Changing The Gap Between Good And Evil

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“There must be evil for there to be good.” – Course Attendee, Bogota, June 2024

I heard someone say at a recent training event that there are two things we all hate: change, and the way things are. Not only did I literally laugh out loud when I heard it, that statement is perhaps one of the all-time greatest representations of the human condition throughout history.

Here’s another one: the more things change, the more they stay the same.

At nearly every training event I now emcee, facilitate, or lecture at, I anecdotally refer to the human condition during my opening or closing remarks to illustrate how little things have really changed throughout history. It usually goes something like this:

1600s French artist Eustache Le Sueur’s painting The Rape of Tamar

I describe or project the above image and ask if anyone knows what painting it is. When no one responds, I explain it is an image of the painting The Rape of Tamar by 1600s French painter, Eustache Le Sueur. It likely represents the Old Testament biblical account from 2 Samuel 13 wherein one of King David’s sons, Amnon, raped his half sister, Tamar. Two years later, her brother, Absalom, exacts revenge on Tamar’s behalf by conspiring to murder Amnon.

At that point, I rhetorically ask whether anyone has ever read the Old Testament, and go on to point out that from the first recorded murder (Cain’s murder of his brother Abel out of jealousy), humans have consistently and unceasingly done terrible things to one another. Moses killed an Egyptian and buried him in the sand, and even King David, described as a man after God’s own heart, had Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, killed to conceal their affair. In the Old Testament alone are recorded countless instances of rape, murder, adultery, incest, conspiracy, assassination, execution, and a host of other issues that yet persist.

What we face today, I summarize, is nothing new. Perhaps greater in prevalence and creativity, yes. And certainly we can now bring to bear greater tools, techniques, procedures, and scientific advancements with which to find truth. Yet in spite of all that, little has changed since the start of human history. As acquaintance, historian, author, and good friend of my dad, Michael Delaware, wrote in the introduction to his fascinating new book Victorian Southwest Michigan True Crime, “…it is not the instrument of murder that holds any consistency, but the sinister impulse behind the criminal act wherein lies the true evil.”1

Indeed, Michael.

As I return from my third trip to Bogota, Colombia, where I’ve been honored and blessed with the opportunity to teach alongside incredibly talented presenters and help deliver training to dedicated, professional investigators from Central and South America, all the above hits a little closer to home. For while I don’t consider myself resistant to change, neither can I say it’s not occasionally uncomfortable or that I always think it’s necessary. Sometimes change is good, but sometimes things work the way things are. As fellow USAF Chief Master Sergeant Kevin Slater’s leadership book by the same title suggests, sometimes ‘Old School is Good School.’ And while seldom is ‘Because we’ve always done it that way‘ the right answer to a leadership challenge, this out of control social experiment of a world could occasionally benefit from a bit more of the ‘old way’ of doing things. But if change is necessary, let’s change things for the better!

Change is inevitable; growth is optional.

If I’m being honest, I didn’t completely know where all this was going when I started writing it. Maybe you can tell. But comments during a panel discussion at the course in Bogota, which coincidentally involved a change in the agenda, got me thinking. The panel was a departure from previous events, and I took a chance by including is in the final agenda. I’ve seen it work during many military training events I’ve attended, and envisioned the programmed Q&A methodology encouraging more interaction. But I really had no idea how it would go over in this type of course.

Reaction was fantastic! The other panel members and I were delighted with the response. Attendees asked an impressive number of questions and provided insightful responses of their own with unexpected candor. It went so well, in fact, that we adjusted the schedule to accommodate a second panel the following day.

Perhaps somewhat providentially, it was the response to one of the questions I posed back to the group that prompted this essay.

It was a simple question: Why do you do what you do?

I framed it in the context of known and suspected dangers and challenges they face in carrying out their duties in that region. Some responded that it was a logical choice, coming from a family of public servants; others described it simply as their calling. I believe them; no matter the reason, everyone I’ve encountered throughout these courses voluntarily, professionally, and proudly serves with purpose, honor, and distinction. They persevere.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom 12.21)

But as a man of faith, one answer struck me to the core: “There is much evil in the world. Yet there must be evil for there to be good. I (we) must be the good that overcomes the evil.”

I don’t know that I could add much more to that here, nor should I try. It was profound, heartfelt, and seemed to resonate with everyone in the room. So I’ll simply end as I started…with a quote.

Typically attributed to Edmund Burke, its true origin appears largely in question. Nonetheless, the message endures: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

I’m proud to have answered that call, and grateful for those who continue standing in the gap restraining evil in this world.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

1Delaware, M. (2024). Victorian southwest Michigan true crime. The History Press.

The Parable of the Carafe

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“Every organization in the world today should be teaching employees how to be extraordinary.” – Mark Sanborn

(Much of this was shared in an earlier social media post; I consider the lesson worthy of a full article)

Last month, I facilitated a training event in Kansas City, Missouri. It was a very busy week, as we simultaneously held a board meeting and strategic planning session that coincided with the first two days of the course. But with all that going on, with all the different information shared and discussed between all three events, perhaps the most important lesson of the week came neither from the classroom nor the boardroom, but rather in a most unexpected way.

Experience has taught me that classes the size of this one, with its audience type, require a near-steady flow of coffee with plenty in reserve. However, during Sunday evening setup, I noted that while there were plenty of supplies, the class would be limited to a standard three-burner Bunn with its respective pots; I had overlooked the need for carafes or an insulated beverage container.

It may seem like a small thing, but it bothered me. You know from my series on little things that they can mean a lot. And they often become big things. When nearly 100 people go on break simultaneously, particularly those conditioned or accustomed to caffeine dependence on the job, three pots run dry pretty quickly. And training directors are apt to get their brake lines cut.

Ok, that’s a little extreme. Perhaps just a few surly attendees and a critical review or two about having more coffee next time.

“Worry is a down payment on a problem you may never have.” – Joyce Meyer

My down payment increased greatly after striking out late Sunday evening in my attempts to find a street vendor selling insulated beverage containers. Not one to give-up quite so easily, I turned in with the thought that perhaps the hotel where I was lodged might have a stray carafe lying around. Conversely, thoughts of NOT finding a solution kept me up much of the night. In all honesty, I seldom sleep well the first couple nights in a new place, anyway. So I arose early Monday and headed downstairs.

