Garage Sales & Garbage
Are you a garage sale-er? Maybe it should be garage ‘sailor’, due to the boatload of junk you just scored…effectively undoing the noteworthy progress you made decluttering the other crap you didn’t need.
As I enter retirement, I’ve turned some focus toward trying to declutter, minimize, simplify, and eradicate hurry from my life.
Don’t judge me, I’m only two weeks in.
Having long been an avid reader, burning through books is nothing new. But a couple of recent selections have been borderline providential, making me wish I could turn back time and do some things differently. In fact, applying even some of the concepts to my life from any of the last three or four I’ve read could either elevate my marriage, or end it.
Here’s why.
I’ve done things a certain way for so long that to change now could be too shocking. Personality is formed very young, as are many of our habits and tendencies. While changes can occur over time through significant life events, trauma, or when things happen like ‘finding’ God, basic personality and behavioral characteristics become evident pretty early and stay pretty consistent. Unfortunately, in my case “Once a pack-rat, always a pack-rat” comes to mind here. Pretty sure I got that from my dad.
But people are different.
The character development between the Focker and Byrne families, particularly Robert De Niro and Dustin Hoffman, in Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers, is a remarkable and hilariously accurate depiction of what I’m talking about. Ultra-conservative, Type-A, ex-CIA agent versus free-loving, free-living, old-school hippie-type.
Behavior and personalty in mind, for me to suddenly clean out my closet and keep only a handful of clothes; outfit a small Honduran village by ridding myself of extraneous shoes; contract a mobile shredding service so we have a four bedroom home again; dispose of the notion that a new RV costing more than our first and second homes (combined) would be better than our cozy, 20-year-old-paid-for-Griswold-mobile; or torpedo dreams of someday living on a lake again or having a cabin up north and a trailer down south might be a bit of a shock to my loved ones.
Don’t get me wrong; I pride myself on having successfully managed a comfortable, modest, conservatively apportioned life as a public servant on a single-income. It wasn’t always easy. There were many times we wondered ‘what could have been’ if both of us had careers outside the home. We ultimately surrendered strong desires to keep up with the Joneses in order to keep a mother at home with her kids. But dang, I want some of that! In fact, I sometimes get a little irritated because I don’t have more of the good stuff like many of my friends. I mean, I’ve worked hard and collected some pretty significant emotional and psychological road rash along the way. Don’t I deserve it?
The answer is no.
I’m not suggesting we should’t have nice things, or that people who do should feel bad about it. To each his own.
As I write this, I’m riding Amtrak’s City of New Orleans back home from an annual board meeting and symposium. I’ve had time to start a new book: Brant Hansen’s Unoffendable. There’s so much great stuff about living a better life by dropping anger and letting things go. I’m convinced much of our anger, defensiveness, judgment, self-righteousness, and envy comes down to the feeling of being denied what we think we deserve and taking things personally. It’s situations like mentioned above when I must remind myself that what others have (do, did, think, feel, believe) is not about me. I have nothing to prove. Hansen says, “When we really believe that, we’ll hardly be quick to anger.” (cf. James 1.19)
I would add “Or get defensive, judgmental, self-righteous, or jealous.”
In his book The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer wisely points out that being “Reasonably happy is more than enough.” Happiness or contentment isn’t the result of circumstances, but disposition. My selfish-self needs to hear that…often.
Comer also drops these two truth bombs:
- Dreaming of the perfect life…poisons our actual life
- Minimalism isn’t about living with nothing; it’s about living with less
I don’t pretend to have figured all this out on an 18-hour train ride two weeks into retirement. I’ve known and lived some of this for a long time. But my recent change in status – emancipation from the tyranny of the urgent – allows me to instead now focus on what’s truly important.
Combined with a few necessary changes in attitude and I’m ready to get serious about removing things from my life I no longer need; literally and figuratively.
I’ll start by trying hard to be Unoffendable.
I’ll also work on slowing down more (see my previous article); eliminating excess clothing, shoes, mugs, hats, papers, and other things I don’t need; setting limits and specific times to check emails and social media; and removing a whole lot of other things that cause stumbles, doubts, and distractions.
Maybe I should stay away from garage sales, too.
“[Live] in such a way that your unfulfilled desires no longer curb your happiness.” – John Mark Comer
What are some things you need to get rid of?
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Comer, John (2021). The ruthless elimination of hurry. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook.
Hansen, Brant (2022). Unoffendable. Nashville, TN: W Publishing Group.
Sounds Like Fun!
