yes. I am.

She was baffled. Wait, didn’t I just say she was bewildered and incredulous? Can you be bewildered, baffled, and incredulous at the same time? I think the answer is maybe. Probably literary cousins…just not the kissing kind.

I’ll admit for a moment I, too, thought to myself, “Who would clean up someone else’s poo from a floor where clearly the establishment has jurisdiction?”

I also admit thinking, “What kind of jerk would poop on the floor and just leave it there?” Then, “Ok, maybe it was an accident. But what kind of jerk wouldn’t clean up after himself?”

It turns out the kind of jerk who probably wasn’t one at all but was still parked on the commode in the men’s room. Feet visible beneath the stall and the unmistakable smell gave him away.

As I began to clean up what I thought was the last spot it became clear the poor man, by this time probably just hiding in the stall out of embarrassment, had clearly experienced an intestinal emergency. Perhaps while out for a walk.

How would I know this, you ask? Besides neither confirming nor denying personal experience (VA calls it IBS; I call it SOS – sudden onset s****), checking the rest of the area revealed several other deposits throughout. The mess appeared to start just inside the north entrance, continued with increasing scale and frequency down the hallway, through the main banquet area, finally taking an obvious turn into the men’s room at the opposite end of the clubhouse.

It pays to have been an investigator. Crime scene doody. See what I did there?

I went through a lot of paper towel, and it took a long time. So long, in fact, my wife thought I fell in. I know because she asked me that.

I’ll admit it wasn’t the most pleasant experience of my stay, or of the new year thus far. But if I hadn’t cleaned up that mess, who would have? If I had a similar experience, wouldn’t I want someone to help? So why not me? Like I said at the outset…

If you see a need, do what is within your power to meet it.

Turns out the poo story demanded more words than expected, but I hope didn’t overshadow the intended message. It was never about cleaning up feces. It’s about showing love, kindness, and service to others – especially when there’s nothing in it for me. I just want God to use my story to show others about his grace and love.

Perhaps everyone becomes closer to God and more emotional as they age…as mortality becomes more real to us. But Paul admonished his readers in 2 Corinthians 4.16 not to become discouraged about this. “Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” I know my body wants to slow down, which is why I must fight that much harder to maintain it. But my emotions, my inner self, is being renewed, like the kinetic energy in a flywheel. Unlike my aging body, which requires more effort than before to keep it going, my heart, mind, and soul now spin more freely. My inner self has been building and storing energy through faith, so now that it’s finally ‘spinning faster’ like the flywheel, it requires less energy. Just some inputs along the way to keep it moving smoothly. Love taps, I’ll call them.

Like giving thanks in all circumstances; helping your aging parents if your fortunate enough to still have them; or your neighbor, who doesn’t get around so well, with yard work; or taking time to talk to the homeless or marginalized. These are but a few.

“To serve people is make yourself vulnerable.” – Brant Hansen

I expect many of us don’t know how to interact with the homeless. It’s hard to know who’s genuinely in need or whether you’re being scammed, so what do you do? I don’t have a good answer, other than to be loving and kind regardless of who you encounter or what you do or don’t do for them. Being pleasant costs nothing.

A few months ago, I met a homeless veteran named Dapo. To respect his privacy, I won’t say where I met him, but he made me smile the moment I saw him walking by in the opposite direction. He was cheerful, pleasant, made direct eye contact, and smiled at me. Rather than ignore him or pretend he wasn’t there, which I’ve done in similar situations, I made myself vulnerable, you could say. I stopped and talked with Dapo as my group continued along their way.

He told me how nice it was that I stopped to talk, because most people won’t talk to him – or any of the homeless. I truly enjoyed talking with Dapo. He told me about his friends, other homeless veterans, many of whom don’t come out in the open much because they are treated poorly. Dapo was polite and kind, genuine and friendly. He eventually asked if I would help him buy some food that he could share with his friends. He seemed almost embarrassed to ask and looked surprised when I told him I was happy to help. Of course, I know it could have all been an act, and that’s fine if it was. I handed him $20 and told him I wanted him to use it however he chose, but hoped he would share some with the others he told me about.

Then something happened I didn’t expect. Dapo began to cry, right there on the street. He tried not to, but the way his lips curled under, tears streamed down his face, and his glance turned away betrayed him. He was genuinely emotional at this small gesture.

It was hard for him to speak, but he thanked me over and over. “God bless you”, he kept saying.

“He has blessed me, Dapo. More than I deserve. How could I not share some of that blessing with you?”

