Slow Down
A few weeks ago I was having another day like every other day, week, and month: over-committed, behind schedule, scrambling from obligation to obligation, place to place, event to event. Like many other days, I had to squeeze in a stop at vehicle services. As usual, Bruce was there at the gate shack under his signature flat cap. No doubt retired and working to stay busy, this dude is old-school cool.
Bruce has seen me roll through dozens of times. And while he’s often quick to compliment my tie or choice of suit, sometimes he delivers a nugget of wisdom that only someone who’s been around a while can.
On this day, he picked up on something that prompted him to ask, “How things been treating you? Busy?” I’m certain he had me figured out long ago as just another over-tasked lunatic trying to keep an impossible schedule.
I told him I was busier than I wish, but things could always be worse. Enter the wisdom of Bruce.
“You know what you gotta do, don’t you?”
“What’s that?” I ask.
“Just slow down. Trust me, it’ll still get done…you’ll still get there.”
It’s interesting, if not uncanny, that I happen to be reading a book by Eric Weiner called ‘The Socrates Express’. It’s Weiner’s compilation of life lessons from his study of various philosophers. Throughout the text, philosophers and philosophy itself seem to be telling us to slow down. In fact, Weiner suggests perhaps it would be better for us to greet one another by saying “Take your time” or “Slow down.” instead of more traditional greetings. He says by doing this often enough, “…we might actually decelerate.”
Maybe Bruce read the same book.
While it’s true that patience is a fruit of the spirit and applies in many contexts, it certainly plays large into slowing down – especially when considered in relation to other spiritual fruits like love, gentleness, and self-control. A fair amount of research links patience with healthier, happier people who are more rational and resilient, too.
Slowing down also makes us better listeners. I know, because I can be a terrible listener, especially when I’m in a hurry. I hate that about myself, and Bruce’s timely advice pierced right to the heart of the issue.
But speed is relative, and like other life skills, one must find proper balance. Take for instance recent events of a return trip from Florida. Where taking things slow, combined with an unpleasant desk clerk and an unreasonable supervisor, resulted in one-third of our party unable to make the same flight as the other two-thirds. Add in a necessary car-key exchange, boarding door closure imminent, holder of said key on the wrong side of security, and an ill-timed ‘random security screening’ ordered while trying to get said key to the other side, and it’s a small miracle I am not on a watch list somewhere.
Deep, cleansing breath.
A week after sharing the video preview of this article, I was camping in northern Michigan and posted a picture of my deceleration efforts. I captioned it “Slowing down takes time.” I don’t know if that’s considered a double entendre, zeugma, syllepsis, or what..but it is both literally and figuratively true. I admire people who have mastered the art of chill…but I’m not so good at it.
This is not a unique problem. Country superstar band Alabama once recorded a song I could sing in my head every day and it would be true each time: ‘I’m in a Hurry (And Don’t Know Why)’. The chorus repeats the all-too-blatant main point:
I’m in a hurry to get things done
Oh, I rush and rush until life’s no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I’m in a hurry and don’t know why
It sounds like a children’s book.
Like a child, I have a low threshold for boredom. I also have trouble saying “No” and many things that interest me. So I take on more than I should. Then I have too much to do in too little time. So I’m rushed. And maybe I’m afraid of NOT being busy because I know my mind’s tendency to wander. Not just toward less-than-wholesome contemplations, but to things I have seen, done, and experienced I don’t want to go back to.
After leaving Bruce, I put his advice to work. I drove slower back to my office. I took time to look around. When I started the long walk to the building, I was speed-walking, as usual. I breathed deeper and purposefully slowed my gait, instantly feeling the perpetual tension in my body release. I sought to maintain that peaceful, easy feeling the rest of the day.
It didn’t last long, but it was progress. And I am more aware now when I am rushing unnecessarily, and try harder to avoid spinning out of control.
Especially when TSA is about to flip the ‘randomly check this dude every time he travels’ switch.
Slow down and take it easy. And while you’re at it, keep doing great things!
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
I’m in a Hurry (And Don’t Know Why) lyrics © Reservoir 416, Murrah Music Corp. Songwriters: Roger Murrah / Randy Van Warmer. Source: Musixmatch
Weiner, Eric (2020). The socrates express. New York, NY: Avid Reader Press.