Note: It’s important to mention before going any further that my hotel was not the training site, nor connected in any way to the other business mentioned above. In fact, it wasn’t even the contracted hotel for the course attendees!

Enter Imelda.

After lurking…I mean looking around a few common areas, poking my head into vacant meeting rooms, and asking the front desk yielded nada, I thought one last option might be the breakfast buffet area. Situated behind stately glass-panel French doors at the top of an impressive staircase, it was a beautiful dining space laid out opposite the glass-paneled arc of the building; overlooking adjacent buildings, the street below, and what’s known as the plaza area in the distance further down the hill.

Unfortunately, it was closed, wouldn’t open for a while yet, and I was crunched for time. Noticing a staff member through the glass on the other side of the locked door, I approached with a sheepish smile and tentative wave. I felt like a kitten scratching at the door to be let in, but probably looked more like some creep in a suit expecting not to wait for breakfast.

Clearly dressed as the host who would soon welcome actual customers in for a nice, hot breakfast, the woman on the other side could have easily gestured at the clock and turned away like many others would have done in that moment. Instead, Ms. Imelda kindly unlocked the door and allowed me to explain my dilemma…to which I did.

I asked if it would be at all possible to temporarily borrow some sort of beverage carafe until I could pick one up later in the day? She could have simply and understandably declined. Yet she didn’t. Instead, Imelda asked me to wait there before disappearing around the corner toward the kitchen. She returned shortly after with an insulated, vacuum-pump coffee carafe. There was no hesitation nor hint of pretension. Imelda simply smiled, said she was happy to help, and asked me to ‘just bring it back at the end of the week.’

Imelda saved the day. The week, in fact. Thank you Marriott Hotels and Kansas City Marriott Country Club Plaza for hiring wonderful people like Imelda. As a person of faith, I believe what David Jeremiah relates in his devotional The Upward Call that as God blesses us, we are “sent out into the world in order to be a blessing to others.”

I don’t know whether she holds the same beliefs I do, but Imelda certainly understands how to pay it forward and about being a blessing to others. I’m grateful and blessed to have met this wonderful human being.

“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” – Albert Einstein

The world needs more Imeldas.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Jeremiah, David (2015). The upward call. San Diego, CA: Turning Point.

Sanborn, Mark (2004). The Fred factor. New York, NY: Currency Doubleday. 

Even the Donkey Knows

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“Behold, your king is coming to you…humble and mounted on a donkey.” – Zech. 9.9

As the commemoration of Holy Week concluded (representing the span between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday), I reflected on a sermon I once heard wherein the preacher used details of the triumphal entry that first Palm Sunday to illustrate his lesson on humility: despite all the cheering and hullabaloo, the gentle and lowly king Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a simple and humble beast of burden. (Matt 21.1-11, Mark 11.1-11, Luke 19.28-40, John 12.12-19)

As humans, we desire affirmation and often envy the kind of attention given to Jesus that day. Yet sometimes it’s not about us. The preacher joked that even the donkey understood the fanfare wasn’t for him, but for the one on his back.

Animals are remarkably perceptive, so it’s not a stretch to believe that.

Humans are also perceptive. But we’re likewise careless, impetuous, fickle, and consumed with our own self-interests. You probably know well what happened in the week following that donkey ride. By week’s end, many of those celebrating Jesus’ arrival were silent, hiding, or even among those calling for his death.

Not much has changed in 2000 years. Animals, despite having no capacity for reason, remain extraordinarily perceptive. Humans, despite having great capacity to reason, remain extraordinarily self-absorbed and persist in a perpetual rebellion-repentance-restoration relationship with God. And all those points were on full display during a recent monthlong decampment blending business with pleasure, highlighted by a week in Costa Rica with friends.

Surely everyone traveling to Costa Rica has heard about the wildlife. Even the least amount of research into the area we stayed confirms the prevalence of monkeys (and other exotic animals) running amok around the property; including the possibility these little safe-cracking simians might help themselves to your belongings if the doors aren’t secured. We couldn’t wait to see for ourselves if the stories were true!

There are likewise ample warnings directing guests NOT to feed the animals. You see where this is going?

Many reasons exist not to feed wild animals, including much of what we eat is bad for them. Not to mention doing so only entices them to return for more. More often, and more aggressively.

Consider these firsthand examples.

While I certainly don’t care to snuggle with any, my experience is that iguanas typically mind their own business. In fact, they usually just ignore people or scurry away when we clumsily try to get as close as possible to take their photo. I don’t blame people for wanting to take photos…iguanas are beautiful, fascinating creatures. But sometimes it’s like watching a search warrant execution, except everyone’s wearing sunscreen and flip-flops. Just use the zoom feature, already!

Worse yet, occasionally there’s that one dude to whom the rules don’t apply and common sense persistently eludes. It happened this time to be the same dude who foolishly thought perhaps the friendly poolside iguana, just trying to mind his own business, would instead like a French fry. In pure poetic irony, everyone nearby was treated to several minutes of lively entertainment as Captain Ketchup scrambled off his palapa, squealing like a teenage girl, while the iguana quite aggressively came back for seconds. And thirds. You’ll be happy to know the iguana was fine, and that good old Crinkle Fry there was later heard to say “I guess that’s why we’re not supposed to feed the animals.”

Don’t be that guy.

Then there’s what Alfred Hitchcock tried to warn us about. Loud, obnoxious, and known to suddenly perch on heads of unsuspecting diners or snatch food right off their plate, the birds were perhaps most annoying. Yet giggling guests continue feeding them.

And of course, the monkeys.

It wasn’t uncommon to encounter them in trees throughout the resort. But the sight of dozens scampering across railings on every level of main lodge balconies each morning was like something straight out of Jungle Book. King Louie had nothing on these primates.

In fact, one morning from the sidewalk below, several of us were caught between curiosity and incredulousness as we watched a young lady precariously suspended from her balcony. Holding on with one hand, she dangled part of her breakfast in the other as she stretched toward a monkey on an adjacent railing.