“You don’t know how much it means that you would even talk to me, let alone this.”

I hugged him…I couldn’t help myself. God loves this man as much as he loves you, me, and everyone else on the planet. Why shouldn’t I?

The world is pretty messed up. But God is in control and will set things right in his time. My job right now, and maybe yours too, is simply to have the courage and humility to live by faith, be joyful, love people well today, and help make the world a better place by doing good.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

^{Flowers and Friend quotes noted via YouVersion Bible App: YouVersion and OneHope, Inc. / Winters Publishing Group}

^{Hansen, Brant (2024). Life is hard. God is good. Let’s dance. Nashville, TN: W Publishing.}

^{Viorst, Judith (1972). Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. New York, NY: Atheneum Books for Young Readers.}

6th Annual Year in Review

1 Comment December 31, 2024 Eddy

“Life is a series of choices. Every yes is a thousand nos. Every activity we give our time to is a thousand other activities we can’t give our time to.” – John Mark Comer

There are several reasons I started what has become what I now call a motivational life, leadership, and fitness ministry nearly seven years ago. Among them was the catharsis of writing through some of my many issues; to educate, inspire, challenge, and entertain; and to help others while sharing from an abundance of accumulated experiences, successes, and failures. Another reason was to preemptively fill the impending time and space in my calendar I feared could become a stumbling block for someone with a restlessness problem. The funny thing is, after retiring fully from both careers two years ago, I never imagined time management or prioritizing activities would be an area of concern again. But an honest look at my activity here compared to the rest of my ventures over the last 12 months brings Comer’s opening truth-bomb starkly into focus. Every activity has been important, valuable, and meaningful in their own way. But I must admit that more often than I prefer, engaging here was too often among those ‘thousand other activities’ I couldn’t give my time to.

Nonetheless, I owe you a year in review…and a year in review is what you’ll get!

To freshen things up and fill some of the in-between time with shorter literary victuals, I tried something different with Transformation Tuesdays. The concept was to highlight each one of four life pillars on different Tuesdays: Heart, Mind, Body, Spirit. Much to my own chagrin, I only got through the heart and mind before pushing the others to the back burner in favor of meatier morsels. But let’s be honest…the biggest reason was alluded to above: I may have allowed myself to become busier than a so-called retiree should be. And while it’s taken somewhat longer than expected to re-acclimate myself to that type of operations tempo, I’m getting better at it. Besides, even bad days are good days when every day is a weekend, you love what you do, you’re doing the work God’s given you, and you’re helping make the world a better place.

I digress, which fits with that first installment of Transformation Tuesday: The Mind.

Many of my own problems are thinking problems: defective thinking, overthinking, not thinking, or thinking about the wrong things. Improving and maintaining mental wellness starts with transforming the mind.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, The Heart was the focus of the next Transformation Tuesday. In the figurative sense, hearts get broken. In the literal sense, hearts are also broken by congenital disease. They can also become broken or defective because of infection, high blood pressure, high LDL cholesterol, diabetes, smoking, simple age-related degeneration, obesity, unhealthy diet, and physical inactivity. Sometimes heartbreak and heart problems are unavoidable. However, as poor decisions and bad relationships are to broken hearts, many physical heart problems are likewise preventable, the result of simple abuse or neglect. “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” (Luke 6.45). Make sure yours is healthy, happy, and full of the right stuff.

Holy Week and recently returning from a trip to Costa Rica provided the perfect opportunity to lament about our asinine human condition and highlight that not much has changed in 2000 years. Inspired by a preacher’s point once that ‘even the donkey’ knew fanfare at the triumphal entry wasn’t for him, but rather the one riding on his back, Even the Donkey Knows highlighted how careless, impetuous, fickle, and consumed with our own self-interests humans are. Animals, despite having no capacity for reason, remain extraordinarily perceptive. Humans, despite having great capacity to reason, remain extraordinarily self-absorbed and persist in a perpetual stupidity and a rebellion-repentance-restoration relationship with God. All those points were on full display in Costa Rica. This article, worthy of linking back to read in full, was ripe with firsthand observations, pictures, and ridiculous reminders from people behaving badly that not everything needs to be about us.

The Parable of the Carafe was a leadership lesson in service and humility courtesy of Ms. Imelda, the master instructor. This unassuming Kansas City Marriott breakfast buffet hostess’s kindness and unselfish actions epitomized extraordinary service, singlehandedly preventing 100 caffeine dependent investigators from pummeling their course director. “Every organization in the world today should be teaching employees how to be extraordinary.” – Mark Sanborn.