Remembering 9/11
I am set to speak at a remembrance event this weekend to mark the 20th anniversary of the attacks of September 11th, pay homage to those lost, and esteem the military and first responders whose lives have been forever changed.
A reporter advancing the event asked me to share my perspective about the withdrawal from Afghanistan. Taking the high road, I exercised appropriate restraint and diplomacy in my response. With the door of communication open, he also asked me to sidebar some recollections from the morning of the attacks.
This is what I shared.
My day job was in public safety assigned to an investigative unit. At the time, I was also serving a parallel career in a national guard security forces unit. It turns out this was a not-so-uncommon convergence of careers, both of which were significantly impacted by the events that day.
I was working at my office that morning. Not quite Brooklyn Nine-Nine, the space was nonetheless a standard maze of cubicles. Televisions broadcast multiple networks to keep analysts and detectives abreast of emerging local and national events.
The news broke. The office fell silent as people drifted trance-like closer to the televisions. Shock and disbelief permeated the office as we watched replays of the first plane impacting the World Trade Center. A lack of productivity, and the promise of a larger screen, pushed me and my partners to one’s nearby house to continue watching the events unfold.
Like many others, I suspect the peaceful, clear blue sky and sunshine that morning so vividly contrasted the atrocity we were witnessing that it was difficult at first to reconcile what was happening. In fact, I recall thinking to myself after seeing the first plane impact the building, ‘How the hell did a passenger plane accidentally hit a skyscraper?’
Obviously when a second plane hit the other tower there was no doubt what was happening…further confirmed when the Pentagon was struck, and then reports that a fourth plane went down in rural Pennsylvania.
Within minutes of realizing it was an attack, I was on the phone with my military unit. I would spend the rest of that day and many that followed on and off the phone with my unit, civilian commanders, loved ones, and friends, all the while knowing that an attack on the homeland no doubt meant a return to active duty.
Like many others, I was overwhelmed with feelings of anger, disbelief, frustration, confusion, patriotism. And a growing thirst for vengeance.
While it wasn’t a huge stretch leaving one profession of arms to go back to another, it wasn’t without challenge. But first responders are just wired differently; they rush in while others are running out. Which probably speaks to why some of us aren’t quite right. It’s in our nature and our training.
No where is that pithy maxim more evident than reading the hundreds of names of first responders on the 9/11 memorial at Ground Zero lost ‘rushing in’ that day.
Or stepping into nearby O’Hara’s Pub to feel a spirit you’re not likely to forget. Ask to take a look at ‘the book’ while you’re there.
I recall one of the challenges for me was the impending birth of our daughter. She would be born less than two weeks after the attacks, and I would be back on active duty two weeks later. I would remain on orders nearly two years under the Presidential Partial Mobilization. Fortunately, while a fair amount of travel, long hours, and uncertainty was involved, the majority of that initial tour was stateside, protecting the homeland.
That wasn’t the case for everyone.
At that time I had spent about 15 years in the military between active duty and national guard. There was never any doubt as to relevance or responsibilities when I was on active duty. That was not necessarily the case once I transitioned to the national guard. But the attacks of September 11th not only opened the eyes of the United States in a way they hadn’t since Pearl Harbor, it also awakened the ‘sleeping giant’ that was arguably the posture of the national guard, outside humanitarian relief and disaster response, for at least a couple of decades prior. ‘Weekend warriors’ we were called…for good reason.
But it was time to rush in.
I would serve a total of nearly four additional years of active duty on and off following 9/11, including a tour in Iraq, regular trips to Washington, DC, and short-term visits with troops in the Middle East and other places around the world.
Neither military nor civilian career was ever the same as a result. And like many of you, I’m not the same, either.
As predicted, what was supposed to be just a few lines of remembrance turned into much more than my reporter friend asked for. But for what it’s worth, it ended up equal parts catharsis and speech-writing (for the event mentioned above). And I’m grateful for the opportunity.
Never forget…
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Coming Soon: Slow Down
Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes
Do you remember ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes‘? Details are a bit sketchy as to origin, but it seems most commonly associated with Sesame Street in recent history. Considering my advanced years, vague recollections of doing the song and dance as a youngster, and leading my children and other church kids in this whimsical time-killer, I’m certain its roots are long ago.