At least two thoughts crossed my mind in that moment: 1) she’s probably someone to whom things like using turn signals, returning shopping carts to the corral, not texting and driving, waiting their turn to exit the aircraft, or not feeding the animals are merely suggestions not to be taken seriously; and 2) I wonder which one of us is going to call the ambulance?

Fortunately, the girl didn’t plummet to her death, wasn’t bitten, and the monkey didn’t eat from her hand.

But our proclivity toward stupidity and the problem of feeding animals persists.

We hadn’t seen monkeys on our own balcony until our last morning, so it was as if they’d read the daily departures log and came to bid us farewell. It was fun watching them drink from the jacuzzi spout and search the veranda for scraps we may have left behind. We personally confirmed they do, in fact, know how to operate the sliding doors. While ours was latched making for an unsuccessful break-in, one did slip in through our neighbor’s door long enough to swipe some sugar packets off their table. Shortly thereafter, I saw his buddy grasping a bag of peanut M&Ms lifted from another room.

Amusing as it was to watch their antics, I was irritated and grew even more concerned for their wellbeing as I watched one on the patio tentatively, yet persistently, trying to eat something unrecognizable, disgusting, and probably not from nature. The impact of careless, self-absorbed humans consumed only with their own amusement continues contributing to the problem. We should instead be part of the solution.

There is hope.

The monkeys there are skittish and reluctant to accept food from people; and the iguanas just want to be left alone. Like the donkey knew the fanfare wasn’t his, these animals know our food isn’t theirs.

Unlike wild animals, humans should know better; we have the capacity to think and reason. Perhaps over time, if we stop feeding them, they’ll be reconditioned (and stop telling their friends where all the loot is). The least we can do is leave them alone and just appreciate their beauty and unique place in nature.

Not everything needs to be about us.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Special thanks to Cupine Farm and the McCarthys for the cover photo of Jarvis setting the horses straight, and for another memorable trip.

“Please Don’t Feed the Animals” – The Management

*If you’d like to know more about Jesus or the meaning of Palm Sunday and Easter, please contact me. Or consider reading the New Testament Gospel According to John.

A Full Cast of Characters

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“The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team.” – John Wooden

Listen to the audio version here.

During a recent service, my pastor quoted Charles Spurgeon: “Scripture frequently sums up a man’s life in a single verse.” I’ve thought a lot about what single verse might sum up my life. While many could easily apply, like Ephesians 3.8 (I am less than the least of all the Lord’s people), one perhaps fits best: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst.” (1 Tim 1.15)

Look, it’s not a competition; no one wins at sin. But I fall short a lot, and the closer I get to God the more obvious and uncomfortable my unworthiness is. So I place myself at the top of the list. And like anyone in uncomfortable situations, I have a couple of choices: distance myself or draw closer. While the tendency for most is to disconnect, for the person of faith it should be to draw near to God and surround ourselves with others who make us better people.

Life and leadership are about helping others be successful.

“Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind.” (John Donne) While there’s something to be said for independence and alone time once in a while, no man is an island. Humans are interdependent. From the beginning, God said it’s not good for man to be alone. Pets are great, but we need companionship with others like us…with intellect, ethics, emotions, spirituality. Besides, pretty much everything in life requires some level of teamwork: leadership, business, sports, relationships. A widely shared passage in Ecclesiastes (4.9-12) reminds us that two are better than one and a cord of three strands is not easily broken. Not only can they help us be our best, other people help prevent loneliness and isolation. One only need consider the devastating emotional effects many experienced during the pandemic lockdowns to understand this truth.

But not every friend is a good one, nor every team a winner. A friend loves at all times, not just when you’re with them or have something to offer. And even teams with the greatest all-stars lose. The symbolism of that simple threefold cord helps us understand it’s better to have a few of the right players than an abundance of the wrong. A friends list or team roster stacked with the wrong people can lead to all sorts of trouble, but a GOOD team player and the RIGHT kind of helper is essential to success.

“It is not important what role you play, as long as you play your role.” – Don Denyes

Have you ever watched the credits roll at the end of a show? They seem to run forever and list literally hundreds of cast and crew. Few are the ‘stars’. As I write this article, final rehearsals are taking place for a stage production I’m involved with. Like most, I play a very small role. Yet having experienced a fair amount of theater (and a couple of film productions), I can tell you that it takes the entire cast and crew to be successful. Contrary to pop news, it’s the collective excellence of the set, sound, and stage crews, minor characters, and company performers that make or break a show. Of course the right leads are important, but even a momentary loss of character or focus by a supporting role upstage is immediately noticeable and often what keeps an average production from being exceptional. Every member of the cast and crew must be bought in, committed, support one another, and work seamlessly together throughout – keeping always the best interest of the show and team at the forefront; even if that means not being the center of attention.

For me, home projects are another example of my need for others. I take pride in being good at a number of things, but certain handiwork is not generally among them. Sure, given enough time and do-overs I can generally muddle through, but the results are more akin to ‘That’ll work.’ than ‘Wow, that looks amazing.’ And while I have no trouble running a saw, tape, or hammer, it did once take me two tries to install a cat door. The result was convenient floor and ceiling access for what I thereafter referred to as our circus cat. Note: when you remove a door for such projects, remember which end is which (that’s just one of many examples from life in the unskilled trades). Had I just asked for a little help…

Disposition is everything when it comes to teamwork.

There are many more examples of our need for relationships and teamwork in life. We simply can’t do life alone, so the virtues of humility, respect, and the ability to relate to others are invaluable.

John Maxwell points out in his book The 360 Degree Leader, “Leadership is more disposition than position.” The same is true of teamwork. Leading, following, asking for help, and helping others all require an unpretentious disposition. Humility is the antithesis of pride and self-service, which in turn are contradictory to being a great leader, teammate, and friend. It’s a small man who neither offers nor asks for help, and who runs down others to boost his own fragile ego. Yet ironically, it is the same man’s inflated ego and self-serving disposition by which humility and vulnerability escape him. While people with these traits make poor leaders, teammates, and friends, it may simply be that they lack emotional intelligence; particularly empathy and self-awareness.

So what does this have to do with the rest?