^{Author with the extraordinary Ms. Imelda}

A number of insightful comments and thought-provoking discussions while delivering training events in South America prompted me to write Changing the Gap Between Good and Evil next. Little has changed since the start of human history, evil in particular. As acquaintance, historian, author, and good friend of my dad, Michael Delaware, wrote in the introduction to his fascinating book Victorian Southwest Michigan True Crime, “…it is not the instrument of murder that holds any consistency, but the sinister impulse behind the criminal act wherein lies the true evil.” It takes a special person to stand in the gap betwen good and evil. I’m proud to have answered that call, and grateful for those peacemakers who continue fighting the good fight to restrain evil in the world.

As Far As the Eye Can See, rooted in the reliability of witness recollection and based on personally unreliable recall, it was just plain fun to write an reminisce. If you want a light read with a few good laughs at my expense, link back to it and give it a read.

The final essay of 2024, Go Sit on the Pot, both humorously and somewhat painfully illustrates the importance of dealing with constipation. Specifically emotional constipation. Failing to process emotions leads nowhere good and often involves off-ramping relationships by deflecting responsibility. But happiness, disposition, outlook, emotional, and physical well-being are individual responsibilities. So, if you’re constipated, emotionally or otherwise, take personal responsibility and action to fix it. In other words, go sit on the pot.

In summary, 2024 was a somewhat unexpected year of transition. A new role as training director coupled with increased private teaching and consulting resulted in over 90 days of business travel. As such, managing my schedule and finding balance again became a challenge. Thankfully, the blessing of leisure travel was largely unaffected, but the combined result was an unfortunate and unplanned decline in writing. However, I do sincerely hope the content that did make it to page the last 12 months was worthwhile.

Besides, all those experiences generated many ‘future article ideas’ for the coming year!

Nick Lavery wrote, “We cannot take our lives, our time, for granted. We must make every minute count…” He speaks with authority on that. Despite all odds against it, Nick not only survived being mortally wounded by machine gun fire, but he also successfully returned to full duty as the only above-the-knee amputee US Military Special Forces Operator. He chronicled the process of his success in the book Objective Secure, where he also advised to “persist despite achievement, stay determined in the face of success, move with a sense of purpose.” In other words, success or failure, never give up.

If it has to be one or the other, I will describe 2024 as a success. And I’m moving into 2025 with purpose, persistence, and determination. I hope you’ll stay with me along the way.

Happy New Year!

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

^{Comer, John (2021). The ruthless elimination of hurry. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook.}

^{Delaware, M. (2024). Victorian southwest Michigan true crime. The History Press.}

^{Lavery, N. (2022). Objective secure: the battle tested guide to goal achievement. Precision Components.}

^{Sanborn, Mark (2004). The Fred factor. New York, NY: Currency Doubleday.}

Changing The Gap Between Good And Evil

3 Comments June 30, 2024 Eddy

“There must be evil for there to be good.” – Course Attendee, Bogota, June 2024

I heard someone say at a recent training event that there are two things we all hate: change, and the way things are. Not only did I literally laugh out loud when I heard it, that statement is perhaps one of the all-time greatest representations of the human condition throughout history.

Here’s another one: the more things change, the more they stay the same.

At nearly every training event I now emcee, facilitate, or lecture at, I anecdotally refer to the human condition during my opening or closing remarks to illustrate how little things have really changed throughout history. It usually goes something like this:

^{_{1600s French artist Eustache Le Sueur’s painting The Rape of Tamar}}

I describe or project the above image and ask if anyone knows what painting it is. When no one responds, I explain it is an image of the painting The Rape of Tamar by 1600s French painter, Eustache Le Sueur. It likely represents the Old Testament biblical account from 2 Samuel 13 wherein one of King David’s sons, Amnon, raped his half sister, Tamar. Two years later, her brother, Absalom, exacts revenge on Tamar’s behalf by conspiring to murder Amnon.

At that point, I rhetorically ask whether anyone has ever read the Old Testament, and go on to point out that from the first recorded murder (Cain’s murder of his brother Abel out of jealousy), humans have consistently and unceasingly done terrible things to one another. Moses killed an Egyptian and buried him in the sand, and even King David, described as a man after God’s own heart, had Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, killed to conceal their affair. In the Old Testament alone are recorded countless instances of rape, murder, adultery, incest, conspiracy, assassination, execution, and a host of other issues that yet persist.