There isn’t much doubt this nursery-rhyme-variety, body-part-identifying dance revolution has been used countless times to help little ones burn off energy, distract, entertain, and teach where their head, shoulders, knees, toes, eyes, ears, mouth, and nose are located.
I now find myself wondering if this romper-room cavorting is a fun way to teach basic anatomy, or really a song about getting old?
Of the 90 or so articles I’ve published, I’m sure I’ve discussed all these people-parts in the context of aging or related to life, leadership, and fitness in some other way. But let me bottom-line some jagged points here that come to mind for each that perhaps people of all ages can take from the unintentional swipe this kids song takes at my aging, aching, trichotomy of weakness (body, mind, spirit).
Head: migraines, vertigo, male pattern baldness, thought life, insecurity, self-esteem, vanity, trouble focusing, inevitable senility.
Shoulders: shouldering my share of the work, vaccination scars (from a time there was much less controversy about getting one), proper development of, proper care for, arthritis from injury and overuse, physical therapy, inevitable surgery, and of course the Beyond Strength logo.
Knees: knobby, achy, creaky, crackly, scrapes, scars. But most of all, a need to spend more time on them in prayer and apology.
Toes: part of our feet, which should be going into all the world and making it a better place. I’m thankful to have reasonably presentable paws, but not everyone does. Some old-timers’ hooves show (and feel) the wear and tear of a lifetime spent clomping around on them. Take care of your feet (and your toes); they will thank you for it. Others will also appreciate it, especially if you’re one to wear sandals or go barefoot.
Eyes: itchy, watery, bloodshot, bags under, astigmatism, inevitable need for ‘readers’. Most importantly, their connection to thought life. Consider this, for one…”If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away.” (Matt. 5.29). Read the verse prior for context. On the plus side for a guy like me, the obvious brutality of the phrase surely excludes its literal translation. But the implication is clear. Look, God created countless beautiful things, women among the loveliest in my opinion. But don’t dwell. Appreciate their beauty and move on. Easier said than done…trust me, I know.
Ears: eavesdropping, protruding, ringing, diminished hearing, gravity and time’s lengthening effect, propensity to listen to or repeat the wrong things. Can you hear me now?
Mouth: see above. The mouth is one of the harshest and most weaponized of physical features. Once uttered, words can’t be undone. The mouth can equally affirm or destroy. Take it from someone who has been unfortunately good at both. Use yours wisely, kindly, lovingly.
Nose: first and worst is failure to recognize one’s own stench. Allergies, reddening, gravity and time’s lengthening effect, obvious target for blemishes, acne, and carcinoma. Beware digging for gold, especially when sitting in traffic.
I don’t think this made as much sense here as in my head when contemplating this article. But here’s the thing…we can learn a lot from what we did as kids. Age, experience, responsibilities, stress, the effects of aging, seeing what we do and are capable of when left to our own devices, and adulting in general can be depressing or overwhelming.
Use this as a motivator to do some things to improve your physical, spiritual, emotional, psychological, and social well-being. Even if it means running through the motions of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes a couple times.
It’s also good to remember old Sunday school songs like ‘O Be Careful Little Eyes’ or its more recent and powerful mashup ‘Slow Fade’ by Casting Crowns. Considering my own shortcomings and tendencies highlighted above, I should probably just play this on repeat. All day.
Be careful little eyes what you see
It’s the second glance that ties your hands
As darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it’s the little feet behind you
That are sure to follow
Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise
The end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises
Lead broken hearts astray
The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you’re thinkin’
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinkin’
It’s a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade
When black and white have turned to gray
And thoughts invade, choices made
A price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
Source: Musixmatch. Songwriters: John Mark Mark Hall
Slow Fade lyrics © Sony/atv Tree Publishing, My Refuge Music
(Some repeat choruses omitted for brevity)
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Motivation Monday
Least Bad Option
If you stumbled across this article assuming it’s about the election or the last six months of political idiocy, it’s not. It’s actually about attitude, motivation, and inspiration. But keep reading! I’m certain you’ll find value, enjoyment and maybe even some parallels.
Pirates of the Caribbean character Captain Jack Sparrow is quoted saying “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.” It’s just coincidence that I was on the Caribbean coast of Mexico when the substance of this article emerged.