Someday I’ll write in more detail how I came to be the drummer in a band. While it was not in any plans I had for my life, certainly not as a middle-aged non-percussionist, it has been a lot of fun. In fact, while entertaining some out-of-town guests at a conference recently, my friend and I made an impromptu appearance on stage as guest musicians at a dueling piano bar. The raucous crowd was filled with strangers, friends, and coworkers…the latter likely shocked and slightly amused at the sight of us on stage. I’m sure many thought it some sort of prank, or secretly pitied us for the embarrassment sure to follow. But once the first notes of the unmistakeable ZZ Top hit ‘Tush’ began, they went wild. It was a super cool experience that sort of fulfilled a bucket-list item.
When I was a teenager, my dad sometimes headed north with friends to canoe the Pine River, and I got to go once. It happened that the group stopped off at Government Lake Lodge, an iconic roadside inn at the water’s edge. It was a well-known restaurant, bar, and music venue. I forget a lot of stuff I should remember, but this memory is clear…which explains the bucket.
One of our group, and complete stranger to the live band that was playing, coaxed his way on stage with his harmonica; the rest was history. The crowd went wild. The band went wild. We went wild. The ladies especially went wild. It was one of the coolest things I’d experienced in my young life. That was OUR GUY rocking out up there. And it was just plain fun! Thereafter, I wanted someday to be ‘that guy’.
I got that chance last month.
Immediately after my last cymbal crash, texts and videos started blowing up my phone. There were no cell phone cameras back at 1980s Government Lake, so there’s no proof it ever happened nor testament to the quality of music. But it didn’t matter in either case. The crowds at both the piano bar and the lodge were having a blast! It didn’t matter none had played together before, nor that a beat or two were missed. Some bands tease their audience, “The more you drink, the better we sound!” That wasn’t the case, and whether true or not, is in no way an endorsement for drinking irresponsibly (unless of course it gets me a recording contract).
The point is that fun is a key ingredient to enjoyment in many areas of life.
As I type this, it has been exactly one year that I’ve done equivalent of at least 54 pushups a day: one for each year of my life. It started out as a fun way to challenge my aging body and provide motivation to do something physically beneficial every day. It wasn’t quite as much fun after about a week, and some days were even a struggle. Whether workouts or work in general, the most enjoyable days are often the most productive days, and my push up challenge was no exception. I had to make it fun again.
When things that should be joys in life become more like chores in life, be on guard. (Just ask any marriage counselor who’s helped couples through infidelity or intimacy issues)
I believe God endowed each of us with purpose, and gifted us accordingly to fulfill that purpose. I also believe God gifted us with the ability to experience joy and wants us to live a joyful life. Hey, nothing brings people to the church like a bunch of bitter, temperamental, joyless Christians, right?!
In many ways we have become an angry, whiny, hypersensitive, inflexible, unforgiving society that take ourselves way too seriously.
Can we get a little carried away sometimes? Of course. Even the humble King David, a man regarded as a hero of faith and after God’s own heart, perhaps enjoyed pleasure a bit too much, a little too often, with a few too many women.
We can’t just spend our time having fun or doing things simply for pleasure that have no purpose or fail to add value.
Brant Hansen points this out in his book ‘The Men We Need’. He writes “If I’m engaged only in activities and projects that ultimately yield nothing, I will feel it. If I want to play video games all day, I can…[and] I’ll enjoy it while I’m doing it. But there will be a psychological price to pay…”. Inevitably, boredom and discontentment result from too much engagement in meaningless things.
So maybe in between some of those meaningless things, we could also defend the weak; help the helpless; rescue the needy; favor the humble; care for orphans and widows.
And for goodness sake, have some fun, laugh, and smile a little while you’re doing it.
Especially if you find yourself on stage jamming out in front of a cheering crowd of them.
Keep doing great things!
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
“…the joy of the LORD is your strength.” – Nehemiah 8.10
Hansen, Brant (2022). The men we need. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books.
Coming Soon: Sounds Like Fun!
Time, Distance, & Shielding
Have you ever felt like a character in those Southwest Airlines commercials, where you just ‘wanna get away’? Getting away from unpleasant situations isn’t the only circumstance distancing ourselves might be beneficial. Not to mention going ‘off the grid’ for a while is often key to a good Hollywood storyline or character development. Consider the likes of Bond, Bourne, Skywalker, The Fugitive, or one of my favorites: the obscure yet entertaining pulp hero, Remo Williams. Whether finding oneself, outrunning murderous antagonists, leaving the ‘agency’, grieving, or just hiding out…time, distance, and shielding are often involved and necessary.