What we face today, I summarize, is nothing new. Perhaps greater in prevalence and creativity, yes. And certainly we can now bring to bear greater tools, techniques, procedures, and scientific advancements with which to find truth. Yet in spite of all that, little has changed since the start of human history. As acquaintance, historian, author, and good friend of my dad, Michael Delaware, wrote in the introduction to his fascinating new book Victorian Southwest Michigan True Crime, “…it is not the instrument of murder that holds any consistency, but the sinister impulse behind the criminal act wherein lies the true evil.”¹

Indeed, Michael.

As I return from my third trip to Bogota, Colombia, where I’ve been honored and blessed with the opportunity to teach alongside incredibly talented presenters and help deliver training to dedicated, professional investigators from Central and South America, all the above hits a little closer to home. For while I don’t consider myself resistant to change, neither can I say it’s not occasionally uncomfortable or that I always think it’s necessary. Sometimes change is good, but sometimes things work the way things are. As fellow USAF Chief Master Sergeant Kevin Slater’s leadership book by the same title suggests, sometimes ‘Old School is Good School.’ And while seldom is ‘Because we’ve always done it that way‘ the right answer to a leadership challenge, this out of control social experiment of a world could occasionally benefit from a bit more of the ‘old way’ of doing things. But if change is necessary, let’s change things for the better!

Change is inevitable; growth is optional.

If I’m being honest, I didn’t completely know where all this was going when I started writing it. Maybe you can tell. But comments during a panel discussion at the course in Bogota, which coincidentally involved a change in the agenda, got me thinking. The panel was a departure from previous events, and I took a chance by including is in the final agenda. I’ve seen it work during many military training events I’ve attended, and envisioned the programmed Q&A methodology encouraging more interaction. But I really had no idea how it would go over in this type of course.

Reaction was fantastic! The other panel members and I were delighted with the response. Attendees asked an impressive number of questions and provided insightful responses of their own with unexpected candor. It went so well, in fact, that we adjusted the schedule to accommodate a second panel the following day.

Perhaps somewhat providentially, it was the response to one of the questions I posed back to the group that prompted this essay.

It was a simple question: Why do you do what you do?

I framed it in the context of known and suspected dangers and challenges they face in carrying out their duties in that region. Some responded that it was a logical choice, coming from a family of public servants; others described it simply as their calling. I believe them; no matter the reason, everyone I’ve encountered throughout these courses voluntarily, professionally, and proudly serves with purpose, honor, and distinction. They persevere.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom 12.21)

But as a man of faith, one answer struck me to the core: “There is much evil in the world. Yet there must be evil for there to be good. I (we) must be the good that overcomes the evil.”

I don’t know that I could add much more to that here, nor should I try. It was profound, heartfelt, and seemed to resonate with everyone in the room. So I’ll simply end as I started…with a quote.

Typically attributed to Edmund Burke, its true origin appears largely in question. Nonetheless, the message endures: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

I’m proud to have answered that call, and grateful for those who continue standing in the gap restraining evil in this world.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

^{1_{Delaware, M. (2024). Victorian southwest Michigan true crime. The History Press.}}

The Parable of the Carafe

8 Comments May 23, 2024 Eddy

“Every organization in the world today should be teaching employees how to be extraordinary.” – Mark Sanborn

_{^{(Much of this was shared in an earlier social media post; I consider the lesson worthy of a full article)}}

Last month, I facilitated a training event in Kansas City, Missouri. It was a very busy week, as we simultaneously held a board meeting and strategic planning session that coincided with the first two days of the course. But with all that going on, with all the different information shared and discussed between all three events, perhaps the most important lesson of the week came neither from the classroom nor the boardroom, but rather in a most unexpected way.

Experience has taught me that classes the size of this one, with its audience type, require a near-steady flow of coffee with plenty in reserve. However, during Sunday evening setup, I noted that while there were plenty of supplies, the class would be limited to a standard three-burner Bunn with its respective pots; I had overlooked the need for carafes or an insulated beverage container.

It may seem like a small thing, but it bothered me. You know from my series on little things that they can mean a lot. And they often become big things. When nearly 100 people go on break simultaneously, particularly those conditioned or accustomed to caffeine dependence on the job, three pots run dry pretty quickly. And training directors are apt to get their brake lines cut.

Ok, that’s a little extreme. Perhaps just a few surly attendees and a critical review or two about having more coffee next time.

“Worry is a down payment on a problem you may never have.” – Joyce Meyer

My down payment increased greatly after striking out late Sunday evening in my attempts to find a street vendor selling insulated beverage containers. Not one to give-up quite so easily, I turned in with the thought that perhaps the hotel where I was lodged might have a stray carafe lying around. Conversely, thoughts of NOT finding a solution kept me up much of the night. In all honesty, I seldom sleep well the first couple nights in a new place, anyway. So I arose early Monday and headed downstairs.