The strength of the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

We all have issues. Humans are imperfect. Teams are a collection of individuals, therefore likewise imperfect. In his book The Ideal Team Player, Patrick Lencioni focuses on team members individually improving on “…the virtues that make him or her more likely to overcome the dysfunctions that derail teams.” This not only applies to the pretentious egotist mentioned above, it translates to all areas of life. Looking within and without, individually and collectively, we can make the world a better place by making each other better. It’s ok to be broken, but we’re still better together than apart!

Nicky Gumbel shared this from Desmond Tutu recently: ‘The solitary human being is a contradiction in terms…[W]e are made for complementarity. We are created for a delicate network of relationships, of interdependence with our fellow human beings…’ Adds Gumbel, “God does not intend for you to be lonely and isolated.”

We were created with an enduring need for others and a relationship with God. He gave us an important and obvious example in sending his son to share in our humanity, without whom salvation is impossible.

The show must go on…work hard to live at peace and encourage one another.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

John Donne prose retrieved from: https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/no-man-is-an-island/

Lencioni, P. (2016). The ideal team player. Josey-Bass. 

Maxwell, J. C. (2011). The 360-degree leader. Thomas Nelson. 

Those Who Can

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Do good. Be rich in good deeds. Be generous and willing to share. (1 Tim 6.18)

As I began writing this a few days ago, I was retuning from Bogota, Colombia, where for the second time in three months I had the privilege of helping deliver training to investigators from Central and South America as part of the U.S. Department of Justice’s International Criminal Investigative Training Assistance Program (ICITAP). The week prior, I was presenting at another investigations seminar closer to home. Even as I type this, I am traveling to the nation’s capital to emcee and help facilitate an International DNA and genealogy summit. Yesterday’s participation in a unique high school career and technical education event simply added to an incredibly meaningful and busy last few months. And while busier lately than I anticipated, I’m grateful for opportunities to continue serving; particularly when it involves consulting on cases or presenting, lecturing, and teaching on related subjects.

The pejorative sentiment “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” is a sort of truncated excerpt originating from George Bernard Shaw’s Man and Superman that is clearly directed at educators. Perhaps Shaw never intended it to be as offensive or ubiquitous as it has become, but I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve heard it over the years. Sadly, two former colleagues must have really liked it, because they spewed it more than anyone else. It was clearly intended to mock those, like me, whose responsibilities included the in-service education of others in our line of work. I took it all with a grain of salt, knowing it was more rooted in envy and my position firmly outside their in-group than anything else. But I still didn’t much care for it.

Even on the outside chance those using that expression don’t intend it disrespectfully, it’s hard to miss the implication that those who teach others are somehow viewed as unskilled, incompetent, or otherwise unable to perform the actual job; relegating them instead to teach about it. In most cases that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Those who can, do both!

“The safest thing for a patient is to be in the hands of a man involved in teaching medicine.” (Charles H Mayo)

My opinion, which also serves as a rebuttal of sorts to the begrudging purveyor of this lame George Bernard Shaw quip, is this: those who have the ability and opportunity to do both have also the obligation. It doesn’t end with job change or retirement, either. Even when those who can are done doing what they did, how is the next generation of doers expected to know how to do it if not taught by someone who did?  For not unlike the best and most respected military officers having often been prior enlisted members, people with job-related experience and subject matter expertise often make the best and most revered instructors. They are typically capable, engaging, and effective lecturers on their respective subjects. Of course that’s not always the case. Sometimes highly qualified and technically proficient workers are horrible public speakers and the last person you would want teaching or coaching others; like the occasional enlisted member who commissions into nothing more than a just higher ranking nincompoop. Likewise, there are a great many who have no real hands-on, practical experience related to their subject matter yet are remarkable teachers and lecturers.

Personally, I’m glad there were those before me who placed a high priority on educating others about the job, and freely did so in a way that kept my interest and successfully transferred valuable knowledge to help me do it better. Their calling was true and contributions immeasurable.

I’m certainly no professional orator, but I do embrace my love of it and consider the ability to speak, teach, and communicate information effectively among the gifts I have been blessed with. God has blessed each of us with certain gifts and abilities that align with our calling and purpose in life, and we glorify him when we respond to that call. How can I NOT respond to that call? How can I NOT perform to the best of my God-given ability at whatever I undertake, be it the doing or the teaching?

An apostle and a philosopher…

“Whatever you do, work art it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. (Col 3.23) – Apostle Paul

“Do well what you have in hand.” – Marcus Aurelius

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God.” (1 Cor 10.31) – Apostle Paul

“Work long and hard; have few wants; work with your own hands; don’t meddle in others’ affairs; be unwilling to listen to slander.” – Marcus Aurelius

Rather than cheekily running others down to feel better about ourselves or deflect from our own discomfort with public speaking, maybe we should instead do everything we can to benefit others with the blessings we’ve been endowed.

Summary

People ask me all the time what I’m doing in retirement. A number of those who ask seem surprised that with rare exception, everything I do is charitable: gratis, without compensation. In other words, pro bono publico (Latin): done for the public good. I don’t say this for self-inflation…I say it because I personally feel that as long as I have the means, time, and ability, it is my responsibility and calling to use the gifts God gave me to benefit others and help make the world a better place. How selfish it would be to withhold from others the knowledge, skills, gifts, and abilities graciously and temporarily on loan to me for work here on earth for that very purpose?

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, don’t.

But those who teach, do both. Because they’re unselfish and awesome.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Little Things (Part Two)

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Part One of Little Things included an example from my own life where, viewed in hindsight, seemingly insignificant, unrelated events interconnected. Unlike most so-called reality shows, they were not scripted. Neither were they happenstance. I believe what many consider coincidence is instead divine providence: God composing a beautiful symphony from the good, bad, and ugly noises we make on our instruments of free will. He may not assemble the orchestra as quickly or painlessly as we prefer, but good things take time.

Anything worth having is worth waiting for.

Not long ago a former recruit emailed me with whom I hadn’t communicated for decades (portions removed for brevity). 