As the world has watched in disgust the Russian attack and atrocities against Ukraine, a concern of many is whether Putin will employ a nuclear weapon. As I contemplate the situation, I think back to my early military service when the Cold War was still a thing. Military strength and respect for nuclear deterrence created a tense, yet necessary combination for peace. Nukes required special care by those entrusted to handle and secure them. Should there be a detonation, knowing the hazards and protective measures associated with nuclear warfare was a must.
The concept I remember most is time, distance, and shielding.
My old training materials note that when a nuclear weapon detonates, a blinding flash of light (intense heat known as thermal radiation) is seen before the sound of the explosion, and the time between the flash and the sound depends on distance from the point of detonation. That thermal radiation, followed by neutron and gamma radiation, occur within the first minute. Fortunately, radiation decreases rapidly with distance. Time and distance; check.
Shielding addresses the last two effects: the devastating blast wave followed by radioactive fallout.
Collectively, time, distance, and shielding conceptualized the course of action to best protect against adverse effects. A concept I believe is applicable to other areas of life.
Long before nuclear weapons, the Bible recorded countless examples of time, distance, and shielding. A few that come to mind include flood-surviving Noah; David avoiding Saul’s relentless pursuit in the wilderness strongholds; the Israelites’ desert wandering after leaving Egypt; John’s exile to Patmos; and Paul’s time(s) in prison. Not to mention his admonishment for us to “flee” and “avoid” things like lust and foolish disputes. Cities of refuge (Joshua 20), where one who killed another accidentally and unintentionally could flee for protection from avengers until their day in court, epitomize the concept.
It’s easy to see how elements of time, distance, and shielding were used to protect, bring about change, or otherwise help people get to a place they needed to be…literally or figuratively. Sometimes the place we need to be involves getting away from our own thoughts for a while.
In his book Chatter – The Voice in Our Head, Why it Matters, and How to Harness it, Ethan Cross mentions a concept called “temporal distancing”. He says temporal distancing involves keeping things in perspective by imagining how you’ll feel about a difficult circumstance years in the future, instead of in the moment.
Well before Cross wrote about the voices in my head, Marcus Aurelius shared remarkably similar wisdom about distancing and sheltering the mind from unwanted, unhealthy thoughts, and our sometimes harmful inner voice: “Tranquility is nothing else than the good ordering of the mind.” and “Such as are your habitual thoughts, so also will be the character of your mind.”
Still unconvinced about the non-nuclear applicability of time, distance, and shielding?
Maybe you’ve never had an argument with a spouse or loved one. Or a dramatic blowup after you ruined the life of your teenage daughter (again). Standard response plans in these scenarios include 1) getting away from the source (distancing), 2) for who knows how long (time), 3) by locking yourself in the bedroom or bathroom (shielding). *This may or may not be from personal experience.
Other real-life applicability might include things like avoiding the gym to rehab an injury; taking a vacation; retreating to quiet place to think through some things; avoiding situations that fuel weaknesses like pornography or lust; committal to a drug or alcohol rehab program. I don’t know how often this happens anymore, but there was even a time when judges offered a choice between compulsory military service or incarceration to wayward youth to give them the time, distance, and shielding they needed to get their life straight.
Having lived through more than a share of parental anguish, I think the those judges may have been onto something. Prayer is ceaseless, but there is only so much helplessness, frustration, and sleepless nights to give. Ultimately, incarceration or some other provision for time, distance, and shielding may be necessary for lasting change and recovery.
Whether trying to survive a nuclear detonation or mitigate some other destructive blast life throws at you, the concept is clear. Manage immediate risks by 1) acting quickly to create separation, physically and emotionally; 2) give yourself (or others) time to assess, process, and plan; and 3) protect yourself from the destructive surge and resulting fallout by taking cover, erecting barriers, and building resilience until the danger has passed.
Giving yourself the time, distance, and shielding needed to survive the worst of it, you’ll gain priceless experience and emerge stronger and better prepared to help yourself and others through the next blast that comes along.
I pray the people of Ukraine, and all of us, will continue to Get Strong, Be Strong, and Stay Strong.
Kross, Ethan (2021). Chatter. New York, NY: Crown.
Robertson, Donald (2020). Meditations the philosophy classic (based on The Thoughts of Emperor M. Aurelius Antoninus, translated by George Long). West Sussex, UK: Wiley.