Note: It’s important to mention before going any further that my hotel was not the training site, nor connected in any way to the other business mentioned above. In fact, it wasn’t even the contracted hotel for the course attendees!

Enter Imelda.

After lurking…I mean looking around a few common areas, poking my head into vacant meeting rooms, and asking the front desk yielded nada, I thought one last option might be the breakfast buffet area. Situated behind stately glass-panel French doors at the top of an impressive staircase, it was a beautiful dining space laid out opposite the glass-paneled arc of the building; overlooking adjacent buildings, the street below, and what’s known as the plaza area in the distance further down the hill.

Unfortunately, it was closed, wouldn’t open for a while yet, and I was crunched for time. Noticing a staff member through the glass on the other side of the locked door, I approached with a sheepish smile and tentative wave. I felt like a kitten scratching at the door to be let in, but probably looked more like some creep in a suit expecting not to wait for breakfast.

Clearly dressed as the host who would soon welcome actual customers in for a nice, hot breakfast, the woman on the other side could have easily gestured at the clock and turned away like many others would have done in that moment. Instead, Ms. Imelda kindly unlocked the door and allowed me to explain my dilemma…to which I did.

I asked if it would be at all possible to temporarily borrow some sort of beverage carafe until I could pick one up later in the day? She could have simply and understandably declined. Yet she didn’t. Instead, Imelda asked me to wait there before disappearing around the corner toward the kitchen. She returned shortly after with an insulated, vacuum-pump coffee carafe. There was no hesitation nor hint of pretension. Imelda simply smiled, said she was happy to help, and asked me to ‘just bring it back at the end of the week.’

Imelda saved the day. The week, in fact. Thank you Marriott Hotels and Kansas City Marriott Country Club Plaza for hiring wonderful people like Imelda. As a person of faith, I believe what David Jeremiah relates in his devotional The Upward Call that as God blesses us, we are “sent out into the world in order to be a blessing to others.”

I don’t know whether she holds the same beliefs I do, but Imelda certainly understands how to pay it forward and about being a blessing to others. I’m grateful and blessed to have met this wonderful human being.

“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” – Albert Einstein

The world needs more Imeldas.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

_{Jeremiah, David (2015). The upward call. San Diego, CA: Turning Point.}

_{Sanborn, Mark (2004). The Fred factor. New York, NY: Currency Doubleday.}

Even the Donkey Knows

4 Comments April 1, 2024 Eddy

“Behold, your king is coming to you…humble and mounted on a donkey.” – Zech. 9.9

As the commemoration of Holy Week concluded (representing the span between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday), I reflected on a sermon I once heard wherein the preacher used details of the triumphal entry that first Palm Sunday to illustrate his lesson on humility: despite all the cheering and hullabaloo, the gentle and lowly king Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a simple and humble beast of burden. (Matt 21.1-11, Mark 11.1-11, Luke 19.28-40, John 12.12-19)

As humans, we desire affirmation and often envy the kind of attention given to Jesus that day. Yet sometimes it’s not about us. The preacher joked that even the donkey understood the fanfare wasn’t for him, but for the one on his back.

Animals are remarkably perceptive, so it’s not a stretch to believe that.

Humans are also perceptive. But we’re likewise careless, impetuous, fickle, and consumed with our own self-interests. You probably know well what happened in the week following that donkey ride. By week’s end, many of those celebrating Jesus’ arrival were silent, hiding, or even among those calling for his death.

Not much has changed in 2000 years. Animals, despite having no capacity for reason, remain extraordinarily perceptive. Humans, despite having great capacity to reason, remain extraordinarily self-absorbed and persist in a perpetual rebellion-repentance-restoration relationship with God. And all those points were on full display during a recent monthlong decampment blending business with pleasure, highlighted by a week in Costa Rica with friends.

Surely everyone traveling to Costa Rica has heard about the wildlife. Even the least amount of research into the area we stayed confirms the prevalence of monkeys (and other exotic animals) running amok around the property; including the possibility these little safe-cracking simians might help themselves to your belongings if the doors aren’t secured. We couldn’t wait to see for ourselves if the stories were true!

There are likewise ample warnings directing guests NOT to feed the animals. You see where this is going?

Many reasons exist not to feed wild animals, including much of what we eat is bad for them. Not to mention doing so only entices them to return for more. More often, and more aggressively.