“I can’t believe it has been over 20 years. Defensive Tactics was my absolute favorite class. I still remember all three of my boxing matches. After my third match, I was pretty angry and disappointed that I couldn’t get many punches in. I had taken a lot of hits and refused to be knocked down. You knew I was not happy about it and afterwards and I told you “I sucked”. You grabbed my headgear, looked me in the eyes, and told me I had done a good job. I will always remember that day. Thank you.”

“You did a good job.” Five little words I don’t even remember saying. But she remembers.

Another former recruit was recently honored for exceptional community service. It was a big deal, not just because of the award, but because it almost never happened. Several years ago, a friend contacted me after a dubious roadblock removed his niece from hiring consideration. I researched exceptions and made some calls. Little things that cost nothing but a few minutes of my time helped ensure a now decorated public servant’s dream career wasn’t derailed before it began.

Looking back, it’s gratifying to realize some of those small words and actions made a difference. I didn’t purposely say or do things over the years just so I’d have something cheeky to write about someday. Kindness and helping others is important, and while I mess up plenty, I care about people and genuinely want to make the world better.

The biblical account of a pretentious teenager sold into slavery by his jealous brothers reinforces this concept. Despite entering Egypt a lowly slave, Joseph remained faithful to God, matured, saved an entire nation from famine, and eventually became second only to Pharaoh. But only after being falsely accused, imprisoned, forgotten about, and proving himself trustworthy in lesser jobs first.

Faithfulness in little things leads to faithfulness in much.

That’s a pretty solid recipe for success: start at the bottom, prove yourself trustworthy and capable in the little things, and work your way up.

Today the inexperienced, entitled, or unqualified favorites often ascend to leadership having seldom stayed long enough to master one assignment before moving to the next. They bypass little things like developing core competence or emotional intelligence; learning to be a good team player; understanding their own need for professional development and self-improvement; or showing diligence in even the lowliest assignments.

Too many expect too much having done too few of the little things.

As the founder of Spartan Race enterprise Joe De Sena says, “Instant success imparts nothing of any real or lasting value.”1 Ignoring little things can lead to horrible bosses and systemically poor organizational leadership. It can also spell failure in areas from fitness and finances to relationships and rockets. Just ask any orthopedic surgeon, bankruptcy attorney, therapist, or NASA O-ring engineer.

There’s a reason great coaches spend time on the small stuff.

I’ve written before about incremental improvements. Babies crawl before they walk; regular walking leads to better health; progressively adding pounds in the gym increases strength; progressively losing pounds on your body helps you reach a healthy weight; spending more than you make leads to financial ruin, but saving a little each month and paying off debt leads to financial peace; a little prayer and time in God’s word each day grows faith; and faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. (Matt 17.20)

Putting little things before the big things can make the big things a little easier.

For instance, before ascending the marriage mountain, a little dating and courtship may uncover some not-so-little-idiosyncrasies that would otherwise torpedo a relationship before the honeymoon is over. Regular oil changes, proper tire pressure, tune-ups, cleaning, washing, waxing, and other preventive maintenance prolongs the life of your car and help avoid costly breakdowns. Uncle Sam’s similar important little things are known by terms like gig lines; spit and polish; inspection ready; good order and discipline; clean, dry, and serviceable; and direct orders.

Inspection ready.

It was a simple order that led Japanese Lieutenant Hiroo Onoda to wage an impracticable private jungle war for 30 years after WWII ended.2 Not realizing fighting ended soon-after, he’d been told to “hold [Lubang Island] until the Imperial Army’s return.” Onoda survived so long by doing little things well: field hygiene; uniform repairs; weapon and equipment maintenance; keeping his sword spotless using palm oil he made himself. But perhaps most important, known well by covert operators and combat veterans, were his noise and light discipline. He remained practically invisible for decades.

Even the smallest light can be seen in the thickest darkness. 

I’ve heard the glow of a cigarette at night can be seen for hundreds of yards. Fingerprints, DNA, hairs, fibers, and other microscopic evidence solve big crimes. Getting a little off-course while exploring has led to some of my best memories. Examples are limitless.

You’ve heard “Don’t sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff.’ But do you really believe that?

Perhaps losing sight of the small stuff is a major contributor to our rampant discontentment. I remember throwing a tennis ball against my grandparent’s front steps for hours. I’d play entire games fielding pop-ups, line drives, and grounders. All I needed was a ball and glove. People today can’t go 10 minutes without taking a selfie or checking social media. We’re miserable. We need the next best thing, and we’re bored (or embarrassed) by simple things that once fascinated us. John Mark Comer puts it this way: “[We] have evermore everything…except happiness.”3

The issue isn’t how much we have, but what we do with it. 

David Jeremiah might sum Little Things up best: “Never underestimate the power of small actions in life. What seems like an insignificant word or action on our part may set in motion a chain of events that God uses in a mighty way.”4

Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil. Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred. (Prov 15.16-17)

Smile, laugh, hug, and open doors for people more often.

Bring a little light to this dark world.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

1 De Sena, Joe (2014). Spartan up. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.  

2 Herzog, Werner (2021). The twilight world.  New York, NY: Penguin Press. 

3 Comer, John (2021). The ruthless elimination of hurry. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook.

4 Jeremiah, David (2019).  Daily in his presence. San Diego, CA: Turning Point.

Little Things (Part One)

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Have you ever considered how much little things really matter? With a disc-jockey father, I heard a lot of music growing up. One 1950s song I remember resurged a few decades later when it became the jingle for White Cloud toilet paper: Little Things Mean A Lot. It’s tough to argue against quality rumpus roll being a pretty important little thing! Ironically, this subject is much bigger than I anticipated, requiring two parts to accommodate all my blathering.

In chapter three of his epistle, James analogues four little things that help introduce this subject, each capable of immense impact despite its size: a bit, a spark, a rudder, and the human tongue. The entire horse is turned by bit and bridle; great forests are set ablaze by a tiny spark; a wee rudder steers a massive ship. And though a small part of the body, James’ passage focuses on the tongue because of its power to both lift up or tear down, praise or curse, harm or heal. Described as “a world of evil among the parts of the body”, the tongue is capable of setting “the whole course of one’s life on fire” (v. 6).