Coming Soon: Time, Distance, & Shielding
Failures & Faith
God looks not at our failures, but at the sincerity of our faith. The truth of that statement is found throughout history. Consider those honored as ‘Heroes of Faith’ by the author of Hebrews, who despite failing miserably earlier in life, were used mightily by God because of their faith.
Here are a few.
Abraham, more concerned for his own well-being than his wife, passed her over to Pharaoh as his sister; later, his impatience with God’s timing would lead to hurt feelings and an unnecessary and unpleasant family dynamic. Moses, long before leading his people out of Egypt, killed and buried an Egyptian, then hypocritically tried to play peacemaker between two of his kinsmen. Both Moses and the valiant Gideon would doubt their abilities, self-worth, question God’s instruction, and resist their calling. And like many other men, the mighty Samson and King David were both enslaved to passion, self-indulgence, and captivated by beauty.
Stories like this aren’t uncommon. Industry leaders, CEOs, Hollywood icons, athletes, and everyday people are stumbling masters of imperfection. Yet many contribute greatly and attain high levels of success and achievement. So why is this important, and why now?
Timing and proximity.
For a while now, my pastor has been preaching through the book of Hebrews. Chapter 11 focuses on triumphant faith. Examining those highlighted as heroes of faith gives me hope…even heroes fail. But faith endures, and by it they “…conquered kingdoms, performed acts of righteousness, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions…escaped the edge of the sword, from weakness were made strong” (Heb. 11.33-34; emphasis added). Their faith gained them approval from God, because faith is evidence of the heart. And God looks at our heart, not how many mistakes we make.
But faith will be tested.
Unfortunately for those who dislike discomfort, the pastor points out that for faith to mature it must be pressed…as olives are to making oil. Faith is refined (matured) in the process of being crushed.
It seems failure isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
I don’t know where you land on the coincidence versus serendipity versus providence spectrum, but just days ago Tim Tebow, a man I respect for his faith journey, encouraged followers to embrace failure as a growth and learning opportunity. Part of his post read “Failing doesn’t make you a failure”. While he’s experienced some incredible success in his life, he’s also experienced significant disappointment. His faith still shines above it all.
I don’t know him personally, but I expect he would agree that faith is something we experience. Whether we live to be 100 or our days are cut short, faith is a journey, not a destination. And sometimes God uses even a short life to make a lasting impact.
It’s not comforting, but people of faith know that sometimes God’s greater purpose outweighs temporary discomfort.
“Counting on the future is folly.” – Charles Spurgeon
We are two years into a pandemic we were told would be under control within a couple of weeks. Many have lost faith in authorities and experts because of their inability to provide consistent guidance or expected results. Don’t count on the future.
Those who lost friends or loved ones to COVID likely had their faith tested. Unrelated to the pandemic, my family and others close to me have experienced incredible pain due to the unexpected loss of loved ones during that time. Two, in particular, were taken from their young families undeservedly soon. It may be little comfort to those grieving, but each of them lived a life of faith and powerful testimony, leaving behind a lasting legacy and impact.
Faith is tested in other ways, too.
It’s difficult to explain the level of anguish and heartache over an estranged child, wayward and spiraling downward; consequences of poor decisions come to fruition near rock bottom.
The olive press of parenthood isn’t always a pleasant journey of faith. Flaming, blaming, hateful arrows launched from the tongue of a broken spirit aren’t easily ignored. They sew seeds of doubt in even the strongest parent.
Are my own failures to blame? Whose faith journey is this, anyway?
I’ve had both insignificant and epic failures. I still do. I’m ashamed to admit that I’m not so unlike those heroes of faith mentioned earlier. I’ve been impatient with God’s timing; hypocrisy isn’t foreign to me; I’ve doubted my worth, downplayed my abilities, resisted my calling, and questioned God’s direction.
And if ever a person personified their biblical namesake, it’s this David.
I long for the ‘good old days’, but as I pointed out in the preview to this article, maybe the good old days weren’t all that great either. Still, times certainly seemed simpler then.
I think it was Jimmy Buffett who said that living well is the best revenge. But vengeance isn’t ours to wield and many of us have some letting go to do.
But I see his point.
Living well with a faithful heart, despite our proclivity to stumble, may help today’s days be the good old days we seek.
Trust in the trustworthiness of God.
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Tim Tebow quote retrieved from https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6900445218035089408/
Coming Soon: Failures & Faith
3rd Annual Year in Review
After initially penning pretty much a novel just as introduction, I decided to pour my glass half-full and save the bellyaching opening for a future essay of its own. I’ll instead focus on this summarized recounting of another year’s worth of life-changing blatherings. I encourage you to link to each article for a closer look (audio versions available within). I also encourage you to check out the new Beyond Strength merchandise store!