Consider these firsthand examples.

While I certainly don’t care to snuggle with any, my experience is that iguanas typically mind their own business. In fact, they usually just ignore people or scurry away when we clumsily try to get as close as possible to take their photo. I don’t blame people for wanting to take photos…iguanas are beautiful, fascinating creatures. But sometimes it’s like watching a search warrant execution, except everyone’s wearing sunscreen and flip-flops. Just use the zoom feature, already!

Worse yet, occasionally there’s that one dude to whom the rules don’t apply and common sense persistently eludes. It happened this time to be the same dude who foolishly thought perhaps the friendly poolside iguana, just trying to mind his own business, would instead like a French fry. In pure poetic irony, everyone nearby was treated to several minutes of lively entertainment as Captain Ketchup scrambled off his palapa, squealing like a teenage girl, while the iguana quite aggressively came back for seconds. And thirds. You’ll be happy to know the iguana was fine, and that good old Crinkle Fry there was later heard to say “I guess that’s why we’re not supposed to feed the animals.”

Don’t be that guy.

Then there’s what Alfred Hitchcock tried to warn us about. Loud, obnoxious, and known to suddenly perch on heads of unsuspecting diners or snatch food right off their plate, the birds were perhaps most annoying. Yet giggling guests continue feeding them.

And of course, the monkeys.

It wasn’t uncommon to encounter them in trees throughout the resort. But the sight of dozens scampering across railings on every level of main lodge balconies each morning was like something straight out of Jungle Book. King Louie had nothing on these primates.

In fact, one morning from the sidewalk below, several of us were caught between curiosity and incredulousness as we watched a young lady precariously suspended from her balcony. Holding on with one hand, she dangled part of her breakfast in the other as she stretched toward a monkey on an adjacent railing.

At least two thoughts crossed my mind in that moment: 1) she’s probably someone to whom things like using turn signals, returning shopping carts to the corral, not texting and driving, waiting their turn to exit the aircraft, or not feeding the animals are merely suggestions not to be taken seriously; and 2) I wonder which one of us is going to call the ambulance?

Fortunately, the girl didn’t plummet to her death, wasn’t bitten, and the monkey didn’t eat from her hand.

But our proclivity toward stupidity and the problem of feeding animals persists.

We hadn’t seen monkeys on our own balcony until our last morning, so it was as if they’d read the daily departures log and came to bid us farewell. It was fun watching them drink from the jacuzzi spout and search the veranda for scraps we may have left behind. We personally confirmed they do, in fact, know how to operate the sliding doors. While ours was latched making for an unsuccessful break-in, one did slip in through our neighbor’s door long enough to swipe some sugar packets off their table. Shortly thereafter, I saw his buddy grasping a bag of peanut M&Ms lifted from another room.

Amusing as it was to watch their antics, I was irritated and grew even more concerned for their wellbeing as I watched one on the patio tentatively, yet persistently, trying to eat something unrecognizable, disgusting, and probably not from nature. The impact of careless, self-absorbed humans consumed only with their own amusement continues contributing to the problem. We should instead be part of the solution.

There is hope.

The monkeys there are skittish and reluctant to accept food from people; and the iguanas just want to be left alone. Like the donkey knew the fanfare wasn’t his, these animals know our food isn’t theirs.

Unlike wild animals, humans should know better; we have the capacity to think and reason. Perhaps over time, if we stop feeding them, they’ll be reconditioned (and stop telling their friends where all the loot is). The least we can do is leave them alone and just appreciate their beauty and unique place in nature.

Not everything needs to be about us.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

_{Special thanks to Cupine Farm and the McCarthys for the cover photo of Jarvis setting the horses straight, and for another memorable trip.}

“Please Don’t Feed the Animals” – The Management

^_*_{If you’d like to know more about Jesus or the meaning of Palm Sunday and Easter, please contact me. Or consider reading the New Testament Gospel According to John.}

A Full Cast of Characters

1 Comment November 17, 2023 Eddy

“The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team.” – John Wooden

_{Listen to the audio version here.}

During a recent service, my pastor quoted Charles Spurgeon: “Scripture frequently sums up a man’s life in a single verse.” I’ve thought a lot about what single verse might sum up my life. While many could easily apply, like Ephesians 3.8 (I am less than the least of all the Lord’s people), one perhaps fits best: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst.” (1 Tim 1.15)

Look, it’s not a competition; no one wins at sin. But I fall short a lot, and the closer I get to God the more obvious and uncomfortable my unworthiness is. So I place myself at the top of the list. And like anyone in uncomfortable situations, I have a couple of choices: distance myself or draw closer. While the tendency for most is to disconnect, for the person of faith it should be to draw near to God and surround ourselves with others who make us better people.