Being in Mexico resulted from a canceled cruise, but I wouldn’t call it a bad option. The weather, accommodations, surroundings, sustenance, and company were near-perfect. Conversely, as I write this it’s a snowy and windy nine degrees…to say I’d rather be back in Quintana Roo is an understatement. Nonetheless, as I try to warm my icy toes and glance out at blowing snow, I think back to a walk on the beach just a week-and-a-half ago.
Like some of you, I people-watch. Most anyone in the profession of arms will tell you people watching is not just a clumsy excuse husbands use when their eyes wander. For those trained to observe and expected to respond when things go bad, being on ‘constant alert’ becomes hard-wired and perpetual. I suspect it’s why many us us struggle to rest, unwind, or relax…especially in public spaces.
As I sought to ‘unwind’ on the beach, I noticed an athletically well-put-together, short-haired, middle-aged man smoothly striding the Mexican sand with stoic confidence. Were it not for wearing shorts, I would never have noticed his prosthetic lower left leg. The way he carried himself and combination of physical attributes convinced me he was a fellow combat veteran who’d paid a higher price than most. A chance meeting in the gym would later confirm my instant assessment was completely incorrect. But my new friend turned out to be no less impressive and inspirational.
I’ve built a notable gym and enjoy working out at home. I’m thankful to be self-motivated enough to consistently do so alone, but I don’t begrudge those who patronize gyms and derive motivation from it. In fact, it’s long been my desire to open one. But I can do without the posturing testosterone-festivals at some public gyms, where genetically ‘gifted’ beefcakes preoccupied with impressing others look down their flaring nostrils at average guys like me. Still, I sometimes find inspiration there. Mostly from humble, hard-working hard-gainers, unconcerned with attention-grabbing mating rituals. Such was the case with Greg.
He was there to work; harder than most. The fact that he is an amputee made no difference, yet made all the difference. I watched Greg’s presence raise the level-of-effort throughout the gym, mine included. By the time I introduced myself, he was cooling down on a recumbent bike, still sweating more than me. I thanked him for the inspiration and asked, “Was it one of the three ‘Cs’ – cancer, combat, childhood injury?”
There was no hint of annoyance with my imposition, nor hesitation with his answer. He smiled and replied “You forgot diabetes and motorcycle crash. Those are the two I get most often.”
It was a motorcycle crash; broadsided by a car that ran a red light.
Greg freely shared his story there in the gym, and poolside as we chatted off and on the next few days. I quickly came to appreciate and respect his disposition, the human being he is, and what he does to counsel others who’ve suffered catastrophic injuries.
In his book Call Sign Chaos, Jim Mattis quotes a writing by President Thomas Jefferson that reads, “What is good in this case cannot be effected. We have, therefore, only to find out what will be least bad.” According to Mattis, Jefferson was speaking of how to deal with England in 1807.
The context is clearly different, and I don’t presume to speak for Greg. But in my conversations with him, I understood that for three years he underwent recommended surgeries in attempts to preserve his damaged limb. He told me having it removed was one of the best decisions of his life. In his case the ‘good’ could not be effected. His lower leg and foot, despite being ‘preserved’, did not function properly. Amputation, while perhaps the ‘least bad’ option to him at the time, ultimately became the best solution. It’s tough to argue that truth when you see Greg walking down the beach, jumping in the pool, or out-sweating others in the gym. By the way, he still loves to waterski.
Truth is, I wasn’t most stirred by how Greg carried himself, his impressive physical shape, or even his tolerance of a stranger interrupting his workout to ask personal questions. It was his humble spirit and positive attitude. I noted many nuggets of wisdom as we talked, but the one that stuck with me most went something like this: ‘I’ve always believed there’s no sense feeling sorry for yourself…you just gotta pick yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going’.
Well said, Greg. And well-lived. I hope to go skiing with you in South Texas sometime.
Keep doing great things!
Get Strong. Be Strong. Stay Strong.
Mattis, J.N. & West, F.J. (2019). Call sign chaos. New York, NY: Random House.
Gains Without Pain (Video Preview)
The Year in Review
It’s hard to believe that 20 years ago we thought Y2K would end the world or malfunctioning computers would catapult us back to the digital dark-ages. Some even believed that the turn of the century would result in some sort of Stephen King, ‘Maximum Overdrive’ scenario where machines took over the world. With the Internet of Things (IoT) led by the armies of Alexa, Cortana, Siri, and Google Assistant, we’re probably closer to that now than in 1999!