Six Foot Cup: “I grieve for what our country has become. No longer a shining example of democracy to the world, we have lost a common sense of dignity and respect. Peaceful protests are one thing. But antagonism has led to months of destructive civil unrest, disobedience, death, and millions in damages. The U.S. is supposed to be the world’s democratic leader. Now we look like a dysfunctional junior high school. Our political ‘leaders’ and elected officials have cast aside statesmanship, diplomacy, and decorum in favor of hissy-fits and name-calling. Taking credit or blaming others for something clearly beyond anyone’s complete understanding takes precedence over doing the right thing.”
This article was equal parts venting and encouragement. It ultimately suggested the socially distanced coffee meetup to battle social isolation ongoing at the time.
“There’s nothing quite like sitting down with a friend. Self-care, buddy-check, confessional, solving world problems, venting. Whatever the reason, it’s good and necessary. I love my alone time…but I need people too! Bonus when it’s without agenda or drama or judgment or problems that need solved.”
God is in control. We are not God. Be wary of those who think they are.
Least Bad Option: This article is largely about attitude, motivation, and inspiration. A quote from Pirates of the Caribbean character Captain Jack Sparrow summarizes: “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.”
I met Greg, an amputee, at the gym while vacationing in Mexico. The ‘least bad option’ had to do with his decision to have his damaged lower leg removed after failed attempts to salvage it. What impressed me most about Greg (humility and a positive attitude), relates well to Sparrow’s quote and everyday life. “I’ve always believed there’s no sense feeling sorry for yourself…you just gotta pick yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going.” – Greg
Walls and Window Dressings: This one dove deep and is difficult to summarize. It’s about being real, not hiding behind a curtain of double standards or camouflaging your duplicity.
“Never value anything as profitable to yourself which shall compel you to break your promise, to lose your self-respect, to hate any man, to suspect, to curse, to behave hypocritically, to desire anything which needs walls and curtains.” – Marcus Aurelius (Emphasis added)
”Everything is permissible” – but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible” – but not everything is constructive.” (1 Cor. 10.23)
Moral relativism isn’t the answer. Be wary of leaders blind or unconcerned to the impact of their actions.
Paradoxical Conflictions: This is another one that ran deep and isn’t served well in summary. In short, paradoxical refers to something with two meanings that don’t make sense together: or a contrary opinion. The subtitle of this blog, Finding Strength in Weakness, is an example.
Conflict generally refers to a fight or strong disagreement.
Combined, this article attempts to resolve inner conflict and related paradoxes I feel as a man of faith, usually surrounding interpretations of biblical commandments versus personal convictions.
Making matters worse, it isn’t uncommon for so-called pillars of the church to be most rigid in their convictions. And the first to confuse them for commandments. You may just need to go read this one…
Memorial Day: Lest We Forget: “We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother;” – Shakespeare, Henry V, Act IV, Scene 3.
Remember the fallen…Memorial Day and every day.
Do You Like Me? Yes No: Today’s success is often measured in followers, likes, and comments. I haven’t cracked that code, so I can’t help doubting myself or the value of Beyond Strength at times. I want what I do to be relevant and useful. I want to make a difference. It would be nice to be liked.
But as much as I yearn for affirmation, my worth doesn’t come from what I do or how many likes I get. And yours doesn’t either. Our worth comes from God.
Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes: I found myself wondering if this romper-room dance was really a fun way to teach basic anatomy to children, or just a song about getting old?
Adulting can be depressing and overwhelming, but we can learn a lot from what we did as kids. Use this as a motivator to do things to improve your physical, spiritual, emotional, psychological, and social well-being.
Even if it means running through the motions of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes a couple times.
Remembering 9/11: Last year marked the 20th anniversary of the September 11th attacks.
Never forget…
Slow Down: “Just slow down. Trust me, it’ll still get done…you’ll still get there.” – Bruce
Slow down, take it easy, and give this one a read.
Finishing Well: With retirement rapidly approaching, I want to finish well. My good friend and fellow short timer said, “We only end on a low note if we allow it.”
Finishing well means setting aside grievances, knowing what I can and cannot control, and adjusting my attitude accordingly.
Attitude and actions are completely within our control.
Keep doing great things!
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Shakespeare quote retrieved from: http://shakespeare.mit.edu/henryv/henryv.4.3.html