Life and leadership are about helping others be successful.

“Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind.” (John Donne) While there’s something to be said for independence and alone time once in a while, no man is an island. Humans are interdependent. From the beginning, God said it’s not good for man to be alone. Pets are great, but we need companionship with others like us…with intellect, ethics, emotions, spirituality. Besides, pretty much everything in life requires some level of teamwork: leadership, business, sports, relationships. A widely shared passage in Ecclesiastes (4.9-12) reminds us that two are better than one and a cord of three strands is not easily broken. Not only can they help us be our best, other people help prevent loneliness and isolation. One only need consider the devastating emotional effects many experienced during the pandemic lockdowns to understand this truth.

But not every friend is a good one, nor every team a winner. A friend loves at all times, not just when you’re with them or have something to offer. And even teams with the greatest all-stars lose. The symbolism of that simple threefold cord helps us understand it’s better to have a few of the right players than an abundance of the wrong. A friends list or team roster stacked with the wrong people can lead to all sorts of trouble, but a GOOD team player and the RIGHT kind of helper is essential to success.

“It is not important what role you play, as long as you play your role.” – Don Denyes

Have you ever watched the credits roll at the end of a show? They seem to run forever and list literally hundreds of cast and crew. Few are the ‘stars’. As I write this article, final rehearsals are taking place for a stage production I’m involved with. Like most, I play a very small role. Yet having experienced a fair amount of theater (and a couple of film productions), I can tell you that it takes the entire cast and crew to be successful. Contrary to pop news, it’s the collective excellence of the set, sound, and stage crews, minor characters, and company performers that make or break a show. Of course the right leads are important, but even a momentary loss of character or focus by a supporting role upstage is immediately noticeable and often what keeps an average production from being exceptional. Every member of the cast and crew must be bought in, committed, support one another, and work seamlessly together throughout – keeping always the best interest of the show and team at the forefront; even if that means not being the center of attention.

For me, home projects are another example of my need for others. I take pride in being good at a number of things, but certain handiwork is not generally among them. Sure, given enough time and do-overs I can generally muddle through, but the results are more akin to ‘That’ll work.’ than ‘Wow, that looks amazing.’ And while I have no trouble running a saw, tape, or hammer, it did once take me two tries to install a cat door. The result was convenient floor and ceiling access for what I thereafter referred to as our circus cat. Note: when you remove a door for such projects, remember which end is which (that’s just one of many examples from life in the unskilled trades). Had I just asked for a little help…

Disposition is everything when it comes to teamwork.

There are many more examples of our need for relationships and teamwork in life. We simply can’t do life alone, so the virtues of humility, respect, and the ability to relate to others are invaluable.

John Maxwell points out in his book The 360 Degree Leader, “Leadership is more disposition than position.” The same is true of teamwork. Leading, following, asking for help, and helping others all require an unpretentious disposition. Humility is the antithesis of pride and self-service, which in turn are contradictory to being a great leader, teammate, and friend. It’s a small man who neither offers nor asks for help, and who runs down others to boost his own fragile ego. Yet ironically, it is the same man’s inflated ego and self-serving disposition by which humility and vulnerability escape him. While people with these traits make poor leaders, teammates, and friends, it may simply be that they lack emotional intelligence; particularly empathy and self-awareness.

So what does this have to do with the rest?

The strength of the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

We all have issues. Humans are imperfect. Teams are a collection of individuals, therefore likewise imperfect. In his book The Ideal Team Player, Patrick Lencioni focuses on team members individually improving on “…the virtues that make him or her more likely to overcome the dysfunctions that derail teams.” This not only applies to the pretentious egotist mentioned above, it translates to all areas of life. Looking within and without, individually and collectively, we can make the world a better place by making each other better. It’s ok to be broken, but we’re still better together than apart!

Nicky Gumbel shared this from Desmond Tutu recently: ‘The solitary human being is a contradiction in terms…[W]e are made for complementarity. We are created for a delicate network of relationships, of interdependence with our fellow human beings…’ Adds Gumbel, “God does not intend for you to be lonely and isolated.”

We were created with an enduring need for others and a relationship with God. He gave us an important and obvious example in sending his son to share in our humanity, without whom salvation is impossible.