The connotation of setting fire no doubt refers to the tongue’s destructive power; and scorched eyebrows betray those who believe words don’t hurt. Fiery furnace or not, looking back over the years, little things indeed loom large when the dots of your past are connected. Ostensibly insignificant words, incidents, decisions, choices, and (apparent) coincidences are written seamlessly into the script of your life today.

Incidental Interconnectedness

Had I not met my wife at a friend’s wedding back home, I would have probably married someone from Texas. Had we not moved back during harvest, our friend would not have hired me to drive his grain truck that season, so pregnant and jobless, we would have moved back to Fort Worth. Were money not an object, I wouldn’t have turned down a local job for work two hours away. Had I not taken that distant job when I did, I would not have met the friend who introduced me to the employer I recently retired from. But before that came to fruition, a job closer to home emerged. So good a job it was, I intended to forego my friend’s recommendation. However, were it not for a denied residency policy exception, I would never have reconsidered my friend’s introduction, nor followed him into service. Had even the slightest circumstance been different, I would have never met that friend, gained crucial insight into the hiring process, attended the same recruit school, nor served with him an entire career.

Long ago…

Maybe things viewed only in the moment aren’t so incidental after all.

Those are just the ‘big’ little things most suited to prose…I could write volumes of other incidental interconnectedness for this one area of my life, alone. Unfortunately, there’s an equally illustrative parallel series of incidents, decisions, choices, and coincidences much less flattering. For not only have little things led to a blessed career and enjoyable family life, there have also been choices and other circumstances along the way with huge and lasting implications that have hurt those close to me.

Even Small Acts of Kindness Provide Big Comfort in the Midst of Pain

In his most recent 365-day devotional, David Jeremiah retells the story of a waitress who took time to slip into a booth and chat with an elderly woman. It was the woman’s first time dining alone since the death of her husband. This waitress’s “…small act of kindness, which cost her nothing but of few moments of her time, encouraged and brightened the day of someone who was hurting.”1

To be sure, losing a loved one is in a category all its own. God doesn’t guarantee we will have trouble-free lives, nor will we always have answers to why evil prevails, the wicked prosper, or bad things happen to good people. Pain is the great equalizer, and life has a way of making sure few are overlooked.

Maybe you have been persecuted, falsely accused, conspired against, had your intentions misinterpreted, or been let down by your friends. All are painful and not such little things. But God reassures us that he is with us in our troubles, and perhaps a few little things can provide an added measure of comfort during these times.

A few small things I did recently helped me through a very trying time of feeling discouraged, unjustly persecuted, and abandoned by friends and coworkers. I didn’t ascend a mountain to visit some mystic monk, drown my sorrows in drunken stupor, speak ill of anyone, or conspire to ‘get even’. Instead, I acknowledged the pain, let go, prayed, looked for opportunities to encourage others, and chose the same few specific verses to read every day until I felt better. These ‘little things’ made a huge difference. 

Still unconvinced? Here are some other little things that mean a lot.

Getting out of bed and showing up for work every day; a positive attitude; giving compliments; gratefulness; treating people with dignity and respect despite your differences; asking people how their day is going; saying “please”, “thank you”, “I love you”, and “how can I help” more often; holding hands; writing and sending thank-you cards; leaving notes for your spouse or children wishing them a good day or welcoming them home. Research suggests a simple hug or touch may reduce stress. Personally, a hug or touch on my arm or across my shoulders provides immediate stress relief and calming effect. This is not true of everyone, especially those having experienced abuse. Know your audience, for the little thing means a lot theory applies equally to each.

Little things mean a lot. I hope you’ll stick around for Part Two!

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

1Jeremiah, David (2022). Moments with God. San Diego, CA: Turning Point.

4th Annual Year in Review

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February marks five years since I started beyondstrength.org. I intended it as a mechanism for personal healing, as well as a way to share some of the triumphs, failures, and lessons learned from a life of military service and public safety. I’m just an ordinary man, but I’ve been blessed with some extraordinary opportunities, training, education, and experiences. Having served and led from the lowest to highest levels of leadership, I’m well-traveled, well-read, I’ve seen and done a lot of things many have not, and I have an insatiable appetite for applied learning. What profit come in keeping these good, bad, and ugly exploits to myself? Reverend Nicky Gumbel puts it this way: “If you have been blessed by God, it is not for your own selfish indulgence or self-congratulation; it is in order that you can be a blessing to others.” How can I not share with others what God has ordained in my life?

Five years in, I think Beyond Strength has largely met its original intent.

Still, ‘exponential’ growth has been elusive, and I’ve been an epic failure at convincing anyone to actually buy the super-cool motivational and marketing stuff. But hey, they make great gifts!

Well, except for that one time at work…😳

But growth and cool merch have never been the point, and for a man of faith not much is coincidental. Like Joseph’s perspective after his brothers sold him into slavery, I know God uses even the bad for good…including that which others intended as evil.

So here’s your 4th Annual Year in Review! Social influencer or not, I’m hopeful that the content was mildly entertaining, inspiring, meaningful, helpful in some way, and consistent with my vision for this venture.

Failures & Faith (2/21/2022) – God looks at the sincerity of our faith, not our failures. Unlike us, he accurately assesses our motives, looking at the heart and crediting us for our faith without misreading our actions or keeping score.

Time, Distance, & Shielding (4/25/2022) – Time, distance, and shielding conceptualized the recommended course of action in the event of nuclear detonation. This also applies to other areas of life. Manage immediate risks by creating separation, physically and emotionally; give yourself time to assess, process, and plan; protect yourself by taking cover, erecting barriers, and building resilience until the unpleasantries pass.

Sounds Like Fun (6/18/2022) – Joy is a key ingredient to living a full life. Bonus that often our most productive days are the most enjoyable. Rejoice always…(1 Thessalonians 5.16)

Garage Sales & Garbage (8/13/2022) – Living a better life may involve getting rid of excessive garbage, literally and figuratively. Happiness and contentment are the result of disposition, not circumstances or an abundance of ‘things’. Maybe it’s time to get serious about removing things from our life we no longer need.

Climate Change (9/26/2022) – While changing ‘climate’ can be as easy as adjusting the thermostat or going south for the winter, acclimating to change isn’t quite that simple.