I take great care and time compiling what I hope are meaningful, enjoyable, powerful, sharable essays. Because of that, I don’t post as often as I’d prefer. Still, I feel like a kid who sank an impossible trick shot in the driveway or performed a concerto flawlessly at home, wishing more people would have witnessed it. I really want more people to read, enjoy, and relate to what I write!
So for those who missed any of my ‘life-changing’ posts in 2019 (insert eye-roll and ROFL emojis here), and in honor of the world not ending 20 years ago, here’s a Beyond Strength summary of articles from the past year.
New Beginnings: Breach the new year with optimism, commitment, and focus. Make yourself and the world a little better each day; “A compassionate man does not stand detached from the sufferings of others. Rather, he steps into the world of the hurting and feels the pain and anguish of the one suffering.” (David Jeremiah)
I’m Rubber & You’re Glue: Like a rubber band, we need to stretch to be most useful, effective, and reach our full potential.
Stretchy Pants:
S eize your moment
T ry something new
R ead
E xpect great things
T ransform your thinking
C ast no stones
H elp others reach their potential
Y our mistakes do not define you
P ain is temporary (pride is not)
A lways do more than expected
N ever fail to learn something (especially from mistakes)
T reat others the way you want them to treat you
S top giving life to the doubts of others
Friends Without Coffee: Time and distance are no indicator how close a friend really is; I am a lot more laid back when I don’t drink coffee.
Egos & Empires: Great leaders are visionary, courageous, decisive, passionate, genuine, caring, and humble; they build empires of respect, care, professionalism, and adoration. We need more leaders like that so empires of egos and self-serving motives disappear, and those who rise to prominence because they know someone (yet care about none) cease to prosper.
Discipline of Fools: Lack of self-discipline has major impact on physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological well-being. When I fail to exercise discipline at the dinner table, my physical appearance and health suffer. When I don’t discipline my time, all areas of my life suffer. When I fail to discipline my emotions I get upset, edgy, angry, or unhappy. When I don’t discipline my thought life, my mind wanders and folly ensues.
Out with Insecurity: I trace many choices back to insecurity, damaged self-esteem, or skewed perceptions of self-worth. Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there is more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on! Close this chapter of hurt and never re-read it again. It’s time to get what your life deserves. Move on from things that don’t deserve you. Don’t spend your days trying to correct the past; instead, let go and let God create something better for your future.
Create Your Opportunity: Commit to a never-ending quest for learning and growth; glean value from whatever situation you face; be ready to conquer giants and overcome obstacles in life; understand you can’t do it alone. Do at least one thing better today than yesterday; relentlessly pursue whatever you love; do your best and work hard; don’t let mistakes or other people define who you are or how far you will go.
Wreckage In Your Mind: Feed the right beast. Learn from your mistakes, walk it off, and get back to work. Do not go gently into the night…“When your body gets tired, run with your heart.” (Don Denyes)
Entitlement: It’s My Prerogative: Here’s what I’m entitled to…NOTHING. But I should expect 1) Honest pay for honest work. 2) Protections outlined in the Constitution. 3) To be a good human being, because there are more than enough rotten ones.
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie: We all have a responsibility to be citizens who engage in respectful dialogue aimed at improving our world. It’s okay to disagree, but only while treating each other with dignity and respect. When tempted to be dragged into a quagmire of divisiveness or disrespect, let that sleeping dog lie.
Settle Down: Recognize how failing to address primal needs in life can cause restlessness. Embrace the present; love unreservedly; help others; determine and fulfill your purpose; live by faith knowing God is in control.
Take Off Your Mask: Patrick King says “If you want to be confident, you have to look confident.” But what if I’m not and I don’t? Many of us ‘mask’ who we are rather than risk exposing weakness or insecurity. Tear down relationship barriers by taking off your mask and allowing others to be real, without fear of criticism and judgment.
The Heart of Service: Influencing others is the heart of leadership. Some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned came from a few exceptional leaders who, through their words and actions, revealed the character of their heart and their concern for mine. That is the heart of service.
Strength is beyond just being physically strong, that’s why I called it ‘Beyond Strength‘. Let’s help each other get strong, be strong, and stay strong in this new decade.