The show must go on…work hard to live at peace and encourage one another.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

^{John Donne prose retrieved from: https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/no-man-is-an-island/}

^{Lencioni, P. (2016). The ideal team player. Josey-Bass.}

^{Maxwell, J. C. (2011). The 360-degree leader. Thomas Nelson.}

Those Who Can

3 Comments September 30, 2023 Eddy

Do good. Be rich in good deeds. Be generous and willing to share. (1 Tim 6.18)

As I began writing this a few days ago, I was retuning from Bogota, Colombia, where for the second time in three months I had the privilege of helping deliver training to investigators from Central and South America as part of the U.S. Department of Justice’s International Criminal Investigative Training Assistance Program (ICITAP). The week prior, I was presenting at another investigations seminar closer to home. Even as I type this, I am traveling to the nation’s capital to emcee and help facilitate an International DNA and genealogy summit. Yesterday’s participation in a unique high school career and technical education event simply added to an incredibly meaningful and busy last few months. And while busier lately than I anticipated, I’m grateful for opportunities to continue serving; particularly when it involves consulting on cases or presenting, lecturing, and teaching on related subjects.

The pejorative sentiment “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” is a sort of truncated excerpt originating from George Bernard Shaw’s Man and Superman that is clearly directed at educators. Perhaps Shaw never intended it to be as offensive or ubiquitous as it has become, but I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve heard it over the years. Sadly, two former colleagues must have really liked it, because they spewed it more than anyone else. It was clearly intended to mock those, like me, whose responsibilities included the in-service education of others in our line of work. I took it all with a grain of salt, knowing it was more rooted in envy and my position firmly outside their in-group than anything else. But I still didn’t much care for it.

Even on the outside chance those using that expression don’t intend it disrespectfully, it’s hard to miss the implication that those who teach others are somehow viewed as unskilled, incompetent, or otherwise unable to perform the actual job; relegating them instead to teach about it. In most cases that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Those who can, do both!

“The safest thing for a patient is to be in the hands of a man involved in teaching medicine.” (Charles H Mayo)

My opinion, which also serves as a rebuttal of sorts to the begrudging purveyor of this lame George Bernard Shaw quip, is this: those who have the ability and opportunity to do both have also the obligation. It doesn’t end with job change or retirement, either. Even when those who can are done doing what they did, how is the next generation of doers expected to know how to do it if not taught by someone who did? For not unlike the best and most respected military officers having often been prior enlisted members, people with job-related experience and subject matter expertise often make the best and most revered instructors. They are typically capable, engaging, and effective lecturers on their respective subjects. Of course that’s not always the case. Sometimes highly qualified and technically proficient workers are horrible public speakers and the last person you would want teaching or coaching others; like the occasional enlisted member who commissions into nothing more than a just higher ranking nincompoop. Likewise, there are a great many who have no real hands-on, practical experience related to their subject matter yet are remarkable teachers and lecturers.

Personally, I’m glad there were those before me who placed a high priority on educating others about the job, and freely did so in a way that kept my interest and successfully transferred valuable knowledge to help me do it better. Their calling was true and contributions immeasurable.

I’m certainly no professional orator, but I do embrace my love of it and consider the ability to speak, teach, and communicate information effectively among the gifts I have been blessed with. God has blessed each of us with certain gifts and abilities that align with our calling and purpose in life, and we glorify him when we respond to that call. How can I NOT respond to that call? How can I NOT perform to the best of my God-given ability at whatever I undertake, be it the doing or the teaching?

An apostle and a philosopher…

“Whatever you do, work art it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. (Col 3.23) – Apostle Paul

“Do well what you have in hand.” – Marcus Aurelius

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God.” (1 Cor 10.31) – Apostle Paul

“Work long and hard; have few wants; work with your own hands; don’t meddle in others’ affairs; be unwilling to listen to slander.” – Marcus Aurelius

Rather than cheekily running others down to feel better about ourselves or deflect from our own discomfort with public speaking, maybe we should instead do everything we can to benefit others with the blessings we’ve been endowed.

Summary

People ask me all the time what I’m doing in retirement. A number of those who ask seem surprised that with rare exception, everything I do is charitable: gratis, without compensation. In other words, pro bono publico (Latin): done for the public good. I don’t say this for self-inflation…I say it because I personally feel that as long as I have the means, time, and ability, it is my responsibility and calling to use the gifts God gave me to benefit others and help make the world a better place. How selfish it would be to withhold from others the knowledge, skills, gifts, and abilities graciously and temporarily on loan to me for work here on earth for that very purpose?

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, don’t.

But those who teach, do both. Because they’re unselfish and awesome.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

bethesolution