Vultures Will Gather (11/7/2022) – Buzzards aren’t the only creatures attracted to death or affliction. Human vultures are often circling around, fascinated with distress and eager to victimize their prey. Be strong, and don’t be an easy target.

Broken Together (12/10/2022) – Perfection is impossible for humans. So why should anyone be surprised when someone they love does something that hurts them? But “God delights in making something beautiful out of something broken.” (Pastor Don Denyes) The only answer to the enormous mess that selfish, unfaithful, broken, untrustworthy humans have made of everything is a Savior.

FITNESS UPDATE

Beyond Strength is wordplay to emphasize being strong in life means more than physical strength. However, part of this motivational ministry does involve physical wellness (Life, Leadership, and Fitness). Accordingly, here’s a snapshot of my personal fitness efforts over 2022 to help motivate and encourage.

Two years ago I committed to doing my age in push-ups every day, which amounted to about 20,000 last year. Use whatever works for you…five sets of 11 or 11 sets of five. I typically split mine up between two and five sets. I also did 217 primarily ‘strength’ workouts (weights, yoga, calisthenics, HIIT, etc.) and 91 primarily ‘cardio’ workouts (walking/running). It seems like a lot written out, but don’t be daunted. My workouts are typically 30 minutes or less, and I averaged less than eight miles running or walking per week last year (excluding fitness tracker step credit). Consistency is key. I’ve spent decades building a fitness lifestyle, so I know making exercise a habit is what keeps me going. Commit to walking just a mile every day or two, and doing a few pushups or body-weight squats to start. Nothing excessive; knee pushups are fine if you struggle with standard; wall-sits or walking a few flights of stairs are also good. Don’t get discouraged or beat yourself up if you feel unmotivated or miss a workout. It takes somewhere between 21 and 66 days to form a habit, so don’t give up…just start again tomorrow!

Please link to the 2022 articles above, have a look, and consider subscribing via email to this unapologetic motivational ministry. I also encourage you to consider partnering with me by purchasing any store merchandise that motivates or interests you, or by making a small donation. Each store purchase directly supports this site, and 10% of every donation will be given to the Veterans of Foreign Wars of the United States.

I’m grateful for your support and look forward to a great 2023 together.

Keep doing great things!

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Audio version now available here!

Broken Together: Can Grace, Mercy, Commitment, and Forgiveness Save Your Fairytale?

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Listen along to the audio version here.

Have you heard ‘bad things come in threes’ or ‘the power of threes’ in business and leadership? I often use a ‘three points’ approach when public speaking. Conveniently, three timely things helped bring this essay to life: a wedding anniversary, a song, and a holiday. Honestly, I prefer to set this subject matter aside for another time (or not at all) because I know there are some who will get the wrong idea, be hurt, offended, or tempted to judge me. But my mind keeps returning to it, so I’m stuck like a worm on a hook: squirming around…about to be in over my head.

I missed when news recently broke of an affair between two popular television personalities. Other than sorrow over more broken families, it doesn’t impact me. But it is a public and familiar reminder of our overall brokenness. And conveniently helps weave my three points together.

First, my wife and I recently celebrated 32 years of marriage. If you’ve read the ‘About the Author’ segment of this site or heard me talk, you’ll note I reference ‘miraculous’ to describe the longevity of my marriage. A 32-year marriage is somewhat statistically uncommon today. Consider this exemplification: a while back I was catching up with an old military friend. During our conversation he asked how many kids I have. When I said “three”, he promptly and in all sincerity asked, “All with the same woman?!?”

While all that may appear mildly noteworthy, my use of ‘miraculous’ is a bit of an understatement. I’m a complete wretch…which is NOT statistically uncommon.

As such, even though our marriage is still relatively intact, we’ve been through some stuff. Lots of stuff. Thankfully, I am married to an uncommonly gracious and committed wife, and I have a savior who is even more merciful and forgiving than she is.

And both know how broken I am.

Second, Casting Crowns has an excellent song titled Broken Together that I again heard around the time of the ‘breaking news’. Here are the lyrics (choruses eliminated for brevity):

What do you think about when you look at me? I know we’re not the fairytale you dreamed we’d be. You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand. And we dove into a mystery.

How I wish we could go back to simpler times. Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light. Now on this hallowed ground we’ve drawn the battle lines. Will we make it through the night?

It’s going to take much more than promises this time. Only God can change our minds.

Chorus: Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete. Could we just be broken together? If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine, could healing still be spoken and save us? The only way we’ll last forever, is broken together.

How it must have been so lonely by my side. We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind. I’m praying God will help our broken hearts align, and we won’t give up the fight.

It’s going to take much more than promises this time. Only God can change our minds.

(Chorus x 2)

I come from a broken home. Divorce sucks. Many of my friends and relatives ended up in broken homes. I’m the last person entitled to sermonize right or wrong ways of handling marriage or relationships. I’m absolutely not condemning anyone who’s had multiple marriages or children with different parents. In no way am I being critical of past decisions, those made beyond one’s control, doing whatever was necessary to stay safe, or any one of 100 other scenarios resulting in fractured families. I don’t know what others have been through, experienced, or might now be going through. Any one of those scenarios could easily be mine.

I write this based on my personal experiences and past. My experience is that while it may be necessary or even justified, divorce complicates everything: finances, raising children, school activities, kids sports, relationships, weddings, funerals, and even holidays. Especially holidays. The first time I ever heard my dad cry was when I was a child and we missed a family Christmas. He tried desperately to manage everything and make it special for us kids, but by the time he picked us up from my mom’s and got to my uncle’s house, they had already celebrated without us. He was crushed.

I’m not suggesting it’s okay to do whatever we want or to be unconcerned with the consequences of our actions. That sort of moral relativism is as ill-advised as being self-righteous. Sadly, both are as pervasive today as in ancient times, and bring me to my last point.

Christmas is coming.

Perfection is God’s standard for salvation, which is impossible for humans. Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus, the Messiah. God’s Son born into the world to be a perfect and final sacrifice some 33-years later. Atonement for an imperfect world.

The only answer to this enormous mess that selfish, unfaithful, broken, untrustworthy humans made of everything is a Savior.

I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ. Nothing here is intended to be personal or hurtful. No matter what we think of ourselves compared to others, we’re all equally defective. Each of us is as morally guilty as any other transgressor. “Whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all.” (James 2.10); “There is no one righteous, not even one.” (Rom 3.10, Ps. 14.3; 53.3)

Brant Hansen puts is this way: “Whatever anyone’s done to me, or to anyone else, I stand just as guilty. People have lied to me, but I’ve lied too. People have been unfaithful to me, but I’ve been unfaithful too. People have hurt me, and I’ve hurt them.”

Why should anyone be surprised when someone they love does something that hurts them?

Faith is a journey. I suggest the same is true of relationships. “God delights in making something beautiful out of something broken.” – Pastor Don Denyes

Don’t give up!

And don’t miss the reason for the season. “For unto us a child is born…” (Isa. 9.6).

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

Hansen, Brant (2022). Unoffendable. Nashville, TN: W Publishing Group. 

Source: Musixmatch. Songwriters: Bernie Herms / John Mark Hall. Broken Together lyrics © Sony/atv Tree Publishing, G650 Music, Pure Note Music, Songs Of Universal Inc. View the official lyric video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAAvPDgKf30

vultures perched on leafless tree under blue sky

Vultures Will Gather

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I recently read a passage in the Gospel of Matthew I struggled to make sense of, which is not unusual. There are many things I don’t yet understand about God and his word. But I’m okay with that…a divine Creator completely understood within human reason wouldn’t be much of a god, anyway. A. W. Tozer seemed to relate a similar issue when he wrote, “Evils…will seem evils only because we cannot read the secret script of God’s hidden providence.”1

The passage contained this verse: “Wherever there is a carcass, there the vultures will gather.” (Matt. 24.28)

Coincidentally and perhaps not-so-completely-unrelated, I first learned about Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) in college Spanish one long-ago fall semester. As I write this it’s Halloween time. I’m embarrassed to admit I used to confuse the two very different holidays.

A traditionally Mexican holiday celebrated within the first days of November, Dia de los Muertos is a time-honored observance of both life and death, abundant with bright colors, music, food, drink, and expressions of love and respect to honor the souls of deceased loved ones.

On the other hand, if ever existed any redeeming aspect of honoring saints at Halloween, that’s largely devolved to themes of frightening costumes, dubious behavior, witches, mayhem, and yes…death.

*Not an actual carcass or crime scene

Watch any old western and you’ll learn circling buzzards mean carcasses nearby. There isn’t space here to deep-dive my theological confusion, but it appears Matthew’s passage, like Luke 17, points to the end times and coming of God’s Kingdom. The widespread carnage, stench of death, and vultures everywhere will evidence the judgment.

But wildfowl aren’t the only creatures attracted to death or affliction. Metaphorically, human vultures are often busy circling, fascinated with the macabre and eager to prey on the downtrodden. I once had to fight off a vulturous hoodlum bent on ridding an unconscious victim of his wallet, even as paramedics and I worked to save his life.

And these familiar buzzards: ambulance-chasing attorneys lining their pockets with the currency of others’ misfortune; slippery televangelists milking the last few dollars of unsuspecting God-seekers; heirs historically uninvolved, conspicuously motivated when estates are settled; rubbernecking gore-mongers jamming traffic and compounding mayhem, instead of minding their own driving; or streaming fanatics unable to find anything as entertaining as bingeing the latest true crime show or similar exploitation of human anguish.

Incorrect assumptions, uninformed assertions, irresponsible gossip, careless rumors, and outright slander are especially hurtful, and too often the hallmarks of human vultures in our lives. Unlike the telltale orbit of winged predators, these ‘birds’ are especially hurtful and negligent because their plundering too often happens behind the backs of their troubled, downcast, or otherwise vulnerable prey.

Fortunately, not all are quite so iniquitous. Like colleagues circling your office or siblings dive-bombing your bedroom ready to snatch whatever goods and chattels might be up for grabs upon your departure. Of course, it’s possible you’ve just overstayed your welcome and they’re just waiting for the smelly log jam of ‘dead wood’ to clear…

Vultures will gather. So what’s a cadaver to do?

  1. Live. One sure way not to be a target of vultures is to not be dead. Be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually alive. Stay busy. Exercise, go for walks, read, pray, listen to music, sing, dance. Enjoy life and appreciate God’s beauty in people and the world.
  2. Love. Few people, even buzzards, wake up in the morning determined to hurt others. Maybe they’re oblivious to the pain they cause, or they just don’t care. Either way, that’s their issue…not yours. We have no idea what may be going on their life or the personal demons they fight. Maybe it’s divorce, addiction, abuse, illness, death of a loved one. Instead of being just another angry bird, be kind and compassionate. There’s a local business nearby that routinely employs people down on their luck or with checkered pasts. Affectionately referred to as ‘reclamation projects’, they help people when everyone else has given up on them. Second chances are part of their organizational culture and something we can all learn from. Everyone stumbles. Instead of throwing the ‘baby’ we once esteemed out with the bathwater, remember and appreciate all the positive things they’ve done. Just love them and give them the chance to keep doing great things.
  3. Laugh. Don’t take yourself so seriously…laughter is good medicine! Jump in a pile of leaves, play games, dress up for Halloween. A youthful heart beats strong and crow’s feet are much more attractive from smiling than stress.
  4. Learn from the goose. Buzzards are solitary, opportunistic predators. Geese, on the other hand, fly together, share responsibility for leading the flock, and care for one another when sick or wounded. That’s leadership 101…and pretty good relationship advice, too.
  5. Lean into God’s hidden providence. It’s easy to set our faith aside when things are going well, but the time to become acquainted isn’t in the midst of catastrophe. Seek to know God better now, and more will be revealed; in good times and bad. Walk by faith, not by sight…God is in control.

Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.

The vultures didn’t mind the slow service.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/travel/article/top-ten-day-of-dead-mexico

https://www.history.com/topics/halloween/history-of-halloween

1Jeremiah, David (2014).  Quest devotional seeking God daily. San Diego, CA: Turning Point.